Circumstance
by boniron16
Summary: Full summary inside. Nominated for the Indie Twilight Awards and three Sparketeerawards including Best Angst and Best Cliffhanger. This is the story of Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and his son...Andy.
1. Prologue

**Story Summary:**

**After her mother's sudden death, Bella finds herself living with her father in lonely old Forks, Washington. Depressed and confused, Bella enters a new world with her first steps into Forks High. She finds a new friend in Alice, and a mystery in her older brother Edward. What is it that intrigues her so much, what is it about Edward Cullen that makes him so different from the rest of the student body? Could it be his heightened sense of maturity? Or his dreamy green eyes? But when Bella discovers his secret, is she to quick to judge…this is the story of Bella Swan, Edward Cullen and his son Andy.**

Prologue

I pulled up to the large white house, symbolic in its sheer massiveness, with a nervous smile on my face. Alice seemed nice enough, and she was very helpful with the whole job situation. Babysitting for the Cullens couldn't be that bad, and if it was a way to win some sort of trust with Edward, I was all for it. I parked my truck, hopping out and hearing the familiar '_click_' as I locked the cabin doors.

I walked timidly up to the front door rapping on it quietly and ringing the doorbell once. I heard muffled voices and movement, before Alice appeared a huge smile tugging at the edges of her cheeks. I returned the gesture as she pulled me into an astonishingly tight hug.

"Bella!" She greeted happily after removing her iron grip from around my neck. She slung an arm around my shoulders grabbing my bag and setting it the nearest closet.

She led me past the foyer into a beautifully brilliant white and glass room. It seemed as if the entire north facing wall didn't even exist, there was so much of a spectacular view.

"Wow." I gasped taking a step forward as I attempted to gather my thoughts. The mere sight of this house caused me to lose all ability to form complete sentences.

"Mi casa es su casa!" She proclaimed gesturing to the expanse that was her home.

"Its amazing Alice." I complimented. She smiled with a slight nod. At least she knew how lucky she was. I think their hall closet was bigger then my bedroom…

"Bella I am so excited you decided to come over! It means a lot to the family." She grinned.

"No problem, you have been such a great friend. I am glad I can return the favor." She giggled, plopping down on the couch and patting the seat next to her.

"Esme, I am leaving for work be back around nine!" I heard rushed footfalls ascending the stairs, and turned to face the only person who could ever make a sound so beautiful.

"See ya soon big bro!" Alice called flipping through a fashion magazine. Edward gave me a confused glance as he came toward me, but smiled anyway.

"Hey Bella." He greeted with a small wave before he grabbed his jacket and keys from the end table beside me and vanished out the front door.

"Andy's upstairs, he just woke up about ten minutes ago. He should be down soon." Alice said, I nodded.

Alice flipped through the channels one by one at lightening speed until she finally settled on a local news network. I heard what I assumed to be Esme's voice, before seeing a lovely woman appear from the top of the stairs. Her long caramel hair fell in soft waves around her cheeks and past her shoulders, and she held little Andy close to her as she took the stairs two by two.

She seemed to dance over toward us, she had such grace, before setting her grandson down on the floor in front of Alice.

"Alli!" Andy exclaimed happily reaching up his hands above his head. She smiled tossing the remote control onto the couch and grabbing him to set in her lap.

That's when I got a good look at this beautiful child. He had bronze hair just like his father, that unusually thick shade of deep red that befuddled even my mind, and the brightest green colored irises I had ever seen, nothing like Edward's more pronounced dark green, but a light almost lime green…he was so captivating.

"Andy, this is Bella. Can you say hi?" Esme cooed. I smiled waving an arm. He gurgled in response grabbing at my fingers.

"Hi, Andy!" I played with his tiny hands while Alice continued to bounce him in his lap.

"Be-ll-da" He pronounced, and I giggled at his name for me tousling his thick head of hair.

"I think he likes you." Alice whispered as we watched the little boy interact with me for the first time. I sighed. Finally something to smile about.

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A/N: Heylo All! My name is Lauren, and this is my first all human fanfic. I hope you like the concept so far, I have the first three chapters completed and will update as soon as possible. Send me a review and tell me how much you like it!!!!


	2. Circumstance

**A/N: Okay here is the first chapter, I was glad to see such a positive response in such a short amount of time. Please enjoy and drop me a review if you think your interested. ~Lauren~ P.S. A big thanks to my beta x0xDrumMajorx0x YOU ROCK! Okay go forth and read!**

Chapter 1

My truck sat idle in the driveway, with me in it, just...sitting. The heavy wind pounded against the brittle frame of my old Chevy pickup, rocking the cabin gently with each passing gust. I sighed noticing the strange gray sky of this foreign place had taken on a new shade of overwhelming blackness.

"Great." I whispered to no one in particular banging my head on the steering wheel.

Why here? Forks, Washington of all places…why now during the middle of my junior year? Was I so royally cursed?

I didn't really know what I hoped to accomplish with my procrastination. Why sit in a cold car in the pouring rain when you had a warm house and a waiting father? I didn't have a particular reason; I just couldn't bring my fingers to the handle of the car door. For me, opening this door meant giving up on my past, on all my happy memories. Something that I had so cherished, especially these past few weeks. Opening this door, to me at least, was like giving up. Starting over in a way. I don't think that I was ready for what was to come, if anything was to come. If anything could come in this crappy small town.

My parents, Charlie and Renee split up a few years back. I remember Renee trying to explain the situation to me. She told me it was for the best, that we would be happier this way.

I just stared back at her tears blurring the image of my heartbroken mother. I tried to listen to her, to hear her reasoning, but it just didn't make sense. How could we be a family if we had to live far away from each other?

"_Don't you love daddy?" I had asked so foolishly attempting to salvage what to me seemed the perfect family. _

"_In some ways I will always love your daddy Bella," She cooed smoothing out my dark curls. "Its just hard now, we aren't happy like we used to be. I promise it will be better." She reassured kissing my cheek. _

I just stood there nodding my head and letting the tears cascade across my rose-stained cheeks waiting for someone to pop out and scream April Fools! But, I was never so lucky. And now, like so many times before, I sit staring at the inevitable; something I try with all my might to avoid or conquer, something I just can't beat down. Then, it was the depression that followed my parents split. The time I don't really remember. I think that was when I first realized just how alone I really was. Not that I didn't have a loving mother to take care of me, but that was when the realization first hit that their was no going back. My childhood came to an abrupt standstill. I never really understood why, I just did because I couldn't do anything else. I had no reason or excuse to give up so I just pushed on. What else should I have done?

Now, its this little two-bedroom house in the rainy hometown of the man I hadn't seen in a little over two and a half years; Charlie, my father.

The clouds burst then, erupting into a fit of loud crashes and hackles. The lightening lit up the darkened sky, bringing with it a surprising amount of dread and disgust. _It's an omen really. The rain. _Somehow I knew that the dreary weather in Forks was just a prediction of what was to come.

As the rain continued its decent from the sky the temperature in my car dropped dramatically and I realized that it was either freeze to death, or risk getting wet. I choose the house as my safest bet.

I grabbed my green duffle and threw it over my back trudging through the light drizzle that would soon turn into heavy rain. The faint image of my father appeared in the door side window as he motioned frantically for me to get into the warm house.

He grabbed my duffle from me and threw it against the stairs wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me down the hall into the tiny kitchen.

The walls were painted a deep cream, and had cabinets to match. There was a little wooden table with three chairs and a medium sized refrigerator. I took one look at the oven, and hissed a little under my breath. That thing had to be fifty years old! How was I ever going to learn how to cook on…_that?_

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever gonna come out of that car of yours." Charlie teased kissing me on the forehead before seating himself in the closest chair. Charlie wasn't usually one for affections, I liked that about our relationship. He didn't push me.

"Sorry." I apologized indifferently still taking in my surroundings.

Across from the small kitchen I noticed the equally tiny living room with a beaten up old couch and a matching armchair. A small black coffee table was barley noticeable under the massive amounts of issues of T.V. Guide and empty beer cans.

"The house is a little messy, I don't really spend a lot of time here so it just adds up." I nodded to his comment, fighting the urge to look for his cleaning supplies. Renee had raised me well, their wasn't a spot in our home back in Phoenix that didn't sparkle.

"It's a little small, but its home."

He encouraged me to follow him down the hall as he gave me the tour. We passed through the kitchen into the living room, he pointed out the television and taught me how to work the remote. I smiled and nodded in genuine thanks at his generous attitude as he continued the tour.

"Up these stairs and to your left is the bathroom, across the hall is my room and just beside that yours."

"I like it." I admitted throwing on a happy grin to please Charlie.

"I'm glad. I realize its no mansion, but I am proud of what I have here." He turned on his heel as if to give his statement a more dramatic effect and stalked down the hall back toward the living room.

I however wasn't so quick to follow. I wanted to get used to my new home, after all its where I would no-doubt be spending a majority of my time.

In Phoenix, I was always the nerdy outsider who didn't talk to anyone. I did my homework, came home straight after classes and made dinner for my mom and myself. I was quiet, not exactly timid…but not as social as my mother would have liked for me to be. And I had reason…the only people that ever noticed me were the guys from the chess club and those stupid girls who found pleasure in my obvious discomfort and that cared more about their looks then their dignity. It disgusted me.

I took small steps down the short hallway, trailing my fingers over the cracked white dry wall that covered the walls. Accompanying the pale paint were various pictures of myself ranging from birth until present.

I smiled at the picture from kindergarten. That was the year Patrick Wright told me the Tooth Fairy didn't exist. I had gone home a heart-broken blubbering mess and my parents both stayed up with me the entire night to make sure she would come.

Of course being five I didn't have much stamina and fell asleep almost immediately. It was comforting to have the luxury of both parents in such a close proximity, a rare occurrence throughout my childhood.

I woke up the next morning with a five-dollar bill underneath my pillow and had spent the entire day gloating to Patrick about my earnings.

The next few frames held pictures of my mom and me. I was surprised he had kept these all this time. I figured after the divorce he would try to forget, move on. But he hadn't and there sitting in front of me was the one woman I longed the most to see.

My 6th birthday party, my third grade graduation...even my eighth grade graduation; all pictures of the two of us.

The familiar brown locks that clung to her pale cheeks mirrored my own frazzled mess and she had the brightest most distinct smile that not even her own offspring had a chance at imitating.

I traced the dark wood frame with the pads of my fingers, gently caressing the photograph of my best friend.

Immediately the thought of my recent past brought back the all too familiar shadow of pain. My vision started to blur and I knew that Charlie wouldn't be able to handle the onslaught of tears that were threatening my calm façade.

"I think I will start to unpack." I said pointing to the direction of the staircase. He nodded with a sad smile. I wasn't fooling anybody.

I grabbed my duffle and threw it into the bedroom that I recognized as mine. I softy closed the door behind me sliding against the cool wood to the soft plush carpet beneath my feet.

I wound my arms around my legs trying desperately to curb the immense pain I was now feeling.

Renee. She was gone…that's why I was here. Last month…29 days, four hours, and – I looked at my watch- 4 minutes ago I lost my mom to a drunk driver.

_She didn't come home that day, and I sat pacing around my room wondering which man was occupying her time at that moment. I seethed at the fact she hadn't even left me a note,_ some mother she was.

I cringed at the last thought as the tears spilled over and down my already moist cheeks.

_I remember holding my cell phone in one hand and the home phone in the other as I paced holes into my bedroom floor. Frequently pulling back the curtains to get a good look at the driveway down below. _

_Nothing. _

_This wasn't like her! She was at least decent enough to leave me some sort of notice before she went out with her 'friends'. It was bad enough that I had to sit her at home even when I had that affirming piece of paper in my hand, but today I had no assurance. _

_My feet continued their brutal torment to the soft carpet that adorned my bedroom floor, and my tennis shoes were beginning to permanently wear the carpet to its breaking point. _

"_This isn't fair." I kept muttering under my breath. She, my mother of all people, and still she acquired more dates on a weekly basis then I had my entire seventeen years of life._

I can't say that I didn't understand her. I did. We were close, my mother and I, more best friends then mother and daughter. Our relationship was difficult to describe and even more difficult to maintain. We both pushed each other to our breaking points on a weekly basis, me with my school issues and her always with her men.

The men. God. It seemed I came in second to her many dates and boyfriends. After my mother left Forks I was the central focus of her life, that is, until I could take care of myself. She usually occupied the nights she wasn't working at the local diner with the countless number of guys she met or was set up with.

I didn't mind. It never really fazed me. I always maintained the idea that she had a choice in whom she dated. My mother was smart, smart enough not to bring any of those men home with her. She didn't want to expose them to me, to the idea that she had 'baggage'.

That was the part I resented the most about her whole dating life. Not the fact that she kept me out of it, no, for that reason I would be forever grateful to her, but rather that she would dismiss my very existence when she entertained these dates. If only for a few hours, the idea of my non-importance in her life still bothered the hell out of me.

_So there I sat, my mind ranting off on some tangent about how she is probably drinking herself silly at some bar or what not…she seemed to do that every once in a while. At least the men she had always been with have had the decency to drop her off. _

_I worried that tonight might not have been that case. Still, my thoughts droned on an ever- present buzz in the back of my mind. _

_It was until four hours and twenty phone calls had gone by, that an officer showed up at my front door. I gave him a puzzled as I leaned against the wooden frame, glancing between his badge and the somber expression upon his face. _

_His gray hair, tussled from the wind, framed his soft features, he was heavy set, and had laugh lines etched into the sides of his cheeks. I smiled at that…a man this pleasant seeming couldn't be the bearer of bad news. Could he? _

_Yes, he could. _

_He put his hand on my shoulder and stared into my eyes. Searching for something, maybe the confidence he needed to carry out the message. Maybe he hoped that I had already figured it out. Which, for a small part of me, was true. I needed reassurance though, proof. I needed him to tell me she had been ticketed, or arrested…I would have taken arrested over the only other option I could think of for this unwanted visitor. _

"_Ms. Swan-" He began but I cut him off immediately correcting him. _

"_Bella…please call me Bella." I assured him trying to prolong the inevitable. What else could I have done? _

"_Bella. Something's happened tonight. Something…bad." Again he looked into my eyes begging me to not let him say it. I didn't show any mercy. I needed to know if my assumptions were true. I needed to know I was wrong. _

"_The paramedics couldn't get to her in time. Bella, your mother…sh-she was in a car crash this evening. A drunk driver hit her head on."_

_Still I fought. She could just be in the hospital; she could just be hurt it didn't have to be any worse then this. _

_I could feel the tears stinging beyond my closed eyelids. I couldn't look at him anymore. I didn't need this._

"_Ms. Swan. I'm so very sorry for your loss." He whispered resting an affirming hand on my shoulder. _

_My legs turned to putty and I braced myself against the doorframe attempting to fight back at his words. _

"_No." I whispered my voice thick with defeat. This couldn't be happening. Not to me, not now…why?_

"_I am sorry Ms. Swan. I would like you to accompany officer Brandon and myself to the morgue. We need you to identify the body."_

"_Did she suffer?" I heard myself whisper as I looked once more at the officer's apologetic face. _

My body heaved up and down as I gasped for the much needed air. I needed comfort, something not even my own father could provide for me. He was a stranger, someone I saw every few years or months; a passing ship involuntarily made permanent.

I reached inside my duffle trying to compose myself as I busied my hands with things to put away.

The room was considerably small, a full sized bed sat alone against the pale blue wall, a lonely old computer desk and chair were accompanied by the disgustingly ancient computer monitor that I dreaded turning on.

I sniffled for the next few minutes as I passed like a ghost throughout the small space. I threw what little clothes I owned into the small closet hanging up some blouses and folding my jeans.

Charlie had set a clean set of sheets out onto the bed that looked brand new, accompanied by a royal blue comforter. The last few things I grabbed included by bathroom essentials and my mom's old jewelry box. I smiled as I set it next to the alarm clock. It would make it a little easier knowing I had a little piece of her to wake up to every morning.

A soft knock upon the door brought me out of my thoughts, and I turned my distracted attention to the man keeping a close watch on my still frazzled form.

"Pizza's here, I ordered your favorite, triple cheese." He said crossing his arms over his chest. He looked around the room and smiled seeing I had nearly finished packing.

"I'll be down in a minute." I responded throwing him my best fake smile.

He sighed walking tentatively toward me wrapping his arms around my small form. I gasped quietly in confusion but placed an arm around him anyway.

Charlie wasn't one for showing emotion, so his small insignificant gesture conveyed just how worried he was about me. I wondered if I could really repair or create a more stable relationship between the two of us while I remained here until college.

He pulled away smiling.

"What was that for?" I asked going back to putting things away. He grabbed some of my clothes helping me to fold them.

"I noticed your mood earlier. I know how much she meant to you Bells…don't ever feel like you have to hide." He assured. I nodded keeping my gaze away from him; he didn't want to see the tears…they weren't meant for his eyes.

"Thanks dad."

He walked out reminding me of the food downstairs, and I quickly finished up, throwing the duffle aside to join him for dinner.

The rain had let up outside, and the sky was now naturally darkening as the sun went down. I found Charlie in the living room watching ESPN. He had a box of pizza resting on his stomach and he patted the seat next to me noticing my presence.

"Are you excited for school tomorrow?" He asked attempting to make polite conversation.

"Sure." I replied indifferent. If the school here was anything like it was in Phoenix I would be forgotten the second I walked in.

From what I had heard about Forks High school, I knew it would be considerably smaller. There were over 1,500 kids in my junior class alone in Arizona, and Charlie had told me over the phone last night there was only about 200 in the entire school here.

"I think you are going to like it here Bells. It's a little wet, but the rain you get used to." He said with a smile, which I returned. I reached into the box and pulled out a piece of cheese pizza popping the delicious substance into my mouth and nearly devouring the slice whole when I noticed how hungry I had become.

"Well at least we know where you get that appetite from." Charlie stated patting his belly. I giggled punching him playfully in the shoulder.

"Ah huh." I agreed around a mouthful of cheesy goodness, which made him chuckle.

We sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of the night. He retired to his bedroom around ten o'clock saying he had to be at work early the next morning. With one last wish of good luck he disappeared past the staircase.

He left me the half empty box of pizza, which I continued to munch on until about eleven thirty, when I decided I would much rather sleep in a warm bed then wake up tomorrow morning with back problems from the lumpy couch.

I wrapped the leftover slices of pizza in some tinfoil I found in one of the many drawers that littered the kitchen tossing it into the nearly empty fridge. I looked on in confusion as I took in the large amounts of empty space.

Deciding I would go shopping sometime this week I skipped my tired self up the stairs throwing on a tank and some flannel pajama pants before hopping into bed.

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Any comments or questions please send me a PM or drop me a review I would really appreciate it! Thanks for taking the time to read it! ~Lauren


	3. Forks High

A/N: Okay here is chapter two. It's rather long, but its important. Another great shout out to my BFFL and beta x0xDrumMajorx0x!!! Go check out her stories! :D Thanks to everyone who reviewed I look forward to hearing more from you! ~Lauren

Chapter Two

It's not like me to be nervous. After all, it was just school. A new school, ….a smaller school…where I couldn't just disappear. Already after pulling into the parking lot did I attract the attention of half the student body. It didn't help that I had no clue where I was going, and it seemed impossible to find a friendly face to ask for simple directions. Guess I'll just have to suffer in silence, as usual.

I jumped out of my truck slamming the door rather loudly as i reached for my bag and locked the door.

I followed a group of students into what I assumed to be the administration building. Building A. Seemed safe enough.

But as I walked, I couldn't help but overhear the 'not-so-subtle' comments being dropped about the 'new girl.'

"_Who's that?" _

"_Isabella Swan. She's the chief's daughter. Heard she hasn't seen him in years. Wonder what her sudden appearance means…"_

Comments similar to these flowed from the mouths of nearly every student that occupied the parking lot. I flushed with chagrin realizing that I was officially alone. Not one person even bothering to confront me or even to say hi. It was unsettling…In the course of five minutes I had been labeled as everything from Whore to drug addict, suicidal…or just plain old troublemaker. Even the teachers gave me quizzical looks…second glances.

I felt like shouting. 'Yes, I'm new! Problem?' But I held my tongue seeing as that wouldn't have gone over so well for my current reputation.

One conversation in particular grabbed my attention, not so much because of the content; I had heard it all before, but for the volume. The two girls sharing the gossip between themselves couldn't be over five feet or so from me.

"It's the middle of second semester? What is she even doing here?" A tall, blonde whispered stealing glances in my direction to see if I was listening. Her eyes were a deep blue and she shot me looks of calculation and suspicion as she continued to initiate talk with her friend.

"Must be something pretty dramatic to make you change schools in the middle of junior year." Her friend, the brunette, replied continuing to walk past me toward the double doors. The blonde one turned ever so slightly to give me a 'once-over' before disappearing beyond the glass into the crowded hallways.

I huffed in annoyance, glaring as the doors shut behind them. _The nerve…_

"Don't mind Lauren and Jessica. It's the gossip they live for, they could care less over who gets hurt with all their far-fetched rumors." The voice surprised me, and I jumped slightly turning to face the bright smile of a tall, dirty-blonde girl. I returned the gesture grateful for one understanding personality.

"Thanks." I whispered, afraid anything that came out of my mouth could be turned against me at any given moment.

"Your welcome, gotta protect the newbies…wouldn't want you to get sucked into the wrong crowd. I'm Angela by the way." She announced extending her hand.

"Bella. Bella Swan." I replied happy for the friendly face. We got to talking after that, she showed me around and helped me find my locker. It turned out we had the same first period class, so we walked to modern world topics together.

The rest of the morning seemed kind of a surreal blur. Fork's high was so much smaller in size then my old school in Phoenix had been. I must have introduced myself at least twenty times throughout my first few hours here, and the staring…just seemed to get worse and worse.

It was lunch hour now, and I wasn't as nervous as I should have been, partly due to the fact that I had Angela with me. She had invited me to sit with her and a couple friends today. I, of course, accepted. I wasn't about to sit by myself…it would have made things that much more awkward.

The cafeteria itself took up a good portion of the main building. The noise radiated loud and clear throughout the entire room, and the countless numbers of mingling students was overwhelming. Angela found me fairly easily, teasing me about my 'deer in the head lights' look, which my only response to was to turn a bright shade of crimson.

She pulled me excitedly through the lunch line all the while pointing out all her friends. After paying for my coke and sandwich she showed me to a table on the other side of the room where six students sat anxious smiles and all. Angela introduced me immediately after sitting down.

"That's Lauren, and next to her Jessica." I frowned slightly and Angela gave me a knowing look. "Then there's Mike, Tyler, and Eric." She then turned her gaze to the last boy at the end of the table. She smiled brightly and took his hand. "This is Ben, my boyfriend." She introduced, giving him a light kiss on the cheek. Tyler made a gagging noise to which Eric and Mike laughed at. Lauren smacked Tyler on the back of the head smiling at Angela.

"Everyone this is Bella!" I waved tentatively at the rest of the table trying my hardest not to blush. I don't think I was fully prepared for the onslaught of questions that I was immediately bombarded with.

"So you're from Arizona? Do you have a boyfriend? Why'd you move in the middle of the semester? What classes are you taking?" I held up my hands in surrender and Angela laughed.

"Maybe one question at a time guys." She chided giggling to herself. I took a deep breath figuring that I would answer the simple questions first…I don't think I was ready for anything more then that at the moment.

"So, Arizona?" Mike asked taking a swig of lemonade before returning his attention back to me.

"Yea, I'm from Arizona. I lived there…with my mom." I answered, suppressing the pain that came with even the mention of my mother's name.

"Where in Arizona did you live?" Lauren asked seeming utterly bored with my lack of response.

"Phoenix." I answered taking a bite of my sandwich I tried my hardest to fight back the tears that I knew would spill over if I had to think anymore about my old life.

Angela seemed to notice these types of questions upset me, and so moved to lighter subjects.

"So you're the chiefs daughter right?" I smiled with a swift nod.

"Yup, Charlie's my dad. It's nice to see him, the commute used to be difficult." I explained. She nodded about to ask another question when Jessica cut her off.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I nearly chocked on my last bite embarrassed by her question. I shook my head. It seemed like Jessica wasn't one for personal boundaries.

"Um….no… I don't have a boyfriend." I laughed at the thought. Me…? A boyfriend? No, the thought was an oxymoron in itself. Completely ridiculous.

"Why not?" Lauren added seeming to want more information. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned forward. Jessica copied her movements as they both waited for a response that my mind just didn't want to formulate.

"Uh…never really met the right guy I guess? I wasn't a very…social person…at my old school." I laughed nervously and Lauren smirked whispering something to Jessica.

Mike however, seemed rather pleased with my response and leaned his face closer to mine from across the table and smiled at me. I cringed at the close contact my returning smile far more nervous.

The table fell into a contented silence, and I concentrated on eating my food. I propped my elbow up on the edge of the table, resting my palm to my cheek as my eyes drifted around the large room.

The cafeteria itself was huge and bright with walls painted an annoyingly dull shade of white and about twenty or so tables that lined each wall. Large sliding glass doors led to an outdoor porch, that didn't appear to be used very often. Due to the weather most likely. The north end held the lunch line, crowded with hungry students and faculty members awaiting whatever the school offered on today's menu. Green and white banners and posters adorned every wall and door in sight, with announcements of upcoming social events and good luck wishes to the spring sports teams.

I sighted knowing I wouldn't be involved in either aspect of my new school.

"What's your schedule like?" I shot my head up from the tray of food in front of me to face Ben's happy smile. I grinned reaching into my bag to reveal a half-sheet of white paper. I was grateful he had asked, because frankly I had no idea how to read the thing.

"Here." I responded handing it to him, before placing my hands in my lap. I waited anxiously as he deciphered the paper's contents.

"Wow." Was his only response. He looked up eyeing every member of the lunch table.

"What?" I asked honestly curious as to what could be wrong with the classes I was taking.

He just chuckled to himself handing the sheet to Mike who gave a similar response. Jessica eyed Mike warily, and Lauren couldn't seem to hold in her patience and all but ripped the thing from Mike's grasp.

She read it over carefully a small 'o' forming between her lips. She grimaced staring incredulously at me.

"You're taking _four_ AP classes?" Jessica's jaw dropped and I flushed a light pink. Angela smiled, mumbling something to herself that I couldn't quite understand.

"Sounds like we have another Edward in our midst." Tyler remarked, and I threw him a confused glance. Lauren and Jessica seemed to perk up at the mention of this 'Edward' person.

"Who?" I asked still awaiting some sort of explanation.

"Edward Cullen." Angela responded pointing to a table just across the room. I squinted slightly struggling to examine the faces of each of the five members of that particular table. Three guys and two girls, all very beautiful in their own way, sat away from the crowds of fellow students. Isolated almost.

"Which one?" I asked upon further examination of the three men. One blonde, tall, lean, and essentially striking in appearance sat in close contact with a small 'pixie-like' girl with piercing blue eyes and raven hair. Another, tall like the blonde, but much bigger; more muscular with hair similar in color to my own that fell in curls around his cheeks. He had his arm draped around a tall leggy blonde who appeared to possibly be related to the first man. Finally the last one, dark red…almost…a bronze, copper shade of hair that hung in disorder against his pale cheeks. He was tall like the first two, but no girl accompanied this man. He had his face turned away from my gaze buried in what looked to be five different books.

"The one on the end." Jessica remarked, gesturing to the bronze haired one. I sighed, utterly dazed, but still completely confused as to why I was being compared to such an angel.

"What does he have to do with me?" I asked. Ben laughed, pointing to my schedule and then to Edward's mountain of books.

"He takes _five_ AP courses. He's the smartest kid in our class." Tyler explained.

"Oh."

I stole another glance in Edward's direction hoping to catch a glimpse of his face, still buried in his homework.

"He's gorgeous isn't he?" Lauren giggled noticing my staring. I shrugged.

"Don't get your hopes up." Jessica warned looking at me expectantly.

That caught me off guard. Was my interest in this particular boy that obvious to everyone at the table? I felt my face heat up at the thought.

"Does he…have a girlfriend or something?" I asked confused by her words. Trying not to leak the immense amount of embarrassment I was feeling into my tone of voice.

"Not exactly…Edward's just--"

"Off limits." Lauren cut off Jessica's explanation rather abruptly.

"Any particular reason?" I asked noticing Jessica's urge to gossip had kicked into full gear as she was practically bouncing out of her seat.

Lauren gave her a quieting glare, but I don't think Jessica really noticed. Or rather, she just didn't care.

"Yes!" She nearly screeched, and for a split second the entire cafeteria silenced glancing at our table expectantly. Jessica blushed a fierce crimson hiding her face behind a curtain of dark hair.

Tyler laughed as soon as things returned to normal and proceeded to explain.

"The Cullen's, Edward, his brother Emmett." He pointed to the bulky brunette. "And his sister Alice" gesturing to the small raven-haired girl. "Moved here from Chicago in sixth grade."

"It was great really, new people meant for more excitement, which frankly Fork's doesn't have enough of." Ben commented.

"Besides that, Dr. Cullen was a great addition to our hospital. He graduated from Hopkins or something like that." Tyler added pausing while he collected his thoughts.

"They immediately settled in to the normal pace of Forks, becoming fast friends with nearly every student at school."

I nodded urging him to go on, but Lauren was quicker.

"By the time freshman year rolled around the Hale's, Rosalie and Jasper," She pointed to the two blondes. "Had joined our class as well. Jasper and Alice started dating second semester of freshman year. He's captain of the track team took us to state the last two years in a row. Emmett and Edward were on the football and basketball teams and both had nearly perfect grade point averages. Edward went through every girl in our class…dating for a week and then breaking up…I even went out with him for a month or so. Jess too." Angela blushed pointing to herself. I nodded waiting patiently for the rest of their story.

"Well anyway sophomore year rolled around and Edward shows up to school with this new girl. She had moved to Forks at the beginning of the summer and had been going out with Edward ever since. Addie was her name. Addie Mechena, she was the awkward artsy type who wore overalls and paint covered T-shirts and stuff to school. We all figured it wouldn't last for very long, and that Edward would be back to being…well…Edward." She chuckled sipping on her diet coke.

"But he didn't. They continued to go out," Her voice dropped down a few decibels, and she leaned close to me across the table her voice a rushed whisper.

"Addie showed up to school after thanksgiving break and she seemed…different. Euphoric almost you know?" I nodded once more.

"Edward too…seemed off. He and Addie were inseparable constantly together and such. Rumors started to go around that they had slept together over the break, and that was why they were all very…giddy." She laughed along with Jessica but Angela frowned at her enthusiasm for the subject.

"Lauren, you could show a bit more respect." Angela offered glancing back over once more to the Cullen's table.

"Sor_ry_." She hissed turning her attention back to me.

"So anyway," Lauren continued flipping a long strand of blonde hair behind her shoulder. "A few weeks passed, and Addie started to get…well-'bigger'." Lauren extended her palm across the face of her stomach, and my mouth popped open in realization.

"Oh." Was my brilliant response, but I could tell the story hadn't ended there. I was still trying to figure out why Angela seemed so saddened by this particular topic.

"It turned out the rumors were true, Addie Mechena was pregnant with Edward Cullen's kid. Every high school girls dream." Lauren smiled at Jessica, whispering something to her before preparing to continue. I could tell Angela had had enough by the time she cut in.

"Addie and Edward didn't speak for an entire week, but he never left her alone. They decided to keep the baby. Addie wasn't into all the abortion stuff." Angela waved her wrist in the air a nonchalant expression on her face.

"So what happened? Do they have a kid?" I asked knowing that by the second semester of junior year a baby had to have been born.

"Yes, Addie went into labor at her seventh month mark…far to early for a normal pregnancy as I am sure you know. She was over at one of her friend's houses that night when she suddenly went into cardiac arrest. They rushed her to the hospital and did an emergency C-section." Angela paused, taking a deep breath as if to calm herself. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Addie…she didn't make it. Turns out that she had overdosed mixing some weird pain medication with the pre-natal vitamins she had been taking. The baby survived though. A boy…his name's Andrew Anthony Cullen. He was in an incubator for over two months! His lungs hadn't fully developed yet."

By this point the entire table was silent and Angela was whispering so low I struggled to hear her last few words.

"Edward took it pretty hard. He came out in public for the funeral, but other then that he spent the rest of his summer with Andy. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen take care of him when Edward is at school, and Edward has something like three jobs after school and on the weekends to keep up with his son. He refuses to take any money from his parents."

"Wow, that must be hard." I commented. _Oh really Bella? Really?_

"He showed up here at the beginning of first semester. Completely different, shut down. Catatonic almost. It was like he had put himself on autopilot. He and Alice didn't speak for months; she had to find out about Addie being pregnant from one of her friends because Edward didn't tell her. He quit the basketball and football teams, and now he is working on graduating early so he can get a degree and a job. He wants to move out and start a new life with his son. He doesn't want to be a burden anymore." Angela finished gesturing to Ben.

"Edward and I were good friends, we were on the football team together. We talked a lot. He's a really good guy. Don't judge him because of his mistakes." I nodded furiously. I would never judge him, I don't even know him, but it was still hard to consider being a parent at the age of 17. I mentally shuddered glancing over at the bronze haired boy.

"He must be a great parent to take such good care of his son." I commented noticing the crowds begin to thin out as the last few moments of the period dwindled to a close.

"We wouldn't know." Jessica stated seeming fairly annoyed. I frowned at her. Was it even her business?

"Huh?" I asked.

"Edward doesn't like to _introduce _Andy to anyone. He wants to protect him. That's why the only people who every get to go over there are the Hales. He just doesn't trust anyone else. Even Addie's parents don't come to visit their grandson. They have all but abandoned Edward, blaming him for the loss of their daughter's life. It's heart breaking."

Angela wiped an escaped tear from her eye, leaning into Ben's shoulder.

The table was silent, everyone hoping for a lighter topic change.

"So why'd you move in the middle of the semester?" Eric asked seeming utterly indifferent. I sighed. This isn't the kind of change I had been hoping for. My eyes clouded over, and I blinked rapidly trying to fight back the emotion.

"Personal reasons." I answered simply letting my dark hair fall in front of my face blocking their glances.

"Like what?" Jessica whispered oblivious to my mood change. Angela was right…just wanted something to gossip about.

I threw a frantic glance at Angela, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Umm…like I said. Personal. I wiped at the tears as the fell down my face attempting to compose myself.

The bell rang and I stood silently gathering my books from the table as I headed toward my next class.

The tears still fell, silently but fresh, I thanked god that my crying didn't turn my face red or anything of the sort because it wouldn't help the random stares I was still receiving as I passed through the halls, but I knew I should go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face before returning to class. I wouldn't want to scare anyone with my distant mask of an expression and runny mascara.

I pushed my way through the packed halls finding a bathroom quicker then expected. I headed straight for the sink grabbing a handful of paper towels and dabbing at the dark tear streaks adorning my crimson face. I took a good look at my reflection in the mirror. Something I hadn't done in quite sometime. I seemed…different. My face a bit more narrowed my figure as well. Probably from the lack of appetite I had had over the past few weeks. My skin was paler…chalkier then usual due to the change in address most likely, but also I just seemed emotionally _drained_.

It scared me to realize just how desperately I needed reassurance in my life, especially now. I didn't want to cry, but it was hard not to. Hearing Edward's story…seeing my face, feeling so completely and utterly lost here in Forks. It had all finally caught up to me. I sank to the floor in a desperate attempt to calm my sobbing form.

I rested my head against the cold sink just letting the tears fall. I faintly recall the click of a lock and then she was there. Alice, the girl from the table across the cafeteria, she appeared from behind the stall door, seeming flustered and checked her watch constantly.

"Great I am so late and-" Her self-ramblings cut off the second she took in my appearance. She stared at me for a brief second. Probably registering the face that she didn't know me. She knelt down beside me brushing the hair out of my face.

"Oh my gosh are you okay?" She asked reaching into her bag and pulling out a handful of tissues. I just started at her unable to express any further emotion.

"I don't know." I answered honestly rubbing at my eyes. She reached down and pulled me up to my feet pointing to the couch that was pushed up against the wall closest to the door. She wetted a few Kleenex rubbing at my cheeks. She reached into her bag and pulled out a long black tube of mascara brushing it gently over my eyelashes. She dusted my cheeks with a light foundation to cover the redness, and smiled as she took in my appearance.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked sitting down next to me. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down before responding.

"I'm new. Bella Swan." I stuck my hand out for her to shake and she gladly accepted smiling at the gesture.

"It's a pleasure, Alice Cullen." She responded. Then brushed back my hair and draped an arm around my waist.

"Forks can't be that bad Bella." She giggled. I rolled my eyes.

She had no idea. Forks wasn't the problem though. Forks never was the problem, just something I used to pin the blame to. Forks was my excuse until I actually felt comfortable enough with the truth.

"I'm sorry...just had a lot on my mind. You should probably get back to class. I wouldn't want to make you later then I already have." I admitted. She nodded grabbing my hand and pulling me from the bathroom.

"Nonsense."

She handed me a card on her way out giving me an awkward one-armed hug.

"I've had those days too. If you ever need anything my number and IM is on the card." I smiled gratefully waving as her figure danced around the corner.

I stole a quick glance at the card in my hand before shoving it back into my pocket and heading to my next class.

_**Alice Mary Cullen**_

_**~ 123-456-7890 ~**_

_** Shopoholic_pixie**_

--

I pushed my self through the bathroom door, grabbing my backpack and swinging it over my shoulder. I reached into the front pocket, grabbed the white half-sheet of paper that was my schedule and glanced at the seventh period slot.

AP Biology with Mr. Banner. I sighed. I really should have taken it easier this year. I scurried out of the room and attempted to locate wing B.

"Bella!" I heard the familiar voice and spun around noticing a frantic Mike headed my way. I gave a small wave secretly regretting the fact that I had no idea where I was going and that I was forced to speak to him for directions.

"Hi Mike. Hey could you help me? I can't seem to find Mr. Banner's room…" I admitted once more searching the halls for some sort of clue as to the location of my next class.

He grabbed my schedule from my grasp studying it for a second.

"It's just down the hall to your left." He replied laying a hand on the small of my back to turn me in the right direction. I cringed away from the contact, thanking him before heading down the hallway toward the Biology lab.

I reached the door just before the first warning bell rang silently congratulating myself on not tripping as I made my way up to the front.

"Bella Swan." I said introducing myself. He nodded handing me a lab workbook and telling me to take a pick at the seats left in the room.

I threw the teacher a small apology about being late and some excuse about being lost before she instructed me to the last seat in the back of the room.

I watched him point toward the back corner of the room, where a determined looking Edward Cullen sat. I felt my breath catch and my face flush a light pink as I took my seat beside him.

I don't think he noticed my late entrance, as he had his head bowed down and his bronze locks fell in a curtain framing his right cheek and interrupting the view of his face.

I made it my priority to not embarrass myself on the first day, seeing as my little bathroom stunt was about as horrifying as I would allow today's humiliation limit to reach. So I didn't stare…or at least…I tried not to. But the thing about Edward Cullen, he was just so fascinating. I have never seen a teenage boy so focused on homework! And from what I could tell he was working forward through next week's assignments.

Memories of my past lunch period flooded back into my mind.

_Edward has something like three jobs after school and on the weekends to keep up with his son. He refuses to take any money from his parents._

_He takes five AP courses. He's the smartest kid in our class._

_He quit the basketball and football teams, and now he is working on graduating early so he can get a degree and a job. He wants to move out and start a new life with his son. He doesn't want to be a burden anymore._

… _He doesn't want to be a burden anymore._

"See something you like?" I was startled out of my recollections jumping slightly in surprise. Edward had leaned over and was now staring intently at my expression. Scrutinizing my gaze.

I blushed a furious crimson squeaking out a soft 'sorry' before pinning my eyes to the board and the lecture being presented.

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm Edward." He whispered pulling my attention away from Mr. Banner.

"B-Bella." I stuttered. My face felt so hot, and just the thought of my color sent more blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Are you always this…_nervous_?" He asked gesturing to my appearance.

"Yes." I answered back hoping he would catch the sarcasm. I don't think he did because he just turned back to his books.

"So you moved here from Phoenix?" He asked attempting to initiate the ruined conversation.

"Yea-who told you?" I think I would remember talking to someone-for however brief a moment-if he had the same piercing green eyes as Edward Cullen.

He laughed giving me an incredulous expression. "You've never been the subject of much gossip have you?" He whispered noticing that Mr. Banner had turned to stare at us.

"No…not really." I answered. And it was true. Up until my mom's death I had been in the background. Not much of a 'social butterfly' if you will.

"Well you better get used to everyone knowing everything about you. You're the hottest piece of gossip since-" He stopped. Breaking off his thought, and turning his gaze away.

"Never mind." He turned back to his work, his posture stiff and seemingly uninviting. I understood that he didn't want to talk, but I don't think my mouth cared.

"Since you?" I whispered. It wasn't meant to come out as a question, in fact it wasn't meant to come out at all. I mentally slapped myself apologizing for the comment. He looked surprised but gave me a small half-smile and a nod.

"Lauren Mallroy get to you at lunch?" He asked. I blushed and nodded. He must have noticed our tables close conversation.

"You noticed?" I asked ducking my head so he couldn't see my face.

"It's kinda hard to miss when I can over hear practically every word. Plus…my books aren't all _that_ captivating." He flashed me a crooked grin and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Sorry."

"S'okay. It's not like I'm not used to it. I just wish…that I could have been the one to tell you, to tell everyone. It's unsettling to have your personal life laid out for everyone to see. I hate it when people think they can tell your story better then you."

"I would guess so." I tried to sympathize with him, I really did. But I have just never had that kind of personal exposure. I was sheltered as a child, and I never really had to deal with an immense amount of pain. I saw what my parents went through as normalcy. It wasn't until I reached the age of seven that I even realized just how out of the ordinary our family really was..

"Alright class lets get started with the lab. Today we discover the phases of Mitosis!" I sighed in boredom.

"Great." I huffed looking over the lab as it was passed out. I could answer almost all of these questions off the top of my head. And so I did, leaving only the experiment portion blank as I quickly scribbled down the answers.

I could feel Edward's stare boring into the back of my head as I finished the remainder of the assignment.

"Shall we?" He asked chuckling as I set my pencil down. I nodded handing him the first slide.

He bent over the microscope studying it for a few seconds before pushing it away.

"Metaphase." He noted writing the answer down in his perfect calligraphy as I copied the answer in my chicken scratch.

He picked up the next slide handing it to me, and with only a seconds glance I was able to identify the particular phase.

"Prophase."

He nodded reaching over to check.

"Do you not believe me?" I asked sarcastically grinning madly at him.

He flushed a light pink, to which I giggled even more. _So I wasn't the only one whose face changed colors._ I thought to myself.

"No it's just-" I held up my hand to stop his explanation.

"It's fine Edward I was only joking." He nodded grinning crookedly at me.

"So, what's your schedule like this semester?" He asked as we continued on with the assignment. We had the identification portion finished within minutes, and right now he was completing the follow up questions.

"Umm…" I reached around my books searching for the piece of paper that I so desperately needed today and handed it to him.

He studied it for a moment smiling to himself.

"Your in all of my AP classes, except for history." He concluded, folding the paper and handing it back to me.

"Yea, I'm not so great at history." I admitted turning pink. He nodded.

"I'm not a big fan myself." He commented glancing around the room.

"So why take the class as an AP? It must suck." He laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

"Didn't Lauren tell you?" He asked, and I thought back remembering how she mentioned he did this for his son.

"Oh. Yea, I guess she did." I whispered flushing a light pink and ducking my head in embarrassment.

We spent the rest of the class period in silence as we waited for the rest of the class to complete the lab. I let my dark hair fall in a protective curtain cutting off Edward's view of my flushed face.

I glanced at him every now and then through the thin strands of hair watching as he diligently finished the lab and then moved onto more homework.

_I wonder if he ever takes a break?_ I wondered to myself as I studied his studious attitude.

Class ended not a minute later, and I quickly gathered my books in a hurry to get out of the classroom.

"Ms. Swan?" I heard Mr. Banner call out and I stopped rather abruptly-to abruptly-and tripped over the door-stop.

"Umph!" I heard the clattering of my books and distant laughter, as I pulled myself off the floor standing to face the teacher.

He chuckled, attempting to hide his smile at my little…debacle and handed me some paperwork for Charlie to sign. I nodded thanking him and leant down towards my scattered books. But they weren't there. My smile faded and I searched the room confused only to find a grinning Edward right in front of me my books stacked effortlessly in his hands.

"Thanks." I flushed grabbing the books.

He just laughed, throwing me a quick 'your welcome' before heading toward the door.

After gym, my final class of the day, - my scariest class of the day- _Ugh...tennis...never good for the uncoordinated..._I was free to go.

I gathered my books heading toward my locker. The halls were buzzing as people bid their farewells for the day, and the slamming of lockers and classroom doors signaled that I had indeed made it through my first day at Fork's high.

I was one of the last people in the hallway after school, shoving the billions of books I had into my book-bag before closing the lock and heading toward my truck.

"Bella! How was the rest of your day?" Angela was leaning up next to my truck, a handful of books. She had a huge smile on her face and rushed to my side to help me put my mountain of books in the cabin of my truck.

"It was great. Thanks!" She laughed giving me a wide grin.

"No problem. So I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked backing across the parking lot. I gave her a nod and a small wave before climbing into the driver's seat and pushing the key into the ignition.

The truck sputtered to life, and my heart jumped out of my chest at the still unfamiliar sound.

I sighed. "Tomorrow."


	4. First Impressions

**A/N: Third Chapter! WOOT! I am so excited for all of the reviews I am getting! 15 since last I checked and nearly 300 hits! I feel so happy! *dances in circles* Thanks so much to anyone who gives this story a chance! I hope you like this next chapter! I want predictions people! ~Lauren**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…or ESPN! :D**

Chapter Three

When I got home I walked into the kitchen to find evidence of Charlie's early arrival from work. There were cartons of Chinese food strewn across the kitchen table, and I could hear the familiar buzz of ESPN coming from the living room.

I dropped my backpack at the foot of the stairs and grabbed an egg roll from one of the cartons. I heard shuffling coming from the living room and decided to say hello to my dad before retreating up to my room for some much needed study time.

"Hi Da-" I began but after further inspection of the room my father was nowhere to be seen.

There was however an unfamiliar boy sitting in his spot on the couch. He had short dark hair and skin the color of copper. He appeared to be around my age maybe a couple of years younger. He smirked at me and I took a protective step toward the front door.

This only made his grin widen as he stood from his former resting place. Charlie's old sofa squeaked as his weight left the cushion, and I felt my breath catch in my throat as he stood his full height. Dear God he had to be at least six five! I yelped in surprise.

"Hey Bells!" He smiled gleefully reaching his arms out as if to hug me and I screamed bloody murder and ran for the kitchen.

"CHARLIE!!!!!!" I shrieked running past the kitchen and up the stairs. I ran up to my room and locked the door behind me.

I heard chuckling coming from downstairs and loud footfalls on the steps then just outside my door. I ran to the window but after a quick glance realized I wouldn't be able to make the jump without breaking one or both of my legs in the process.

"Bella? Hey it's me, Jacob. Our dads used to go fishing together…we played in the mud when we were little. I live on the reservation…uhhh…please come out I didn't mean to scare you." He knocked on my door, jiggling the handle back and forth.

_Jacob? _The name did sound vaguely familiar but I still didn't feel comfortable opening up that door without my father and his very shiny gun close by.

"Where's my dad?" I asked coldly hoping to send him a warning message.

I heard his deep sigh and another few taps on the door before he answered.

"He's with Billy down on the reservation. He thought it would be fun for us to catch up so he sent me here. I brought some food and thought we could talk."

"Why are you here? How did you get in?" He laughed, mentioning the spare key we keep under the eve just outside the door.

"Okay." I squeaked, still not moving from my place.

"You're not going to come out until Charlie gets back are you?" He asked laughing in exasperation.

I nodded my head, whispering a quick maybe.

" I Figured that much. Okay, I'll be downstairs." I heard his retreating footsteps, and allowed my racing heart to clam down.

I quickly reached across my spot on the bed to pull the cordless phone off of the night stand. I dialed Charlie's cell-phone number begging the gods that he actually has had it on.

Ring. Ring. Ri-

"_Hello?_" I blew out a large breath of air and attempted to compose myself.

"Dad? Why is there some strange guy in our living room? He says his name is Jacob…" Charlie chuckled on the other end of the line and I took this as a good sign. If Charlie knew Jacob maybe he wasn't some psycho killer.

"_He's Billy's son, Bells. You were pretty close when you were toddlers. He's about a year or so younger then you I just thought you both wanted to catch up. Why? Did he scare you or something?_" So Jacob was telling the truth.

"Kinda, uh…so if I go back downstairs he's not going to turn into some psychopath and kill me?" Charlie's laugh bellowed through the phone and I had to hold the receiver away from my ear to prevent any sort of auditory damage.

"_You're safe Bella. I'll be home in a couple hours. See you soon._" I nodded.

"Bye Dad." I whispered before pressing the END button on the receiver and placing the phone back into its cradle.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to remember everything I was ever taught about self-defense. Uh…nose through the brain…S.I.N.G. Gotta love Ms. Congeniality.

I stood cautiously pulling on the door handle and descending the stairs. The planks below my shoes squeaked and groaned in protest with each shift of my weight, alerting Jacob below that I had surrendered.

I kicked my bag out of the way as I rounded the corner and came face-to-face with a grinning Jake.

He was taller then me, my eyes at chest level and it looked like he could bench press a car if he really wanted too.

"Uh. Hi." I offered smiling nervously.

"You confirmed my non-existent criminal record with Charlie?" I nodded, blushing slightly. He laughed some at my expense before leading me back into the living room.

I took my usual seat in the over-used recliner tucking my legs beneath me and pulling a blanket off of the floor.

"So how long have you been here?" I asked attempting to kill the awkward mood.

"About a half hour before you arrived. It was a half-day today at school. Teacher conferences or something." I nodded.

"So you just decided to show up?" I questioned curiously.

"My dad wanted to hang out with Charlie, and he thought it would be fun if we also had a chance to hang out." At least his story matched Charlie's.

"Oh." I wasn't in a very talkative mood. After my long day at school and the hours of AP work I knew I had coming, it took everything I had not to throw him out.

"So are you getting used to the rain again?" I smiled shaking my head. No one on earth could ever be used to _this_ much rain.

"I honestly don't think I will ever be used to it." He chuckled switching off the television and angling his body towards me.

He sat on the couch. Charlie's normal seat and the springs bounced with his slight movements.

There was kind of an awkward pause after my last remark as we both battled with our minds over what we could possibly say to one another.

"So…" He began. I smiled in encouragement.

"What kinda classes are you taking this year?" I sighed. Of course it always had to go back to school.

"The brain-melting kind." I answered glaring at the floor.

"Ah. You're one of _those._" He remarked.

I glared at him playfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked placing both of my hands on my hips and trying my best to hide the grin that wanted to explode across my face.

"Nothing." If he thought he was going to insult me…or confuse me I'm not really sure. Then he had something else coming.

"Uhuh sure." I nudged him in the shoulder earning a bright smile from him.

"You think you've got me all figured out don't you?" I teased. It was so easy to be like this with Jacob for some reason. For a person I have known for all of five minutes, he had that sort of presence about him. It was nice, like we were still those naïve five year olds making mud pies on the reservation.

"No. Not yet at least." He smirked condescendingly.

"If you're trying to get on my good side you're failing miserably." I pointed out, to which he laughed.

"Who said anything about getting on your good side?" He responded.

"Isn't that what 'catching up' entails?" I concluded rather smugly.

"Not necessarily."

"Well I don't like your little _game_." I folded my arms across my chest and pouted for dramatic effect.

"Then let's play a new one. How about twenty questions?" What? No.

"No." There is no point in twenty questions…at least, none that I could see.

"Why? It'll be fun. _Please_?" He whined, his eyes widening and an oh-so-innocent expression painted across his face.

I raised an eyebrow at him. He could do a lot better than that.

He shifted his weight down onto the floor and sunk to his knees. He fisted his palms at chest level and in a horrible attempt at a British accent asked me once more.

"Fine." I sighed in defeat. Whatever floats his boat.

"Woot! Okay first quest-"

"5."

"Huh?" He asked confused by my statement.

"5 questions." I replied.

"How about ten." He wagered. Ha ha. No.

"How about _five._" He laughed nodding his head.

"How was your first day of school?" He asked folding his hands behind his head and leaning his body onto the back frame of the sofa.

"So we aren't playing the yes or no version?"

"No. We're playing the get-to-know you version."

"Ahhh."

"Go on." He urged.

I let out a shallow breath rubbing at the palms of my hands out of nerves. I bit my lip in concentration going over the highlights of my day. No need for him to know anymore than that.

"It was fine. Interesting really. My classes are hard, the teachers are boring, and the students like to gossip."

"That wasn't very elaborate." He responded weaving his hands through his raven locks.

"Well what do you want to know? You weren't very specific." I pointed out. He stuck his tongue out at me childishly but I loved the playful gesture.

"This doesn't count as one of my questions." I nodded.

"Make any _specific_ friends?"

"I met a few people…but I don't know if I could really call them friends." I admitted fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"Well what entails a friend in your book?" He asked. I hope he realized this was question two for him.

"Well…" The truth was I really didn't know how to give an answer to that question. I never really had friends back in Phoenix. The only person I really talked to-however pathetic it might seem-was my mother. Could I just describe her? Not without breaking down. I don't think Jacob was ready for my tears.

"I don't really know." I admitted in a small voice.

He stared at me for a moment. An incredulous expression on his face. Like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You don't know?" Question three.

"Problem?" I snapped. Now would be a great time for Charlie to show up.

"No. Just kinda strange…"

"Well what do you want me to say?" I asked curious to see what he would answer.

"Describe your best friend." I didn't want this to turn into a fight. I really didn't. I didn't even know him, but he was treading in deep water here and I didn't know if I could hold myself together much longer.

"I can't." I answered simply. Too simply. His curiosity flared I could tell by his expression. He pursed his lips and smiled at me cockily.

"Why not?" Four.

I glared at him willing him to just drop it. Please. I dipped my head to my knees bringing my palms up to my cheeks. I could feel the angry tears sting my eyes as I shut them.

"Because I never had friends. I lost the only person that I ever cared about, and I suggest you think twice before you start giving me any sort of sympathy." I scowled at him folding my body inwards so as not to have to face him. He wouldn't understand.

Silence.

"Bella I…sorry." I buried my face in my palms in reaction to his statement, my finger nails digging into my scalp as I attempted to pull myself together. I didn't want to break down. I didn't want to seem helpless and pathetic.

I felt a warm hand on my back and, in between the locks of hair that fell on the side of my face; I could make out his shape.

"I'm sorry," he whispered once more, patting my back. For some reason the gesture I would normally have found awkward was more or less comforting in my current state. I would have expected him to maybe give me some space, or possibly even wrap me into a hug but it was like he knew I wouldn't be able to handle such an intimate gesture. It's like he knew what I was going through…but that's the thing. He didn't. No one did, and I was just getting my hopes up by assuming that I might have something more in common with this boy than just our past. That I might actually understand him on an empathetic level.

_Yea right. _

I couldn't help myself I just let the tears fall. I wrapped my arms around my torso as all the images I tried to keep locked up inside just came hurtling out of nowhere. The memories, once so easy to hide now rushed back at me in revenge to my poor subconscious. A constant reminder.

_The building was a dull uniform gray, made to be all the more darkened by the night sky. This starless night seemed to be an omen of sorts, and I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my freezing fingers as I stepped out of the squad car. _

"_You'll need to sign in at the front desk, and then I will be with you in a few moments." The officer that had driven me here gave me a sad smile before pointing me in the direction of the receptionist. _

"_Hello deary." She seemed rather perky. Shouldn't people whose employers identify bodies for a living be a little less…happy? _

"_Hi." I responded, lifting the sleeve of my shirt to my eyes and wiping away the tear trails that now stained my cheeks. _

"_I see Officer Walden dropped you off. He just has to pull your paperwork and make a few calls before he'll be with you." I nodded in understanding, and she gestured to the waiting area – two plush chairs and a small coffee table- asking me to take a seat. _

_I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt and brushed the ever-falling droplets from my eyes. I tried to hold myself together, I couldn't break down here. I had too much to think about, too much to figure out. What if they got the bodies mixed up? Maybe they made a mistake? But no matter how much I willed it not to be true, it seemed luck just wasn't on my side today. _

_The soft ticking of the large clock on the north-facing wall kept my thoughts in check. I found that if I concentrated on something consistent I could keep my thoughts in check. Keep them centered on one thing. _

_After a few moments I felt a light tap on my shoulder. The receptionist invited me to stand up and follow her through a hallway about ten or so yards away from my seat. _

"_Alright." I said agreeing before getting up and stuffing my hands inside my pockets. I felt the familiar prickling sensation as I pushed through those first doors. Immediately the scent of the room enveloped me in a thick fog. I couched lightly out of habit, this may not have been a hospital, but my past experiences taught me the ability to recognize this scent. _

_Officer Good joined the receptionist in our slow walk to the room where they were supposedly keeping my mother. I kept my eyes level with the floor. My frazzled hair was in disarray around my neck and I shook it gently to the side protecting my face from the stares of others. _

"_She is the last door on the left." The receptionist noted giving me a slight nudge in the direction of the room before retreating down the opposite end of the hallway. Ahh, that explains it. She never has to see any of the bodies. She never has to know what they look like, how they died. She's just here to usher in the family. An ignorant bystander. _

"_Thanks." I whispered. _

_Officer Good led me through the double doors with the number 45C engraved on the front face. He walked slightly in front of me, almost as if shielding me from what was to come. He didn't want this to be my mother; he just wanted this to be some huge mistake. _

_One look at the women on the table told me otherwise. Her once beautiful brown hair was now turned into a violently dull black shadow that framed her beaten and torn face at odd angles. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was slightly ajarred and if one looked closely you would notice that her jaw was no longer in the correct position. _

_I felt my stomach churn at the sight, but I couldn't will myself to look away. Her favorite red cocktail dress had been nearly shredded to bits, with random pieces of bloodied glass sticking out of her from every possible inch of her upper torso, and it seemed that her lower body-even though covered with the blanket- was completely mangled and disproportionate to the women whom I saw this morning. _

_In that instant all ability and function in my respiratory system failed, and I saw the familiar black dots cloud my already damp vision. I was going to faint, and I wanted nothing more at this point. _

"_Mom." I just barely breathed the words, when my face made contact with the cool tile below. _

He placed a steadying hand on my shoulder, and waved a few fingers in front of my face in an attempt to get my attention.

"Uhh…Bella?" He whispered, keeping a safe amount of distance between the two of us.

And just like in my memory, I felt my body weight sink into his arms and an uncomfortable darkness envelope me.

_Way to make a good first impression Bella._

_-----_

**Okay MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HUGS AND HIGH-FIVES AND HAPPY, HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS FOR MY BETA x0xDrumMajorx0x!!!! She makes my friggen life people props to her! Tell me what you thought!!!! ~Lauren**


	5. Life Sucks

A/N: Okay Woot! I finally finished this chapter, i was fighting with myself over whether to include the second part of this day into this chapter, but then the result ended up being something along the lines of eighteen pages..thats a lot. So that will be the next chapter. I apologize for the wait, I had to take the SAT on saturday, and I have been doing a lot of homework and projects for school. (My spring break isn't for another two weeks) Expect alot of updates then, because I will be out of school for a little over half a month. :D Yea, I know i am lucky! Okay here it is, I really like this chapter, it was difficult to write, just tell me what you think. ~Lauren

Chapter Four

You know what sucks the most about fainting? I dare you to guess. For those who have experienced such a misfortune, I'll allow you a few hints.

No, it's not the overwhelming darkness, or the abruptness of the gesture.

It's not even the thick fog that seems to cloud your mind for hours on end.

No.

It's none of these things. These would be heaven compared to the waking up part.

"_Bella. Bella, honey." _The voice was distant, and the fog seemed so…_thick. _Memories from the moments before my spell, flooded back to me. In my current dazed state, they seemed no more then faint flickers. Images I recognized, vivid, yet so unpleasantly familiar. My eyes closed of their own accord and I could feel the disturbing shudders vibrate through my tiny frame.

… _beautiful brown hair was now turned into a violently dull black shadow…_

The images raced past me in hurried blurs. … _red cocktail dress… bloodied glass … mangled and disproportionate._ It was all too much! I could hear the familiar voice once again. It called me out of my daze.

"_Bella? Bella! Wake up!" _My body shook lightly as the weight of the familiar voice sunk into my thoughts.

I gasped in surprise squeezing my eyes shut tighter and curling in on myself. I could feel my arms snake around my chest as I fought to fill my lungs with the much-needed oxygen they desired.

"Please," I whispered. Not now, I couldn't wake up now. What if I never saw her again? She was so real, having her in my memories, even bloodied and distorted beyond recognition, she was still Renee.

She was still my _mother._

I felt the weight of the couch sink underneath my father's added weight and the familiar 'squeak' of the worn springs. He laid a protective hand on my shoulder and brushed a few stray hairs from my sweat-ridden cheeks.

"Baby, it's time to open your eyes. It's gonna be okay, I'm here." The soft pads of his fingers prodded at my arms and back willing me out of my interrupted nightmare.

"Dad." I blinked a few times before opening my eyes completely. Charlie was kneeling over me; his face seemed worn and drained. He was hurting because of me.

"I'm sor-sorry," I whispered through the falling tears. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me close to his chest.

"I know Bells. I know."

Charlie rocked me to sleep that night. He carried me upstairs. I noticed the darkness of night had fallen sometime between my conversation with Jacob and my fainting spell.

"Mom."

--

I woke up around 6:30 the next morning, the rain falling heavily outside my bedroom window, accenting perfectly my somber mood. _I wonder if Charlie would let me stay home today…_

I threw on a pair of jeans, a gray long sleeved top, and my black ballet flats before heading down the stairs. I grabbed my backpack on the way, knowing that even though Charlie was soft, he was first and foremost a police officer. I wouldn't win, not that I had the energy to fight.

Each step along the worn wooden floorboards brought with it soft squeaks and indistinguishable creeks as my weight shifted down the hallway.

Charlie was sitting in his usual chair at the kitchen table. A cup of coffee and the Forks Daily News sat next to him. The mornings top headlines, more rain.

"Bells." He greeted me, motioning to the counter where he had left out the box of Cheerios for my breakfast. I whispered a quick hello, keeping my eyes level with the floor as I busied myself, preparing my meal.

After I put the milk back into the refrigerator, I pulled the seat out across from Charlie and proceeded to eat my breakfast in silence. I felt Charlie's penetrating stare alternate swiftly between me, and the clock that adorned our kitchen wall.

6:45. He had fifteen minutes and I had a half hour. There was no way to get out of the conversation he was willing himself to initiate.

"Bells, I…I think we need to talk." He stuttered slightly over the words, the statement itself sounding more like a question than a command. He wasn't very familiar with the whole parenting thing.

"What about?" I asked, staring at the few remaining Cheerios as they floated around my spoon.

"Yesterday." My breath hitched, but it wasn't as if I were surprised. It was only a matter of time. Charlie didn't like to keep things bottled up for too long.

"Oh," was my only response.

"Yea. You gave Jake quite a scare. He said you just fell…Bells?" My grip around my spoon tightened as my body attempted to find some positive release for all this pent up anger. Not at Charlie, of course, but at myself. How could I have let myself break down in front of Jacob? He's practically a stranger. Forks was doing wonders for my self-esteem.

"Sorry. I was just…tired." Yea, lame excuse, I know. But my mother's death wasn't really something I wanted to talk about over breakfast with my father. He knew it too.

"We both know that's not true. You were very…vocal while you were out last night." So my sleep talking issue also took effect when I fainted? It was like my subconcious was attempting to break down my walls through self-inflicted humiliation.

"Dad I don't want to talk about this right now." I insisted dropping my spoon into the bowl and looking up at him for the first time since I sat down. He wore his normal, every-day police uniform, badge over his heart. His face was turned down into a slight frown and his brown locks fell over his crinkled eyes. He was worried about me, and I was only making things more difficult for the both of us.

"You have to talk about it sometimes, Bella. You can't keep it harbored inside of you forever." He chastised pushing himself away from the table.

"No." I could tell I was pushing his patience, he obviously didn't care for my emotional difference, and he wasn't usually one to express his feelings. But I knew something was wrong when Charlie up and decided to play the dad card.

"Yes. You will. And if not to me, then to someone else perhaps? You know they have grief counselors nowadays Bella, you don't have to go through this alone." My cheeks burned a bright crimson and my fingers curled into tight fists. I was seeing red and Charlie was the one causing all this unnecessary pain.

"You want me to see some shrink?!" I protested, glaring at him from my chair across the room. He let out one curt nod and turned for the door. I scrambled in my mind for some excuse; anything that would spare me from having to spend an hour a day with some balding doctor wannabe who didn't have a clue.

"You can't make me do this!" I warned, grabbing my bag and following him out into the driveway. He had his key in the lock on the side of the cruiser and ignored my comment as he seated himself in the driver's side.

I heard the soft squeak of the automatic windows, and Charlie stuck his head out of the glassless hole.

"I'm your father Bella, of course I can." Angry tears were streaming down my face at this point, as he closed the window and pulled out of the driveway. I saw the small white figure of the cruiser turn at the stop sign on the corner before disappearing completely out of sight.

I screeched in violent protest stomping my way to my truck. I threw the door open with as much force as my anger allowed me and slammed the key into the ignition.

No. No way in hell was I going to therapy. Charlie's the one that needs the therapy if he thinks I'm going down without a fight.

I fought with myself to stop the tears as they continued their moist trails across my cheeks, as I pulled into the parking lot of Fork's high school. I parked in the spot furthest from the building, hoping a bit of a walk would allow me to clear my head.

"Bella!" I didn't stop at the sound of the familiar voice. I didn't need to deal with Mike Newton this early in the morning. God, that's a punishment in itself.

"Bella!" Shut up. I could hear his hurried footfalls approach me from behind at a quickened pace before I felt his arm on my shoulder.

"Bella." He was panting at this point attempting to compose himself before striking up an unneeded conversation.

"Hi, Mike." He smiled at me and dropped his hand from my shoulder.

"How's life Bella?" I shrugged and kept walking; I didn't really trust myself while in such a crappy emotional state.

"You?" I asked diverting the subject toward himself. He happily took the bait droning on and on about the biology homework we had last night.

"It took me at least an hour and a half if not more. It was so difficult! Didn't you think?" I just nodded, the reality was, however, that Mike and I weren't even in the same biology class, but I didn't have the energy to explain that to him.

Mike walked me to my locker before waving goodbye. I shoved my books into the small metal contraption slamming it shut in frustration. _Therapy. _

I leaned my forehead against the cool surface and closed my eyes. I could get through the day. It's just school, and maybe, just maybe, if Charlie saw that I was doing better…that I wasn't freaking out then maybe he could reconsider this whole situation.

"Bad night?" I nodded at the voice afraid to look up. I probably looked like hell

"Life sucks." I answered dragging my hands across my face. He laughed. I turned at the sound. Edward Cullen was leaning up against the locker next to me; his cheeks pulled up into a delicate smile just crooked enough to be perfect.

My heart stuttered and my cheeks became enflamed with embarrassment.

"Edward." He nodded, handing me a piece of paper.

"The principal wants to see you, he told me to give this to you." The principal? Did I do something wrong?

"Am I in some sort of trouble?" Edward shrugged gesturing down the hallway and waving goodbye. I nodded after his retreating form and grabbed my book bag from the floor swinging it up across my shoulder.

--

"Mrs. Cope?" I directed the question toward the small plump woman that sat at the receptionist desk in the administration building. She looked up from her work and gave me a small smile.

"Yes?" She asked gesturing for the paper that was in my hands. She took it from my grasp and slid her glasses over her eyes.

"Ah Ms. Swan. Yes, the Principal will be with you in a few moments, why don't you just have a seat." She pointed to the few waiting chairs to the side of her desk and went back to reading her papers.

The office area was small, barely larger then my bedroom here in Forks. The walls were painted a soft pale and the floors were covered in gray industrial carpeting. I sat in one of three chairs provided to the waiting students and other members of the human race that were subjected to such a torture as Forks High. There was a coffee table with a small potted fern across the room by the large glass double doors.

"Isabella Swan?" I perked up at the mention of my full name.

"I prefer Bella," I responded, standing to face the tall man that was presently waving me toward his general direction.

"Alright, Bella, why don't you step into my office?" I smiled as he held the door open to me, still slightly nervous. Why would I even be here?

He gestured to the seat in front of his desk, as he went to his file cabinet and pulled out a manila envelope with my last name scribbled onto the tab.

"Ms. Swan, yes the Chief's daughter. How is Charlie?" He smiled down at me and I suddenly became more nervous. I didn't want to think about Charlie right now.

"Umm…he's good."

"All's fine and well I presume. Have you gotten used to your schedule yet?" I nodded; it wasn't that difficult of a schedule to memorize.

"Very well then, Bella before we go any further I just want you to know that this visit is not due to bad behavior. I like to welcome the new students that transfer to our high school. Get to connect with them on a more personal level." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and nodded in understanding.

"That's nice." I remarked relaxing into the cloth back of the chair I was seated in. I crossed my legs and put my hands in my lap.

"Yes, I do believe it is important to form faculty-student bonds. It is how I was schooled as a boy, and I believe it could bring some positive values to this institution. Now, how are you liking the campus so far?" He leant back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, a wide grin stretching across his face.

"Uh, well it's much smaller than my school back in Phoenix, but I am getting used to it. The other students have been very welcoming so far. I appreciate it." I replied simply. No need for him to know just how much I actually despised being here.

"Yes, Phoenix. I understand you transferred due to personal reasons, with which I am familiar, but I will not speak to you about. I don't want to upset you." I nodded.

"Yea, could you not tell anyone about that. I don't think I'm ready to share my personal life just yet." I felt really small sitting in this office, talking about my mom as if she was some unfortunate situation. Some circumstance. He still had a slight grin plastered to his face as he continued to nod.

"That can be arranged. The only people that know about this are the rest of the administration staff and myself. You just come tell me when you think you are ready, or have already shared the information." I agreed.

"Now, onto business. Bella, here at Forks High we have two programs for incoming freshman or in your case transfer students. It's called 'Spartans Share' and its formation resembles that of peer mentoring group. Big brother for the boys, and Sisters share for the girls. Each student is assigned an upperclassman that is matched with them based on their interests and academic classes of choice. Since you are already, in fact, a junior, a member of your class has been chosen to be your mentor." I gave him a confused glance? Mentor? Thoughts of therapy hit me like a ton of bricks and my sour mood just became all the more bitter.

"Mentor?" I asked suspiciously? Did Charlie call him? I bet he did. He probably wants the faculty to encourage my choice to take. Stupid father.

"Yes, they are there to answer any questions you might have, they give you tours of the campus and offer tips for homework and such." I sighed, irritated with the situation.

"Is it optional?" I asked.

"No." He responded curtly digging through his files for the paperwork I would need to sign.

"Ah, here it is. Your partner is Ms. Cullen." I dropped my eyes to the paper in front of him, and sure enough little Alice Cullen's baby face and ink black spikes adorned the front of the sheet.

"Have you two met before?" He asked focused on the files in front of him. He pulled out a yellow Post-It note and proceeded to scribble some information down onto it.

"Briefly," I responded, recalling yesterday's incident in the bathroom. This was sure to be an interesting experience.

"Here you are Ms. Swan. Here is the scheduled time and meeting place where you two are supposed to converse and here is your pass to second period. Thank you for your time." He reached over the desk, extending his long fingers. I gripped them gingerly and stood from my desk.

"You may show yourself out; please give Mrs. Cope this form and be prompt to both these scheduled meetings and your next class."

"Yes. Thank you, sir." I stood from my chair and walked out of his office. I made my way over to Mrs. Cope's desk and handed her the signed forms.

"Thank you Bella dear, you may go to class now." I turned away form her desk and began my accent to the hallway, when I slammed face first into something large and heavy that sent me flying on my butt toward the ground.

The object made an attempt at catching me but I still felt the familiar surface of a floor make contact with my butt before I had time to react.

"Ouch. Sorry, sorry, sorry!" I felt two arms pick me up from behind and set me on my feet, and I pushed them away as soon as I was stable.

I turned to give this person a piece of my mind or fist whichever instinct came first, when I noticed just whom it was.

Emmett Cullen.

Dear God, this boy was like a building. I had only seen him once, in the cafeteria during lunch hour yesterday, and even then he looked huge. Now, standing not a foot away from his chest, I felt my confidence dissipate into nothingness.

"S'not your fault. Most people don't notice me." I picked up my backpack from its falling place, making sure nothing had fallen out during my spill.

"You are kinda short." He remarked.

I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Excuse me?" I insisted taking a step closer to him.

"Allow me." The soft voice came from behind me, and I could just make out the slightest flash of blonde hair before Rosalie Hale appeared next to Emmett. She quickly slapped him across the back of the head, taking a similar stance as my own.

"Ow! Rosie!" Emmett protested rubbing at his battered skull.

"Apologize." She commanded pointing to me. I guess we knew who wore the pants in this relationship.

"Sorry, squirt." She glared at him raising her fist and smacking his chest.

"Ms. Hale!" Mrs. Cope chastised moving from behind her desk as if a brawl was about to break out between the two. I guess that wouldn't seem all that impossible for these two.

"Mr. Cullen, are you alright?" I watched as the small woman shoved Rosalie out of the way and began to gesture her hands wildly.

"Are you hurt? I'll go get the nurse." Emmett stopped her with a quick tap to the shoulder.

"I think I'll live, besides I'm used to it by now." He looked over Mrs. Cope's gray head and stuck his tongue out a Rosalie.

"Wouldn't surprise me." I laughed at the situation, and Rosalie smirked.

"Are you sure Emmett? I could get you some ice. You know, abusive relationships are not healthy for young students such as yourself. She turned her icy glare to Rosalie who could barely contain her laughter, her body shaking lightly as she fought for control.

"Now, now why are you two here? Second period started fifteen minutes ago." Emmett formed an 'O' shape with his mouth and reached into his pocket.

"Alice is out today with the flu, doctor's note." He handed it to Mrs. Cope who filed it into a black wire basket on her desk and turned back toward me.

"If Ms. Cullen isn't here, we can reschedule your meeting for some other day." I nodded.

"That would be fine." I responded moving toward her desk as she looked up a copy of Alice's schedule.

"Meeting?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, Alice is my peer, mentor person." I responded. Emmett nodded, and Rosalie snickered slightly.

"Something funny Ms. Hale?" Mrs. Cope snapped, still angry at Rosalie's behavior.

"Nothing, it's just difficult to picture an upperclassman mentoring another upperclassman. It seems pointless, I mean Bella is only here for another year or so before we graduate." Rosalie voiced her opinion, which I ferverently agreed with. Where had this girl been when I was in the principal's office earlier?

"Pointless?" Mrs. Cope stamped her foot and pointed a finger at Rosalie.

"Instead of rescheduling the meeting Bella, Ms. Hale will be your provided replacement. An hour after school today. Please be on time, _both_ of you." Rosalie hissed in protest stealing glances between Emmett and Mrs. Cope.

"Oh, that's not necessary; I can just wait till next week when Alice is feeling better." I promised moving towards the door.

"No, no, no. Of course you'll have your meeting today. Ms. Hale will either be there or serving detention. Either way she will be remaining on campus at least an hour after school ends." With that Mrs. Cope turned back to her desk and sat down.

Rosalie stomped past me with a quick glare to Mrs. Cope's desk and Emmett breezed by me without a single thought, following his girlfriend down the school's hallways.

This afternoon should prove to be interesting.

----

A/N: As always a shout out to my amazing BETA, x0xDrumMajorx0x!!! I luv ya mackie!!! :D :D :D Tell me what you all thought!


	6. Meetings

**A/N: So yea...you probably all want to throw rocks at me for posting this so late. *ducks behind pillow* I am so sorry, I was super busy this week (last week before spring break) but no worries! I am off for the next two weeks! I know you are totally jealous! But this means more writing and fun fun fun! Lots of love to all of those who reviewed the last chapter! Oh, and btw A big shout out to my beta x0x0DrumMajor0x0x, who although didn't get a chance to beta this particular chapter, is still the greatest person on the face of the earth!!!!!! Okay, go forth and read...**

Chapter Five

After fourth hour, I walked to my locker to exchange my books. Not much had transpired since second period, and with the passing of each class period came a whole new wave of dread for my scheduled "mentoring session" with Rosalie. I closed my locker door after retrieving my biology text and lab books, and swung my book bag over my shoulder.

So far the second day of school wasn't proving to be quite as awkward as the first. I had a feel for which routes I would take to each class, and made mental notes of the different faces I met. Who were friendly, and who seemed unapproachable.

Once again, Angela had invited me to sit with her friends during lunch. She caught me just as I was about to enter the cafeteria biting her lip nervously.

"Bella." She put both her hands on my shoulders in order to stop me from walking any further.

"What's up Ange?" I asked, giving her a confused glance.

"Umm." She turned her head to the left, her eyes searching for someone. Once she spotted them she flagged me forward and pointed in their general direction.

"That's Tommy Wilks." She said looking back at me. A tall, slender, dark haired boy was standing with his back to us, talking to one of the girls I recognized from my homeroom. I nodded in understanding, but still held that look of confusion. What did he have to do with me?

I voiced my question.

"He's throwing this huge party in a couple of weeks..the 12th or something along those lines…" She paused, making sure I was still following her line of thought.

"Still not seeing the point." I admitted attempting to move beyond her slight frame into the cafeteria.

"No! Bella," She snapped her fingers in front of my face in order to hold my attention.

"Focus." I huffed in annoyance, placing my hands on my hips.

"How does this person's party concern me?" I asked, hoping she would just stop being so cryptic and give up the answer already.

"Mike is planning to invite you." Mike?

"That's nice of him." I responded voicing my opinion. I stepped around her gesturing to the table we sat at the day before.

She followed dropping her bag underneath her seat and patting the chair next to her. I sat quickly, noticing we were the first to arrive of our group. She leaned toward me and dropped her voice a few decibels.

"As a date, Bella. He's going to ask you to be his _date._"

"Oh." I didn't really know what to say. Mike was nice enough, but I don't really think I could handle being out just yet.

"Why?" I didn't really know Mike, but from what I have gathered he seems too…clingy to be my type.

"I don't know all the details, Tyler told Ben and Ben told me." She reached into her bag and pulled out a sandwich and a drink.

"He likes you," She stated, taking a bite. "But see, this is not the problem." Problem?

"Ange, there's no problem. I'll just tell him I wasn't planning to go." She shook her head feverishly, her action defying every word I had just said.

"It's Mike, Bella. He'll keep pushing you to go with him. He doesn't take the word 'no' very well…it's annoying as hell. Believe me, I would know…but anyway," She collected herself, before continuing to speak. "Jessica wants to go with him, and she and Lauren will make your life miserable if you upset either one of them."

"But I'm not even going Ange, its wont even matter." She sighed.

"Bella, the fact that Mike even looks at you wont sit well with Jessica. Mike never really paid attention to her, even though she throws herself at him at least once a week." She giggled to herself.

Our conversation fell silent after her last remark, and I waited as the empty spaces at the table filled with familiar faces. Ben waved at me as he took his seat across from Angela, leaning over to kiss her cheek softly before setting back into his chair. Lauren and Jessica were the next to file in, Jessica towing an annoyed Mike, Lauren a likewise Tyler.

"I'm just so excited for next Saturday!" Jessica trilled, loud enough to receive attention from the other members of the table.

"Yea, Wilks always throws the sickest parties." Tyler exclaimed, reaching across the table to pound fists with Ben who heartily agreed. Angela rolled her eyes at their comment.

The table fell into a comfortable silence then, everyone enjoying their own lunches. It seemed Lauren and Jessica didn't have anything more to gossip about, and I was happy for the silence. I hadn't seen Rosalie or Emmett since second period, but apparently getting on Rosalie Hale's "bad side" was something to be dreaded, along with the fact that Mike had been staring at me for the better part of the last five minutes. _Shudder._

"She looks pissed." I turned my head at the comment. The last thing I needed was Lauren or Jessica glaring at me from across the table. Fortunately, Ben was staring across the cafeteria; unfortunately, he was staring as none other than Rosalie Hale as she stepped into the lunch line. She had a deep grimace etched into her cheeks and she was glaring at everyone who stole a glance in her direction.

"Yea..She does." I stuttered, dropping my gaze to the burger that sat uneaten on my tray.

"So Bella," I inwardly groaned. Mike had abandoned his 'stare from afar' technique, and had now pushed his chair even closer to mine in an effort to secure my attention.

"Are you doing anything next Saturday?" My mood soured, and Angela gave me a knowing smirk, gesturing for me to answer the question.

"I don't know…why?" I asked, deciding to play dumb. Maybe he would get the hint.

"There's a party down at the beach. It's going to be the upperclassman, and a few sophomores. But it should be fun. Right guys?" He turned to the other members of our table, and Tyler gave him a nod of approval. Lauren glared at him, and Jessica at me.

"Sounds it." I commented.

"So Tommy Wilks, he's a senior," I nodded. "He has invited all the juniors, including you. He throws a party like this every year; his father owns the marina down at the port. They rent out this huge yacht, and there's a DJ and dancing. It's great." The party did sound amazing. I was never really included in anything back in Phoenix, I had no reason to be interested in the parties that were usually thrown by my peers. Renee always wanted me to "try new things" and "explore my teenage years", it was an argument we had constantly, the debacle usually ending in me persuading myself out of the situation by pulling either the drunk driving or the ever-popular teenage pregnancy card. That always got Renee.

"So are you free?" Mike asked pulling me out of my revere. He seemed so happy, so eager for me to answer his question. It made me pause and look back over the few conversations I had held with this guy over the past day and a half. I don't remember expressing any interest other than friendship with Mike in any of them…at least, I _hope_ I didn't make it seem as if I liked him in that way.

"I guess I could go…if you're sure I was invited." I answered after a moment or so, looking up from my meal to the clock on the opposite wall of the cafeteria. Five minutes. Joy.

"Absolutely!" His smile seemed to swallow his entire face, and I awkwardly grinned back. _There is no getting out of this is there?_

"Bella can't come." Lauren, who had been glaring at Mike nearly the entire lunch period, now turned her harsh gaze onto me, the words seething like venom from behind her clenched jaw.

"Excuse me?" I asked, returning her previous glare. I was desperate for a way out of this party, but Lauren didn't have the right to dictate my schedule. She seemed taken aback for a moment or two before regaining her composure.

"It's bring a date. You have to come with a guy." She responded curtly.

I threw Angela a frantic look. She didn't tell me anything about _having _to bring a date! She just mentioned that Mike wanted to ask me… This just proved more complication.

"Oh. Well, … I t-think I could manage." Lauren exchanged an incredulous glance with Jessica, a short huff coming from her mouth, before returning her gaze to me.

"Its in less than two weeks." Lauren stated, picking up her diet coke from the tray in front of her and taking a large swig.

"Your point?" I didn't know where the desire to resist compliance was coming from, but I couldn't seem to bottle up my pent up anger. All the feelings about my conversation with Charlie this morning came flooding back into my mind, and my irritation only seemed to increase. It was one thing when your father takes away your personal freedoms, its their job as a parent…but, this Lauren girl didn't have any sort of hold over my life, she knew nothing about me. Clueless. Just like everyone else.

"Most people already have dates." Jessica responded, while Lauren continued to stare me down. Great…double-teaming me.

"I don't!" Mike practically shouted, jumping out of his seat and pointing frantically to his chest. _Is that really something you want to broadcast their Mike?_

"That's nice." Lauren responded motioning for him to take a seat.

"Look Bella, no one expects you to come to this party. People will understand, you're new." Her tone held an obvious warning, and I didn't feel like putting up with her any longer.

"We won't judge." She finished, reaching once more for her drink.

"That's _nice_ of you, Lauren." My sarcasm seemed to be lost on the girl, as she took notice to the fact that I was preparing to leave.

My chair scraped against the tile of the cafeteria floor, and I reached under the table grabbing my bag and leaving just as the bell rang.

--

My meetings with Alice were scheduled for seventh period on Tuesday's and Thursday's when my gym class did not meet. The Post-It that Mrs. Cope had handed me earlier this morning dictated that these meetings could be held anywhere on campus, and suggested the library, the quad, or the cafeteria. Today's meeting would be held in the cafeteria; seeing as neither Rosalie nor I wanted to broadcast our involvement in the program I was also pleased that the cafeteria provided us with a more private and familiar setting.

I was the first to arrive, followed shortly there after by Rosalie. She led me to her usual lunch table and instructed me to sit. I obliged, sliding my bag underneath my chair and leaning my elbows against the tabletop.

She pulled out a file from her backpack and set it in-between us, folding her hands against the manila surface.

"Now, before we begin this little…meeting, I would just like express my complete and utter distaste for this program." I smiled at the thought, but kept eye-level with the floor.

"Here, here." I commented, mostly to myself, but I think she caught on.

"Now," She reached into her bag and pulled out a notepad and a black ink pen. She quickly scribbled down her name and the date before returning her gaze to me.

I stared questioningly at the paper.

"What's that for?" I asked, my voice thick with curiosity. She just shrugged.

"Alice. She is so upset about missing your first meeting that she is making me take notes. She wants you to call her later tonight, to make sure your still alive." I laughed nervously.

"She shouldn't beat herself up about it. Honestly if she has the flu, I would rather not be in a close proximity to her." Rosalie nodded, opening up the folder.

"Isabella Swan, age 17, transfer." She read my transcript out loud, dictating my grades from freshman year through sophomore year. She seemed disinterested, and that made the event all the more boring for myself. It was slightly alarming being alone with Rosalie. She was rather intimidating, guarded almost.

"You're a good student." Her comment seemed indifferent. "The principal gave me some notes he wanted me to dictate to you," I nodded once, and she proceeded to explain the principals concerns.

She cleared her throat.

"Bella needs more social stability in her life. From reading her folders and meeting her in person, I have come to conclude that such an introverted personality should work on being more open with fellow peers, involving herself with the community, and exploring the work force." Rosalie smirked, stealing a glance at me.

If we were being honest, this guy wasn't the first person to tell me that I seemed rather "anti-social", and it was true. I didn't get out much.

"Not much of a 'party-animal', are we?" She noted, stuffing the sheet of paper back into the file and pushing it aside.

"No, not really." I admitted.

"Any particular reason?" She seemed to be leading the conversation in a more comfortable direction for herself. It was as if she were preparing to interrogate me.

"Never really had the time, saw the point, or cared." I didn't feel the need to go out every weekend, there were people who chose to do so, but I didn't see the action as much of an accomplishment.

"Are you going to Tommy's party next Saturday?" I shrugged.

"If I can find a date." Rosalie smirked.

"Shouldn't be too hard, Newton's probably _dying_ to ask you." She laughed at her comment and I stared at her mortified.

"Oh god, is it that obvious?" Her laughter increased in volume, her blonde hair falling in front of her face. She nodded her head, holding her stomach as if she would burst.

"Mike isn't very suttle about his likes and dislikes. He'll find you charming and perfect, until something new catches his eye." I could see that. "You won't have any trouble, you're smart. Guys like that." I stared at her incredulously. Since when did guys ever go for the smart type?

"Well…when they can handle it, they like the smart type." I sighed, nodding.

"Unfortunately." I remarked, leaning back into my chair.

There was an awkward pause, Rosalie looked back over the notes and I stared at the clock on the wall.

"It says here you should look for a job. I could help you out with that if you want, I know Alice knows loads about who's hiring and such." I smiled.

"Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for." Her face fell, and she turned around in her chair to face the clock.

"Ten more minutes. I think we can pull through." I noted. She blushed at my comment, realizing I had caught her staring at the clock.

"Sorry." She apologized, dropping her gaze to the table.

"S'okay. I don't really want to be here anyway to tell you the truth." She nodded.

"I just find this program so hanous. It's like they automatically associate our age with incompetence." She narrowed her eyes slightly, glaring out a nearby window. Her tone seemed overly offended, and for the first time since I had met her, Rosalie showed a certain speck of vulnerability.

"I'm not a big fan either." I admitted, attempting to keep the conversation light. I wasn't sure if I was more nervous around cold, harsh Rosalie, or angry, vulnerable Rosalie.

Rosalie, from what I had observed thus far, seemed to be a very analytical personality. She sees the world through many points of view, and isn't afraid to be honest about her feelings. She knows that she is intimidating, and she uses that aspect of her being to her advantage.

She was very intriguing, and I felt a sense of comfort from realizing that I wasn't the only person in the world who was suffering, however selfish a thought that might seem.

"So tell me a little bit about yourself Rosalie." I gestured to her form, and she, in response, removed her death glare from the window, her eyes falling to my face. She smirked slightly, taking in a deep breath.

"What do you want to know?" She seemed more relaxed at the moment; the subject of herself was one she took confidence in.

"Anything, we have five minutes." She laughed, nodding her head in agreement.

"That we do. Okay…where should I start?" She paused to gather her thoughts.

"How about from the beginning." I suggested.

"Well, I was born in Denali, Alaska to my parents John and Loretta Hale on December 3rd, 1991. I have a twin, Jasper, best big brother ever." She smiled to herself, taking a few moments to ponder past memories. Her smile widened, and with bright eyes she began to recount her life.

"When I was five, my mother took me to an audition for a toothpaste commercial and I landed the role. It was very exciting." I laughed at the little anecdote, she continued on in an almost trance like state.

"Since then, I have done four commercials, and have worked runway for some local designers here in the Port Angeles area." I couldn't help but be jealous, and it didn't help that Rosalie knew my train of thought.

"I moved to Forks the summer before my freshman year of high school." She stated.

"When did you meet Emmett?" I asked, keeping the flow of conversation going. _Two more minutes._

She laughed at my question. "Well, about a month after school started, I met Edward at the local book shop. I was there purchasing books for classes, he was actually buying books for fun." She looked baffled by the thought of reading for any other purpose then the assigned schoolwork. I was intrigued, most teenage boys didn't indulge themselves in the pastime. Reading for me was like my second world; books allowed me the chance to break away from reality.

"We got to talking, and a week later we went out on our first date." I was shocked. Rosalie actually dated Edward?

"We weren't official or anything, Edward wasn't the kind of guy to boast about his dates. He just…had them.

After our third date, Edward brought me over to his house to meet Alice and Emmett. We were going to have a "triple date", I set up Jasper with Alice and Emmett was going with Jessica Stanley." She paused making sure I was still following along. When I gave her a nod to continue she sucked in a deep breath before starting up the story once more.

That had to be the worst night of my life. Edward wasn't very talkative, and Alice and Jasper just stared at each other the whole time. The freaks." She giggled at her comment.

"And Jessica! Don't even get me started…she was throwing herself all over Emmett. I wanted to strangle her. She is so desperate, an embarrassment to the female species!" _Agreed._

"Anyway, long story short, I broke things of with Edward. He was fine with it; Edward got bored fairly easily and had moved on shortly after our break up. I asked Emmett out a few days later, and we have been together ever since." She sighed, her eyes glazing over as she finished her story.

"Sorry to bore you with all of this." She apologized, beginning to pack up her things. We had gone a few moments over with the time, but I was happy to listen. As long as the focus was on Rosalie and not myself, I was comfortable.

"Thanks so much for all of your help Rosalie." She shrugged it off.

"It's no problem, just not how I planned on spending my Tuesday afternoon." I understood. I wouldn't be very happy about the situation if our positions were switched.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow Bella. My numbers in the folder if you need anything." I nodded and watched as she exited through the cafeteria doors.

--

I got home shortly after four o'clock, Charlie hadn't made an appearance yet so I put some bread in the toaster and started my Trig homework at the kitchen table.

It was raining outside—again—the light droplets creating tracks against the glass of the kitchen window.

My toast popped, so I reached back behind my head and grabbed the warmed bread, taking a few bites.

The warm substance reminded me of home. It was my tiny bit of warmth since leaving Phoenix behind. I sighed, punching more buttons into my calculator.

Today had been an interesting day, I felt like I was on a roller coaster…

I took another bite.

The ringing sound of the telephone blared in my ear, and I nearly fell out of my seat trying to calm myself. I walked over to the counter, picking up the device and holding it to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't Charlie. We weren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment.

"Hi, I'm looking for Bella Swan. Is she home by any chance?" The familiar trilling of bells sounded in my ear as she finished her sentence. Alice. I was supposed to call her.

"This is Bella. Alice?" I heard her giggle on the other end and some shuffling in the background.

"Yup! It's me! I just wanted to call and make sure your meeting with Rose went okay. I'm really sorry I couldn't be there today,"

"No, Alice. It's fine, you were sick, I understand. And the meeting with Rosalie was fine."

"Fine." She repeated the word to herself, mimicking my tone. "You sound upset, Bella. Are you okay?"

I sighed. I was I really that much of an open book…and over the phone?

"I'm alright, just a little overwhelmed." I admitted twirling the spiral phone chord around my fingers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I didn't need this to turn into a mentoring session over the phone. I really didn't

"Not really." I stated.

"Oh." There was a moment of awkward pause, before I decided to salvage whatever conversation we were having.

"Umm…Rosalie mentioned something about a job?" I heard her gasp and then more shuffling in the background.

"Alice…what are you doing?" She giggled once more, her voice ringing happily into my ear.

"Sorry, I have all your paperwork spread out over my bed. Just trying to find…GOT IT!"

"Great. Thanks so much for doing this Alice." I thanked her; because I knew that she wasn't just doing this to be nice, she was doing this because she cared.

"For what, Bella? We haven't even had a real "meeting" yet." I sighed, that may be true, but still, she helped me out when she didn't have to.

"So there are a few stores in town that are hiring if you're interested in retail?" I shrugged to myself, leaning my weight against the counter.

"Hmm…maybe…" I didn't particularly care as far as the job that I would get. Whatever paid the bills, I didn't want to depend on Charlie for anything, and I needed to start adding to my college fund.

"Or…you could teach wind surfing down at the beach?" I laughed out loud. Me? Wind surfing? That was funny.

"Guess not then." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Well…do you have anything I could do that involves kids?" I asked, kids I could handle. Wind surfing I could not.

"Oh! I have the perfect job for you Bella! Babysitting!" I let out a relaxed sigh.

"That would be so perfect, Alice." I heard the click of the front door lock, and then watched as Charlie emerged in the foyer. He didn't look up to see me standing in the kitchen, he just hung up his gun belt and threw his jacket on a nearby hook.

"Bella," was his greeting, before retreating to his sofa in the living room. I sneered, as he turned away from me, still sore about our argument this morning.

"Bella? Bella!" I jumped at the sound, I had forgotten Alice was on the phone and quickly apologized.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying Alice?" She sighed dramatically.

"I was _saying_ that I know the best family!"

"Really? That's great. Who?"

"Me! Well, Edward actually. Wouldn't that be fun?" I swallowed nervously.

"Yea. Fun."

----

A/N: I want to know, do you like my interpretation of Rosalie. I didn't want to make her seem like a total bitch, but I still wanted to keep true to her character. Thoughts? Please Review it means more than you will ever know!

P.S. ILY MACKIE!!!!!


	7. An Opportune Distraction

**A/N: Here is the next chapter! I am super excited about this one, and the one that follows!!!! EEEKKK! So this one is somewhat shorter then the others, but I am very happy with it. Tell me what you think. ~Lauren**

Chapter Six

"_I was saying that I know the best family!" _

"_Really? That's great. Who?" _

"_Me! Well, Edward actually. Wouldn't that be fun?" I swallowed nervously. _

"_Yea. Fun."_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Oh my gosh, Bella, it will be so much fun! We would see each other all the time, and Esme! Esme is just going to love you Bella, she would really appreciate the extra help. And of course we would pay you just like any other job…maybe I could persuade Esme t-"

"Alice! Calm down. I have to think." This is too much, too fast.

"Oh, sorry."

"S'okay."

I took a few minutes to collect myself, Alice waiting patiently. Could I see myself working for Edward? I barley knew him, but then again that wasn't the problem. The problem was that he barley knew me. He would never be able to trust anyone, let alone me, to take care of his child. Alice had to know that. I hoped she wasn't just humoring me with this seemingly impossible idea. An opportune distraction.

"Why don't you think it over and e-mail me later. I'll definitely be at school tomorrow, and I'll ask Esme and Edward tonight."

"What?! I-I don't want to impose on your family, Alice."

I've never had to rely on anybody in my entire life? I was always the one to take care of Renee; I was the adult in our relationship. Alice was taking my place, she was reaching out to me, but I just couldn't find a reason to let go of the past.

"Pssh. Bella, please. You are my friend, you would not be imposing. Besides, Edward knows you, and I know Esme and Carlisle are going to absolutely adore you. Besides, you have Rosalie's approval." I blanched, completely shocked.

"Rosalie? But…you talked to her?"

"Yup, she talked to me about an hour ago. She's here right now; we just got done with dinner."

"Rosalie is there?"

"Mmm hmmm. She's always here; she and Emmett are practically inseparable these days. Jasper's here too. Say hi Jazz!" Jazz?

"Hi Bella." The male voice came crystal clear through the receiver.

"Oh, hi." He chuckled. My thoughts raced back to fifth period on Monday. The first time I laid eyes on the Cullens. Jasper…Rosalie's twin?

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Jasper." I nodded, pushing myself away from the counter and taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"It's nice to meet you too." I answered, resting my forehead against my cool palm.

"Alice tells me you moved here from Arizona. How's the weather adjustment?" I laughed.

"You get used to it after a while." I answered simply. Forks, wasn't 'Forks' without the rain. It was like Phoenix without the sun, an oxymoron.

"Bella, it's getting late, you've been on the phone for almost an hour." Charlie's voice echoed through the small kitchen, and I sighed looking at the clock.

"Hey, Jasper? Is Alice still there?" He laughed, handing her the phone.

There was a momentary pause, before her familiar voice returned.

"I'm here. So do you want me to talk to my family?" I took a deep breath.

"Sure, Alice. Thanks. I have to go, feel better." We exchanged our goodbyes and I placed the phone back into its holder.

"Who was that on the phone?" Charlie asked, coming through the doorway. He leaned his weight against the far wall and took in my appearance at the table. I felt so small under his penetrating stare. He knew I was hurting, we both were.

"A friend." I responded curtly, turning my attention back to my math homework.

After a few moments pause, Charlie pulled the chair out across from me and folded his arms on the table.

"Is this how it's going to be Bells? You gonna give me these one word answers?"

"That was two words." I answered coldly, running my hands through my hair.

"You're attitude isn't helping your case in the least." He responded angrily, squaring his shoulders. I didn't need him to go 'cop-mode' on me.

"My case? Seriously, dad, I don't need anyone to tell me I'm in pain. Nothing is going to bring mom back." I didn't have the energy to cry, although that's all I was good for these days.

"It couldn't hurt, Bella." He reasoned, reaching an arm across the table and taking my small hand in his. I wanted to pull my hand away from him, I really did. This seemingly insignificant gesture seemed so foreign. It made me nervous. How much was this really hurting him?

"I miss her dad." I admitted, letting a few tears slip past my grasp. He nodded, squeezing my hand.

"Me too, honey." My head was throbbing, and I felt like I was being continuously pressed down with an immense amount of weight. I felt hopeless.

It was only my second day back at Forks High, only my third day here in Washington. Everything seemed to hit me all at once. my life was coming together here; something I never expected to find. I wasn't ready for this; a life shouldn't be possible without Renee. It was improbable.

For so long, my life was that little yellow house on the corner, the one with the giant cactus and the red basketball hoop that went unused. The one I had known since I was seven, the one that _she_ ran to. It was Renee's safe haven after the divorce; it was my place to heal, to grow. Something I was never able to do in Forks.

I can't let that feeling of normalcy sink in here. I can't get used to this. What happens if we have to move, or I lose Charlie…? I was so overwhelmed.

"I called the hospital today, got the number of their therapist, Dr. Weber. He wants to meet you sometime next week, Bella."

I stayed silent, not wanting to fight with Charlie. The dull ache in my head was becoming too painful to handle. I needed to sleep, to think.

"Its late, do you want to order in? I can call for Chinese." He asked, pushing himself away from the table and reaching for the phone.

"No." I answered picking up my books and heading for the stairs.

"I think I'm just going to go to sleep, dad." I walked away from the kitchen, cradling my textbooks to my chest, and heading for the stairs.

"I just want to help, Bells." I heard him whisper, just as I closed my bedroom door.

---

The next morning passed in a complete blur. I refused to think, to feel. I felt like a ghost in my own body, separate from reality. Charlie had left early, as he explained in the yellow Post-It note I found next to the toaster. I got ready quickly, my body just running through the motions. After throwing on some jeans and a blue sweater I walked out into the light morning drizzle and pulled myself into the cab of my truck.

I felt empty on the drive to school, more so than usual. Things just seemed to pass by without my notice. The teachers, being well informed, left me alone. The students, just sat and stared, I wasn't focused enough to actually realize or care. Angela and Mike passed me in the hall with smiles and small waves. I just kept walking. I felt so dead.

By the time lunch rolled around, I found myself back at my locker occupying my time with organizing my books and finishing up some last minute homework. I didn't want to see anyone at the lunch table today, and I doubt anyone really wanted to be around me.

"Hey Bella!" I sighed.

"Hi." I answered rather monotonously. I really didn't have the energy to deal with Mike Newton right now. My obvious need to be alone was completely lost on him. In an attempt to divert his attention, I kept my eye contact alternating between my books and the contents of my locker.

"So I was wondering if you had thought anymore about the party. I know that it's kind of last minute," I noticed in my peripheral vision that he leaned his body weight against the locker next to mine, "but still it would be really fu-"

"I haven't really had a lot of time to think about it." I answered curtly, closing my locker door and heading toward the biology wing.

"Where are you headed? Sixth doesn't start for another twenty minutes." I nodded at his observation.

"I'm not really hungry Mike." I answered, not stopping as I continued toward the lab.

"Oh come on, you have to eat something." I felt his hand wrap around my elbow, rotating my body to face him.

"No thanks." I seethed, pulling my arm out of his grasp, which seemed to annoy him. Good.

"Seriously, Bella." I opened my mouth to say something worthy of suspension, when I felt another hand on my shoulder.

"Seriously, Newton. I think she'd rather be left alone." The sound of the voice sent a shiver down my spine, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I heard Mike huff in annoyance, obviously less then pleased with Edward's appearance.

"Cullen, we were just talking," Mike explained, looking to me for confirmation of his excuse.

"I have homework to finish, Mike," I stated, turning from the both of them, and walking into Mr. Banner's classroom.

I took my usual seat at the back of the room and laid out my unfinished homework. _How is it possible for one person to be so oblivious? _This party seemed less and less exciting by the moment.

The warning bell rang just moments after I had completed my final lab questions, and I noticed Edward take his seat next to me.

I cleared my work away from his side of the table, arranging it into somewhat of an organized blob that was currently sitting atop my lab workbook.

"Thanks." I whispered to Edward just as Mr. Banner walked into the room. He smiled at me, shrugging.

"Newton can be a bit of an ass." I laughed, agreeing with him. _That was an understatement. _I subconsciously rubbed my arm where he had so inappropriately grabbed me.

"You finish that homework?" He asked, keeping the conversation light.

"Yes, thankfully." I sighed.

"That's good." He concluded, folding his arms into his lap.

Mr. Banner's lecture today covered the principles behind the Mitosis lab we completed with our assigned partners yesterday, and foreshadowed the next section that would cover Meiosis. Edward remained quiet and studious during the period, and I played with my pen to pass the time. So far the material we had been covering in a majority of my classes I had already learned back in Phoenix. I was utterly bored and I couldn't help but let my mind travel.

The bell rang a few moments later, and I silently gathered my books into my arms and dropped my lab at the front desk. Edward followed, offering to walk me to my final class of the day.

"Alice talked to me last night." He stated matter-of-factly, swiveling gracefully through the crowded hallways as blurs of students passed us by. I ducked my head slightly embarrassed with the situation.

"Oh, yea?" I asked lamely keeping eye contact with the off-white linoleum tiles as we inched closer toward the gym.

"She mentioned being your peer mentor. I didn't realize she was involved in the program." He noted, slowing his pace. We stopped in front of the locker room door, and he stole a quick look at the clock.

"She proposed the idea of you babysitting for Andy. Would you still be interested?" He asked, his face slightly hard to read. I knew that it must be hard for him to place the care of his son into the hands of anyone other than his family. I nodded.

"Well than, Alice invited you over to the house tonight so you can meet everyone. Esme's making lasagna, Andy's favorite." I smiled.

"That was awfully nice of them." He returned my smile.

"I have to work till about nine o'clock tonight, but I was wondering if we could maybe sit down and talk once I got back. I want to trust you Bella, I really do." I nodded, understanding.

"Of course. What time should I be over?"

He pulled a slip of paper from his bag. Alice's dainty handwriting covered a majority of the front face.

"Around five. Alice left you a note and driving directions." He looked once more at the clock, realizing we had a little less than two minutes to get to class.

"I have to head to class, but I'll see you later tonight." I nodded smiling to myself.

"Thanks, Edward." He grinned crookedly, walking down the hall.

After collecting myself, I pushed through the locker room door and dressed for gym.

----

I pulled up to the large white house, symbolic in its sheer massiveness, with a nervous smile on my face. Alice seemed nice enough, and she was very helpful with the whole job situation. Babysitting for the Cullens couldn't be that bad, and if it was a way to win some sort of trust with Edward, I was all for it. I parked my truck, hopping out and hearing the familiar _crash_ of the driver side door as it slammed into place.

I walked timidly up to the front door rapping on it quietly and ringing the doorbell once. I heard muffled voices and movement before Alice appeared with a huge smile tugging at the edges of her cheeks. I returned the gesture as she pulled me into an astonishingly tight hug.

"Bella!" She greeted happily after removing her iron grip from around my neck. She slung an arm around my shoulders grabbing my bag and setting it in the nearest closet.

She led me past the foyer into a beautifully brilliant white and glass room. It seemed as if the entire north-facing wall didn't even exist, there was so much of a spectacular view.

"Wow." I gasped, taking a step forward as I attempted to gather my thoughts. The mere sight of this house caused me to lose all ability to form complete sentences.

"Mi casa es su casa!" She proclaimed gesturing to the expanse that was her home.

"It's amazing Alice." I complimented. She smiled with a slight nod. At least she knew how lucky she was. I think their hall closet was bigger than my bedroom…

"Bella I am so excited you decided to come over! It means a lot to the family." She grinned.

"No problem, you have been such a great friend. I am glad I can return the favor." She giggled, plopping down on the couch and patting the seat next to her.

"Esme, I am leaving for work. I'll be back around nine!" I heard rushed footfalls ascending the stairs, and turned to face the only person who could ever make a sound so beautiful.

"See ya soon big bro!" Alice called flipping through a fashion magazine. Edward gave me a brilliant smile as he came toward me.

"Hey, Bella." He greeted with a small wave before he grabbed his jacket and keys from the end table beside me and vanished out the front door.

"Andy's upstairs, he just woke up about ten minutes ago. He should be down soon," Alice said. I nodded in response.

Alice flipped through the channels one by one at lightening speed until she finally settled on a local news network. I heard what I assumed to be Esme's voice, before seeing a lovely woman appear from the top of the stairs. Her long caramel hair fell in soft waves around her cheeks and past her shoulders, and she held little Andy close to her as she took the stairs two by two.

She seemed to dance over toward us; she had such grace, before setting her grandson down on the floor in front of Alice.

"Ally!" Andy exclaimed happily reaching his hands up above his head. She smiled tossing the remote control onto the couch and grabbing him to set him in her lap.

That's when I got a good look at this beautiful child. He had bronze hair just like his father-that unusually thick shade of deep red that befuddled even my mind, and the brightest green colored irises I had ever seen. Nothing like Edward's more pronounced dark green, but a light almost lime green…he was so captivating.

"Andy, this is Bella. Can you say hi?" Esme cooed. I smiled waving an arm. He gurgled in response grabbing at my fingers.

"Hi, Andy!" I played with his tiny hands while Alice continued to bounce him in his lap.

"Be-ll-da" He pronounced, and I giggled at his name for me tousling his thick head of hair.

"I think he likes you." Alice whispered as we watched the little boy interact with me for the first time. I sighed. Finally, something to smile about.

**A/N: Anyone recognize the prologue???? :P Also a great big thank you to my beta, x0xDrumMajorx0x! I love her so much guys she got this chapter done in only a few hours! :D Please review, it inspires me.**

**Spoilers Chapter Seven:**

**Dinner with the cullen's, edward and bella talk, Andy**


	8. Andy

**A/N: I, am in a _really_ happy mood right now. Even though I haven't updated in what feels like forever, I have completed a chapter (with the help of my amazing a** Beta x0xDrumMajorx0x) A 7000 + word chapter...yea...that's about twenty pages. I hope you all love me! :P Just kidding. Please Review, I think this just might be my favorite chapter that I have written thus far. (So far its a tie with chapter three) You decide how you like it and drop me a review if it pleases you! ~Lauren **

Chapter Seven

Being in the Cullen mansion has officially been marked as one of the more surreal experiences I have stumbled upon in my lifetime. Just under my first day of high school and followed shortly by my countless trips to the emergency room…_shudder._

The high vaulted ceilings and immaculate pale white walls that framed the structure made the interior core seem endless in its expanse. Alice offered me a tour shortly after my arrival and that familiar sense of inferiority that I find so common, especially around the Cullens, made my stomach churn with awe as we passed from room to room.

Of course, one would expect with Dr. Cullen being a doctor that the family would live comfortably, but it seemed almost impossible to take in each intricate and personal detail that Esme had put into this house, their home.

I constantly found the need to catch my breath as I passed each doorway, Alice dancing along with a content Andy in her arms.

"And this is my room," She paused pushing open the slightly ajar, dark mahogany door and flicking on a nearby light switch. My eyes immediately fixed upon the electric green wallpaper and the hot pink headboard that framed her pillow covered, king size mattress.

She smiled at my stunned expression, giggling at the small 'o' that my mouth had formed.

"Well go on." She urged with a small shove to the shoulder, pushing the door open further to reveal more of her personal haven.

"Shoes." She warned, once we had stepped inside the door, and I immediately kicked off my worn out converse and slid my sock covered feet into the thick, cream-colored carpeting that blanketed the large space.

"So what do you think?" She asked eagerly, setting Andy down and allowing him to crawl as he pleased about the bedroom.

"There aren't words," I teased, resting my hand against a nearby wall. She shrugged, seemingly indifferent.

She threw open a set of double doors that I hadn't yet noticed, due to the fact that were on the wall behind me, and disappeared into their confines. I heard some tugging noises and a small crash before she emerged with a large, pink beanbag that she set near the foot of her bed.

"Sit. Sit. Sit." She ordered, pushing me lightly onto the soft chair. I landed dramatically, hoping to earn a response from the bronze haired toddler that was my new fascination. Andy smiled at the gesture, to my great enjoyment, showing off a toothless, little crooked grin that left me stunned beyond words.

"He's such a charmer that one," Alice remarked, cooing at Andy where he sat half way in between the two of us.

Alice plopped down onto the plush carpeting, pulling an oversized pillow with her and hugging it to her body.

"So, how's life?" She asked, as we both observed the tiny toddler crawling around the room.

"Interesting." I said, grinning madly as Andy pulled apart Alice's nearby bookshelf. I dodged a copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ and a few fashion magazines before Alice finally realized what he's up to.

"Hey, you!" She screeched playfully, grabbing lightly at his sides until the room was pierced with high-pitched laughter.

"Ally!" He pleaded, patting at her ticklish fingers as they dance across his belly.

"You stay out of there mister!" She scolded, planting a wet kiss on his cheek and pulling him onto her lap.

"He's adorable, Alice. Thank you so much for inviting me over tonight." She smiled widely, reaching across Andy's tiny body and enveloping me in an awkward one-armed hug.

"Of course, Bella. I wouldn't have it any other way." She admitted, allowing Andy to play with her little finger as she smiled down at him.

I felt comfortable with Alice, and in a way that was overpowering and slightly intimidating. She was such an incredible personality, so full of life and sincerity. It was hard to imagine anything or anyone bringing down her crazy, uplifted attitude.

She ran her dainty fingers through Andy's bronzed curls and he sighed in content, smiling goofily up at his Ally.

"How old is he?" I asked, curiously. She patted his head, kissing it softly.

"He'll be exactly nine months on the eighth!" She exclaimed excitedly, tickling his sides. He cooed happily at her, flailing his arms all around.

The resemblance between Edward and Andy was almost uncanny. I imagine this is what Edward looked like as a toddler, but slightly more reserved.

"He looks so much like Edward." I whispered, mostly to myself as I watched her interact so comfortably with him.

She smirked, eyeing me a bit. "Yea, he does," She pushed some of her spiky black hair behind her ear and bit her lip as if she were attempting to refrain from saying something.

"What?" I asked, questioning her playful smirk.

"Do you have a thing for my brother?" She asked, nudging my knee with her foot and grinning madly.

"No." I answered too fast, struggling to find the right words. "I mean, he's nice…but," I lost my train of thought, and blushed furiously ducking my head toward the floor.

"But...?" She asked, fishing for more information. Such a gossip.

"He has Andy, and I…um…never mind." I said, my voice quieting ever so slightly as my thoughts drifted back to Phoenix.

"Come on, Bella? Its just Edward." I stayed silent at her comment, bidding away the tears that so desperately wanted to fall. "Or is it?" She scooted closer to me, placing her small hand atop my own. Andy sat happily oblivious to the tense atmosphere, sucking on his fingers and pulling at the soft carpet.

"It's nothing." I assured her, giving her a small smile.

"You know you can talk to me, Bella. What good am I for if not a good rant?" She smirked, hoping to lighten the mood.

"You don't want to hear about all my problems, Alice." She shrugged, patting my hand.

"You have to talk to someone. Why not me?" I studied her for a moment, willing myself to fight back. But I couldn't. And it's not because I wanted to pour my heart out to this girl, to tell her everything, to somehow lift this unneeded weight from my shoulders. It was my burden to bear, and talking wouldn't fix anything. Renee will still be cold and lifeless, Charlie will still be sad and worrisome, and I will still be reserved and haunted. I just had to deal.

"Please Bella, I promise I won't tell anyone. Not even Rose." Could I really open up right now? Would I let myself risk my precious trust? It's all I had, the only thing I haven't lost.

"I don't know if I can." I admitted, curling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin against them. Alice took both of my hands in hers and searched my face for some kind of answer, I guess she found it, because her once cheerful expression faltered under my gaze and I let one lonesome tear slip through my control.

We were both startled then by a loud knock on the bedroom door. Rosalie's smooth voice echoed through the large space as she twisted the knob free, exposing my vulnerable state. I curled in on myself attempting to mask my tears.

Her steps fell slow and steady as she padded her bare feet against Alice's carpeted floor. Andy raised his arms up upon seeing Rosalie's tall form and repeatedly opened and closed his fists as a sign to be picked up.

"Rosie!" He trilled, bouncing on the floor. I wanted to smile, as Rosalie's slender form bent down in between Alice and me to scoop Andy up and cradle him on her hip, but I couldn't find the will too.

"Jeez…who died?" She spoke breaking the silence and plopping herself down onto the bed near Alice.

I chocked back a small sob at her words, and Alice squeezed my hands in recognition. She had tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks.

"Was it your mom, honey?" She asked, her throat thick as I nodded my head. The tears were falling freely now and Rose sharply inhaled at my confession.

"Oh my god…Bella, I'm so, so sorry!" She set Andy down on the floor and knelt down beside me wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I just continued to break down, shuddering harshly against Rosalie's loose grip. Alice stood suddenly walking over to a cream colored box on her wall. Her slight body covered the device, and my blurred vision served me no help in depicting its purpose.

She pressed a button on the device and the resounding hum of voices danced into the silent room.

"Jazz," She chocked, feverishly wiping at her cascading tears. There was a rustling noise and light footsteps before his voice was heard loud and clear throughout the room.

"Alice? Are you okay?" He sounded so panicked, and I recognized a new voice, Emmett, echoing Jasper's sentiment.

"Um…not exactly, could you guys come and take Andy for a few minutes." I heard heavy foot falls on the stairs, and pressed my face into my knees to hide the falling tears. Rose gripped my shoulders a little tighter, reaching across my body to grab the lime green afghan from the base of Alice's bed. She wrapped it around my shoulders, giving me a comforting squeeze.

There was a frantic knock on Alice's door, before Emmett's large form appeared in the doorway, shadowed by Jasper who stood just behind him. Alice's face was still fresh with tears as she handed the giggling toddler over and asked for a few moments alone. I could feel Emmett's gaze bore past Rosalie to where I sat on the floor, but before he had a chance to question my appearance Rose threw him daggers, a warning to back off.

"Dinner will be ready in a half hour." He whispered before closing the dark door behind him.

The second the door was closed Alice was back in front of me with a box of tissues and a pink pillow. She grabbed both my hands in hers and brushed my bangs away from my sticky face.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, earning an incredulous glance from Alice.

"What do you have to be sorry for, Bella?" She asked, squeezing my fingers.

"I didn't tell you. I have been keeping it to myself since I got here…I thought that if I didn't talk about it…I-" Alice shook her head and pulled me into her small embrace.

"Talking is the only thing that will get you through this, acceptance, even though it may seem impossible and unfathomable at the moment it is what's going to bring you out of this. Believe me." I suddenly felt guilty for having not mentioned something to Alice sooner. After all, she lost _both_ her parents. She would've known how to help.

"Is that why you moved here with your father?" Rose asked, gently pulling her fingers through my dark locks. It was soothing. I nodded, and Alice sniffled a little.

"Don't cry Alice, it's not your fault." I whispered attempting to deter her falling tears. She just shakes her head at my comment and the tears continue to fall.

"I know that, Bella. But, you shouldn't have had to go through this alone; I would have talked to you. Is…is that why you were crying that first day? You know, in the girls bathroom?" I nodded, and she rubbed my arms.

"How long ago did it happen?" Rose whispered, almost as if she were afraid she had struck a nerve with her questioning.

"A little over a month." I said, looking into her bright blue eyes. Both Alice and Rose had blue eyes, usually so full of vibrancy and life, and now clouded by my misfortune.

"Oh, honey." I saw her swipe at a few fallen tears, the first I have ever seen Rosalie express such emotion. It meant a lot that she was here with me.

"My dad wants me to see a therapist." I admitted, swiping a Kleenex under both eyes to catch the remaining tears. "Dr. Weber." I saw Alice smile gently, at my words.

"Dr. Weber is a great grief counselor. I saw him when I first moved in with Carlisle and Esme. Edward still visits him once and a while, especially after Andy's birth and Addi-" She paused, taking a minute to collect her thoughts.

"Have you heard about Addie?" Rose asked finishing Alice's thought. I nodded, blushing lightly.

"Lauren Mallroy brought up the subject of Andy the first day." I admitted feeling utterly ridiculous. It was just three days ago that I watched these two girls from afar and looked upon Andy as some unfortunate circumstance. It wasn't fair.

"Figures." Rose laughs, breaking the somber tension of the room. I wriggled my shoulders a little, signaling the need for some space and they both sat back on to the carpet, our three bodies forming a small circle.

"It's so sad. Poor Andy, poor Edward." I said, pulling the afghan from my shoulders and folding it against my chest, the warmth of the cloth soothing me into a more relaxed state.

"Addie was an important part of all our lives; Edward really loved her. That's why it's so hard for him to let any other women come into his life. He feels like he's betraying her even by befriending other girls. That's why we were so surprised when he kept mentioning you at home." Alice admitted, smiling to herself.

"Really? He…talks about me?" Rose giggled as a soft blush made its way onto my cheeks.

"Oh yea. It's weird. I mean," Rose stumbled over her explanation hoping not to sound offensive. "After Addie's death, it was hard for him to even be around Alice and Esme let alone me. Emmett didn't bring me back around the house until Andy turned four months old." I blanched, slightly shocked at her confession.

"So, should I not even be here?" I asked, thinking that if Rosalie, one of his good friends, had trouble regaining his trust that Edward should have never given me the time of day that first conversation in Mr. Banner's class.

"In theory," Rose smirked, nudging my knee. "But he trusts you, he knows your safe and that you wouldn't do anything to hurt Andy or him." Alice shot her a look, to which Rose just shrugged.

"What do you mean…so that I won't hurt _him_?" I asked her. She just gave me a look as if the answer was so obvious. Alice in somewhat of a hurried frenzy to change the subject grabbed a small remote off her nightstand and turned on the silver stereo atop her dresser.

'Circus', by Britney Spears blared through its small speakers, and Alice and Rose immediately began to dance around singing to the lyrics.

Alice grabbed a hairbrush off her dresser and tossed it to Rose, taking a bright pink highlighter for herself. Alice pulled me up off the floor handing me bottle of hair spray. They put their respective objects to their lips and began to sing the lyrics loudly and horribly off key.

"I'm like the ring leader, I call the shots." Rosalie shook her hips, her blonde hair cascading in waves as she danced around the room. I smirked at her, and she pointed to Alice as if they choreographed the whole song.

"I'm like a fire cracker, I make it hot." Alice chirped prancing around the room in her pixie-esque style. Then they both pointed to me and against my better judgment I sang the next lyric.

"I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins! Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break! I'm a performer the dance floor is my stage!" They both whooped and cat called as I jumped about happily, letting myself be free for the first time in weeks. I felt truly content in that moment, like nothing could bring me down. I didn't feel resentful of my father for suggesting counseling, I didn't hold a grudge against the peer mentoring program and Forks High, and I was extremely elated to have really found a place among the students at my new school, to have found friends, when I expected to find nothing.

Alice's high-pitched trill broke through the chorus of the song and the three of us collapsed against her bed panting and out of breath.

A crackling noise interrupted the smooth beat of the stereo and Rosalie raced over to the intercom just as Esme's quiet voice drifted through the speakers.

"If you girls are ready, dinner will be done in about five minutes. Jasper has decided to stay Rosalie, you're welcome if you would like." Rose looked back over at Alice who was grinning madly from ear to ear and gave a swift nod.

"Of course, Esme!" She stated happily, saying that we would be down in a few.

"I hope there's enough." Rose remarked, coming to stand behind me and running her former microphone through my tangled waves.

"Oh _pa-_lease, you two practically live here, she always makes more then five servings." I smiled, thinking how Charlie would react if I invited these two around more often.

"You and Jasper hang around here a lot?" I questioned as she finished with my hair and fished around on Alice's dresser for some mascara.

"Every day, it helps that our Alice and Emmett live here. Besides, I need my daily Andy fix." Rose insisted, grinning happily.

"Come on, I want food." Alice trilled throwing open her bedroom door and hitting pause on the stereo.

--

Emmett and Jasper greeted their girlfriends the second we stepped down the stairs. Alice giggled madly throwing herself at Jasper's lean body. He caught her with ease, kissing her spikes and setting her on her feet.

Emmett greeted Rosalie in a similar fashion, except instead of Rose running to him he ran to her and grabbed her cheeks pulling her face to his. I giggled at their enthusiasm for one another and stepped around them as Alice led me toward the dining room.

"Hi Bella. I'm Jasper." I paused once we got to the dining room table, reaching a hand out to grab Jasper's. We had met over the phone last night, but this seemed more official. His hand was warm as it wrapped around mine and I felt an amazing sense of calm come over me.

Jasper pulled out Alice's chair before seating himself next to her. I pulled out the chair on the other side of him and folded my hands in my lap. A few moments later Rosalie and Emmett decided to join the rest of the table both grinning like fools, it took everything I had not to laugh at their expressions as they took their places across from us.

"Hey squirt!" Emmett greeted me reaching his fist across the table. I gave him an incredulous look before making a fist with my hand and bumping it against his.

"She's cool. I approve." I gawked at him and Rosalie smacked him across the back of the head.

"She needs no _approval_. Besides, that's Alice and my job." She smiled at me showing off her brilliant white teeth; Alice mirrored her smile and reached across Jasper to squeeze my hand.

"We approve." She squeaked, and Jasper smiled at our exchange.

The smell of Italian food wafted through the air soon after that, as Esme appeared with two full trays of lasagna, which she set in the middle of the table. Next she brought out four baskets of bread sticks and two bowls of salad.

"Oh wow, Esme. It all looks amazing." I complimented, earning a pat on the shoulder from her.

"Thank you, Bella dear." Then her gaze reached across the table, falling on Emmett's huge form and the mountain of food already piled on his plate.

"Maybe you could teach my son a thing or two about table manners." Emmett, upon hearing his title, turned his head up to face her a sheepish grin causing his cheeks to form small dimples in his face.

The door behind Esme opened up slowly and a tall man with brilliant blonde hair stepped through carrying an over excited Andy. He smiled at the table before handing the jovial toddler to Rosalie who strapped him into his high chair and pulled apart a bread stick for him to enjoy.

"Hello, all," he exclaimed, taking in our hungry appearances. My brain finally caught up with the rest of me and I recognized that this must be Dr. Cullen, Edward's father, the surgeon at the local hospital.

"Hello." We all responded, Alice standing up and wrapping her arms around his torso. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her shoulders.

"Hi dad!" She chimed before taking her place beside Jasper.

"Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and-" His gaze fell upon my face for the first time.

"You must be Bella. Edward and Alice have spoken very highly of you. Welcome." He reached across the table to shake my hand, and I returned the gesture kindly.

"Thank you, sir." He laughed quietly.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

--

Dinner was delicious, and afterward Esme had us all retire to the living room for coffee and dessert. I was thrilled beyond words when she emerged with a large tray full of red velvet cake and two pots of coffee. I hadn't had red velvet cake in what seemed years, and it was one of my favorites. I waited patiently until everyone else had grabbed his or her own piece before taking one for myself.

Alice handed out small white mugs and placed some cream and sugar in the middle of the two coffee pots.

"Do you want any Bella?" I nodded, pointing to the caffeinated pot. She handed me a mug and gingerly poured the smooth liquid into its base.

"Cream or sugar?" I shook my head, preferring its strong aroma and somewhat bitter taste. Emmett made a face at my preference drowning his cup in sugar before nearly inhaling the drink and his piece of cake.

Carlisle and Esme looked upon us with amused expressions, watching the five of us mingle amongst ourselves.

Andy was sitting on the floor near the table, and Emmett was sneaking him bits of cake when Esme wasn't watching. I giggled at the relationship between Andy and his uncle.

"So does Andy have nick names for all of you?" I asked, completely enthralled by this little person who sat before me.

"Sure does." Rosalie perked up, grabbing Andy from up off the floor and setting him in her lap.

"Andy?" She asked enthusiastically so as to attract his attention from the piece of cake that he was pulling apart in his hands. Esme frowned at his red fingers and shot Emmett a glare.

I smirked at the exchange as Emmett ducked his head and whispered his apology.

"Andy? Who's that?" Rosalie asked, pointing to Alice across the room. Andy turned his head and smiled widely clapping his hands together.

"Ally! Ally!" He exclaimed, and I giggled in response. Rose then took turns pointing at the rest of the family.

"Jazzy!" Andy exclaimed when Rose's finger fell upon her twin brother.

"That's right! Good job!" Rose pointed at Emmett next to her who was currently working on his third piece of cake.

"Em Em!" Andy exclaimed, pointing at Rosalie's chest and shouting "Rosie!"

She tickled his sides and kissed his forehead.

"And who are they?" She asked pointing toward Carlisle and Esme.

Andy studied them for a moment before reaching across the space. "Grama, Grada!"

They laughed, and Rose finally turned and pointed to me.

"And that's Bella. Can you say Bella?" Andy looked at me then, his electric green eyes locked on mine and then he attempted to once more say my name. "Bellda" I laughed and clapped my hands as if congratulating him.

"Yay!" Alice exclaimed happily and Andy giggled. The click of the front door startled nearly all of us, as Edward appeared from the outside. He shut the door quickly, and just by taking in his appearance you can tell that it is raining, and pretty hard judging by his nearly soaked, bronze hair and his flushed skin.

"Da!" Andy bursted wiggling from Rosalie's grasp. She set him on the floor and he crawled to where Edward was hanging up his jacket. Edward grinned crookedly at his son and picked him up throwing him in the air.

"Hey buddy!" He exclaimed when Andy wrapped his tiny arms around Edward's neck.

"Da! Da! Da!" He chanted, as Edward carried him over to the rest of us and plopped down on the floor beside Emmett.

"You're home early." Alice remarked glancing over at the clock.

"It's only 7:30." Rose stated, confirming that he is in fact an hour and a half early.

"Did Drew send you home early?" Edward nodded, reaching for a piece of cake. Esme shot him a look and he dropped it immediately.

"Your dinner is in the fridge, eat that first please." She scolded, he sighed but agreed.

"He sent us all home because of the storm. The roads are brutal." My stomach dropped at his words, and I feared for my trucks safety and my own if the weather didn't let up soon.

"Well you know what they say, April showers bring May flowers!" Emmett exclaimed with a big cheesy smile.

"It's March." We all corrected at the same time. Emmett's face fell, his lips forming a pout. "Oh."

Rose snickered, kissing his forehead softly. "It's okay Em Em." She teased.

"Well I'm going to clear all these dishes, you kids go chat or play Guitar Hero or something." Esme suggested reaching for Rosalie's dish.

"I call dibs on white guitar!" Emmett hollered lunging for the flat screen TV in the next room.

"Not a chance." Jasper stated all but hurdling over Rose and chasing after him, Alice and Rosalie exchanged a quick glance before they both exclaimed their preference for the pink guitar and disappeared after the boys.

Esme and Carlisle laughed at their enthusiasm, before Carlisle dismissed himself to his office in order to prepare for tomorrow's surgeries.

I began to pick up the dishes that had been abandoned among the chaos and piled them onto one of the silver trays.

"Bella dear, don't worry about the mess, I'll clean up." But I shook my head, continuing to pick up coffee mugs and cake dishes.

"I can take care of it Mrs. Cullen. After all, you worked so hard to make dinner and dessert. Besides, Edward wanted to talk to me." She smiled, still unsure about leaving me the cleanup duty.

"Are you sure, dear?" I nodded at her question grabbing up the sliver tray in one hand and balancing the weight with the other. _Waitressing over the summer proved to be useful after all. _I thought to myself as I carefully made my way to the kitchen.

"Thank you, Bella." She stated, following her husband up the stairs and down the hall.

I sighed, my small arms burning under the weight of all the dishes, and continued toward my destination. I kicked the kitchen door open and slid my way through letting out a loud breath once I set the tray onto the granite counter top.

"Hey, Bella." Even though I'd expected Edward to be in the room, his gentle voice startled me and I jumped, nearly knocking over the tray in the process.

"Sorry." He whispered, laughing slightly at my mild heart attack.

"And what, pray tell, is so funny?" I teased, earning another round of chuckling from him.

"You're kind of a klutz." He remarked, and I shrugged knowing it was true, and that I couldn't argue with his assessment of my balancing abilities.

I grabbed the first few dishes, filling up the sink with hot water and pulling on the rubber gloves I found beside the faucet.

"Where's Esme?" Edward asked, looking curiously upon me as I rinse the first few dishes.

"I don't know, I told her I'd help clean up since she made dinner." I said, keeping my primary focus on the few dishes in my hand. One false move and something breaks, _story of my life._

"Oh." He whispered, his voice taking on a tone of surprise. My lips turned up into a smirk in response. Most teenagers wouldn't opt to do the dishes at their own houses let alone a family you just met.

"So how was your day?" I asked, as he moved about the kitchen preparing his dinner. He popped a plateful of leftovers into the microwave, reaching into a cabinet above and pulling out a few pans and spoons, which he handed to Andy.

"Pretty mundane to be honest. School, work, homework, sleep, it's nice to be able to spend time with him." Edward said, glancing over to Andy's playpen. I nodded, loading the rinsed dishes into the dishwasher and pulling open a few cabinets in search of dish soap.

"Far right." He pointed, pulling out a stool at the island and digging into his lasagna. He hummed in delight as he continued to eat.

"Da!" Andy shouted happily banging on a pasta strainer. I turned slightly to see Edward interact with his son. It's fascinating really, seeing a person my age with their child. His eyes lit up when Andy called his name and he reached into the playpen to ruffle his hair. It's the happiest I have ever really seen Edward. He always seems so focused and serious when I see him at school, very formal.

"Hey buddy!" He said, allowing Andy to pull at his fingers. I closed the fully loaded dishwasher and removed the rubber gloves. With a push of the small 'start' button the machine was up and running and I was free to observe.

I leaned my body weight against the island, resting my elbows against the cool countertop and watched the interaction. Edward's face was so full of love and devotion toward his son, that I almost felt jealous of the small boy. I couldn't ever remember a time when my parents ever looked upon me with such protection, my mother having usually been the one to be taken care of.

"He's beautiful, Edward." I heard myself whisper. The blush that should have appeared on my cheeks at my sudden exclamation didn't, there is no denying it.

"He is." Edward breathed out, almost, but not quite loud enough to be a whisper.

"You wanted to talk to me." I said hoping to keep the flow of conversation. He nodded, swallowing the last of his food before stepping around me to throw his paper plate away.

I grabbed him a piece of cake, knowing that he was about to eat one earlier and he took it with great enthusiasm.

"Thanks." I shrugged off the compliment, because honestly it's not mine to take. Esme made the amazing meal, I just happened to be the one to deliver it.

He took a moment to finish the small piece, placing the dish next to the sink and motioning for me to follow him.

"Do you mind grabbing Andy?" He asked, as he made his way out of the kitchen.

"Sure." I said, reaching into the playpen and grabbing up the little boy. It was the first time I'd actually had a chance to hold him, and my heart swelled when he leaned his head against my shoulder.

"I thought we could head up to my room, I have to put Andy down and I can show you where some of his clothes and toys are." Edward suggested leading me up the stairs.

Edward's room was on the third floor of the house. Alice had pointed it out on our tour, but didn't feel comfortable going into her brother's room without permission. I understood. Edward pushed open the mahogany door, and reached around to grab Andy up out of my arms. I handed him over swiftly, and Edward placed him down on the floor next to his bed.

"All of his toys are in this chest," He pointed out a large silver and blue toy chest filled to the brim with Tonka trucks, stuffed animals, and John Deere tractors. This was one spoiled little boy, and I had a feeling his aunt's love of shopping might have influenced the sheer amount of stuff he owned.

"His clothes are in this closet," Edward pulled open a large walk in closet filled mostly with his own clothes, but upon further inspection a few dressers can be noticed toward the back. He motioned for me to step inside and showed me where everything could be found.

"There's a changing table in my bathroom, and the laundry room on the main floor." Edward pointed to a door across from the closet, before plopping himself down onto the black leather couch near the far wall.

"I feel like I'm missing something." He said, running his fingers through his unruly hair.

He turned to me, gazing for a short moment as if I held the answer, and noticing that I am still standing patted the cushion beside him.

"Do you have any questions?" He asked, throwing me a blanket. I take it happily draping it over my cold legs. I scrunched up my nose, attempting to think back to my babysitting days.

"Is he on any special diet?" I asked, hoping that I wouldn't end up feeding him something that will make him sick. Edward shook his head.

"No, not really. I tend to say stay away from a lot of sweets, but other then that he's good about eating. Just make sure to cut up the food before you give it to him, and nothing to hard like carrots or apples. There are a few jars of baby food in the pantry." He said, willing me to continue.

"Any favorite foods?" I asked, hoping to ease some of the awkward tension that had emerged between us.

"He's big on bananas these days. Chocolate is also a hit with him, he gets that from me I guess. I always give him a Hershey's Kiss before bed." Edward walked over to his nightstand then and pulled out a silver bag of chocolate kisses before reaching in and tossing me one.

"Thanks." He smiled, returning to his seat on the couch. Andy, upon seeing the chocolate raised his hand in the air and pointed at Edward.

"Da!" Edward smirked, reaching down and picking him up. He unwrapped one of the candies and broke it into tiny pieces handing one at a time to Andy.

I opened mine up, popping the warm chocolate into my mouth. I let the kiss melt on my tongue before swallowing, best way to savor the sweet taste.

"Is he on any medication?" I asked once things started to settle down. Edward's eyes lit up with recognition and he nodded.

"I knew I was forgetting something, yea. Andy was born with underdeveloped lungs so he takes about a teaspoon of this," Edward reached behind him to a bottle on the windowsill and handed it to me. "Twice a day. Once in the morning when he wakes up, and once after his nap."

"How long does he usually sleep for?" Edward laughed, ruffling his sons hair.

"On a good day three or four hours. On a bad day three or four minutes." Andy grins as if he knows he's the topic of conversation, and I can't help but reach toward him and poke him playfully in the stomach. "Bellda!" He sang happily, pulling at my finger.

"Bellda?" Edward smirked chuckling at my new nickname.

"Got a problem Da?" I teased, grinning up at him. He shrugged, bouncing Andy playfully in his lap.

Andy yawned slightly, his mouth forming a tiny, toothless, 'o' before he laid himself across Edward's chest.

"That's right buddy, go to sleep." Edward kissed Andy's forehead softly, asking to borrow the blanket I was using. I handed it to him without a second thought and he draped it across Andy's little body.

"Does he usually go down this quickly?" I asked Edward as he rubbed Andy's back. He nodded in response.

"Usually when he's tired he'll just crash. He has a different routine with all of us. When he's with me, he'll just prop himself up against my chest and fall asleep, but with Emmett or Jasper he has to be rocked. Alice cradles him and Rose has to sing. Esme and Carlisle usually read to him, so it will be interesting to see how he reacts to you." I smiled at the story, picturing Emmett trying to get Andy to sleep.

"What time is his nap?" I assumed he took his nap while we are at school and he's home with Esme, but I could be wrong.

"Around noon, you won't usually have to worry about it unless you're here on a weekend." Edward leaned his head back against the cool leather cushions and closed his eyes for a moment.

"That's also what I wanted to talk to you about. Your hours and your salary."

"Oh. I'm free anytime really, I don't have any other commitments like sports or clubs. Charlie is usually out of the house on the weekends up in La Push, so I'm free those days as well." I paused wondering if I should mention that fact that I could possibly be starting therapy soon…

"I would only need you here after school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, from four to nine. Alice will be here sometimes, but she's on student council and Emmett has track." I agreed, those were reasonable hours. Fifteen hour work weeks, and maybe a few extra hours on weekends.

"Now, I don't really have a set salary for you. How much are you usually paid when babysitting?" I struggle to think back a few summers to when I nannied for my neighbor's twin boys.

"Five bucks an hour I think it was." I said.

"Five dollars? Are you sure?" I felt slightly embarrassed, hoping that it's not too expensive for him. I realized he was most likely on a tight budget with Andy.

"I can change it to four or even three fifty if that's what you want." He blanched at me for a moment before regaining his composure.

"Oh no, Bella! I was thinking at least ten or fifteen dollars an hour."

"Oh. Wow, are you sure Edward that's a lot of money," I quickly did the math in my head. _200 dollars…_

"That's 200 dollars a week!" I shook my head feverishly, but Edward simply shrugs.

"It's really no problem Bella, besides you would be paid around the same if you accepted a job anywhere else around here." _Hardly._

A loud clap of thunder sounded through the house, and I jumped letting out a high-pitched squeak. I hadn't been in a thunderstorm in months, having lived in Arizona.

"You okay, there?" Edward teased, continuing to rub Andy's back. How that kid is still asleep I will never know.

"Yea, not one for thunder storms…or rain." I giggled nervously; dropping my gaze to my lap to hide my blush.

"Forks must be fun for you." He remarked.

"Oh, loads."

"So, tell me a little bit about yourself, why did you move to the wettest place in the continental U.S if you hate the weather so much?" He asked, and my chest tightened in anticipation for more tears. I had already had a breakdown in front of Alice and Rosalie; I don't think I could trust myself to keep it together in front of Edward.

"Oh…um…" Where to begin, I tried to push the more recent memories from the forefront of my mind, thinking back to the days before my parents divorce. I should start there; after all we were getting to know each other right? "Well I was born here in Forks," He looked surprised, but gestured for me to continue so I did.

"I lived here until I was about seven, and then my parents got divorced and my mom took me to live in Phoenix with her." I played with my fingers as a means of distraction, my life explanation coming out rather monotonous…

"About a month ago," I shut my eyes for a moment, willing away the tears. I could talk about this, I had earlier…talking was supposed to help. "My mom was hit head on by a drunk driver…she didn't make it." I was breathing heavily, surprised that I had been able to hold the tears away for this long. Edward sat up, pulling my hand to his.

A small electric shock jolted through my fingers at his touch, momentarily distracting me from the conversation.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered, still holding onto my hand. Andy let out a quiet snore, and Edward shifted him so he could move closer to me.

"It's been hard, because I'm a minor I had to move back here with my dad. I'm supposed to be seeing Dr. Weber sometime next week." He nodded, giving me a small grin.

"Dr. Weber's great, Angela's father." Oh. I hadn't made that connection earlier, and it made me feel slightly better knowing that his daughter had been so kind.

"I felt like I should tell you, in case I have to miss a day to go to counseling." He nodded, dropping my hand, but still not scooting away.

"I'm glad you're being honest, I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love." I immediately thought of Addie, dropping my gaze to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I whispered, and he just shrugged, subconsciously gripping Andy a little tighter.

Another clap of thunder shook the house, and the lights flickered before going black. I inhaled sharply, and Edward stiffened beside me.

_Great._

**A/N: Okay, who saw this coming???? *sees hands being raised* :P What's gonna happen????????**


	9. Sleepover

A/N: I'm back!!!! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! St. Louis was AMAZING!!! Myself and my choral group participated at Heritage Festivals, and brought home two gold awards!!!! It was an amazing experience and I am so happy with our performances! I think I may post one of our songs on youtube sometime later this week just so you all can listen! I'M SO EXCITED! Okay, but onto the story. So this chapter is slightly small, and its only the begining of the 'sleepover' so...yea! Whose excited!? Huh??? HUh???? HUH!!!!! Okay..I'm gonna shut up now. Enjoy!

Chapter Eight

"What! Great." I heard Emmett's booming voice travel up the stairs, before Edward stood up.

"Don't move." He said, and I felt him press Andy's sleeping body into my arms. I took him quietly, cradling him to my chest and rocking him back and forth softly as he slept.

Edward moved slowly through the dark room, and I heard the sound of a few drawers opening and closing before the light from a small flashlight illuminated the darkened space.

"It should be a few moments before the back up generators kick in, but we are probably going to have to move to the basement if the storm continues to get worse." He explained.

"Wait. You have back up generators?" Was that common around here? I'm sure it might have been with all the rain, but I could only imagine the school, or a few of the moderately sized buildings in town with means of electrical back up.

He simply nodded, his blurry form cautiously maneuvering throughout the room. "It's not really "uncommon" to have them, but our house is so isolated compared to most neighborhoods so if the power goes out, it can be a day or so before it comes back. Carlisle had the generator installed sometime last spring. It only lights up the kitchen and the main hallway area though." Edward came back to the couch, setting an armful of supplies onto the cushion beside me and reaching for Andy. I handed him over gently, careful not to disturb his sleeping form and picked up Edward's newly gathered supplies into my arms.

"To the basement?" I asked, smiling to myself. He chuckled, and with a quiet yes pressed a cold plastic object into my right hand. Immediately upon recognizing its odd shape I flipped the switch and the room became illuminated with its soft circular beam.

I turned to face Edward, careful not to shine the light in his eyes or Andy's sleeping face and stood as he did, walking toward the door.

He instructed me to walk ahead of him, giving me directions to the basement door as we descended the stairs. I was slightly nervous, being out in front and with an armful of stuff, but I somehow managed to make it to the main floor alive.

Alice, Emmett, and Jasper all stood at the bottom of the stairs, Emmett complaining loudly about his 'almost high score' that the storm had so suddenly postponed.

"I swear; five more seconds and I would have totally beat Edward's record. Damn rain." Alice held her own flashlight, shining it over Emmett's face and snickering when he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Whatever, Emmett." She responded rolling her eyes and reaching for Jasper's outstretched hand.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, searching the room for her. Emmett pointed to an unfamiliar ajar door across the room, and grabbed all the supplies from my arms.

"She's already downstairs, fooling around with some battery powered lanterns and setting up some blankets and such around the fireplace." He pushed past the rest of the crowd, taking the stairs at lightening speed and stopping gracefully at the bottom.

_Stupid teenager and his stupid coordination. _I thought to myself, smiling at my small joke. Edward was the next to go down, followed closely by myself, and finally Jasper and Alice.

The Cullen's basement was huge to say the least. There were two couches, a fireplace, a coffee table, and a large flat screen T.V. From the small amount of light provided by the combined efforts of the two flashlights and Rosalie's newly started fire, I could make out a few blankets that had been set on the floor, a couple decks of cards, a few pillows, and some large comforters. I sighed. _Sleepover._

"What time is it?" I asked, hoping that if it wasn't too late I could duck out once the storm quieted down.

"It's almost nine, sill pouring outside." Rose noted, grabbing a blanket and bouncing onto one of the couches. I took a seat beside her, folding my legs beneath me.

"Does this happen a lot?" I questioned. Rose just shrugged in response.

"Once every few months. The weather in Forks is usually pretty mild. A storm like this doesn't happen too often." She stated.

"But when it does, it's always tons of fun!" Alice chirped, coming up from behind me, and plopping down onto the floor.

"Whose up for a little game?" She sang, motioning for us to form a circle on the blanketed floor.

"ME!" Emmett shouted, waving his arms around in large circles. Edward, who had been standing across the room with a still sleeping Andy, shot daggers at his brother berating him for his volume.

"Me!" Emmett whispered softly, earning an eye roll from Jasper and Rosalie.

"Great!" Alice pulled on my hand and I timidly sank onto the floor beside her Indian style.

Alice pulled out a deck of cards, shuffling them in a rather intense fashion. I pulled at my fingers as I waited awkwardly for the game to be dealt. I knew most card games, and I'm sure Alice wouldn't pick something too difficult. It was just being here, in her basement…in the dark. It was awkward and slightly unnerving. The kind of situation you only see in movies or poorly scripted television sitcoms.

"Edward, are you joining us?" Jasper asked, leaning back against one of the couches.

"Maybe. Can you all be quiet?" He asked, motioning to his sleeping son as he took a seat beside Rose.

"Of course we can be quiet!" Emmett asked, acting as if he were offended by Edward's concern. We all rolled our eyes this time.

"Sure." Edward snickered, his deep green eyes catching the light of the fire. I caught myself staring; he gave off such a glow of complete happiness and content. I couldn't help but wonder if I could ever be this positive under such unfortunate circumstances. I mean, how would I handle the responsibility of a child? Could I ever find the courage to do it all on my own? To balance my school and work load? Would Charlie ever be able to accept such a…_mistake?_ No. It wasn't a mistake; Andy could never be a mistake. I looked at him then, the quiet sleeping boy child. His soft pink cheeks flushed from the cool air of the basement, his lavender tinted eyelids deeply highlighted by his small crop of bright bronze hair. His tiny chest rose and fell in perfect harmony to his quiet snores. He was truly amazing, how could anyone person ever categorize him as a mistake?

"Okay! Here's the game, people!" Alice made sure to stage whisper for the sake of Edward's sanity, and slapped the deck down onto the floor in front of her for emphasis of her soon to be exaggerated exclamation.

"B.S.!" Emmett whooped quietly and Rose and Jasper shared a grin. _Weird._ Edward just nodded; shifting Andy against his chest well Alice dealt the deck. The game was simple, lie in order to win. To lie, an ability I did not posses. Or rather, an ability that came with consequences, i.e. my blush. I sighed; this would be a slow game on my part.

"Okay, everyone knows how to play, correct?" We all nodded, organizing our cards into an orderly fashion.

"Whoever has the Ace of Spades may begin." Alice commanded with the wave of her hand. Rose dramatically whipped out two of her cards and placed them face down in the middle of the circle.

"Two aces." She glared at each of us, daring our challenge. I sat quietly, not have any evidence to deny her claim and pulled out three twos, placing them onto the steadily growing pile.

"Three twos." I exclaimed, rocking forward to place them and then leaning back against the couch as Edward took his turn.

And so the game continued, Emmett almost always calling out Alice or Edward in order to annoy them, and more then half of the time he was incorrect and thus he was currently losing.

"I say we liven up the non-existent conversation." Jasper suggested, placing two cards into the middle of the floor.

"Two fives." Alice looked toward him for a moment, before throwing in her two cents.

"I think that's a great idea!" She whispered, scrunching up her nose in thought.

"OOOO! How about truth or dare!" Emmett exclaimed, clapping his hands together. Edward gave him a pointed look pointing to Andy and then shaking his head.

"Fine, _dad_!" Emmett pouted crossing his arms over his chest.

"How about just truth then." Rose compromised, patting Emmett on the shoulder in order to placate him.

"Whatever." He mumbled, laying down one of his cards. "One seven." I checked my pile, and noticing that I currently held all the sevens called him out. "B.S." I stated, confident in my answer. Emmett just gave me a look, as if giving me the option to take it back.

"I don't think you want to go there, squirt." He warned, flexing his arm muscles. I giggled.

"Oh, I think I do." I smiled cheekily back at him flashing my teeth. He just grimaced picking up the pile of cards off of the floor.

"Okay, Bella, truth or truth?" Alice asked, as we continued to play the game.

"Uh…truth?" She giggled, pausing to think of her question.

"I think we will start out with a few easier questions." She decided, crossing her legs in front of her and leaning back against Jasper's chest.

"Sure." I replied, nervously pulling at my fingers and wringing my hands.

She scrunched up her nose in as she thought, running her thumb and forefinger across the lining of her jaw as if she were stroking a beard. I just shook my head, laughing to myself.

She sat up straight suddenly, surprising me but not anyone else, as the remainder of the group continued the card game.

"Perfect!" She chirped, leaning across the circle towards me. "Have you ever been kissed?" I immediately blushed at her bluntness, worried that if this was her idea of an easy question that I would soon regret agreeing to the game come the hard round.

"No." I replied, feeling no further need to elaborate. I heard Rose gasp, and watched as Alice raised one perfect eyebrow at me.

"Now that is B.S." Rose claimed, staring me down as if waiting for an explanation. I shrugged, focusing back on my cards.

"Really? Why not?" Alice asked, clearly shocked at my statement.

"I don't know. I've just…never been asked out. I Guess I'm just wasn't that popular back in Phoenix, _or pretty._" I mumbled the last part under my breath, but I think that Edward may have caught on as he just stared at me in a baffled sort of way.

"You can't honestly say that you've _never_ been asked out!" Alice exclaimed, throwing her arms up into the air for added dramatic affect.

"It's really not that big of a deal, Alice." I reasoned, placing three fours on the pile.

"B.S." Alice called, folding her arms.

"Was that to my statement or the cards?" I questioned hoping it was the latter.

"Both." She called confidently lifting the top three cards to reveal that I had, in fact, bluffed.

I groaned, severely annoyed, as I picked up the large pile of cards.

"Great." I whispered, earning a silent laugh from Jasper.

"Just ignore Alice, she thinks she knows everything." Emmett answered nonchalantly around a mouthful of chips.

"Excuse me?" She answered, putting both hands on her hips. Jasper placed a gentle, calming hand on her side, and she immediately melted into his simple touch. I turned my face toward the floor at the gesture, feeling intrusive on their intimate moment. The fact was that I didn't want to think about this question anymore. I didn't want Rosalie and Alice to sit here and discuss my non-existent love life, because sitting here and watching them interact with their boyfriends was reminder enough of my incomplete self. I started doubting a long time ago that I would ever find that 'special someone'. I knew that I came with a lot of baggage, that I was quiet, shy, and always had my head in a book. The thought of ever having that special type of bond with anyone else was just a distant fantasy. A dream that I didn't expect to come true. The truth was that it hurt to think that I was somehow not appealing enough, or interesting enough. That I wasn't 'dating material' just scratched at my heart. Jealousy flared and I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious sitting here in this foreign home. I felt guilty and if possible even more outcast.

I laid another card on the pile, wrapping an arm around my stomach in a comforting gesture.

"Well, what about the party this Friday?" Rose asked, placing her final card on the deck. Emmett called her out.

"B.S." He declared, fully confident in his accusation. She just shook her head, motioning for him to pick up the pile.

"What about it?" I asked, placing another card.

"Well, you're going right? You have to bring a date." I sighed.

"Yea, I know. I..I'm working on that." Rose just snorted, waving a hand in the air.

"Yea, you're 'working' on it. We know plenty of available guys that would go with you." She said, leaning her back against the couch.

"No thanks, I'm not the school's new charity case." I stated bitterly. I was never the one to be taken care of. It was uncomfortable to not be in control, even for such a small matter as finding a date.

"You know I didn't mean it like that Bella." Rose stated coldly, reverting back to her indifferent tone of voice.

"Besides, I think I know who I am going to invite." I mentioned under my breath. Alice perked up at that statement and started to bounce up and down at a fast pace.

"Really?! Who?!" She was clapping her hands at this point, and everyone besides Rosalie seemed rather interested in my answer.

"Just a friend, we've known each other since I was little. He lives on the reservation at La Push." Jacob was my safety choice in this matter. I didn't want to awkwardly accompany some desperate underclassman that hasn't found a date, and I didn't want to be set up by Alice or Rosalie. He was my only option, and I knew that he would help me out.

"The reservation? Who?" Emmett asked, setting his cards down onto the floor.

"His name is Jacob, Jacob Black. Our dads have known each other for a long time. Their good friends." I saw Edward stiffen out of the corner of my eye, and Alice's smile falter.

"Oh." Her statement confused me, and so I pressed the topic.

"You know him or something?" I asked, looking to Edward for conformation.

"Sort of." He stated in a tone of finality. I didn't want to anger him so I dropped the subject.

There was an awkward and uncomfortably tense silence that fell on the six of us, and Andy stirred restlessly, before blinking his eyes for a few moments.

"Hey buddy." Edward whispered, pulling Andy from his lap to his chest and rubbing his back. Andy just snored slightly before falling back asleep, his tiny arms clinging to Edward's t-shirt.

Edward kissed his forehead softly, returning his attention back to the group.

"Okay, new question."

----

A/N: Okay remember guys, its only the first installment of the night. Much more to come in the next chapter. Please tell me what you think, if you have any ideas for games to play, things to chat about, etc. Ooo and what do you think of Edward and Jacob so far?? huh? Something's definatley up. ~Lauren!


	10. Catherine

**A.N: Hello all! I'm here, don't worry. I have been having a really bad week and have been feeling extremely unmotivated lately, but i just love this story so much I try to get it out as quick as possible! :D This chapter is slightly more emotional then i was planning to go for, but you know how it is when you keep writing. Please review, my last chapter had 14!!! That's the most any of my stories have ever gotten for one chapter! Make me happy and make it like 20??? I will be so ecstatic i may post two or three more chapters this week! ~Lauren**

Chapter Nine

Our game of "truth" continued on for the next hour and a half or so. During which Esme brought us popcorn, chips, sodas, and just about everything else we would need in order to survive the night.

The game, although horrifically embarrassing on my part, as proven by the seemingly permanent red tinge to my pale face, proved to be rather interesting for myself. I learned a lot about each member of the Cullen-Hale group.

Alice, for instance, had a biological sister whom she was separated with sometime shortly after her fourth birthday. Cynthia. Alice doesn't remember her much, but she hopes to reconnect with her someday.

Jasper aspires to someday join the military, following in his father's footsteps, who is currently a captain in the United States Naval force.

Emmett wasn't asked very many questions, but he wasn't the least bit afraid to share the more embarrassing anecdotes about his siblings, causing both Edward and Alice to blush. Was that even possible?

I found myself constantly smiling as each member of the group took their turn to ask questions, most of which were directed at myself. Nothing too personal, Alice, Edward, and Rosalie knew that I wasn't up for anything too big just now.

"Do you have any siblings, half/step?" Jasper asked when it came to be his turn. I shook my head.

"Nope. I'm an only child." I heard Emmett whisper a not-so-discreet _lucky_ underneath his breathe, causing Alice to chuck a pillow at his head.

"Not funny." Alice and Edward said on cue. It was refreshing to observe the relationship between the Cullen siblings. Alice and Emmett always seemed to be the first to argue, Emmett more then once standing his full height in order to instill some sort of intimidation on his tiny sister, but she was always right there with a perfectly manicured finger to poke into his chest. Edward played the more responsible role of moderator between the two, but wasn't afraid to dish anything out at Alice or take a few playful swings at Emmett.

"You guys are the lucky ones," I assured, crossing my legs Indian style and resting a palm on both knees.

They both laughed simultaneously. Sayings of _yea right_ and _sure, Bella_ soon followed my comment.

"I'm serious, I would love an older brother or little sister!" I elbowed Alice in her side and she smiled at my gesture.

"Oh yea, younger sisters are the best." Jasper chuckled, pulling at Rose's long golden hair. She stuck her tongue out at him and shoved his hand away.

"48 seconds Jasper. You beat me by _48_ seconds!" She stated, crossing her arms defiantly.

"And don't you forget it!"

"Oh come on Rosalie, you can't blame Jasper for being born first." I pointed out, giggling at her defiant features.

"Yea, besides Rose was probably just fixing her hair," Edward teased. Rosalie looked livid, and for a moment it looked almost as if she would tackle him.

"You just be happy you have a baby in your lap, mister." She pointed toward Andy's sleeping form, still draped against Edward's chest.

"Thanks buddy." He whispered playfully to his tiny son, ruffling his hair gently.

The game continued much the same and the rain outside eventually let up enough so that the phone lines were back in use. It was nearly eleven now, and I quickly made a phone call to my father to let him know that I was safe.

"Hello? Bella, is that you?!" Charlie's voice seemed so panicked and I quickly responded, assuring him that I was safe.

"I'm fine dad, I'm still at Alice's house." I heard him sigh. I hadn't really mentioned to him quite yet about the job that Alice had offered me. I wasn't sure what he would think of me accepting the job without his approval, and I wasn't about to find out over the phone.

"As long as you're safe," He commented.

"Of course. Would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?" Charlie agreed, with minor reluctance, the option would be best, and we soon hung up with a parting 'goodbye'.

Esme sent me back down to the basement, afraid that the rain may start up once more and handed me an armful of pillows and blankets.

"Don't stay up too late kids," she warned.

"We won't," I promised with a smile, walking carefully down the stairs. I plopped down in front of the fireplace once back in the basement, throwing each member of the group a pillow and a blanket.

I pulled the pillow into my lap, hugging it softly as I watched the others set up their own beds. Alice had offered me her bed upstairs, but Esme had protested that the storm might soon start again and that we should all keep each other company down here.

It wasn't long after all was set up that Alice threw me a t-shirt and some sweatpants.

"You can borrow some of Rose's clothes tomorrow. She always keeps two drawers full in my room, and you two are about the same size. Rose smiled in acceptance of her proposal, her bright blue eyes glistening in the soft firelight.

"Thanks," I said, smiling slightly. It had been so long since I had felt this comfortable, this happy. This house, these people…they brought about a strange reaction in me, not uncomfortable, just…different somehow.

"Well I don't know about you all, but I'm about to crash. Night!" I heard Jasper state, as he laid himself down pulling Alice with him. She giggled, bidding her goodnight.

Emmett and Rose mimicked their actions, and they took to the opposite corner of their room with a mountain of pillows and a few blankets.

"Night!" They called in unison.

"Good night." I said, leaning my head back up against the back of the couch. I pulled my old copy of Wuthering Heights out of my book bag, the movement causing all my papers of previous stopping points to jostle, and some to fall about the floor. I opened the pages carefully, considering which chapter I should read tonight before I go to bed.

It had become a tradition of mine since the accident. Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights was a favorite novel that I shared often with my mother. Something we would talk about constantly. She loved the obviously unstable relationship between Catherine and Heathcliff, and I adored her whole attitude to such a classic piece of literature.

"_Now, Bella." She would often say once we got into one of our book rants. _

"_One day, soon, very soon, you will meet a smart, beautiful, stubborn, and all together misunderstood boy and you will fall hopelessly in love with him." I would pretend to swoon and she would just continue with a swat of her hand. _

"_Shush, I'm not done," she would chastise, dancing about the house and bidding me to follow her. _

"_He will be the Heathcliff to your Catherine, the Gatsby to your Daisy, the Romeo to your Juliet." _

It wasn't hard for me to remember her this way. Happy, carefree...just…my _mom._ It made it easier, the pain more a dull throb than a sharp stab.

I pulled the pages apart to one of my favorite passages, reading the text over.

"I don't think we read Bronte until next quarter." I jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. My hand flew to cover my rapidly beating heart, and in my moment of surprise I managed to drop my book to the floor my multiple page markers scattering further about the room.

"Sorry," Edward whispered, moving about to pick up the bits of colored paper. I helped him, gathering them into my lap and shoving them back into their places amongst the impressive writing.

"It's fine. I was just reading, not for school." He chuckled, handing me the last of the fallen markers.

"I remember when I used to do that." He whispered to himself, his admission making me blush. I'm sure his life had changed so much with the addition of his son into his hectic school and home lives. It never occurred to me that he lost the little things too, like reading or watching television.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I admitted, resting a hand on his strong shoulder. He tensed at my touch, and I immediately removed my palm.

"Sorry." I blushed again, gripping tighter to my book, keeping my hands occupied.

"No problem." There was a bit of an awkward pause, just the sounds of the crackling fireplace only feet beyond our sitting place. I took a moment to study his soft features, his burnt orange locks that fell in loose tendrils across his pale skin. His forest green eyes and the curved set of his spine as he sat curled into himself on the floor.

His usually intimidating façade seemed to have disappeared with the softer light; maybe him being in a comfortable environment had also eased his stress somewhat.

"I love this time of night," he whispered, turning his gaze away from mine and toward the plush carpeting.

"Me too. It's calm, almost a pause." He nodded, his fingers dancing against the smooth surface of his forearms.

"Exactly. It helps me think." He admitted, reaching across for my book. He opened to the passage I had just read and whispered it quietly to himself, his voice a gentle murmur in the still basement.

"_That, however, which you may suppose the most potent to arrest my imagination is actually the least, for what is not connected with her to me? And what does not recall her? I cannot look down to this floor, but her features are shaped on the flags! In every cloud, in every tree—filling the air at night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day, I am surrounded with her image! The most ordinary faces of men and women—my own features—mock me with a resemblance. The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her!"_

He closed the book and raised his eyes to my face. "Why this passage?" He asked, his eyes burning with unasked questions.

I stuttered in my effort to form a thought. His curious gaze had caught me slightly off guard and I didn't quite know where to begin.

"Oh…it's…its kind of silly actually," I admitted, pulling at my fingers, contorting them in an attempt to avoid his intense stare.

"Tell me." His voice was thick with emotion, causing me to lift my head in alarm. He was less then a foot, mere inches from my face and I felt all the wind immediately rush out of my body.

"Well, it's just the idea of the whole passage. Heathcliff is all but admitting to Nelly that the stolen love of his life still haunts his every thought. His desire to be with her clouds his mind even after she has passed. It's just a taste of the true emotional connection between himself and Catherine. It's an appealing thought, that someone would think so highly of you. To be loved with that kind of devotion, it's just…desirable I guess." He continued to stare, mindlessly now. His eyes looking but not seeing, his mind distant.

I quickly analyzed the passage once more, attempting to see it from Edward's perspective.

"_I cannot look down to this floor, but her features are shaped on the flags! In every cloud, in every tree—filling the air at night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day, I am surrounded with her image!"_

The realization hit me then.

_Addie_.

"_Addie._" I whispered the name to myself, the sound of the word and Edward's immediate reaction further confirming my prediction.

"Please don't," he asked curtly pushing his strong frame away from me.

"She was your Catherine." My mouth continued to voice my thoughts and I could see Edward tense all the more with each mention of her life.

"Bella." With blazing and tear laden eyes he lifted himself away from my seated form and moved to the opposite end of the room where Andy slept soundly. I heard the muted thud of his body resting against the wall and the muffled sobs that further wracked his body.

I felt the strong urge to go after him, to soothe him. But I feared that my realization might have hurt whatever friendship had been to form between the two of us.

"I'm sorry." I stated softly, hoping her would be able to hear the sincerity in my words, or at least, _hear_ me.

I shoved Wuthering Heights back into my bag with a soft slam of the worn out binding and shoved the offending object away from me. I pulled the single blanket I harbored for the night up to the base of my chin and with a guilt filled heart and moist, salty cheeks, fell asleep, the last images of the effervescent firelight more pronounced in my nearly unconscious state.

--

I fell into a deep dreamless sleep, having forced myself to stay up until Edward fell asleep. I tried countless times to will myself to apologize, to say something to lift him from his sorrow filled mood.

To say _anything_ to him.

I didn't know how much longer I could take his silent tears. In the soft flickers of the firelight I watched as he fought with himself to move forward, keeping a firm hold on Andy as his tears fell.

The worst part of the whole situation was knowing that I had done this to him. My over zealous mind and un-filtered mouth let that one name slip. And even more upsetting, I knew exactly how he was feeling. He wasn't the only one that had recently lost someone, I had to. I had triggered the reminder, caused his pain. I deserved so much more then just the silent treatment that he was giving me.

He loved her. So so much. I felt an immense amount of guilt grip at my heartstrings, constricting my emotions painfully. A strange mix of self-disgust, contrition, and jealousy. Yes, jealousy. Edward was that someone that my mom had always talked about. My perfect other half, the one that's smart and beautiful and tortured beyond belief. Was it fair that I had to find him so hurt and broken, that I couldn't have met him sooner? Before Addie?

I immediately reprimanded myself. _Stop being so damn selfish Bella! _ I felt the sting of tears prick the lids of my eyes and I threw the covers away from my body in an angry frenzy.

I could hear voices from up the stairwell and in a need to get out of the basement and away from the previous night's events I hastily ascended the stairs.

"Hey Bella!" Alice's familiar trill tore me from the remaining fragments of my frantic thoughts as her arms wrapped around my torso.

"Morning." I answered softly, not trusting my voice in such an emotional state.

"Hungry?" I heard Jasper's soft foot falls as he came up behind Alice. I shook my head, just asking for a glass of water.

"Sure." He walked back to the kitchen, reaching into the cabinets for a glass.

"Ice?" I nodded, letting Alice lead me to a bar stool at the island. Rose gave me a small smile as I took my seat, reaching for the cup from Jasper and thanking him.

"No problem." He assured me, patting my shoulder before going up to Emmett's room to change for school.

"What time is it?" I asked, wondering if I would have time to shower before we had to leave.

Alice twirled herself around, glancing at a clock on the far wall.

"6:45." We're going to leave in about a half hour. I sighed. I guess the shower will just have to wait.

"I set some clothes for you to wear on my bed, and put an extra tooth brush in the bathroom." Rosalie mentioned, standing from her place beside me.

"Oh, thanks." I answered, cradling my cheek to my palm. I was so tired.

"You sleep okay Bella? You seemed kinda restless last night. Did you know you talk in your sleep?" Emmett questioned, his tone mocking. I blushed a deep crimson, feeling the heat cover my entire face and neck, afraid that I may have voiced my worries for Edward well asleep.

"Yea." I whispered, completely horrified. "How bad was it?" I dropped my gaze to the black granite of the counter top, too embarrassed to look into his face.

"Not too bad, just kinda random. Once or twice I think you said 'stupid rain', 'hate rain'. It was kinda entertaining." He ruffled my hair, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"You kept saying 'sad' over and over again for a while. And something about 'Catherine.'" Oh no.

"Oh." He just shrugged it off, but I could tell Alice saw right through me.

"Who's Catherine?" She asked, her eyes questioning and focused.

"Oh, umm…I was reading Wuthering Heights before bed last night. That might have been it." She nodded, but her penetrating gaze never left my face. I decided to change the subject.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett pointed to the basement door, and Alice just shrugged.

"He's probably still asleep. Doesn't take him that long to get ready. I should probably go wake him up soon. Andy's sill down there with him." I just nodded.

"I need to grab my bag from downstairs, I'll just wake him up." I proposed, already moving toward the basement door.

"Sure."

The truth is that I needed to find some way to apologize for last night. I may not be the first person he wants to see this morning, and there's no guarantee that he will even want to speak with me, but I have to try.

I quickly moved down the stairs, going over to my book bag first and putting my books back in a more organized fashion. I gripped the shoulder strap tightly, throwing it up around my torso as I walked over to the far side of the room where Edward slept soundly.

The daylight streamed softly through the open basement door, illuminating his pale features. His face seemed so serene, almost calm in the early morning light.

I whispered his name softly, making sure not to startle him.

"Edward?" I asked, kneeling down so he could hear me more clearly.

He breathed heavily, ignoring my comment to fall back asleep.

I gently placed my arm on his shoulder, shaking him slightly.

Still no movement.

I slid the backpack to the floor, leaning closer still to his body and pressing my fingers to his cheek.

"Edward, come on." I urged. He sighed, his warm breath caressing my cold hand.

I felt him stir beneath me and watched as he moved subconsciously to kiss my palm. I froze in shock at the action, not able to find the motive to pull away.

"Addie." He breathed. I felt him reach for my hand absent mindedly, and the hurt tears began to fall quickly down my face. I pulled my hand away as he sat up, grabbing my bag and nearly sprinting toward the stairs.

**A/N: Big thanks to my beta and BFFL x0xDrumMajorx0x! I luv ya Mackie! :D **


	11. Dreams And Memories

**A/N: Hello all! So here it is chapter ten! I have decided that I would try Edward's POV for this chapter, just because I wanted to create both mindset's for the main characters. I also wanted to more fully develop the character of Addie, because I want there to be two different opinions on her as a person. I promise to be updating more as the school year comes to a close. Junior year is crazy, no matter what anyone tells you, be prepared for massive amounts of homework and tests! :P And OMG! For all of you BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN fans out there, I went to his concert last night at the United Center, he was amazing! I would have posted this last night but I wasn't able to get home until around 1:30 AM. Alrighty! I will see you all later this week! LUV YA TONS!!! Please drop me a review, this story already has more hits then Raising Cullen and I am hoping it just keeps getting better and better from here! **

Chapter Ten: Edward

"_Addie._" She whispered the name to herself ever so softly. My reaction was expected and immediate as I tensed away from her curious form. A fierce pain shot straight through to my heart and those ever-familiar electric green eyes emerged from my clouded mind.

"Please don't," I asked curtly, pushing myself away from her and abruptly cutting off any further conversation. I could already feel my carefully crafted emotional façade breaking, cracking into pieces.

"She was your Catherine." The stinging only grew with her further analysis. I clenched my fists tightly, willing myself not to make an outburst, not to wake my peacefully sleeping, peacefully oblivious family.

"Bella." I couldn't say anymore. It was a warning, an apology, and an excuse to get up and leave her company as I so often found myself doing these past few months. With blazing and tear laden eyes I lifted myself away from her seated form and moved to the opposite end of the room where my son slept soundly. The tears streamed steady and strong, as I leant my body weight against the wall and slid into a sitting position. I couldn't handle this right now, not while with Bella.

She of all people should understand how I feel right now, abandoned, scared…the list was endless.

It wasn't fair that she should bring back these memories, that face that so haunted my mind. Wasn't it punishment enough to see her or think of her every time I looked at Andy, _our _son? Bella should have known better, she should understand.

I faintly recall hearing the sounds of a muted apology, but I was too stubborn and hurt to respond. I reached for Andy, my safety, and my _life. _He keeps me strong during times like these, when I can think that nothing good will ever come of a life without _her._ He is the proof that denies these very accusations.

I brought him into my arms, resting his head against my chest and immediately feeling the familiar beat of his tiny heart. He gripped the edges of my black t-shirt tightly into his fists and let out a soft sigh.

"Da," I just nodded, kissing his forehead softly before laying myself down onto the thick carpet.

"I'm here, buddy. I always will be."

I feared sleep, but it was inevitable to come especially in such an exhausted state. I knew, that like most nights, _she_ would be there; my love, my Addie. Most often pleasant memories, but lately those last few days, it only sharpens the pain.

I could feel my grip tighten around Andy's tiny body and my fingers absentmindedly pull at his orange curls.

My eyelids grew heavy, and in an effort to keep Andy comfortable I set him beside myself on the floor and propped him up against my chest to keep him warm. As I set my head back onto the pillow and pulled the comforter against my shoulders I immediately fell back into my past.

"_Edward, where are you taking me?" Her soft voice rang loudly through the open space as I pulled her blindfolded form further and further into the woods. _

"_Don't worry, we'll be there soon." I whispered, griping tightly to her waist and lifting her over a fallen log. She sighed, punching my arm lightly. _

"_You're really not gonna tell me? Not even a little hint?" She teased, pouting her perfect pink lips." I just chuckled, kissing her softly. _

"_Of course not." I chastised, poking at her sides. She giggled, the sound making my heart flutter. _

_The sun overhead was brighter today than usual. I thought it the perfect idea to take her to my meadow this morning, my special place. I could only hope that she found the same beauty and comfort that I did here. _

_We had been hiking now for about an hour or so, getting deeper and deeper into the thick underbrush of the Washington wilderness. I could tell she was beginning to tire, but we were almost there and I couldn't contain my anxious-excited demeanor. _

"_How far?" She asked breathlessly. I squeezed her hand, saying that we would be there in a matter of minutes. She smiled through her tired state, and I briefly worried about the journey back, but thought differently once I caught sight of the familiar opening between the trees. _

_The grass was thicker in this area, and I watched Addie's face anxiously as we walked toward the middle of the lush field. _

"_We're here." I stated, plopping us both down into the thick grass. She laughed as we both landed with a muted thud. _

"_Finally! Permission to take of the blindfold?" She teased sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest. _

_I just shook my head at her nonsense, smiling to myself as I tugged lose the knotted bandana that adorned her face. _

_She squinted slightly at the bright sunlight once her eyes were freed from the blackness of her covering, but once her eyes had adjusted her cheeks pulled into a breathtaking smile. _

"_Oh, Edward…is this?" I nodded. I had told Addie about my meadow, how I stumbled upon it about a month into our relationship, and about how it was a place that allowed me to think and be free. I had promised that I would take her one day, and now here we were. _

"_It's mesmerizing." I watched her gaze about the space intensely, enjoying the fact that she found the same beauty in such a simple field. _

_The meadow itself was a round opening in the forest, surrounded by dark, towering trees that encircled the space. A small opening in the congested forest, created by two contorted oaks, acted as the entrance to this bright haven. The grass was thicker, and much taller here; almost knee high, and was painted about with various wildflowers. _

_The clear day was a rarity in this town, Forks being known for its predictably wet weather, often lived up to those expectations it was a pleasant change of pace, for the both of us._

"_I thought maybe we would spend our Saturday here instead of at my house. I know how much stress you are under." I whispered, allowing her to lay her head on my chest. She sighed in response, her familiar warm body molding with mine as we relaxed into the soft ground beneath us. _

"_We're both under a lot of stress Edward, and we will be for a long time. We knew this wasn't going to be easy." Her long light brown hair blew gently around her face, the strands falling and rising with each passing breeze, creating an almost 'halo' like illusion. I kissed her forehead, wrapping my arm protectively around her swollen belly. _

_She ran her hand up my chest in response, leaving gentle kisses on my neck and jaw line. _

"_Is it wrong of me to be so happy right now?" She asked suddenly, her fingers continuing to dance mindlessly against the smooth fabric of my dark sweater. _

_I just chuckled, staring at her incredulously. "What is wrong with being happy?" She shrugged, her gaze falling to her stomach. _

"_Edward…I don't know. I've just been thinking lately, you know, about us." I tensed slightly, wondering where she was leading this conversation. _

_She studied my confused expression and immediately shook her head. "No, not like that Edward…nothing bad. Just…wondering." I let out an eased breath at her confident tone and questioned her thoughts. _

"_I was just thinking what our lives would be like right now if, if I didn't get pregnant. Would we still be together…would we still love each other?" I understood her questions, but I couldn't help immediately stating how I would love her no-matter what. _

"_You know that I love you Addie. You know that." _

"_Of course, and I love you too. I just," She turned onto her side, leaning up to look into my eyes. "I feel like my being pregnant has taken so much from you. It doesn't seem fair that you should lose an entire lifetime of possibilities because of me." She dropped her gaze, staring off into the distance. _

"_Addie," She didn't look back toward me. "Addie?" I could see her eyes begin to tear up and I immediately sat the both of us up, pulling her into my arms. _

"_Addie Marie Mechena, I love you. Nothing is going to change that. You took nothing away from me by becoming pregnant. In fact, you have given me a whole new list of possibilities to consider. This," I laid my hand against the face of her stomach. "Our son, is a gift." She gave me a watery smile, her arms encircling my neck as she pulled me against her body. _

"_I don't know what I would do without you." She admitted, kissing me gently. I pulled her tightly against my body, my lips pressing more firmly to hers, and my hands resting lightly against her hips. _

"_Edward." She whispered against me, her cool hands resting lightly against my cheeks. _

"Addie." I answered back, watching the familiar memory fade away. But when I sat up it wasn't the cool familiar hand of my Addie, no, it was _Bella_. I watched as her eyes went wide and her gaze fell to the floor. She hurriedly grabbed her bag and flew up the stairs. I was confused at the gesture, turning to wake up Andy so I could follow after her retreating form.

I ran my hands through his soft curls, willing him to open his eyes. He sighed softly, and his tiny fingers grabbed onto my wrist as he rolled over.

"Hi buddy." I whispered, pulling him into my arms. He smiled, sleepily rubbing his fisted hands against his eyes.

I threw the covers away from my legs and lifted myself off the ground. I quickly jogged up the stairs, keeping a tight grip around my son's torso.

I pushed open the basement door, my eyes immediately assaulted with the bright sunlight brought me back to the previous nights dream and I sighed sadly.

"What did you do?" I was startled at Alice's sudden outburst, and even more confused as she all but pulled my up the stairs.

"Alice, what are you talking about?" I asked, following her angry form as she tugged me toward her bedroom.

"She came up her practically in tears. What did you do? What did you say to her Edward?" She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at me maddeningly.

"I didn't say anything to her Alice, she ran up the stairs before I even had a chance to sit up!" I stated, stealing glances toward Alice's bedroom door.

"Well you must have done something Edward." She pushed me toward the door, and watched as I entered the room and then closed the door behind me.

"Bella?" I spoke softly, hoping not to startle her. She was lying on Alice's bed, face pressed tightly into the pillows. I could hear her muffled sobs. What had I done?

"Bella?" I spoke a little louder, hoping to catch her attention. She tensed slightly hearing my words, and quickly sat up rubbing at her eyes.

"Oh, sorry." She whispered, her face taking on a pink tint. She was embarrassed? Why?

"Bella what's wrong?" I asked, sitting beside her on the comforter. I set Andy between us and he immediately crawled over to Bella's lap. She smiled at him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him gently.

"Hi Andy!" She cooed, sniffling back her tears. I couldn't understand why she was upset, and I felt a fierce sort of determination to break through her protective defenses and solve the problem. There was something unexpected and powerful about the type of person Bella is, it was slightly overwhelming especially at times like these when all I want is to get inside her mind. It's like there is some sort of block, as if she has so many barriers that need to be broken.

I never expected another person to be as upset or seem as tortured as I had been those first few months. But staring into Bella's deep brown eyes now, was like looking back to that time. I saw myself, and not just in the reflection of her tear-ridden pupils, but in her very emotions and fears.

"Bella?" I pressed, laying a hand on her shoulder gently. She flinched away from my touch and I dropped my hands to my lap.

"I'm fine, Edward. Sorry." She didn't turn to meet my eyes, and I couldn't help but feel guilty over her reaction. She was hurt, and Alice had said it was my fault?

"Did I say something, Bella? Are you upset about last night? I didn't mean to act the way I did, but…it's just a sore spot for me. You understand. Right?" She just gave me a gentle nod, playing with her fingers as she kept her gaze locked on the floor.

I need to break through somehow, I didn't know why, but her non-responsiveness was making me frustrated and angry. I gently pulled her wringing hands into my own, holding them closed. She looked up at me, surprise colored in each and every feature of her face.

I felt a small shudder run through her body, and noticed as the soft mahogany hair of her ponytail rippled with its vibrations. The gesture felt intrusive to her personal space, but I couldn't bring myself to pull my hands away.

"Bella," I whispered, her curious gaze never leaving my confused one. "I'm sorry." After a long moment of pause, she pulled her hands away and with a quick 'no-problem' stood and reached for the pile of clothes Alice had left for her on the end of the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

I sighed. What was wrong with me?

Pictures of Addie danced throughout my mind, and along side them familiar pictures of the girl whom I just sat beside.

_No, this isn't right. Addie is the one I loved, the only one. It's not fair for me to care about _her. _It's not fair that she can come in and catch my attention so quickly. I have to focus, on school, on work, on Andy. _

_I have to focus._

_----_

**A/N: So i have decided that I am going to be updating twice a week from now on. Wednesdays and either saturday's or sunday's depending on what I am doing that weekend. What do you all think, i will be adding an additional chapter a week about mid-june once I am out of school and/or once I pass 150 reviews! Also a big thank you to my beta x0xDrummajorx0x for being a great friend, fan, author, and beta! You are an amazing person Mackie, and even though you didn't beta this last chapter because I wanted it to be a surprise, I edited it about one zillion times! :P**


	12. Complications

**A/N: Okay here is the next chapter as promised! I will continue posting on Wednesdays and Saturdays/Sundays. If you go to my profile you'll find out which day of the weekend that will be specifically. Next week I will not be making posts due to Finals, but I will get back on track as soon as the school year comes to a close. So no updates starting the 27th. Please review this story! It makes me so happy when I see your feedback good or bad :P ~ Lauren**

Chapter Eleven: Bella

It had been one of _those_ weeks. You know, the weeks when the time just seems to pass by you in a seemingly questionable blur. The questionable parts, for myself at least, beginning the morning after I had slept over at the Cullen mansion. More precisely, beginning right after that conversation with Edward.

"_Bella," He whispered, my curious gaze never leaving his pleading glance. "I'm sorry," he stated, sending a flurry of emotions through me in one instance. Happiness for an apology, guilt for the way I had acted the night before, longing for more than just those words, and anxiety for the unknown. What did this mean for us? He was sorry, I was sorry even if I hadn't voiced that fact, but…I couldn't process all of this. After a long moment of pause, I pulled my hands away._

"_No problem." I stood and reached for the pile of clothes Alice had left for me on the end of the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. _

It was a cowardly move. I would be the first to admit that fact. I should have said something, _anything_. The fact that the only words I could form had been 'no problem' only provides further proof of that fact.

Things between Edward and myself have been…well…interesting lately. We were always very professional with each other. Instead of the carefree friendship I had hoped for with him, it was almost as if he were beginning to give me the cold shoulder. I hadn't spoken a word to him in nearly two days aside from a few 'hellos', 'goodbyes', and 'how are yous'. It wasn't as if I was attempting to initiate any sort of communication with him on my part either. That conversation had made me nervous, slightly panicky. I hadn't quite figure out where Edward and I stood. It felt wrong to have feelings for him, potentially longing for more than the general platonic relationship.

My mind was in such a fog that morning. It was mind bogglingly clouded to the point where I was questioning every sentence that left my mouth the remainder of the week. Even now, sitting at the lunch table on Friday I was finding myself staring blankly into my turkey sandwich.

"Did anyone get the history homework done? I couldn't figure out the last two questions." Mike's familiar voice was lost on me while I was in my reflective state. I just gave a silent shake of the head.

Angela ended up supplying him with the answers as I continued my train of thought. Tommy's party was next Saturday, I had a biology lab report due Monday, I still have yet to ask Jacob, I have to get an outfit, I have work after school and maybe tomorrow…

Maybe I would just ask Alice to help me find an outfit. Then again, I probably had something at home. I could just wear jeans and a nice shirt couldn't I? I didn't know.

I reached for my sandwich, pulling off a small bite and popping the piece into my mouth. I took a few sips of my water before attempting to initiate myself into whatever conversation was going on around me.

"So, are you guys excited for Tommy's party?" Angela asked the table. I just nodded, hoping that the subject of dates wasn't going to come up. Mike had already asked me four different times.

"Yea, it should be fun," I offered, taking another bite of sandwich. Jessica nodded furiously, flipping her brown curls behind her shoulder.

"Of course," Lauren stated as if it were supposed to be completely obvious.

"Hey Bella, Lauren, Jessica, and I are all going to Port Angeles tomorrow to get outfits. Do you want to come with us?" Angela smiled at me encouragingly and I returned the gesture. Lauren and Jessica however seemed less than pleased with the idea.

"Umm… I would love to, but I have to make sure that I don't have to work tomorrow." I still hadn't mentioned to any of them what exactly my job was; they just knew that I worked. I didn't want Edward to feel uncomfortable having everyone know that I was watching Andy everyday after school.

"Sure, just call me once you find out." Angela said, stealing a glance at the clock on the opposite wall of the cafeteria.

"We should get going, sixth starts soon." She pulled at Ben's hand, who had been sitting beside her the entire period, and brought him to his feet with a few tugs. I smiled and gave a swift wave as she left through the glass doors.

"I should probably get going, too." I pushed my chair away from the lunch table, listening as the metal scraped against the tile with my efforts. I swung my bag over my shoulder and picked up my lunch tray. Mike waved at me and promised to call me later that day, Lauren and Jessica just mumbling their goodbyes.

I dumped my sandwich into the nearest trashcan, returning the tray to the front of the cafeteria before heading toward my locker.

I switched my morning books with my afternoon, organizing some of my homework into my bag so that it all fit.

I walked quietly toward the biology wing and straight to Edward's and my lab table at the back of the room. Mr. Banner was setting up a video for today's class, 'The Theory of Evolution'.

I sighed, sinking onto my stool and leaning my arms against the sturdy black wood of the lab bench. This video wouldn't be enough of a distraction from my racing mind. I wasn't looking forward to more awkward silence between Edward and me either.

The room filled up quickly and quietly. There were soft murmurs of approval with watching a video instead of listening to a lecture, and a gentle hum of whispers permeated the silent atmosphere.

Edward walked in just moments before the final bell rang, taking his seat beside me without so much as a hello. I sighed frustrated, glaring at the opening credits that ran across the television screen.

I sat quietly, hoping that my constantly wringing fingers weren't drawing too much attention to my nervous form. I wanted to talk to Edward, I wanted to apologize for acting the way I did, for not explaining myself…but I just couldn't bring myself to speak the words.

The lights were soon turned off to allow for a better view of the luminescent screen, and I felt my mind begin to speed into its usual list-making habits.

_Call Jacob, talk to Edward, finish homework, baby-sit Andy, fill tank with gas, go to grocery store, make dinner…._

Then, remembering Angela's invitation, I reached into my bag and pulled out a piece of notebook paper. I scribbled a quick note to Edward asking if he would need me tomorrow and then placed it in front of his silent form.

**Hey Edward,**

**Quick question. Do you need me to watch Andy tomorrow? **

**-Bella**

I watched as his long fingers brushed the folded edges of the loose leaf apart and then his green gaze fall onto the note. Without making any sort of eye contact with me he wrote a single 'no' in perfect calligraphy and handed it back to me.

I stared down at the paper and then back to Edward's face. Still no eye contact. The silence and atmosphere between us was more tense than usual, and in an effort to ebb some of the awkwardness I wrote an apology.

**Okay, thanks. **

**I'm sorry about the other day. I realize that you're mad at me. I didn't mean to say anything about…you know. I'm really sorry, Edward.**

**-Bella**

I pushed the paper back to his side, waiting until he broke focus with the television screen. This time he gave me a questioning glance, his eyes seeming to burn with annoyance.

_**Please Bella, I'm trying to pay attention. **_

I gaped openly at the note, slightly hurt and a little more than confused. I could feel the angry tears sting at the backs of my eyes and became acutely aware and thankful of the dark room. I moved my wringing fingers to my lap then, ducking my head ever so slightly to allow my dark curtain of hair to fall forward.

I didn't attempt to initiate any more of a conversation between the two of us after that, instead choosing to glare holes into the floor and fight the urge to question him.

The sound of the bell broke me from my thoughts and I immediately and almost catatonically picked up my books and headed for my last class of the day.

Gym passed in another questionable blur, and sooner than expected I found myself winding through the Cullens' long driveway. My hazy thoughts fogged my mind, and I attempted to clear them away and put on a brave face for Andy. He deserved it.

I found him in Esme's lap on the couch when I got home that day. He smiled as I came into the room, and waved a tiny fist in the air. I smiled, giggling at his action.

"Hi Andy!" I cooed, dropping my bag near the closet and coming over toward where he sat with his grandmother.

"Bella how was school today?" She asked, bouncing Andy in her lap. I smiled, shrugging my shoulders.

"It was fine, just a lot of homework." She nodded, brushing her hands through her grandson's soft curls.

"And how was your day?" I turned my attention to Andy, poking lightly at his sides. He burst into a shriek of giggles grabbing at my fingers.

Esme laughed at the sound, turning to smile at me. "He didn't sleep for very long," She gave him a disapproving look, but he just kept on smiling. "He should go down earlier than normal tonight, maybe you could read him a few books, or Edward has some classical music up in his stereo you could listen to. That usually calms him down some." I nodded. I hadn't attempted to operate the stereo as of yet, Andy usually fell asleep like clock work without me having to soothe him in anyway.

Edward came home about a half hour or so later. Esme had left for dinner with Carlisle and I was playing with Andy in the living room.

I didn't look up as he came in the door, but Andy turned at the sound and shrieked for his dad.

"Da! Da! Da!" He repeated over and over. Edward's face fell into a lazy grin as he dropped his backpack onto the couch and reached for Andy's bouncing form.

Andy threw his arms around Edward's neck, pulling himself to rest on Edward's chest, earning a kiss on the cheek and a few pats to the back from Edward.

"Hey, buddy. You being a good boy?" Andy just gurgled in response pointing to the spread of toys I had laying out for him. Edward set him down, whispering a quiet 'hello' to me, which I returned just as quietly. He wasn't being fair, ignoring me like this.

"I have to go get changed. I'll be back at nine." He stated rather monotone before walking up the stairs. I glared at his retreating form, seething inwardly as he disappeared to the third floor.

"I don't get it," I whispered to Andy, handing the small boy one of his blocks. He just smiled up at me, reaching up his hands as if to be carried. I placed him in my lap and twirled a few of the blocks around for his amusement.

"I left your check on the counter." Edward stated as he came down the stairs, never making direct eye contact with me. I just ignored him and waited as he silently left the house.

I fed Andy around 6:30; he had mashed bananas and peas. Yum. I had a glass of water, not able to find my appetite at the moment. The entire time I was in the kitchen, Edward's check sat idly on the counter. Almost mocking me with its presence.

"Edward freaking Cullen." I sneered at the signature on the check. Of course he would have his own checking account. I was so sick of being angry with him. I didn't like being angry. I just wanted to understand.

I pulled out my phone, and texted a quick hello to Jacob. I hadn't spoken to him since our 'reunion', but I needed someone to talk to.

I fed Andy some more bananas while waiting for a reply. My phone buzzed moments later with a new text.

_Hey Bella! How are you? –J_

I smiled, yes; this was definitely going to brighten up my mood.

After Andy had eaten I cleaned off his stained and sticky cheeks and pulled him into my arms as I headed for the stairs.

His eyes were drooping, and I knew that he would be out soon. I pushed open Edward's bedroom door slowly, almost as if to make sure I was alone. It was silly really, I knew that no one besides Andy and myself occupied the house, but I just wanted to make sure.

I pushed the door open slowly and kicked it shut quietly behind myself as I moved toward the closet. The room smelled heavily of Edward and I sighed taking in a deep breath. His scent was calming, a mix of sweet and earthy tones. Andy smelled similar, but had a fresher more relaxing scent, nothing nearly as strong as his father.

I felt small tugs on my hair as Andy pulled his fingers through the dark locks. I picked out a dark blue 'onezie' for him to sleep in and, after changing his diaper, dressed him and sat him in his crib. He was out moments later, his body sighing in a gentle rhythm with each even breath that flew from his mouth.

I decided I would stay up here with him for a while longer, make sure that he was okay. It was beginning to storm outside and the sky was darkening slightly. I felt safer up here.

_I'm good. How's school? – B_

_It's good, how have you been? – J_

_I'm great :P It's been a long first week, but I have a job and I'm settling into my school routine. – B_

It felt good to talk to Jacob and I could feel myself smiling at his words. I hadn't been able to really talk to someone in what seemed like forever.

_That's good! I'm happy for you Bells…you kinda worried me last time we saw each other. – J_

Thoughts of my breakdown flashed before my eyes and I felt my cheeks burn. I had been hysterical with tears and sobs. I fainted…

_Yea, sorry about my umm...break down. It's been hard. – B _

I hoped he could understand somehow…I knew he did.

_I understand. My mom died the summer after you left for Phoenix. Car accident. – J_

_Oh, I'm sorry Jacob. – B_

Maybe this was why he knew what to do, what I needed. It was nice to have someone who had been through all this. Comforting almost.

_It's okay Bells, really, it may not seem like it but it gets better. – J_

I didn't have much time left before I had to leave, so I decided to ask him about next Saturday. At least, if he decided that he couldn't go or that he didn't want to I had some more time to find a date. Maybe Mike would still be interested…

_Thanks. Hey I have a quick question, so there is this party down at the Port on Saturday, and I need to bring a 'date'. I was wondering if you wanted to go…you can say no if you want. – B_

_Wilk's party? – J_

Jacob knew Tommy?

_Yea, how did you know? – B_

_I went last year with Jessica something or other. - J, _

Jacob knew Jessica? Did this have something to do with Edward's obvious dislike of Jacob…maybe something happened at this party last year?

_And yea, that would be fun! - J_

I smiled to myself, a weight seeming to lift off of my shoulders. We continued texting for the next hour or so until I heard voices drifting up from the downstairs. I typed a quick good bye to Jacob before making my way downstairs.

"Squirt!" I cringed at the volume of the noise, jumping slightly when my eyes met his tall broad form.

"Hey Emmett!" I whispered gesturing to the top of the stairs where Andy slept soundly. He just chuckled, not bothering to lower his volume.

"That kid could sleep through the Apocalypse." He snorted, dropping his bags to the floor and heading into the kitchen.

"Eddiekins told me to let you go home early. Left the check on the counter or something along those lines." He pulled apart a few cabinets during his explanation, grabbing various bags of chips and a coke.

"Oh, okay." I stated slightly confused. I usually just waited until Edward got back to go home, even when his family were here. This was new and it made me think back to our 'fight'. _He just doesn't want to deal with me._ I thought to myself, my face burning with anger.

"You can stay if you want Bella, I could use some company." I smiled, touched by the gesture. It could be nice to hang out with Emmett for a while; he was like a big brother to me. I felt safe around him, but I knew that I would just be setting myself up for disappointment if I stayed. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself anymore today.

"I should probably go." I pushed myself away from the counter and toward the front entrance. Emmett followed behind, periodically taking sips from his coke.

"You okay? You and Edward in a fight or something?" He asked as I reached for my bag. I forgot that even though Emmett was… well Emmett… he could still be rather perceptive.

"I don't really think ignoring me counts as a fight." I mumbled to myself, pulling on my coat and placing a hand on the doorknob.

"Don't worry about it Emmett." He handed me my check and I smiled, taking it from his grasp.

"Call me or Rose anytime you want to talk." He stated. I nodded in response before closing the door behind myself.

_This was all getting very complicated._


	13. Siblings

**A/N: Okay so I'm not in that much trouble am I? I mean...its still Wednesday technically...even if it is eleven o'clock at night. I know, I know. I'll try harder to put it up earlier next time. Which reminds me, I'm going to be in Tennessee this weekend and I won't be able to update. So, this may be the last update for a week or two. I have finals next week and won't be able to get out another chapter, but i'll try my best. I hope you like this chapter, i find it slightly hysterical (the sibling component in the chapter) if I do say so myself. What do you guys think? Drop me a review please, my last chapter only got three...I was slightly bummed. Make me smile??? :( Luv ya tons! ~Lauren**

Chapter 12: Edward's POV

This week had been hell in its purest and most unadulterated form. It was taking all my energy to avoid Bella and I was getting sick of fighting with my conscious. I didn't want to admit to myself that I cared about her, even a little bit. It seemed like giving in, and I, Edward Cullen, _never_ gave in.

Some would call me stubborn, Alice in particular, but I always knew what I wanted and I'd had a sense of determination and drive instilled in me from day one. It was what got me through the worst of times, my parent's death, Addie's pregnancy, Addie's death. But the drive was wavering lately; I had pictured for so long a life of forever with Addie. Even if I didn't feel ready at the time, it was my only option.

Now I had Andy to worry about, I had a job and two lives to work for. It was no longer about what I wanted, the second the strip turned pink it was about what he needed, what _she_ needed. I had lives to protect and sustain both financially, mentally, and physically. I had to grow up, something that I had forever put off. I didn't believe in seriousness then, I don't have a choice now.

It was around nine thirty when I arrived back at the house. Bella's truck was no longer in the driveway, so I figured Emmett must have conveyed the message of her "early dismissal." Emmett's jeep was parked in its usual spot, the only car besides my own that was currently present at the house. Alice was probably still at practice, Esme and Carlisle at dinner.

I pulled the spare key our from under one of Esme's planters and turned the brass knob.

"Hey Emmett." I called softly aware that Andy could be in close vicinity.

"My brother!" I watched as his large form rose from the couch to greet me, bringing me in for a one armed hug and ruffling my hair as if I was a child.

"Lay off." I kidded, pushing his massive hand away from my disorderly locks. He just shrugged shoving me back.

"How was work?" He asked, motioning for me to follow him over to the couch. I took a seat beside him and smiled gratefully when he offered me a coke from the fridge.

"It was okay, angry boss, annoyed customers, the usual." Emmett just chuckled shaking his head at me.

"I don't see why you put up with all this shit. You know you've got a pretty hefty trust fund coming your way in just a few months. Besides, it's not like Esme and Carlisle aren't 'well off'." I gave him an incredulous look. He knew the answer already.

"You know why I do it. It's my-" But I didn't get a chance to finish before he, in true Emmett fashion, rudely interrupted me.

"Responsibility. Yea, yea I've heard it all before." He tossed me a cool bottle, plopping himself down beside me on the cushion. The sofa moaned slightly at the sudden change in weight, and squeaked repeatedly with Emmett's every move and shift.

"You come talk to me when Rose comes home pregnant." I mumbled, thoroughly annoyed with his opinions and fighting to keep my eyes open. I took a swig of the caffeinated drink before me, popping the top with precision and allowing the cool of the tin can and its smooth contents soothe the burning thirst in the back of my throat.

"Oh stop your whining Eddie, your life isn't so horrible." He chided, earning him an eye roll from myself.

"Don't call me that, and my life isn't exactly _easy_ either genius." I reminded him, turning my attention to the television set that had been previously serving as absentminded background noise.

"It's only difficult because you make it that way, what with your three jobs and insane course load! And what the hell is up with you and Bella?" The name caused me to internally cringe. Damn Emmett and his damn perceptiveness.

"There's nothing going on between Bella and I. we're fine." I stated, crossing my arms over my chest and willing him to drop the subject while my sanity still remained intact.

"Didn't look that way today. She wasn't herself when I got home, and she seemed kinda upset when I mentioned you telling her to leave early." I looked away from his curious eyes, boring holes into Esme's perfect plush carpet.

"Back off, Emmett. Besides you've barley known her a week…she could be acting completely normal."

"Oh yea Edward, there's a plausible option. Grow up!" He pushed himself of the couch, gesturing in a way that screamed disgust.

"You first. You know nothing about my life, none of you do!" He just kept walking, retreating to his room at the top of the stairs.

"Maybe if you stopped dragging your feet in the past and actually got a good look at the present you would see that we are all _trying_ to understand. Bella included." He reached the landing moments later, continuing his steady foot falls until he was safely behind the large oak door.

In a futile attempt to calm myself down I punched my clenched fist into one of Esme's soft decorative throw pillows. _That did nothing for me._

"Damn it." I cursed, running a nervous hand through my frazzled locks. I heard the shrill squeak of car breaks sound outside the front door and immediately relaxed my tense form. _Alice._ Alice knew everything. I wasn't going to escape her questioning gaze if I stayed within a ten radius of that girl. So, in an effort to put distance between Alice and myself, I grabbed my cell and headed at an almost run to my room on the third floor.

"Woah their Edward." Her soft soprano trill danced up the stairs, bouncing awkwardly off the unusually angle's of the mansion's walls. I slowed my movements, fighting with my mind to awaken some sense of normalcy, to cast her curious eyes away from my flustered form.

"Sorry Alice…I…Andy." I reached the landing just as she pulled open the closet door, shifting my body through the doorway and turning the lock behind the closed frame.

"Safe." I breathed, leaning my weight against the sturdy wall and sliding to the floor. I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I didn't want to deal with anything anymore. And for once I willingly searched through my past, attempting to find those few moments of perfect contentment.

Flashes of Alice and Emmett as small children appeared before my eyes, I lost myself in memories of my childhood, images and flickers of my birth mother, Elizabeth, cooking for me in the kitchen. My father sitting in the living room with a paper and tobacco pipe. The perfect family. Of course, I was four then, things were different now.

_Beep. Beep._

My cell phone buzzed loudly in my palm, the small blue device vibrating with the obtaining of a new text. I ran my hands down the sleek side, hooking my fingers under the frame and revealing my newest message.

**I know why you're up there. **

I groaned, tossing the phone onto my bedspread. I couldn't deal with Alice right now.

I maneuvered carefully in the softly lit room, making sure to not disturb my sleeping son as I peeled off my work uniform and pulled on a pair of black pajama bottoms. I continued to move, entering my adjoining bathroom and brushing my teeth, washing my face, and attempting to brush my bronzed hair into some sort of organized fashion. _Yea right._

I chuckled lightly at the predictability of my disordered locks and went back into the bedroom, finding three more text messages from the demon sibling each stating something along the lines of 'come downstairs' or 'I know where you live'. Her attempt at comic relief was not helping ease my irritation and so with a quiet muted thud I propped myself down onto my plush king sized bed and attempted to relax my body into sleep.

"_Edward?" I smiled brightly at the sound of the familiar voice, turning to face my angel as she took her seat beside me at our usual lunch table. There she stood, in her normal choice of distressed, faded, and torn denim jeans, bright blue flip flops allowed the slightest bit of pink and blue toenails to peek through the thin straps. _

_I dragged my eyes up her perfect form, my eyebrow's furrowing when I took notice of the oversized purple, wool sweater. Continuing their ascent to her bright green irises I caught sight of her distressed features and the way she had her small fingers wrapped tightly into her bright curls. _

"_Addie? What's wrong?" I stood quickly from my spot on the cafeteria bench, gaining the attention of my two siblings and their significant others with my haste and worry. Addie's knuckles were turning white as they strained against her straw colored strands and I immediately wrapped a protective arm around her waste leading her away from the table and out of the cafeteria. _

_I could feel her form relax slightly as we moved closer and closer to the exit. I continued to pull her across the school hallways until we reached the back of the faculty parking lot. No one was here during the day, and I knew she was scared about something. _

_Once we reached the edge of the curb Addie plopped herself down, dragging me with her as we landed softly on the sturdy cement beneath us. I dragged my fingers across the line of her waist, attempting to soothe her tense form. I waited patiently as she sorted through her thoughts. _

_She reached blindly for my hand, her stare focused off into the distance. I grabbed her fingers with my own, lacing our warm hands together and bringing her shaking palm to my mouth. _

_I laid two gentle kisses to the underside of her palm, pulling her body closer toward mine. _

"_Talk to me." I whispered quietly hoping to pull her from the confidence of her mind. We didn't have a lot of time before chemistry started. _

"_Edward…I-I can't." Her voice cracked slightly, and I pulled her closer still, resting my chin onto her soft mane of hair. She shook harder, and I watched confused as she raised her delicate fingers to the undersides of her eyes, wiping away the gentle pools of tears that had accumulated there. _

_I kissed her head; once again asking her to tell me what was going on. _

"_You can tell me anything Addie, you know you can." I assured her. She nodded her head, sucking in a deep breath. _

_She gently pulled her fingers away from my hands and rested her left palm against the face of her stomach. _

_My eyes locked onto the frail digits as the traced away mindlessly into the textured wool of her sweater. _

"_Addie? You're…you're not," I couldn't finish my sentence. Hell, I couldn't finish the thought. My mind raced for a possible explanation and assurance that my assumption was false. She just nodded her head once, tears now streaming down her face. _

_I knew this was possible, I mean…thanksgiving break was only two weeks ago or so. It was _very_ possible. _

"_Addie." I reached for her in my uncertain state, my hands finding purchase in her hair as I tugged her haunted eyes to my own. _

"_You're sure?" She just nodded, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the undeniable proof. The pink strip stared back at me in all its pastel glory. I felt another quiet sob rock through Addie's body a she wrapped her arms around her torso in either an attempt to hold herself together or to protect the tiny life that existed beneath a few layers of fabric and muscle. _

"_I'm scared." She admitted, leaning into my shocked form. _

"_Me too." I admitted, feeling my own tears well up as I held her body tightly to my own. _

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

The sudden shriek of a phone jolted my body awake, and I searched blindly in my distressed to state to quiet the noise. I didn't want Andy to wake up now.

I found the smooth surface of the device, flipping it open and whispering low and harsh to silence my persistent sister's threats.

"Damn it. Back off!" I hissed, my voice thick with annoyance and revulsion.

"I don't need you bothering me every five seconds, your persistence is annoying as hell and I don't care for it!" I stated, pausing a moment to gather her reaction. After a quiet moment, a familiar voice stuttered its way through the phone lines.

"Edward…I-I'msorry." Oh shit, Bella.

"Bella? Wait hold on I-" I panicked, securing the phone more tightly to my face as if it would close the distance between the two of us.

"No it's okay…I just wanted to remind you I wasn't going to be able to come in tomorrow…I'll leave you alone I guess." I heard her faint 'goodbye' and then the low dial tone of an ended call.

_Shit._

I can only imagine how that must have sounded to Bella just now. I threw the phone across the room in my frustration, the loud thud resonating around the room and awakening the sleeping child only feet away from me.

I heard his soft whimpers, and immediately sprung from the bed to gather him in my arms.

"Shhh buddy, it's daddy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I attempted to soothe is startled form, pulling him against my bare chest and kissing his forehead softly. He was so fragile, just like Bella. I've totally screwed myself over.


	14. Being Open

**A/N: I'M BACK!!!! WOOT!!! :P So school is finally over, and I am just so excited about having more time to write! So here is chapter 13, I hope you like it! I know that I promised to do three chapters a week from now on so I'm going to do my best to hold up my end of the bargain. So from now on, Mondays, Wednesdays, and either saturdays or sundays will be update days for this story. I will also place the dates for the next few updates on my profile! Thank you all for being so patient with me over the past few weeks. Now, onward! ~Lauren**

RECAP : EPOV

I can only imagine how that must have sounded to Bella just now. I threw the phone across the room in my frustration, the loud thud resonating around the room and awakening the sleeping child only feet away from me.

I heard his soft whimpers, and immediately sprung from the bed to gather him in my arms.

"Shhh buddy, it's daddy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I attempted to soothe is startled form, pulling him against my bare chest and kissing his forehead softly. He was so fragile, just like Bella. I've totally screwed myself over.

--

Chapter 13: Bella POV

"_Damn it. Back off!" My startled mind stuttered with the texture and anger laced within those unexpected words, the familiar velvety voice sounded venomous and deadly, making me internally cringe. _

"_I don't need you bothering me every five seconds, your persistence is annoying as hell and I don't care for it!" By this point my jaw had fell forming a perfect 'o' between my lips. _

_The rest of the conversation seemed to blur together, with myself adding some sort of explanation as to why the call was made and a fragmented apology. I was angry, hurt, and more than a little confused. What exactly had I done to deserve these words? _

_I could feel the tears threatening their descent against my reddened cheeks, and I fought with my voice not to crack and give away my weakened state. I wanted to yell, to scream! I felt like shouting every profanity I had ever been introduced to in my short 17 years, but I couldn't find the courage or the will to do so. _

_The result of said cowardice, a hurried goodbye, followed soon after by the muted click of a closed cell-phone; the likes of which tossed toward the opposite end of the mattress as if to further the distance between the enraged Edward and myself._

_In an effort to keep my flooding emotions barricaded I curled my knees under myself, wrapping my arms around them in a protective gesture. _

_What the hell just happened?_

"So what do you think? I like the blue ones, but would the silver match the embroidery better? … Bella? _Bella?_ Hello?!" The high-pitched shriek startled me out of my reverie, pulling my distant mind back to the present and into the ice blue eyes of one Lauren Mallroy.

The irises almost seemed frozen in their annoyed state, and I cringed under the angry gaze. She stood there in all her self-proclaimed glory wearing nothing but some tight fitting faded skinny jeans that hung low across her hips, and an equally constrictive blue and silver halter-top that cut her slender figure at an awkward 45-degree angle against her ribs. She looked similar to a poorly dressed hooker, but carried herself as one of royalty might. Lauren's cold expression only seemed to harden as the moments passed and I watched with in-different eyes as she dangled a pair of six-inch sliver heels only inches in front of my face.

"Sorry, what?" I asked, my eyes moving between the shoes and her gaze, questioning their current place in my line of sight. The muted snicker of Jessica Stanley echoed somewhere in the vicinity, but Lauren's gaze never faltered.

"The shoes? Should I get the blue or the silver?" I looked once more between the shoes in her hand and down toward the blue ones that adorned her freshly painted toes.

"Uh, either or I guess." I shrugged, reaching into my purse and pulling out my cell-phone to check the time. 11:10 AM. _Only two more hours, _I thought to myself.

"You're useless Swan." Lauren commented, removing herself from the isle and picking up both the silver and blue shoeboxes as she headed toward the cashier.

"Hey Lauren, wait up!" Jessica called, her petite form following closely behind.

"Whatever." I mumbled under my breath, tossing my phone back into my bag. I stood up from my seated position against the shelves and racks of various tennis shoes and flip-flops, brushing off the back of my jeans and adjusting my shirt. I felt the pressure of a warm hand against the back of my shoulder and turned to see a smiling Angela.

"Hey!" She stated excitedly, holding up her own pair of much more modest black ballet flats. "I found them!" She proclaimed happily, entwining her arm with mine as we headed toward the cash registers.

"Did you get anything?" She asked, analyzing my lack of shopping bags. I just shook my head, laughing to myself.

"I don't do heels." I stated, pausing in line behind Jessica as Angela set her shoes onto the counter.

"Why not, you could pull them off if you really wanted to." She complimented, squeezing my arm as she reached into her purse for her wallet.

"For the same reason I don't jump in front of cars. It's hazardous to my health." I teased, flushing slightly with the exclamation of my awkward clumsiness.

"I'm sure it's not that bad." She assured, handing her credit card to the cashier.

"I'm sure you haven't spent that much time with me." I concluded, as she grabbed for the bag of shoes and her card and we left the store in search of a more tasteful and hopefully less expensive store for my outfit.

"I'm starved, can we find the food court or something?" Jessica complained as we made our descent to the main floor of the Port Angeles Mall. Angela shrugged, and I agreed needing to take a break from all the walking. Shopping was tiresome.

"I'm getting Subway. What do you guys want?" Angela stated, offering to buy lunch. I smiled in thanks and we all placed our order. Lauren, Jessica, and I found a four-person booth to share toward the front end of the food court, and immediately launched into a discussion over who was going to be at the party this Friday.

"Oh you know Tommy's going to bring that god-awful girlfriend of his, what's her name, Tammy or something." Lauren commented, pulling out a small compact and quickly reapplying some pale pink lip-gloss.

"Such a whore." Jessica concluded, twirling a lock of dark curls. I raised an eyebrow at their not-so-silent exchange, silently praying for Angela's quick return.

"So wait, who are _you_ taking to the dance?" I felt a sharp poke to my right forearm, and turned my head quickly, swatting at Lauren's sharp nails.

"You don't know him." I said, going back to ignoring their petty remarks.

"Oh please I know everyone at Forks high." Lauren pushed, folding her arms across her chest and leaning forward.

"He doesn't go to our school, he lives on the reservation." I rolled my eyes at her self-assuredness.

_Beep. Beep._

_Thank god. I need a distraction._

I reached my hand into my purse, fishing around for the slick plastic of my black cell-phone and popping it open to reveal two new text messages.

**Hey Bella. What time are we meeting Friday? – J**

I smiled at Jake's message, quickly typing back my reply and relaying that we could meet at the harbor around seven-thirty.

I went to the second text message.

**Bella, we need to talk, call me. – E**

I rolled my eyes at this text, as I had done after receiving the previous three. All stating something along the lines of 'call me', 'I'm sorry', etc. I wasn't in the mood to be yelled at or lectured and I was certainly not in the mood to be fired. That I could hold off on for a few more hours.

"What's with you?" Jessica commented on my annoyed state and I turned my annoyed glare on her earning an even more wicked stare from Lauren.

"Seriously Swan, what's shoved up your ass?" Lauren sneered, just as I caught a glance of Angela crossing the court with two trays of sandwiches.

"How eloquently put, Lauren." I retorted, throwing my cell back into the bag beside me.

"Whatever, _Izzy._" I narrowed my eyes at the unwelcome nickname. "What did your date cancel on you or something? I wouldn't blame him." Jessica giggled at Lauren's comment, and my eyes burned red with anger. The word 'revenge' danced so temptingly behind my crimson gaze as I thought quickly to come up with a response.

"No, just another text from Mike wondering if I wanted to join him on Friday. Kinda desperate don't you think?" Jessica blanched at my comment, her tiny fingers curling into tight fists. If Angela hadn't made her appearance then I think it would have turned into a debacle similar to a 'Mean Girls' deleted scene.

"Did I miss anything?" Angela asked, taking her seat beside me and unwrapping her lunch.

"No." Lauren commented, taking a quick sip of her Sprite.

--

After lunch we ended up wandering around some more. The mall was huge, and we had just finished covering the second floor when I heard the all to familiar singsong voice.

"Bella?" She trilled, and I turned myself around just in time to wrap my arms around Alice Cullen. Rosalie stood closely behind her, giving me a quick smile.

"Hey Alice." I greeted, pulling away from her excited form. She bounced excitedly over to Angela for a quick hug and hello before returning back to Rose's side.

"What are you guys doing here?" I questioned, not remember hearing of there plans to shop this weekend.

"Umm hello, it's Saturday!" Alice spoke as if the conclusion were supposed to be that obvious.

"Does Saturday hold some sort of significance?" I asked turning toward Rosalie for an answer.

"Shopping." Was all she said, laughing quietly to herself.

"For Tommy's party!" Alice finished, asking if that was why we we're visiting the mall today. Angela nodded, holding up her three bags of clothing which Alice immediately dove into.

"Oh my gosh Angela you're going to look so amazing in these, I can't wait to see you!" She trilled happily, perfectly content with ignoring Jessica and Lauren's presence all-together; which I was completely okay with.

"Where are all your bags Bells?" Rosalie asked, gesturing the length of my body.

"I haven't found anything yet." I answered simply.

"Oh my gosh you have to let me pick out your outfit Bella! Please, please, please?" Alice bounced excitedly, her hands folded in front her chest and her eyes wide with anticipation.

"Is that okay?" I turned my attention back toward Angela, Lauren, and Jessica. Angela nodded happily wishing me good luck and saying how she'd see my on Monday.

"Take her." Was the polite goodbye I received from Lauren before she dragged Jessica and Angela across the hallway and out of site.

I sighed, turning back to my saviors.

"Thank you!" I flung my arms around them both and earning a giggle from Alice.

"No need to thank us, we wouldn't want you in anything that Lauren Mallroy had approved." She shivered in emphasize of her point.

"True." Rosalie agreed, and so we we're off to find me the perfect outfit for Friday night.

--

Two hours, twelve bags, and three hundred dollars later, Alice and Rose had dragged me out of the mall insisting on a Saturday night slumber party. I shook my head vigorously, having no desire to be within ten miles of Edward at the moment, let alone be in the same house. I don't think that would be something I could've handled.

However with my being Bella and Alice being Alice I'm here now, sitting in the Cullen living room, watching Rosalie's favorite movie, Ten Things I Hate About You. Apparently it's one of Em's favorite's too because I think he was more into it then either Alice or myself. Emmett is so amusing.

Edward hadn't gotten home yet, and I was hoping that he wouldn't until after we had retired to Alice's fashion lair.

"Bellda, Bellda, Bellda," I turned my attention downward toward the playpen beside the sofa. Andy was lying on his back, his hands in the air, and his fists opening and closing in an attempt to gather attention to himself. I giggled at his chanting and stood swiftly reaching into the playpen and grabbing up the beautiful toddler in my arms. I hugged him to my chest, kissing him softly on the head. He broke out into a brilliant one-toothed smile, crooked to perfection just like his father. My smile faltered slightly. Usually this perfect little smile would bring an equally happy grin to my face, but it just served as one more un-needed reminder of Edward's and my last conversation.

I sighed. This was so frustrating.

"Bella?" I turned my head at the mention of my name, finding Alice looking up at me from her space on the couch. Her eyes seemed sad and confused almost.

"Yea, Alice?" I questioned, sitting myself down beside her and placing Andy carefully onto my lap.

"Is something wrong? You seem…sad." She asked, laying one perfectly manicured hand against my knee. I shrugged, attempting to avoid her perceptive gaze. I wasn't being fair by hiding my emotions from her, but I just couldn't handle explaining my hurt feelings.

"I'm fine, Alice." I said, turning my reddened face toward the floor, my fingers mindlessly running though Andy's reddened locks.

I heard the faint click of a TV remote and Emmett's screech of protest as Rose came toward the couch.

"Hey! It was just getting to the good part!" He stated, crossing his arms over his chest like a small child might. I giggled at his outburst.

"Shut up, Emmett." Rose warned, taking a seat beside myself on the couch. Emmett just huffed in response, waiting rather impatiently for the movie to be restarted.

"Come on, Bella. You know you can talk to us. I mean…it's us." Rose teased, nudging at my shoulder. I smiled slightly, but nevertheless kept my eyes downcast.

"I promise it's nothing guys." I insisted, setting Andy on the floor beside Emmett and running a hand through my dark locks.

How do you tell your best friend that their brother hurt you? How do you explain to someone as smart and insightful and _perceptive_ as Alice and Rose that your just not sure weather or not this job is really going to workout? How do you explain all of this without seeming like a whiny brat, I mean…Edward has his problems, who am I to be throwing around mine in their face. He was probably just upset.

I _hope_ he was just upset. I could feel the traitor tears sting at the corners of my eyes and fought with myself to remain calm.

"Is this about Edward?" Emmett's voice surprised me, and I turned my head quickly, my water gaze questioning his intrigued glance.

"No." I stated quickly, too quickly. Three pairs of eyes shot to my face, and I felt Alice tense beside me.

"What did he say to you?" She asked quickly, turning her body to face mine and pulling both of my hands into her lap. Her large blue eyes zeroed in to my red cheeks and the shallow pools of water that had formed against my eyelids.

"Nothing, Edward didn't do anything." I pulled my hands away from hers, fisting them at my sides. I didn't need to get upset right now, I didn't need to breakdown.

"Come on, squirt. Spill." Emmett commanded, laying one of his large hands onto my fist. He pulled at my fingers, willing me to open up.

So what could I have done? What would anyone have done, when you have someone as strong and intimidating as Emmett breaking down the floodgates and offering his understanding? Or when you have someone as beautifully complex as Rosalie running her cool hands through your hair and whispering her words of support. I cracked, throwing myself into Alice's waiting arms as the tears broke free.

They flowed effortlessly down my cheeks and I felt my body shudder with confused sobs. I explained the conversation, my fear that Edward hated me; I insisted that I didn't know what to do, or how to handle it.

"This is so unfair." I whispered, while Alice pulled me even closer to her chest.

"Oh honey, when did you call him?" She asked, rubbing soothing circles into my spine.

"Last night. I don't know what I did Alice, I just…I just don't know. Why is he so mad? Why does he hate me?" I couldn't deal with this; I wasn't one to breakdown and cry to others. I dealt with things by myself, on my own time. But here, with these people, in this house, I find myself opening up more so than I have ever before.

"He doesn't hate you Bella." Rosalie insisted, playing with my hair in an attempt to calm me down. Emmett kept a strong hold on my hand, brushing his thumb against my knuckles.

I felt Alice's sudden movement before I heard the unmistakable noise. A car door slamming shut. _Shit. _

"Bella, go upstairs." Alice spoke quickly loosening her grip and gesturing toward her room. Rose gave me on last hug and Emmett dropped my hand.

"Don't you worry Bells. We'll get to the bottom of this." My eyes widened as he shooed me up the stairs. I ran quickly, my hand just reaching the door as I heard the front door slam. I quickly walked inside, quietly shutting the door behind me and dropping to a puddle against the frame.

That's when the shouting began. Three voices raised in volume, always a break before that velvet retaliation. I hated myself for doing this, for putting Edward in this awkward position. I could hear Andy's muffled cries at the loud voices before everything dropped considerably in volume and loud footsteps adorned the nearby staircase.

--

"Goodnight, Bella." I mumbled a 'goodnight' from my spot on the floor; pulling the blanket Alice had given me more securely around my body. I felt like I would break in half at any moment. The adrenaline rush my emotions were usually supported by was running past its limit. My patience and determination spent. I couldn't keep up the pretense of a happy and content façade, I couldn't keep even a fake smile on my face, it was too hard.

I must have lain there for hours. Or what felt like hours. I was unmoving, stiff in my cocoon of blankets and pillows. Alice and Rosalie's rhythmic breathing felt too distant and I found myself pulling at my makeshift bed and walking toward the door.

I opened it mindlessly, taking the stairs slowly. I needed to be alone, and even though both Rose and Alice were asleep I still felt crowded. I needed to think.

I caught glimpse of the alarm clock as I left the room. 3:30 AM. Wonderful.

The Cullen mansion was eerily dark at this time of night; everything blacker than pitch and the beautiful white furniture cast an unmistakable glow about the living space. I took a seat on the sofa, curling my legs underneath myself and pulling the afghan from the back of the couch. I rested my head against a nearby throw pillow and allowed my body to sink more deeply into the cushions.

"Bella?" My head shot up toward the noise, my body stiffening considerably as the familiarity of the voice sunk in. _Edward._

"Hi." I whispered, my eyes never leaving his body as he took the seat beside me. He wore nothing but a black pair of sleep pants and white socks. His chest seemed to glow against the bright light of the full moon seen outside the large glass wall and I heard myself let out a contented sigh.

"What are you doing down here?" He asked, his eyes never leaving my own. I wanted to be mad at him, I knew I should be. I didn't deserve his cold attitude yesterday, but I was having trouble remembering my thoughts.

"Um...couldn't sleep. You?" He shrugged at the question.

"Same."

There was an awkward moment of pause between the two of us. I fought to break his gaze; I had a perfectly worded insult after perfectly worded insult planned out in my mind. I wanted nothing to do with him at the moment.

"Look, Bella I-" I sat up quickly wrapping the blanket around myself and held up one quieting finger.

"It doesn't matter, Edward." I insisted, about to stand up and head back to Alice's room when I felt his long fingers wrap suddenly around my wrist. I blanched at the unwanted pressure, but no attempt at pulling away from him. His hands felt so warm. So comforting.

"Please, hear me out." He whispered pulling me back down onto the couch beside him. I nodded reluctantly.

I watched with careful concentration as he began his explanation. How he thought it had been Alice on the phone, about the pressure he's been feeling lately, about his fears for the future and his love of Andy.

More than once I found myself staring into his green eyes, or watching the way the moonlight shone of his bronze mane. He was so beautiful, and all I wanted to do was forgive him and comfort him.

During the explanation I felt him reach for my hand and I gripped his quietly. He recounted the dreams he's had about Addie, how he feels like he's lost part of himself.

"It's so unfair that I'm dumping all this one you, I just…I don't want you to be mad at me. I can't see you hurt." The last part shocked me, and I felt him grip my hand tighter as if he were afraid this admission would make me want to run. And part of me did, but a bigger part of me was confused.

I needed to know more about him, I was addicted to the sound of his voice, so smooth, so powerfully emotional. I gripped his fingers back with equal amount of force and pressure. He smiled at the gesture, and soon I found myself being pulled into his solid embrace.

I wound my hands around his torso and I felt his fingers lose themselves in my brown curls. His skin was so warm and smelled like sweet musk. I inhaled deeply where my nose rested against the crook of his shoulder. It felt so amazing to be close with him, and for the first time in my life I felt wanted and needed. It was something I could seriously consider getting used to.

I didn't want him to pull away, but eventually he did. And with a swift kiss of my forehead he stood and ascended the stairs.

I was left astonished and slightly more than content, wrapping the afghan around my body and leaning back against the couch as my body drifted into a comfortable sleep.

**A/N: So...good/bad? Please review it makes me so happy guys you have no idea! :P **


	15. Therapy

**A/N: Hello all! So I promised to have an update today and here it is! I know that it is currently ... 9:09 PM but still, it counts right?? *waits to have rocks thrown at her* Haha Anyway I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter I was so excited to see all the feedback, so, thank you! Here is the next chapter, Edward. I hope you guys like it, I plan on one more chapter following this and then the party!!! Whose excited? Any ideas, predictions, questions, or comments you may have just send a PM or a review my way I promise to get back to you! Once again thank you all so much! ~Lauren**

Chapter 14: EPOV

Dr. Webber's office was located four and a half miles from Forks High, just off the highway and through a couple of hidden back streets. I considered myself a 'usual' at his establishment, having visited here multiple times a week over the past few months.

It was Tuesday afternoon, and although I hadn't seen the doctor in a few weeks now, I felt in need of some advice, and the whole 'doctor-patient confidentiality' always made me more comfortable when I was spilling my fears and secrets.

The only difference for this trip however, was the flushed brunette that currently occupied my passenger seat. Bella.

"He's going to hate me, or turn me away." Her tiny, delicate hands were contorted into a mess of wringing fingers and her soft hair rippled ever so softly with each jarring movement that the car ride provided. I sighed, wanting to reach out a steadying hand and calm her nervous worrying, but not being able to find the courage or the will. Would she find that weird? Would that freak her out? "I've got too many problems, I am-" I cut off her words quickly, not allowing any room for fear or worry. She was a smart, intriguing, and all-together amazing person. So she had a few problems, who doesn't?

"He's not going to _hate_ you. Don't be silly, Bella." I chided, pulling into the office parking lot and into an available space toward the end of the lot. _No way is anyone scratching my Volvo._

I quickly exited the car, going around and opening Bella's door. However, I found that she was already out and moving toward the building.

Things between Bella and I had been slowly but surely progressing. Ever since our 'meeting' of sorts, for lack of a better title, I've found myself being more comfortable around her, finding more confidence in her presence. My siblings were slightly more than thrilled when I told them I had apologized, and even more ecstatic when they learned Bella had forgiven me. Which was a relief for me, as flashes of our screaming match the other night blazed before my eyes.

"_I'm home," I said, closing the front door shut and turning my attention toward the living room. My eyes immediately locked on Andy's, his gentle smile commanding my attention. I smiled at him. _

"_Hey buddy." I cooed going over to pick him up off the floor and rest him against my chest. _

"_Da," he stated, pulling at my shirt as I turned my attention away from him. Alice's expression was the first I caught a glimpse off. Her eyes bore through me, intense and rather demanding. She had her hands fisted at her sides and her nostrils flared out with each angry breath she forced past her lips. _

"_What the hell is your problem, Edward?" She demanded. I was shocked at her question, thinking back to the events that had transpired since my arrival. What was she talking about? "Alice, what's wrong with you?" I questioned, setting Andy down on the floor beside me and taking a step toward my livid sister. _

"_What's wrong with me?!" Her volume rose to impossible decibels and I cringed at the unwelcome sound, stealing a quick glance toward the floor where a wide eyed Andy sat, taking in his aunt's unusual outburst._

"_Yes, what's wrong with you? I just got home and you act like I-" _

"_She acts like your being a pompous ass?" Rose questioned, moving to flank Alice's right side. _

"_What…what are you two even talking about?!" I demanded, my hands balling into tight fists at my sides. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through my blood and my control was slipping as my voice rose to an equally loud volume. _

"_You know Bella's upstairs." Emmett. God, since when is three against one ever fair? _

"_Bella? What is she doing here?" I asked, turning to Alice for the answer, it was her doing no doubt. _

"_Bella is our friend Edward! I invited her over to stay the night, but when we got home she seemed different, she broke down Edward. She told us what you had said to her over the phone! She was in tears Edward. Does that mean anything to you?!" I wanted to hit her; I felt my fist curl even tighter into my palm as I fought for control. Punching my little sister would not be a good ending to my day, and I don't think either Emmett or Jasper would appreciate the gesture. _

"_You don't know anything, Alice!" I shouted, but Andy's screams startled us all out of our angry mindset. His face was red and his eyes filled with tears. My heart broke at the sight of him and I quickly reached down scooping him into my arms. He locked his hands around my neck, his cries never ceasing. _

"_Shhh. Daddy's sorry," I whispered dragging my fingers through his soft hair and down his pajama clad back. _

"_Yea well maybe he shouldn't be the only person you apologize to tonight," Rose remarked, pointing toward Alice's bedroom door. I snarled, glaring at her seething form before turning on my heel and marching up the stairs. I paused briefly outside Alice's door, but thought better of it and kept up a strong pace until I was safely behind my bedroom door. _

"Edward?" The familiar voice brought me out of the unpleasant memory to find Bella holding the door of 'Webber Therapies' open for me. I smiled at the gesture, taking the door from her and motioning her forward. She frowned at the action, but stepped through the door anyway.

"I was holding the door open for _you._" She protested, walking toward the reception area.

Dr. Webber's office was rather small in size, the cream colored, popcorn textured dry walls housed many a picture of the Olympic Peninsula, and I recognized beaches and mountains from my adventures here as a child. Growing up with my adopted brother and sister, picnics with Addie, all reminders of my past. There was a reception area close to the front of the building, and I walked up to Mrs. Collins, one of the receptionists that worked here, with a small grin.

"Mr. Cullen! How nice to see your smiling face," she stated kindly, her gray curls falling around her shoulders as she leaned over the desk to encase me in her arms. I chuckled at the gesture, returning the hug with equal enthusiasm.

"How are you Mrs. Collins?" I asked politely, turning my face to the side to find Bella's small smirk.

"Oh Edward, dear, you know to call me by my first name, Mindy," she teased, shifting some papers around on her desk so as to locate my paperwork.

"Of course, my apologies." She smiled, handing me my folder and pointing toward Dr. Webber's main office.

"You will meet with the doctor in that room as soon as his three o'clock is through." I nodded at her instructions, reaching to my side and pushing Bella in front of me.

"Hello dear. How can I help you?" Bella flushed and I dropped my hand, waiting as their introductions passed and her appointment time was given. Her appointment was with Dr. Stevens, the group therapist, and would be going on the same time as my private session.

She thanked Mindy, giving her a small grin before turning to lead the way back to the reception area.

"Group therapy? I didn't know Charlie had signed me up for this." She whispered to me as soon as we had taken our seats. I shrugged.

"Usually the doctors have you do your first few sessions with a group of other patients. It helps them determine communication skills, attentiveness, and behavioral reactions. You'll be fine," I assured, leaning back into the curved plastic of my chair. Bella nodded, her mind seeming distant.

"I'm nervous," she admitted after a few moments of silence between the two of us. I smiled at her worried form, watching as she carefully pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, noticing how her hands fluttered nervously where they rested against her lap.

"Don't be," I insisted, giving her a quick smile. She seemed to pause for a few moments, but with a quick glance toward the large grandfather clock her nervous actions seemed to increase ten-fold.

"Don't worry, Bella," I said, placing a comforting hand atop her wringing fingers. Her eyes danced back and forth between my calm expression and our hands. She smiled, flushing a bright crimson.

"Did I embarrass you?" I asked, pulling my hand away. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, but I immediately noticed her negative reaction to my hand's absence.

"It's not that difficult to embarrass me Edward. And no, you didn't," she insisted, looking at me from underneath her dark, thick lashes. I was momentarily stunned, for the first time noticing how expressive her deep brown irises were. It amazed me.

"Ms. Swan?" Bella's attention turned away from our locked gaze to Dr. Stevens who stood outside her office door. Dr. Stevens was the newest doctor on the staff here, having transferred from a small town outside of Seattle a few months ago. She stood at a short 4'11", her bright blonde hair pulled rather severely back into a bun that rest against the back of her neck. She was a plump woman with big round 80's glasses that made me chuckle.

Bella stood from her chair and walked timidly toward the woman.

I mouthed a quick 'good luck' to her, watching as Dr. Stevens called four more patients into the room with Bella and then sighing as she closed the large, fogged glass door behind them.

I shifted my weight back against the chair, waiting for my name to be called.

"Edward?" I snapped my head toward the front door where a smiling Angela stood. I smiled upon recognizing her and she came over to give me a small hug.

"I didn't know you where still seeing my dad," she stated, taking Bella's former seat, and pulling off her brown jacket.

I nodded. "I've just been having a hard time lately, lots of things going through my mind." I admitted, watching her face soften.

"It must be tough, I'm sorry. But hey, now I'm not alone in an office full of boring adults all afternoon. You saved my afternoon!" I laughed, watching as she pulled some homework out of her bag and flipped open her math textbook.

Angela was a familiar face around the office. She had been there since the start of my sessions, always a comforting sight. We didn't really talk much in the beginning, but on some slow afternoons we kept each other company, sometimes her boyfriend Ben even joined us.

It had been difficult at first; I didn't want to come to Dr. Webber knowing that kids from my school would be there. I viewed therapy as an escape and felt that my problems might slip to the entire population of Forks High if I wasn't careful. But I was pleasantly surprised when nothing of the sort occurred. I trusted both Angela and Ben very much; they were good friends.

"Mr. Cullen?" Dr. Webber's familiar voice resounded through the small space, his tall form appearing a few feet in front of me.

"Hello sir," I greeted, offering my hand. He shook it enthusiastically, pulling me into a hug.

"Hi Dad!" Angela waved, blowing her father a kiss. He laughed at her antics, returning the gesture before leading me into his office.

I took my usual spot on the far right side of the couch, leaning my weight against the large arm rest. Dr. Webber took his space behind his desk, opening up my folder and taking note of the time of our session.

After a few moments of organizing, he paused and took a good look at me.

"How have you been Edward? I see this isn't a scheduled appointment, anything new you want to share?"

I nodded, easing back into my 'therapy mindset'.

"The dreams are back," I admitted, watching as he took careful notes during my explanation.

"Really? Well, you haven't mentioned those dreams since the fourth week of our sessions. When did they start?" He asked. I thought back to the first dream.

That had been the night of the thunder storm, the night Bella stayed for dinner. The second one was the night of that disastrous phone call…I had a feeling more were going to come soon.

"Umm…last week." I answered, not being able to pin an exact date. He nodded, scratching more notes.

"Have you been doing anything differently? Anything new in your life?" I shrugged. I kept the same schedule, went to work, came home.

"Not in so many words. I mean, Andy has a new babysitter, but other than that, nothing much." He nodded once more.

"Can you tell me a little bit about this babysitter?" He asked, folding his large hands against the dark oak of his desk.

"Bella? Well…she's new at school, moved here from Phoenix, Arizona. Her dad is Chief Swan-"

"Charlie's daughter? Isn't she a patient here as well?" I nodded, motioning toward the door.

"She's in group with Dr. Stevens right now." More notes.

"I see. Continue." So I did, I explained about Bella, how we met, how she is almost all of my classes, how she is becoming fast friends with Alice and Rosalie, how Andy absolutely adores her. I felt silly talking about her so much, I didn't see the point in describing Bella, weren't my sessions about Addie, or Andy? I sighed.

"Do you care about this girl? Bella?" Dr. Webber asked, setting down his pen for a moment. I recognized these actions, he was about to tell me his opinion, his thoughts. Our session only had a few minutes left and I felt like we hadn't gotten much of anything discussed.

"Uh…yes? I mean, she is a nice person. I'm glad she is a part of Andy's life." He raised a perfectly intrigued eyebrow at my comment, pulling out a few sheets of paper from my folder.

"Edward, do you remember your first session with me?" He asked suddenly, sliding the papers across his desk and instructing me to take them. I nodded.

"Yes," I answered, my eyes dancing over the yellowed paper. It was his notes, notes of our first session. Was I even allowed to see these?

Words like _depressed, distant, melancholy, _and_ grief stricken_ stood out against his paragraphs of notes.

"Do you remember what we discussed during this particular session?" He asked, coming to stand in front of his desk, arms folded neatly across his torso.

"Umm…I remember you mentioning the five stages of grief, you told me that you had faith I could get through this…" He nodded, moving to sit on the opposite arm rest of the comfortable sofa.

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first time we spoke, you were in the second stage. You were upset whenever I mentioned Addie's name, you didn't and wouldn't talk about your son or your family. You were stubborn, and it took me a few sessions to break through to you. Do you remember what you said to me when I asked you to tell me about Addie?" He asked, pointing to a highlighted section among his notes.

_Addie (pause, eyes seem distant, clouded, tears are present) she was my everything. She was so kind and caring, and she just wanted what was best for our son. I loved her (takes pause, runs hand through hair, sighs.) I mean, I love her. There is no one that will ever take her place, ever. I won't allow it! (seems angry, clear sign of second-stage, repeatedly clenches fist, he's uncomfortable.) _

"I don't understand. Why are you showing me this?" I questioned, memories of those words fluttering back into my confused mind.

"Bella. She's filling this space. She reminds you of Addie, your subconscious however remembers these words. The dreams are a way of reminding you of your promise to keep everyone locked out."

I stared at him with an incredulous expression. I was getting angry.

"Bella is _not_ Addie!" I hissed, standing up and moving toward the door.

"Defensive. Edward, _don't_ retreat back into yourself; accept your feelings for Bella," he warned, and that was the last I heard before I slammed the door shut.

I found Bella waiting in the reception area, a smile lit up her entire face when she saw me, but I felt my stomach constrict as I thought back to my session.

"Edward?" She asked, reaching out for my hand. I pulled back, walking past her to the Volvo.

"Lets go." I whispered.

---

A/N: Was it worth that little bit of a wait? I hope so. Also a big thanks to my Beta and BFF Amanda AKA x0xDrumMajorx0x, she is amazing guys just go check out her stories gah i love them! ~Lauren


	16. Reactions

**A/N: *sigh* So I promised to have had this chapter posted on Wednesday, but RL, being RL, sucks. I had to take the ACT yesterday, which went pretty well I think, but I spent the majority of last week preparing for it, so my sincere apologies for not having posted until now. So here is the next chapter, its more of a transition, but a few of you requested Bella's therapy session, so here's a bit of it. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, it really means a lot to me, helps to keep me psyched about writing. Now, I have a bit of a request for anyone who wants to participate. I'm thinking of making a playlist for this story (music), just a song for each chapter. I find that I'm listening to one song over and over again for each chapter I write this chapter happened to be "Beautiful is Gone" by The Ruse, but I was wondering if anyone had any other suggestions for previous chapters??? Just send me a PM/Review. Also, one more review to 150! I can't tell you how excited I am about all the feedback I'm recieveing, its completely overwhelming! Thank you all so much! So here is the chapter, kinda short, but important, next chapter is going to be the party, thats going to be looonnnngggg... :P I spoiled my entire plot line to my Beta and she approves so I hope you guys will like what I have in store for Edward and Bella! ~Enjoy! Lauren**

Chapter 15: BPOV

"Lets go." He whispered, walking past my confused form and toward the Volvo. I quickly looked back toward Dr. Webber's office where Edward had been only a moment ago, searching into the gray eyes of the tall doctor I found silently watching his exit.

I gave him a questioning look, but he just shrugged, gesturing me to follow after him. And so I did, nearly sprinting out of the office and toward Edward's retreating form.

"Edward?!" I shouted, hoping to calm him down before he got behind the wheel of a car.

"Just get in the car Bella." He demanded, throwing open the passenger door and waving for me to get in. I blanched, taking in his hardened expression. I inched myself forward at a slow pace, stopping a few feet in front of him. He kept his eyes on me the entire time, his mouth set in a defiant grimace. Why the sudden mood-change? He had been fine before his session.

I crossed my arms over my chest, taking the few steps needed to close the distance between us.

"What happened?" I asked, setting my hands on the door frame, pleading with my eyes for him to open up, to let me in.

His piercing green eyes bore straight through my concerned gaze, his grip tightening around the metal doorframe. His knuckles burned white with the effort he made to compose himself. I knew he obviously had something on his mind.

"Talk to me." I commanded gently, placing my hand over top his knuckles in an attempt to comfort him, and ease him to loosen his grip.

He just turned his face away. I sighed. "I'm not getting into the car until you talk to me. Even if that means you leaving me here in the parking lot." I declared, my pleading gaze turning to more of a glare.

"I'm not going to leave you in the parking lot, it's going to rain." He said, his chin tilting toward the sky. I just shrugged, that was his decision. Because if he thought a little precipitation was enough to get me into the car he had something else coming.

"Guess we're going to get soaked then." I responded, my expression daring him to challenge my decision.

"_Ms. Swan?" I turned my attention away from Edward's beautiful smile, and toward the unfamiliar voice that called my name. A woman, who I assumed to be Dr. Stevens, stared back at me, willing me forward. Her pale complexion was highlighted with the slightest shade of bronzer and a thick coat of mascara could be seen through the large oval frames of her glasses. _

_Edward whispered a quick 'good luck' to me as I entered through the fogged glass door of the group therapy room. _

"_You may take a seat anywhere Ms. Swan." Doctor Stevens invited, gesturing with an extended hand. I nodded in understanding, taking the chair closest to the door. _

_Others followed me into the room; A slight dark-haired girl, no more then the age of fourteen, a boy about my age, with a round face and sad blue eyes, and finally a tall blonde haired boy who stood a good foot and a half above my height finished off the group. Dr. Stevens closed the door following his entry and immediately ushered us all to our seats. _

"_Alrighty then, welcome to group, my name is Dr. Stevens, but I prefer to be called Shelley." She smiled at our group. "So why don't we go around and introduce ourselves?" She gestured toward the dark-haired girl to begin, taking her seat beside myself. _

"_Umm…I'm Bree," the girl was short, her lugs barely touching the ground where she sat. She never made eye contact while explaining her situation, multiple eating disorders. "A lot of people just didn't understand me. I had to lose the weight; I always had to lose weight. So I didn't eat." She explained. _

_Next up was the round- faced boy, Noel. "And why have you decided to commit to therapy?" Dr. Stevens asked, scratching some notes onto a clipboard she had. _

"_First of all," He started, his saddened expression hardening ever so slightly. "It was not my choice to take part in this… _therapy._" He hissed, folding his arms over his chest._

"_I'm clinically depressed, I always have been, I don't see how participating in some 'feel-good' time is going to make my life any 'happier'." His eyes narrowed on Dr. Steven's small form, but she didn't seem at all phased, just continued to mark up her notepaper. _

_After a moment of silence I realized that it was my turn, and proceeded to explain my circumstance. "Hi, I'm Bella. And my dad signed me up for this," Noel looked up at my words, knowing he wasn't alone in the decision process. "Umm…my mom she died about two months ago. Drunk driver." I closed my hands in my lap, my fingers pulling and wringing in an attempt to avoid the tears. "It's been hard." _

_The last boy to go, the blonde, made no attempt to explain his situation. He sat with his arms folded heavily across the face of his torso, his blond, shaggy, hair falling across the apples of his cheeks as a curtain would a window. "James, don't call me Jim, or Jimmy, or anything else. Just James." _

The unmistakable 'ping' of falling rain brought me back to the present, back to the face of a brooding Edward, his face upturned toward the sky. I watched as the glistening droplets of water gathered in his auburn hair, turning the vibrant shade to a deep brown. I shivered instinctively as I felt the water work its way through my thin jacket. Removing my hands from the passenger door of the Volvo, I quickly wrapped a secure arm around my waist, in an effort to preserve some sort of body heat.

Edward's solemn expression turned away from the darkening sky, the stubborn set of his jaw relaxing as he took in my chilled appearance. "Bella," He sighed, walking around the door, coming to stand beside me. "Please get in the car, you're going to get sick." He pleaded, his hand reaching for my bag. I let him take it, but made no move to get into the car.

"Bella, stop being so stubborn." He chided, tossing my bag into the back seat before gesturing once more to the car.

"Keys." I stated, holding out my hand. He gave me a puzzled look, before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out the jingling silver.

I took them with a small smile, moving to situate myself into the passenger seat. Just because he didn't want to talk to me in the parking lot, doesn't mean he won't talk to me in the car. He's not going anywhere without his keys. I grinned to myself pulling the door closed and patting the driver's seat.

He raised an eyebrow at my determination, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets and walking around the rear of the car and taking his seat beside me.

"Talk to me Edward." I whispered, folding my legs underneath my body. He stiffened slightly, his eyes seeming to become distant for a few moments. I let him gather his thoughts, I knew that the doctor had probably hit a bad nerve during his last session; I just wanted to know why he was taking it out on me.

"It's not important." He responded after a few quiet moments, running a hand through his matted locks. I sighed.

"If it's not important why are you so keen on keeping me in the dark? Are you mad at me or something?" He bowed his head, turning his face toward the floor of the car, almost as if he were ashamed. The action gave me more questions than the answers I so strongly desired.

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just upset with myself. That session wasn't exactly…pleasant." I nodded, fiddling with the car keys in my lap. At least we we're getting somewhere.

"I just don't want you to push me away like that, I mean…I know we're just friends, but its hard to see you so upset. I just felt so helpless…" I admitted, my eyes searching his face for some form of understanding. He gave me a slight grin, resting a warm hand on my knee.

"I'm sorry. I just need sometime to process everything. Do you want me to take you home?" He asked. I shook my head.

"My truck's at school, could you just drop me off there?" He smiled, nodding. I handed him the keys, not fully satisfied with his answers, but willing to give him some time to figure it out.

**A/N: So good/bad? Tell me what you think! And whose excited for the party next chapter? *raises hand* I should probably go work on that right now... *frolics to Microsoft Word* :P **


	17. Twinkle Lights And Bar Fights

**A/N: ... PAR-TAY!!!! :P So here is teh next chapter, something like 6,000 words...scary...my fingers hurt. So..some of you may have made a voodoo doll of me and are currently stabbing it with pins until I post :P I apologize for the delay..BUT I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE THIS TIME!!!!! It was my birthday on Tuesday, I can officially see R-rated movies! Whose excited??? So anyway, I hope the mega long chapter makes up for it, tell me what you think, this chapter was so much fun to write that I had to stop myself after four straight hours of typing :P Please read and review ~Lauren**

P.S. This chapter was a beta-ed by myself because my beta is out of town, so there are probably a few grammatical errors, my apologies :P

P.P.S Bella's dress is on my proflie :P

Chapter 16: BPOV

"Ow! Alice!" I screeched, my hands automatically going to cover my score scalp, soft as butterfly wings I carefully rubbed my aching scalp, aware that if I messed up Alice's 'creation' as she so quaintly dubbed it, my scalp wouldn't be the only thing hurting tonight.

"Oh shush Bella I'm almost done!" She chided, slapping at my hands. I sighed; giving in to her wishes and let my fingers fall to my lap. Alice and Rose had been here since three this afternoon, when they showed up armed with bags of makeup, my outfit for tonight, and about six different devices they _claimed_ were used for hair primping.

I was forced into the bathroom, all but glued to the folding chair Alice had found in my closet, while Alice weaved my dark locks into an elaborate, messy, loose bun that hung low against the back of my neck. Rose quickly applied her own makeup before doing my own.

"Rose can you hand me the bobby pins?" Alice asked, securing her creation with some more hairspray and yet more pins and clips. I heard the soft thud as Rose tossed her the box of pins from atop the counter.

"Close your eyes." Rose ordered softly, running a soft brush across my eyelids. "Perfect. My work here is done, I'm going to head back to your house and change. See you in a bit, Bella!" I watched Rose's tall form dance past the bathroom door and listened for her footsteps as they descended the stairs and the unmistakable 'click' of the front door.

"Am I done yet?" I asked Alice, annoyed that I wasn't being allowed to leave. She huffed through her nose, coming around to face me her delicate hands positioned in fists atop her slender hips.

"Stop being so impatient missy, we still have to get you dressed! What time did Jake say he would be here?" She asked, opening up the large blue garment bag that held my outfit.

"Umm…around 7 I think?" I answered, standing from the uncomfortable plastic chair and stretching my freshly painted fingers over my head. I head the familiar and comforting pops and cracks of my stiff back as I made my way over toward where Alice stood applying a light coat of black mascara to her long eyelashes.

"Okay that gives us about twenty minutes, go ahead and get dressed while I finish up with my hair." She commanded, pushing me out the door and tossing the garment bag at me.

I sighed, heading toward my room and closing the door behind myself. I went to work, unzipping the bag and pulling out the too short, too revealing (for my taste at least) turquoise Laurette dress. It was gorgeous of course, and hugged my curves perfectly, but I feared it was too much for tonight's occasion, but Alice insisted it was rather formal. I stepped out of my sweats and carefully removed my t-shirt being conscious of my freshly done hair.

I slid the dress over top of my head, the smooth silky fabric slipping easily down my torso before the one shoulder caught its decent. I slipped the side zipper into place and did a small twirl in front of my full sized mirror admiring the beautiful face in the reflection.

"I feel like a princess." I found myself saying, as I watched the dress curl and ripple with my every movement.

"Ten minutes Bella!" Alice sang, coming into the room and standing behind me. She was holding a Betsey Johnson box in one hand and her car keys in the other.

"Oh my gosh Bella you look so pretty! Rose and I have really outdone ourselves! Edward is going to freak!" Edward? I turned my gaze from the mirror to her flushed cheeks.

"Oh, sorry I meant Jacob, Jacob is going to love you in this!" She giggled nervously and I raised an eyebrow at her questionable attitude.

"Are those my shoes?" I asked her, pointing to the box in her right hand. She nodded enthusiastically, pushing the box into my arms.

"I should go get ready, I'll see you at the party Bells! Bye!" She was down the stairs and out the door before I could utter a word, leaving me slightly more than confused.

I sat myself down on the bed, lifting the neon pink lid of the shoebox and pulling out one of the turquoise ballet flats. I slipped it carefully onto my feet, twisting the long ribbons up around my ankles and crossing them against my calf. It had taken a lot of arguing on my part to be allowed the privilege of wearing said flats, especially when you have Alice and Rose arguing over which Marc Jacobs heel would accent the dress better.

"The silver one's Alice, those white ones will just wash out her skin." Rose reasoned, dangling the six inch silver monstrosity from her perfectly manicured fingers. I shivered, thinking of the potential sprained ankles and broken bones that those could create.

But I had won out in the end, and Rose and Alice had found these elaborate ballet slippers that matched the exact shade of my dress, the ties may be a bit much, but I wasn't about to open that one up for discussion for fear that they might change their minds back to high heels.

I heard a loud knock on the front door, and quickly finished tying up the other slipper before all but running down the stairs.

"Coming!" I shouted, my slippers sliding across the wooden floor before I braced myself against the door. I looked out the window, seeing Jake's tall form standing there in a dark black tux and a silky tie that perfectly matched the exact shade of my dress. _I bet Alice had something to do with that… _I smiled to myself, and gently pulled the door open.

"Hey!" I greeted, grabbing him by the forearm and pulling him inside. The second the door was closed I stood up on my tiptoes and flung my arms around his neck, holding him close to me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I insisted, overjoyed that I had found a date in time. I chuckled at my antics, pushing my shoulders back so as to look into my eyes. He smiled, his gaze trailing down my body, taking in my over dressed appearance. A wide grin pulled at his tanned cheeks as he brushed a few loose strands of hair behind my ear.

"You look great, Bella!" He complimented, bending his arm at the elbow and inviting me to wind my own arm through the bow of his arm. "Shall we?" He teased, opening the door for me and leading me out to his Rabbit, the red color almost perfectly matching that of my Chevy that was parked right beside it.

"You chariot awaits milady." He stated proudly, a broken British accent playing about his lips. I stuck my tongue out at him, dancing around the front of the car and sitting myself into the passenger seat.

_Edward would have opened the door for you._ I shook my head of the thought, tonight wasn't about him; it was about Jacob.

Ever since my first therapy session at Dr. Webber's office, Edward and me have been on rocky territory. I haven't spoken more than a few 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' to him since our fight in the parking lot. At least he wasn't completely avoiding me like he usually does. But I was still confused. Alice and Rose were telling me about how he's hardly ever around anymore, how he buries himself in his work more than usual. It makes me sad, makes me wonder if my being apart of his life, of Andy's life, is affecting him in a negative way.

I sighed, bringing myself out of the small revere.

"So where exactly is this party?" I asked Jacob, as he took his seat in the driver's side of the car. He revved the engine, carefully backing out of the curved driveway and onto the road.

"It's on the Wilk's yacht down in the Port."

"The Wilk's have a yacht?!" I asked, alarmed that another family besides the Cullen's might be so privileged. _Stop thinking about the Cullens._ I chastised myself.

"Yea, Tommy's great-grandfather invented toothpaste or some shit like that, his parents are oral surgeons in Port Angeles." Jake explained, weaving onto the highway.

"So you've been to one of his parties before?" I asked, hoping to keep the easy conversation flowing and my worried mind away from any 'Edward-esque' thoughts.

"Yea, I went last year with that Jessica chick from your school, Embry made me go, he was dating that Lauren girl." I cringed at mention of her name and Jacob gave me a knowing look.

"Embry one of your friends from home?" He nodded, a grin coming to his face.

"I've known Embry almost as long as I have known you, we became good friends after my mom…you know…and we just kinda stuck together. I've got a few friends like that, I've been lucky." He said, returning his gaze to the busy streets.

"How many people do you think will be here?" I wondered out loud, hoping that I wasn't annoying Jake with all my questions. He just shrugged.

"There we're a couple hundred last year, but I hear Tommy's invited a few more schools than just Fork's High. I know our school got invited, and a few Angeles schools. Embry and Quill should be there, you can meet them tonight." I smiled, looking forward to meeting Jake's friends.

The rest of the car ride fell into a quiet silence, not at all awkward, more excited and anxious than anything really. We arrived down at the Port around 7:45, and Jake parked the Rabbit close to town. He warned me parking would suck, and I was even more thankful for the ballet slippers when I found out I would be walking about two miles.

"You ready?" He asked, an excited smirk about his face. I giggled at his happy expression, squeezing his arm to portray my nervous anticipation.

"Good." After a few more minutes of walking we happened about the end of a long line that led to a three story white yacht. The sun was just beginning to set now and the boat was decorated with hundreds of thousands of little white lights and pink and orange lanterns. I grinned at the wonderful array of colors as Jake pulled me along the boardwalk.

"Name?" I looked up suddenly at the unfamiliar voice. A large man in all black was standing at the entrance to the yacht, the name 'Evan' etched into a charcoal nametag below his collarbone.

"Umm…Bella? Bella Swan." I stated, watching in awe as the tall man nearly the size of _two_ Emmetts waved me through, stopping Jake at the door.

"Jacob Black, La Push High school." The bouncer checked him off as my guest, and then we were in. I squealed in delight as we ventured further and further into the heart of the ship.

"Will this thing stay docked the entire night?" I asked, hoping that we may get a chance to take it out on the water.

"Nah, around nine they'll spin around the port." I nodded, excited for later. "You want to look around, I know the boat pretty well from last year." I nodded excitedly as he led me through the main floor.

"The kitchen's back there, a few dining rooms on either side have all the food you will ever need tonight, and I mean _all_ the food. Drinks too." He smirked at the last comment and I cringed hoping that alcohol might not make an infamous appearance at the bash.

"The north face of the ship is uncovered and that's where the dance floor will be, its always crowded but we can dance if you want to." I smiled. "Sure, if your feet have a death wish." I insisted. He just squeezed me around the waist.

"Pssh, like you could hurt me in _those_ shoes." He pointed to my slipper; clad feet and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Whatever." We spent the next half hour looking around the rest of the ship, my periodic 'oos' and 'aas' accompanied by Jacob's many 'sweets' and things of the like. It was all very spectacular and not at all very Forks.

When we had made our way back down the main floor around 8:45 the front doors had closed and they we're not allowing anyone on or off the boat. Jake and I watched from the edge of the Dance floor as they un-anchored the ship and pushed away from the dock.

"Wanna dance?" Jake asked, pulling me along toward the main dance floor. I cringed, recognizing the fast pace of the current song and shook my head, biting my lip. He just smirked.

"Come on, Bells." I looked worriedly between my feet and Jacob's, knowing, with my luck, I would end up tripping and hurting us both.

The music suddenly changed, Train's Drops of Jupiter emitting from the loud speakers and Jacob smirked at me.

"Slow song. Come on Bella, please?!" He was all but pulling me along behind him now, and clearly 'no' wasn't an answer he was going to except.

"Fine. But if I trip, or fall off the side of the boat, or die I blame you." I teased, laughing nervously. He just shook his head, leading me to the middle of the floor.

"See silly person, we are a good twenty feet from the edge of the boat, there will be no dying tonight." I glared at him as he draped his arms around my waist. I put my hands on either one of his shoulders, rocking softly to the music.

_But tell me, did you sail across the sun? _

_Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded? And that heaven is over-rated? Tell me. Did you fall for a shooting star? _

The lyrics we're soothing, and helpful in distracting my worries of falling, and Jake's vice grip upped my confidence about a million percent. He was such a good friend. I moved my hands from his shoulders to wrap around his neck, resting my head against his hard chest. He sighed, the rush of air blowing across the top of my head. I giggled.

"This is nice." I admitted, closing my eyes as the chorus came around.

"See it's not so scary." He teased, poking at my sides. I yelped in surprise, slapping at his hands playfully.

"Shush you." I warned, returning my head to its comfortable resting place.

"Bella!" My head snapped away from the boat's edge to the familiar voice and I smiled as Tommy approached us with who I assumed was his date. "Hey Tommy! Great party, everything is just so insane!" I complimented, pulling him into a half-hug, or something close to that description as Jake hadn't removed his hand from around my waist.

"Ha ha, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves! Jake? Good to see you man!" I watched with a smile as Tommy and Jake caught up, comparing last year's party to this one, sharing few inside jokes. I introduced myself to Tommy's date, Becky, a senior from my AP Biology class.

"Bella your dress is gorgeous." She complimented. I returned the compliment, expressing my own enthusiasm over her strapless, silver bubble dress that accompanied, what looked like four-inch heels, in the same color. She looked great.

"I'm going to go make the rounds, but if you need anything just holler at me or one of the guys in black." Tommy pounded fists with Jake and turned toward the dance floor.

"Wait, Tommy!" I called, hoping he would be able to hear me over the pounding music. He did, thankfully, and turned back to our direction.

"Yea?"

"Have you seen Alice or Rosalie?" He smiled, pointing to the second floor. "Last I saw they were on the deck." I nodded, thanking him before pulling Jake along toward the stairs.

"Uh, Bells…I think I'm going to grab a drink, do you want anything?" I slowed my pace turning to look him in the face. The flashing strobe lights of the dance floor below echoed across his body in quick, intense flashes, making discerning his expression rather difficult but not impossible.

"You okay?" I asked, wondering what brought the sudden awkwardness on.

"Yea, I'm fine. You go hang out with…your friends…I'll be in the kitchen." I frowned, realizing it was the Cullen's that we're making him uncomfortable and not me. I felt bad, and offered to go with him but he insisted he would be fine and that he would meet me back on the dance floor in about a half hour.

"Alright Jake, see you then." I gave his arm a gentle squeeze before returning to my accent up the steps.

The second floor deck was significantly smaller than the main deck, but it was just as tricked out with huge speakers connecting to the DJ below. I caught site of Rosalie's tall form instantly and pranced over to her side.

"Hey Rose!" I greeted, pulling her down to my height in a quick hug. She smiled returning the gesture before straightening up to get a good look at my outfit.

"Geeze Bells you look hot!" She gushed, twirling me around. I blushed, smiling.

"Well I did have a great make up artist." I teased, bouncing slightly on the balls of my feet. _God, I haven't been this excited…well…ever. _I felt like Alice. Speaking of…

"Hey where's everyone else?" I asked, looking around the general area. She laughed, pointing to the large mosh pit of bodies forming in the center of the dance floor.

"Alice and Jasper should be in that mess somewhere, and Emmett's in the bathroom. Edward's around here somewhere too…" My mouth fell open at the mention of the last name, my shocked expression seeming to worry Rosalie.

"Bella? What's wrong?" She asked her hands fluttering about my body looking for any instance of pain. I shook my head, resting my palm to her bare shoulder.

"Edward is here?" I asked, my heart stuttering with nerves. Did I want to see him tonight? I thought I had made this an Edward-free night…

"Yea, he decided to come last minute, he came with Tanya, a friend from the high school her in Angeles." She explained, her face still creased with worry.

"Oh." I felt her hand on my cheek then, bringing me away from my slight panic attack.

"If you want we can bail or something? I know there are a few dinner places still open…wait…the boat's moving…shit…Bells just avoid him, I know he's been a crappy a friend to you the past week, but its only a few more hours until were docked back in the Port." I nodded, bringing her in for one more hug.

"Your sure you're okay?" She asked, looking over my head. I nodded, following her stare. Emmett was bounding toward the two of us, a large grin plastered to his face.

"Bells? What the hell happened to you?" He asked gesturing to my face. I quickly turned to Rose alarmed, but she just responded my smacking Emmett across the back of the head.

"Shut up. She's gorgeous." Rose said, pointing toward the dance floor. "Go find Alice, she's been dying to see you." I groaned.

"She probably just wants to fix my hair." Emmett laughed. "Probably." I waved goodbye to them as I headed toward the direction of Alice and Jasper.

_Lets see…Alice mentioned something about a purple dress…uhh…damn she's too short. Jasper..blonde hair! _

I quickly scanned the nearby area for any tufts of golden hair, practically squealing when I noticed him across the way. I pushed myself through the mass of bodies, tripping more than several times as I fought my way toward Jasper.

"Jazz!" I shouted over the loud music, hoping that he would hear me, but he didn't, so I was forced to continue my struggle until I finally reached him.

"Jasper, hey!" I tapped on his shoulder; in turn his tall form swiveled around rather un-gracefully.

"Bewaaa!" _Shit._ "Mike?" I asked, searching his face in the darkened light of the dance floor. He nodded repeatedly, and slung an arm around my shoulder.

"You look greaattt tonwite Bellsey, soo pwerdy." He breathed heavily across my face and I coughed with the intense scent of his whiskey-laden breath.

"Wow. You've been drinking Mike?" I asked, placing my hand against his chest and pushing him away from my body. He nodded again, bringing his other arm away from his side and revealing the red plastic cup.

"Yup!" He sang, stumbling against the rocking bodies. "Okay, umm…why don't you sit down for awhile Mike, you're a little drunk." I proposed, pointing to the benches toward the back of the dance floor. He just laughed louder; more of his breathe invading my personal space.

"No I wanna dance. Lets dance, Bells!" He shouted, the hand that had previously been around my shoulder sliding to rest against my waist. _Hell no._

"No thanks Mike, I have to go find Jake. Where's Jessica?" I wondered, looking past him to study a few other faces.

"She and Lauren are somewhere awond here." His distant eyes searched about the space, his feet fumbling to keep his body upright.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit Mike?" I wondered, moving to help stabilize his shaky form, but finding he was much heavier than anticipated.

"Oh god, oww." I pushed my shoulder against his chest to hold him up, looking around for any familiar faces to help support his weight.

"Tyler!" I shouted, noticing his dark haired mop only a few yards away. He swung his head around at mention of his name, and I gestured madly with my hand for him to come over to me.

"Hey Bella, wow nice dress, what's up?" I pointed toward the drunk Mike on my shoulder, and his eyes filled with understanding as he moved to support Mike's other shoulder.

"Hi Tyler!" Mike all but shouted, once he noticed who had joined us. "Hey Mike, Woah…dude your plastered…what the hell have you been doing?" Mike once more held up his cup, swinging it to his lips and drinking deeply from its crimson confines.

"I think I should take that Mike." I insisted, laying my palm atop his hand and wiling him to release his iron-grip on the cup.

"No!" Mike protested, wiggling away from my body, he gripped the cup harder, the plastic cracking under the persistent pressure. "Mike be careful!" I warned, but too late as Mike's fingers impaled the edges and the drink burst in a spray of whiskey and rum. I shielded my face from the incessant spray, but my dress wasn't so fortunate.

"Crap." I hissed, looking down at the wet fabric. "Shit, you okay Bella?" Tyler asked, his own suit soaked through from Mike's drink. I nodded.

"I need to wipe this off, can you take care of him for a second, I'll find Jessica and get a few towels." He nodded, pointing to the stairs.

"Kitchen is right below us, should be some paper towels down there." I thanked him, pushing my way past the oblivious dancers and down the stairs. I found the kitchen immediately, a large group of guys huddled around one of the large islands.

"It's Bella!" One shouted, causing the rest to repeat similar sentiments. I blushed. "Uh, hi." I scurried past them, searching the counter for any sort of paper products. Napkins, those will work.

I hurriedly grabbed up a pile, pressing them lightly against the stain beginning to set against the fabric of my dress.

"Bella?" I sighed at the familiar voice, turning to face Jake's tall form.

"Hey." I answered, my focus never breaking as I applied yet more napkins. "What happened?" He asked, his voice holding a worried tone. I just shrugged.

"Mike Newton happened." He huffed in annoyance. "Newton? Not surprising, he drank practically a whole bottle of that Whiskey shit Tommy mixed a while ago. Need anything?" He was so sweet; I smiled handing up a pile of napkins.

"Can you give these to Tyler for me, he's on the second deck dance floor, oo and find Jessica, she needs to be with Mike right now, he's hopelessly wasted." He nodded, walking hurriedly out of the kitchen.

After a few moments of cleaning up, I grabbed a water bottle from one of the coolers and made my way out of the kitchen area.

"Bye Bella!" The congregated guys shouted upon realizing my leaving, and I waved as I made my way back to the stairs.

"Bella!" I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and turned to look into the concerned eyes of Becky, Tommy's date. "Hey, what's up?" I asked, my voice laced with worry.

"Umm, look, Edward, he's in the third floor kitchen, he keeps asking for you. I think Jasper and Alice are with him right now, but he wants to see you he's pretty out of it." My breath hitched, and without a second thought I turned and raced my way up to the second floor deck, looking around for the stairs that would lead me a floor higher.

I did a few circles around the area, calming down some when I located them near the back of the dance floor. I leapt the stairs two by two, determined to not trip as I made my way up to the third floor kitchen.

"Jasper! Alice!" I breathed once I recognized the two of them. Alice immediately turned around, a frustrated look upon her face. Jasper sighed, moving toward me.

"Bella, he's wasted, and he won't listen to Alice or me at this point. We sent someone to find Rose and Emmett awhile ago but haven't heard anything. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be around him right now, Edward's not exactly the nicest drunk.

I frowned, glaring up at Jasper's ice blue eyes. "Of course I can handle it, where is he?" I pushed my way past Jasper and into the kitchen.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I caught a sight of him. He was on the floor, back pressed into two of the cabinets with his head resting between his knees. His unruly bronze locks fell in complete disarray around his pale face and my heart immediately went out to him.

I walked slowly over toward him, greeting Alice with a small smile as I moved to kneel beside him.

"Edward?" I asked, gently raking my fingers across his forehead to move the fallen locks from his vision.

His head shot up with recognition of my voice and a large smile lit up his angel's face.

"Bella." He sighed, wrapping a heavy arm around my waist and pulling me to him. I didn't struggle, attempting to keep him calm. I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the base of his neck, twisting and twirling it in soothing circles.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" I asked, pulling away from him slightly, but he wouldn't let me get very far.

"I'm great!" He exclaimed, the crooked grin I loved so much tugging at the corners of his lips. I smiled, noticing the half -empty bottle of Vodka that sat on the floor beside him. I reached for it, but his hand immediately engulfed my wrist, yanking it back and away from the bottle. I hissed in pain, ripping my wrist away from his tight grip. "Ow."

"I tried that earlier, he won't part with it." Alice stated, holding up a bruised wrist, Jasper frowned moving to wrap his arms around her waist.

"Edward you can't be drinking anymore, it's not good for you." I reasoned, cupping his cheek with one of my hands in an attempt to distract him. It worked for the most part, and as he leaned the weight of his perfect face against my palm and shut his bright green eyes I once more reached behind him, grabbing onto the bottle and tossing it toward Jasper.

"Nice." He complimented, before emptying the contents into a nearby sink.

"Jazz can you go find Emmett, I need to get him back to the Volvo, to take him home." Jasper nodded, tugging on Alice's arm as they left to locate the rest of the family. I turned back to Edward.

"What did you do to yourself?" I wondered, disturbed that he had done this in the first place, Edward was always so responsible.

I encouraged him to attempt to stand, helping him as he pushed himself away from the cool linoleum.

Once he was on his feet he gave me a big triumphant grin. I gave him a small smile in return, instructing him to lean his weight against the counter behind us.

"I feel dizzy." Edward whispered, once more ducking his head away from my line of sight. I guessed the harsh lighting in the room was getting to him and I moved to block the light from his face.

"I'm sure you do Edward." I stated, resting a steadying hand on his chest.

"I don't like alcohol." He admitted, rubbing his face with the back of his hand. I frowned at that statement.

"Then why were you drinking it?" I questioned, rubbing my hand across his shoulders and down his arms, attempting to offer some sort of comfort.

"I was mad." He stated, his voice raising slightly in volume. Confusion washed over me, strong and unrelenting.

"What made you so angry? This isn't like you Edward." I said.

"You did." He whispered, his face turning down in a grimace of sorts. I blanched at his words. "Me?" I asked once more, moving my hand to cup his face.

"Yes! You." He hissed, slapping at my palm. I took a few steps back from him; afraid if I further upset him he might become violent.

"I-I don't understand." I admitted, desperately attempting to figure out how I could have possibly upset him.

"You were dancing! You were down there," He pointed to the main deck, his eyes glaring into mine. "Down there with _him._" Understanding washed over me and I returned his menacing glare.

"So? Jacob is my date." I stated, upset that he would do this to himself over something so juvenile.

"Don't say his name!" Edward shouted, pushing his body away from the counter and stalking towards me.

"Calm down, that is nothing to get yourself all worked up over." I stated, unhappy with his attitude. He hissed at me, slamming his hand down onto the counter beside me.

"Of course it is!" I ducked away from his angry tone, thankful when I heard familiar voices approaching the kitchen.

"We were just dancing." I reasoned with him, pushing against his chest just as Alice rounded the corner.

"He had his hands all over you!" He seethed, gesturing the length of my body, I snarled at him. Emmett and Jasper appeared then, grabbing onto each of Edward's shoulders.

"Why do you even care Edward?" I questioned, angry tears threatening their decent.

"Because! No one is allowed to touch you like that! Only me!" He shouted, as Emmett and Jasper pulled him toward the stairs. I followed, my body shaking with confused rage.

"No Edward, you can't pull this shit! One day you want to be friends and the next you hate me, don't do this to me!" I stated, following closely as Rose pushed people out of the way.

"The ship is just about to turn back to port, Tommy said we can wait by the front doors." Alice said, ducking her head in embarrassment at Edward's outburst. Then she came leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered in my ear. "Jake's waiting down there, I told him what happened and he's really upset. You should talk to him before you leave." Alice reasoned, pointing toward the front of the ship.

"Okay." I walked past Emmett, Jasper, and Edward making my way toward Jacob at the front of the ship.

When I reached the doors I found him sitting on a nearby bench. "Jake." I sighed, going to stand in front of him. He looked up at the sound of my voice, standing up a hard expression about his face.

"You're leaving?" He asked, his tone cold. I ducked my head, my gaze falling to the stained material of my dress.

"Yea, I have to take care of Edward, he won't listen to anyone else." Jake seethed at my answer, both our faces turning up at the sound of the Cullen's approach.

"You!" Edward shouted, fighting against Jasper and Emmett's strong hold, his eyes boring into Jacob's tall form.

"Just ignore him." I told Jake, grabbing his hand and pulling him off to the side.

"Look, I know you're probably going to hate me for this, but right now I need to be there with him. Tonight was amazing, for the most part, I'm really glad you agreed to come with me." I apologized, standing on my toes to kiss his cheek.

He smiled, but was still obviously not too happy with my decision. "If you need anything just text me." He said, walking past our group and back toward the dance floor.

The boat docked soon after that, and Emmett and Jasper led Edward and myself back toward the Volvo, Alice and Rose we're taking their cars home.

"Keys." I stated, looking pointedly at Edward who hadn't spoken a word to me since Jake left.

"No, I'll drive." He exclaimed reaching into his coat pocket. My anger took over full force, and I ripped at his coat pulling the keys out. My thoughts immediately going back to my mother's crash with a drunk driver, I wouldn't lose Edward or anyone that way ever again if I had anything to say about it.

"I'm driving." I stated, instructing Jasper and Emmett to sit Edward down in the back seat. Once all three were strapped in, I pulled away from the port and headed toward the Cullen mansion.

---

**A/N: Okay who liked it?? Who hated it??? Who thinks they know what's going to happen next??? Well, I'm going to be out of town for the next week with limited to no internet access so it might be a bit of a wait until the next chapter can be posted, don't hate me.... :P ~Lauren**


	18. Burning Questions

**A/N: OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD GAH!!!!!! THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just found out that I got nominated for The Indies Twific Awards! Voting starts on the eighth and you can go to http://theindietwificawards dot com for more info! I'm so excited! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! So here's the next chapter, I know you guys had to wait for forever for this, lets just say its been a weird last few days. I hope this makes up for them! Happy Fifth of July! :P Please Review! This is my most reviewed story now and I couldn't be more excited! I appreciate any feed back or criticism you can give me! ~Lauren**

Chapter 17 Bella POV

"What happened?!" The alarmed voice rung loud, clear, and surprised as I pushed open the front door of the large white mansion, extending the width of the doorway for Emmett, Jasper, and a sullen Edward.

"The party got a little…out of hand." Emmett stated, tugging Edward beyond the foyer to the base of the stairs. I stayed silent as Esme took in our disheveled appearances, what between my stained dress and Edward's intoxicated state we probably looked like the poster children for disappointment.

The car ride home had been…interesting, to say the least. You would think that Edward's protesting would've subsided after fifteen or twenty minutes, but his repetitious complaints continued strong and loud with each mile we neared closer to the house.

"_Bella, be careful!" _Was his usual sentiment, referring not to his fragile state, but to the condition of his oh-so-perfect Volvo. With the amount of effort Edward put into protecting that car, you would think it would be right up there with Andy on his list of priorities. I don't think I've rolled my eyes so many times in one sitting, all the while Emmett and Jasper are suppressing their laughter at the shouting match between Edward and myself…if I never go to another party again it will be too soon.

"What do you mean out of hand?" Esme protested, swatting Jasper and Emmett's hands away from her plastered son. "Edward Anthony Cullen what did you do?!" She demanded, her hands fluttering about the sickly complexion of his near translucent face.

By this time, Carlisle had joined our little gathering, a stern expression set about his features.

"I'm fine." Edward insisted, sloppily extending his arm toward his mother's shoulder and making to move forward.

"Carlisle!" Esme pleaded, her deep hazel eyes begging for some sort of help or explanation. I was obviously not the only one completely perplexed by Edward's outrageous behavior.

"Dilated pupils, distant gaze, impaired locomotion," Carlisle listed off unhappily as he walked toward his son. "He's drunk, has been for quite some time as it appears." His disapproving gaze fell onto his elder son, Emmett, then searching his appearance as well, before moving to Jasper, and then toward myself.

"The others seem fine, what Edward needs right now is a dark room and maybe a bucket." I cringed at the last thought, nodding toward his third floor bedroom. "Is Andy up there?" I questioned, making to lead the way up the stairs. Esme nodded.

"I put him to bed about an hour ago, you can move him to our room for the night if necessary." Esme whispered her voice filled with shame as she looked upon her dazed son.

"I'll go grab him, Emmett can you get the extra basinet out of Alice's closet while I'm upstairs?" Emmett nodded, walking past me.

"Jasper can you?" I asked motioning toward Edward and then toward the stairs. He nodded, wrapping one of Edward's arms around his shoulder and instructing him to move toward his room.

"I'm fine!" Edward nearly shouted, pushing against Jasper's strong hold, but the alcohol was already working its negative affects against his strength and so he followed behind quietly as we made our way upstairs.

I pushed open the large oak door quietly, hearing the familiar brush of its underside against the thick carpeting. The sliver of light that peaked through from beneath the doorway lit a faint path toward the crib.

"Andy." I whispered softly, finding his little body with ease beneath a yellow blanket. He cooed softly in response to the noise, but never fully woke up. I reached in carefully, pulling him to my chest, his bronze dusted head resting heavily against my left shoulder.

I threw the top of the blanket over his head gently, blocking the hall light that shone from the large chandeliers.

Jasper held Edward back behind the door, and upon seeing his son, Edward's stubborn expression seemed to melt, and he raised a clumsy hand toward his soft face.

"Be careful Edward!" I hissed softly, his green glare boring into mine as he lifted the pastel fabric away from his sleeping son's face, brushing long fingers across those perfectly rosy cheeks. Andy squirmed softly, cooing at the familiar touch.

"Hey buddy." Edward whispered, pulling his hand away. I smiled at the gesture before leading Andy down the stairs and to the awaiting arms of his grandmother.

"Thank you, Bella. Do you plan on staying the night, dear?" She asked, I looked back toward the third floor landing and nodded. "I'll call your father." She said, walking toward her bedroom with the sleeping baby.

I started up the stairs once more, determined now more than ever to settle things with Edward. I couldn't handle the overwhelming confusion any longer, everything about the last few weeks seemed to be bottling up inside me, I felt like crying, like screaming at him. I wanted him to feel hurt, to feel even an ounce the way I felt at the moment. But could I do that to him? Would that fix anything? Even if I tried, would he remember any of it come the morning…I had to try…

When I reached the third floor landing, I pushed open Edward's bedroom door, finding Emmett and Jasper just beyond its barrier.

"You guys can go." I said, gesturing toward the entryway. Emmett gave me a weary glance before gazing back at Edward's clumsy form.

"You sure Bella?" Jasper asked, dropping his hold on Edward's arm. I nodded.

"If you need anything just yell." Jasper said, moving toward the bedroom door.

"If you hurt her Eddie I'll rip you limb from limb." Emmett warned, shoving Edward back onto his mattress.

"I mean it Bella, if he gets out of hand, I'm right downstairs." I nodded, locking the door behind their retreating forms.

When I turned back to face him, Edward was bent over himself on the side of the bed, head in hands, fingers raking relentlessly through his unruly curls. In that moment, all I wanted to do was comfort him, to reassure him, because that's what a friend would do, or that's what I would have done prior to this evening. But then his words from earlier this afternoon came back to me, _"No one is allowed to touch you like that! Only me!" _and all thoughts of consolation halted.

No longer did I want to comfort him, to open up to him, no…I wanted to question him. Why? Why so protective now? What kind of relationship was he looking for with me?

I felt so stupid as each question formed within my subconscious, and in an effort to suppress said thoughts I went about the room looking for things to busy myself with. _Edward just consumed a large amount of alcohol, and like Carlisle said he may be feeling…certain side effects within a few hours._

I went into the bathroom connected to Edward's bedroom, finding a wastebasket and a glass for water. There was aspirin in a small white bottle in the medicine cabinet above the sink, so I carefully removed the lid pulling two small pills out of the bottle before securing the container and placing it back into its resting spot.

I turned on the faucet water, dragging my fingers along the steady stream's edge until the coolness of the liquid was just about right. I slipped the lip of the glass underneath the flow and filled the cup half way before shutting off the faucet and heading back into the bedroom.

I put the trashcan down in front of him wordlessly, setting the aspirin on the bedside table along with the water glass.

"What are you doing?"

"I got you aspirin." I stated, keeping my eyes everywhere but his pained expression. I didn't want to buckle, I need answers, and Edward's perfection was too much of a distraction.

"Why?" He whispered, moving to drop the sport coat from around his shoulders.

"Because you're going to have one bitch of a migraine tomorrow morning." I concluded, my monotonous voice brightening just the slightest in amusement at those last words.

"But why? Alice can get that for me, you can go home." I shook my head in slight disbelief at his statement.

"Alice is with Jasper, your…activities kind of cut their evening short." I explained, picking up the abandoned sport jacket and laying it across the side of Andy's crib.

"She doesn't mind helping me. She'd be fine with it." My thoughts burned red, my hands instinctively clenching into fists at his obliviousness.

"Of course she would help, Edward!" I seethed, turning the 180 degrees I needed to come face to face with him. I paused momentarily after realizing he had undone most of the buttons on his pale white dress shirt. The slightest sliver of his no-doubt toned chest peaked through the thin fabric and in an effort to pull myself together I shook my head a few times.

"Bella?" Edward asked, most likely confused by my sudden pause. "Um…" _What was I saying? Oh yea, Alice…_

"Of course she would help, she loves you and Andy. You know she would do anything for the both of you, but do you ever stop to consider that you're taking her away from Jasper sometimes, or from her friends, or from the experiences that she should have during high school?" His auburn head shot up at my statement, his hazy green glare intent on boring through the soft lighting of the room.

"I know you like to use your 'I'm a father in high school, I have so much responsibility, I'm so much more mature than everyone else' excuse, which is true to some extent, but have you ever stopped to think about how true that statement might be for Alice or Em? They've had a lot of growing up to do too…I mean…they have to take care of Andy, help out around the house, set good examples…they have given up a lot. So no Edward, I can't go home."

"Why not? It's fine Bella, I'll call you tomorrow about Monday." It's like my speech went in one ear and out the other. I hated his closed mindedness; then again his intoxicated state probably did loads for his concentration.

"Don't do this Edward, just don't." I warned, my closed fists finding a familiar resting place along the bones of my hips. I was sick of playing nice, if I was going to get his attention I either had to scream or put forth the same amount of stubbornness as him.

"Do what?" He barked back at me, making to stand up from his place on the edge of the mattress. He stumbled a bit, but managed to stabilize himself against the footboard.

"Don't treat me like some sort of employee! Its almost one in the morning on Sunday Edward, I'm not the hired help right now!"

"Then what are you Bella?" _That's what I want to know._

"I…I don't know. I don't know, Edward! That's why I'm here, to figure all of this out!"

"What is there to figure out?" He made to move toward me, almost as if to challenge me, but I was already freaked out enough as it was…_what was I even going to say to him? How does someone bring up a subject like this?_ Maybe being blunt was my only option. Mind games might not go over so well at present.

"Us, Edward. There's 'us' to figure out."

"Us?" He asked, one perfectly arched eyebrow rising ever so slightly.

"I don't get you, one minute your coming up to me at school and inviting me to dinner with your family, the next your on the phone screaming at me, then your kissing me on the forehead…I just don't get it! Are we friends, am I just your 'employee', or…"

"Or what?" The slightest crooked smile appeared on his impeccable face, stuttering both my thoughts and my heart beat.

"Or is there something more? I mean…god…never mind." I turned my flamed cheeks toward the carpeted floor, ashamed at how poorly I was expressing my concerns.

"Tell me." I felt the slightest brush of a finger against the base of my chin, and instinctively tilted my face at an upward angle. He was right there, so close to me. A certain sense of overwhelming déjà vu overcame me at that moment. In my mind I remembered the night not so long ago when we had been in such close proximity, that night when he had so innocently kissed my forehead. My eyes closed on instinct, and I let out a shaky breath.

"What difference would it make, you probably won't remember a thing I say tonight." I whispered.

"So what could it hurt?" He inquired, his cool hands brushing through my loosened curls.

"Everything." I admitted, realizing that after tonight our relationship would change immensely. Whether or not for the best or for the worst I had yet to figure out.

"Just say it Bella." My pleading mind echoed his sentiment, and I sighed in response to the delicate velvet of his voice.

"What if…what if I feel like you're trying to hint at something more than friendship, something more than just a platonic relationship?" His shallow breathing hitched ever so slightly, and I inwardly cringed, preparing for a negative reaction.

"I don't know." I felt his fingers slid once more through my dark hair before settling against his side. I died a little inside, my confusion, and my _anger _bubbling up at the indistinctive words.

"You don't know?" I hissed, taking a step back from him. I felt dazed, and found that the fresh 'Edward-free' air helped to bring me back to my point, which at this point was to understand. "God Edward could you just help me out a little bit, I'm sick of feeling so confused all the time! Just tell me how you feel!" The words seemed harsher then I had meant them too, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his jaw clench as he whipped moved once more to stand in front of me.

"Stop it Bella, just stop!" He exclaimed, arms flailing about in angered gestures.

"Stop treating me like I'm just short of incompetent and asking me shit like 'tell me how you feel" this isn't my therapy session and you're _not_ Doctor Webber!" Edward had never yelled at me like this, well…he had never _intentionally_ had this much of an outburst toward me. The natural instinct to defend seemed to burn strong and steady somewhere within me and I found myself inching closer toward him as well.

"Well sor_ry_ for wanting a little clarification on what the hell is going on in that thick skull of yours!" I seethed, shoving him slightly out of frustration.

"I can't give you those answers Bella! I'm still trying to figure all this out for myself!" _Oh, bullshit._

"Then what am I supposed to do in the meantime? I can't be seeing you everyday and wondering about whether or not you care about me the same way I care about you!" I don't even think my mind registered the confession my mouth had just uttered. I would have been overly embarrassed, but that didn't seem the case with my current state of mind.

"You're part of my every-day life, at school, here, on weekends… every time I hold Andy I'm reminded of how unsure I am of your feelings, I question whether or not you really want me here or if you keep me around out of pity. I…I hate standing here now and feeling like such a moron for locking you in a room to interrogate you when you could wake up tomorrow and not remember a thing about tonight…I just… I can't do this anymore it's getting harder and harder to keep up with your mood swings." I paused only momentary to gather my thoughts, preparing myself for another round when a harsh _growl_ almost knocked me back to the present and found myself staring into the almost…hurt eyes of Edward.

"What does that mean? Are you just going to leave, to walk out? What about Andy? Don't you care about him?" His volume from just a few moments before had greatly dissipated and he spoke his concerns at a soft, whisper like volume.

"Of course I care about Andy, Edward. You know that." I stated, at an equally hushed volume. _I must have really freaked him out._

"So is that just not enough?" He asked, his eyes pleadingly searching my own. I fought hard to stay in control; to not give in to his overwhelming being but it was just so difficult to stay difficult when he seemed so broken.

"Hey. No one said anything about leaving; I just…Edward I need you to make up your mind on where we stand. I don't want to be fooling myself into thinking that we could turn into something more than what we are now if that's not how you feel. So tell me, because I'm not leaving until I get a solid answer."

"I just don't know that right now."

"When do you think you'll know?" I asked, knowing the question was meaningless. No one ever knew exactly when feelings would or wouldn't develop. I just didn't want to be dragged by the heartstrings any longer…

"I...I'm tired." I breathed a soft sigh, moving toward his closet and pulling out a T-shirt and some flannel pajama bottoms, tossing them gently onto the mattress behind him.

"Then I guess we're going to be here for a while."

**A/N: Okay lots discussed...thoughts? Next chapter will most likely be from Edward's POV...who want's a hungover Edward? *sees hands raised* Thought ya might :D**


	19. The Indies!

**A/N: Voting for the indies starts today!!!! The first round of voting goes through 7/12 and then the top ten most voted stories move onto the next round! I would really appreciate a vote from my readers! It would make me sooo happy! You can find the link to the site on my profile or just go to www (dot) theindietwificawards (dot) com. I promise to have the next chapter up by tomorrow at the latest!!! Luv you guys! -- Lauren 3**


	20. Breathe

**A/N: Hey people! I just got me some internet access, so here is the next chapter! My beloved beta (x0xDrumMajorx0x) says it's a winner, but I want to know what you think! I hope you guys had a good weekend, here is your Sunday night gift!**

Chapter 18 Edward POV

_The meadow was especially beautiful this afternoon; the sky, having brightened to a vibrant shade of blue, seemed to go on for miles with little to no clouds covering the unusually bright sun. I sighed, turning my pale features toward its warming rays, instinctively allowing my eyelids to droop and my mind to wander._

"_What is this place?" I shrugged my shoulder rather nonchalantly at the familiar voice, too wrapped up in my relaxation. _

"_That's a brilliant description, Edward. Thank you for the _valiant_ effort," came her sarcastic remark. My lips twitched ever so slightly, my hand searching for hers of its own accord. _

_I felt her small fingers wrap soothingly around my own, and her soft hair brush up against my cheek as she laid her head against my shoulder. _

"_This is my…_place,_" I began, my face turning away from the sky to search our familiar surroundings. _

"_I found it while hiking a few months after we moved in. However cliché it may sound to you, it's my 'escape from reality'." _

"_That sounds like something on a Disney brochure," she teased, her laughter resounding beautifully through the open space. _

_I nudged her a bit with my shoulder, jostling her perfect curls. "I'm not one for philosophical descriptions," I reasoned, squeezing her hand playfully. She returned the gesture with equal pressure, her right hand sweeping across her body to rest on my chest. _

_I complied with her wishes as she pushed me back onto the smooth material of our picnic blanket. _

_She giggled, her mahogany locks fanning out around our faces, creating a curtain of sorts. _

"_Why did you bring me here?" She questioned, her chocolate irises gazing longingly back into my emerald ones. _

This was not a dream I recognized, it wasn't a memory I had produced at an earlier date. This was not Addie and I. This was not Andy and I. This was Bella; these were her beautiful eyes pleading for answers. This was my subconscious further confirming the need to examine my feelings…

"_I don't know, Bella." I whispered, my fingers moving to encircle her waist. Why was I so unreasonably comfortable with her? _

_I watched as her prior contented expression fell with my vague reasoning, and my dream-self frowned. _

"_Don't be upset," I reassured, further tightening my hold around her soft body. _

"_How can I not be?" She trailed off, making to push away from me; her eyes looking anywhere but at me. _

"_I just…I don't understand these feelings." I said uncertainly. She tilted her chin at a questioning angle, her face almost seeming hopeful for the shortest of seconds. _

"_So, there are feelings?" She questioned, the ghost of a smile pulling at her porcelain skin. _

The unusual dream seemed to be more of an elongated version of our conversation last night. The one I had so cowardly backed out of…the one I had given up on. This was my own way of punishing me; this was my masochistic personality rearing its ugly head.

"_Yes," I answered truthfully. _

"_What kind of feelings? Friendly feelings…or…more?" There was that word again, 'more.' Its connotations were vast and many. The word was just too broad a term. I felt all too overwhelmed and trapped with her wording. Was her version of 'more' different than mine? Was it more powerful, less…equal? _

"_I..I care about you." I knew it was a cheap way out. Care, in some instances, was just as broad a term as 'more'. I didn't know how to handle Bella. She was so different from Addie. She was so broken…so innocent. I didn't want to overwhelm her; I didn't want to hurt her. But…I wanted to know her. I wanted to learn her; everything about her…did that make my feelings more than friendly? Is this how I felt when I was with Addie? _

_The prospect scared me; a relationship that didn't involve Addie. She had been my everything; my everything that started out as nothing. I loved her, she was my better half. My best friend, my lover, the mother of my son. Could I really expect Bella to fill such a void in my mangled heart…was it fair to ask that of her? _

_My confused mindset seemed to darken the setting of the dream. The atmosphere seemed harsher now, the sky darkening with thick, overbearing clouds, the sunlight significantly dimming. I shivered as I felt the familiar raindrops, my uncertain eyes turning back to the angel above me. But she was gone.  
_

_My hands instinctively reached for her, a ruff sob escaping the startled set of my jaw. _

Beep. Beep.

_I foreign sound seemed to darken the edges of my dream picture, and in a desperate attempt to locate those familiar dark eyes before the dream faded into nothingness, I pushed away from the moistened grass, my eyes glancing this way and that in search of her perfect face. _

"Edward?" _The sound of my name echoed softly around the now empty image of my mind almost painfully, and I clutched my hands to my face in a defeated gesture. _

"No, I'm here. Yea…I'm okay." Was I awake now? I quickly blinked the sleep from my eyes, the confusion from my dream seeming to reformulate in the form of a painful haze.

"Shit." I breathed, rubbing relentlessly at my foggy gaze. I felt the hollowed echo of a painful migraine beginning to form and reached my hand toward my aching forehead.

The coolness of a moist towel greeted the warm pads of my fingers, and I realized that Bella must have placed it on my head sometime during the night.

"Bye, Jake. Thanks for last night." I froze at the words, my clouded vision finding a path to her delicate figure. In my foggy haze I could still make out her simple movements. The way her long hair was tucked into a messy bun at the base of her neck…the oversized T-shirt and sweat pants combo that adorned her slight frame…Emmett must have come to check on her sometime while I was passed out.

I watched as she snapped her cell phone shut and tossed it carelessly onto my black leather couch, she seemed to pace around the room, mumbling to herself all the while. I wondered what she was thinking then, if it had been about our conversation last night…if she was upset. By the tense set of her jaw and her constant clenching and unclenching of her fists, I guessed that she was psyching herself up for some sort of declaration or a speech. I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know how I felt about a lot of things at the moment.

I attempted to right myself into a sitting position against my head board, but my head seemed to burn and pound in protest as if someone had lit a match and set my mind aflame. I groaned with the intensity of the pain, doubling over the side of the bed to wretch into the wastebasket Bella had set beside my bed earlier this morning.

"I doubt there's anything left in your stomach." Out of the corner of my eye I saw her approach my side. She eased her body into a crouch, her fingers wrapping around my arm as she attempted to sit me back up. I fought with myself not to shove her out of the way and wretch into the basket with all I had in me, closing my fists as the pain once more pronounced itself.

"God," I murmured, as she leaned around me to grab at the pills and water glass that sat on the nearby nightstand.

"Take these." She stated rather monotonously, her delicate fingers gently pried open my closed fist and dropped the white aspirin into my palm.

"Thanks," I whispered, popping the pills into my mouth and taking a few generous sips of the cool liquid.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, sitting herself down at the base of the mattress.

"Just dandy," I stated sarcastically, willing the medication to work faster, for my sobering haze to allow my eyes to adjust.

She breathed one soft chuckle, and I frowned at the fact she was taking any sort of pleasure from my pained state.

"Does my raging headache amuse you?" I all but seethed, unhappy with myself more than with her. I was annoyed mostly at my strange dream than at her soft laughter. The truth was it was a sound I looked forward to hearing most days; days when I didn't feel like passing out or dying.

"Only slightly," she admitted, moving to sit Indian style, her long legs wrapping under her small body.

I grimaced with the sudden shift of the mattress and my stomach rolled once more. She seemed to sense my change in demeanor and immediately stilled her movements.

"Are you okay?" She whispered, a hand half way outstretched toward wear I sat on the bed. I didn't say anything, couldn't really at the moment. I was afraid even the slightest tilt of my head would bring back the pills that I so desperately wanted in my system at the moment.

"What happened, last night…?" I asked, hoping to keep her worries off of my current physical status. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's the last thing you remember?" She wondered, her forehead creasing slightly with worry… and what seemed to be annoyance, or aggravation.

I thought about it for a moment. She was probably worried that her short monologue the night before had been forgotten, and the hangover offered me the option of playing the "I don't remember" card and pulling myself out of the situation, but I doubted that would stop her from saying what needed to be said.

The last thing that came to mind about the prior night's activities included mostly images and words that spoke of her hurt and her questioning gaze. My mind seemed to have subconsciously filled in the blanks with that odd dream I had woken up too.

"We were talking. I said I was tired, or something along those lines." I eventually stated, going for the truth angle rather than attempting to weasel my way out of this.

She sighed. Had anything more substantial been spoken following my cowardly excuse?

"Yea…you basically passed out after that. I didn't blame you. You drank _a lot_ of Vodka." She rubbed her smooth palm against her forehead. "Emmett came in a bit after, gave me some clothes, watched you while I took a shower…then I went to sleep on your couch." She pointed to the black leather of my seldom-used sofa.

"Alice had offered me a ride home but…I wanted to stay with you…to make sure you were alright, in case you needed reminding of anything…" _More like incase you needed more scolding._

"Otherwise, nothing too eventful; you woke up a few hours ago and puked your guts out, then insisted on brushing your teeth, ranted about dental hygiene, then came back to bed and passed out again."

"Oh." What else was I supposed to say? "You didn't have to stay you know. You could have gone home, I would have been alright." She scoffed at me, her soft pink lips forming a slight frown.

"Oh yea Edward, you seem completely fine." She pointed out, gesturing to my head and to the wastebasket. She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring holes into my comforter.

"Bella," I wanted to apologize, to explain myself, to say what I really meant. I wanted more time; I wanted to ask her what she thought about my dream…if seeing me like this had changed any of her feelings. If she was thinking about leaving or anything of the sort…but I just couldn't find the motivation.

I decided to change the subject, I was sick of her making me seem like the bad guy here. "Who was on the phone?" I questioned, knowing that she had spoken with Jacob earlier. That mongrel. I shouldn't have allowed her to even think about asking him out…he didn't deserve her.

She blushed at my question, and I watched as the apples of her cheeks became stained momentarily in a soft crimson.

"Jake. He wanted to make sure I was okay." She responded softly. It was hard not to be mad at her right now. It just was…and in an effort to keep the attention away from myself, and like the coward I was being, I pursued the subject.

"Did you tell him where you were?" I asked, finding a sick sort of comfort in having turned the figurative tables.

"No, I didn't want him to worry."

"Why do you care what he thinks? Do you think being here isn't safe? Because if you're uncomfortable, by all means, don't let my juvenile actions keep you here." I said, hoping she'd take the out and just leave. I wasn't ready for this, I could feel the aspirin kicking in, and my senses seemed to be coming more alert with each passing moment.

"Of course not. I'm perfectly fine being here."

"So why not mention where you were?"

"Because he would worry anyway."

"Bastard."

"Excuse you. You don't get to say that, what has he ever done to you?" I sneered at her, fighting the urge to lose my temper. I didn't want to think about the all consuming hatred I had for Jacob Black, or about how he had been a dark spot during Addie's pregnancy…Bella didn't want to here about that and I didn't need her sympathy on the subject.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"Tell me." She commanded, her hands instinctively moving to her hips.

"Drop it, Bella." I warned, not wanting this to turn into a screaming match.

"Why are you so damn stubborn?" She wondered. I just shrugged.

"Because I can be."

"Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you for once just tell me, be straight with me, what are you thinking?" She asked, her chocolate eyes searching my silent features.

"You mean what _were_ you thinking. Look Bella, I don't need another speech on my drunk (drunken) stupidity, it won't happen again."

She seemed slightly hurt at my accusation, but wasn't it true? Isn't that what this was really all about? She wanted me to open up, to talk about my life. But she wasn't willing to allow me the time or space I needed.

"I don't want to yell at you Edward. It _was_ stupid what you pulled last night, but we both know that is not what I want you to talk to me about."

"How do we go about this?" I asked.

"Go about what? Discussing your feelings? I don't know. Opening your mouth might be a good place to start." _Oh, har har. _

"I don't need the sarcasm." I stated.

"You don't need it, but you could use some of it. Stop dancing around the subject."

"You infuriate me," I seethed, unable to wrangle in my current emotions.

"Infuriate? Really Edward? Look, you don't need to be all reserved, if you feel like screaming at me then dish out your worst. I can take it. I want it! I want you to be real with me! What is it about my questions that bothers you the most?"

"Your persistence."

"That's a start. What about my persistence."

"You're constantly pushing me! You want me to open up to you but sometimes I just can't."

"You can't, or you don't want to?"

"Both. What's wrong with wanting a little bit of privacy?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. But I'm not asking you to bear your soul Edward. I'm asking you to give me a chance, to at least attempt to share part of yourself with me."

"I'm not ready for this."

"It's been almost a year."

"It doesn't make it any less painful! She meant everything to me, and then you barge in to my life. You think it's unfair the way I treat you? I think it's unfair that your so damn sure of yourself, that you're always there…you with your big doe eyes, and you're comfortable essence…it's unsettling."

"Okay, we're making some sort of progress here. So…you're scared of me?" I sighed.

"No, not you…I'm scared of who I am when I'm with you."

"Who you are?"

"Yes, who I am. How I act, my thoughts…it's like you numb the pain. It feels good, and you're smart and you're happy and you're loyal and you're there for me…it's different. I don't feel the need to be closed off, I feel like telling you everything…but I don't like that. I'm not used to that."

"So you like me, but you're scared of what we could be." It wasn't a question, and I don't think it was ever meant to be one. She had figured me out, I had cracked and slipped and she was finally starting to understand. Did I want that? Was it better now that she had some inkling of my thoughts and feelings? Or have I just hurt her even more by admitting that this wasn't something I was willing to jump into.

"I just need more time." I stated, almost solemnly. I didn't understand this situation, I needed to and wanted to, but it seemed so much more difficult.

"Time for what? To _think_ about it? It seems like you've done all the thinking you need."

"I don't think I'm ready for this. I have Andy. And Addie…I just…"

"Edward, this isn't a trap, I'm not asking you for forever. I just want a chance…a _chance._ Is that really something you can't offer me?"

"I want it to be something I can give you, I…I care about you, Bella. I know that it may seem like I don't, like I am pushing you away, and in some ways I am. I just," I took a deep breath attempting to gather up my thoughts. Was this the part where I told her how perfect she was? Was this where all those cheesy, corny feelings became heart felt vulnerable words? I wanted it to be, but I wanted her to understand that being cheesy or corny wasn't something I wanted to be with her. "God, I just want to be honest with you."

"You can be Edward, I'll understand, whatever you're feeling, I just need to know."

I watched her wearily as she reached for one of my hands. I held hers gently, relishing in the feeling of complete contentment that came with her soft touch.

"I'm afraid of losing you, of this not working out…of Andy being affected if it doesn't. I wonder if Addie will hate me, or if she's happy with whomever I choose or don't." I heard her quiet sigh once my words had died out. I was afraid to look into her eyes. I wanted her to understand.

"All of that scares me too. Of course I worry about Andy, I love him Edward. He's perfect. And…even if we don't work out, I want you to know that I'll be here for you, for him. No matter what, I'm here." I squeezed her palm lightly, earning a small grin.

"I'm glad."

"Me too," she whispered.

"Bella?" She looked up slowly, a small, hopeful smile about her perfect face.

"Will you be my second chance?" She smiled at my words, leaning across the mattress to wrap her arms around my neck. I could feel the gentle nod of her head against the side of my throat.

"Of course." I kissed her cheek, and for the first time in what seemed like years, I was able to breath.

**A/N: Who likes it? Who loves it? Who hates it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! ~Lauren (P.S. A big shout out to Twilam cus your reviews made me smile so wide!) P.P.S I LUV YOU MACKIE GIRLIE!!!**


	21. Thoughts

**A/N: I'm here! I'm back! I'm sorry! Hey guys, these past few weeks have been crazy busy and I just had to get something out for this story. So here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy! I am so happy for the response this story has gotten, and am so thankful for all the loyal fans and the encouraging reviews! I'll try not to be so long for the next review, but fair waring August isn't looking to be a good month for me :( A special shout out to my Beta who corrected this chapter in under two hours...so props to x0xDrumMajorx0x Thanks Mackie! ~Lauren**

Chapter 19 Bella POV

_His second chance;_ rather sweetly worded in its essence, almost always it brought a slight smile to my face; a rosy hue to my cheeks. When I thought about its subtle perfection I could barely contain my ecstatic thought process. It was his way of saying that he wanted 'more', his way of letting those carefully constructed walls down, it was his way of finally allowing me in. And I was thankful for it, more so than I ever thought possible.

Edward wanted to try._ Even now, lying in his strong and seemingly unbreakable embrace, it was shocking to fathom. _

_Following Saturday's unexpected events and the preceding morning's heated conversation, this quiet Wednesday afternoon seemed to be just what the both of us needed. _

_I sighed, leaning my head back against Edward's strong shoulder as the movie Alice had picked out for us played along in the background. To be honest I hadn't been paying the required amount of attention needed to follow along with the plot line, and I felt almost guilty as Alice sent me knowing smirks every now and then. _

"_Are you enjoying the movie?" I blushed at the proximity of the familiar voice, shrugging slightly in Edward's tight grasp. _

"_It's okay." I responded rather nonchalantly, hoping my vague response would be enough to appease him. I heard his soft chuckle, and I closed my eyes, basking in the beauty of the simple sound. _

"_Not paying much attention are we?" he teased, the fingers of his left hand reaching for my own in the darkness of the basement. I shrugged once more, encasing his warm hand in my own. _

"_I've been slightly distracted," I admitted, turning my face slightly upward to see the perfectly crooked smile that I knew adorned his strong features. _

"_Oh, have you?" he wondered, playfully squeezing my fingers. _

"_Yes," I leant my face up to kiss his chin. "I have." He smiled down at me, turning his focus back to the screen. _

"_Me too," I heard him whisper after a moment or so. _

"It sounds like you two are doing well; much better than the last time you both were in." Dr. Webber's voice pulled me from my reverie and I smiled at his observation.

"I like to think so," I stated.

"And from what you've told me, Edward seems to be adjusting well." He noted something on a large pad of yellow paper, adjusting his reading glasses as he waited for my response.

"Adjusting? How do you mean?"

"Adjusting to the idea of you as more than a friend; as a girlfriend." He dropped his pen to the desktop, folding his hands underneath his chin. "I have to tell you Bella, last week was simply a bad week for him, which I'm sure you could see for yourself." I nodded, remembering back to the previous week. It seemed so long ago.

"He was really upset," I added, hoping to keep the flow of conversation. Dr. Webber was nice, but seeing as this was my first private session I was slightly more nervous than anticipated.

"And your peers, his family, your father…they are all aware of your current status as a couple." I frowned a bit, but nodded.

"Are you sure?" he inquired, one gray eyebrow rising as he took in my expression. I watched as he once more lifted the pen from the table top. I nodded, annoyed with his constant scribbles.

"Yes, it's just been…well…school…" Monday had been, _interesting_, to put it lightly. Walking into the building hand in hand with Edward had thrown more than a few students off.

"Ahh, so the other students aren't taking it well? Is that the problem?"

"No, no problems. Just, um…I think it's just kind of shocking to them." _Was it really a 'problem'? _I didn't think so.

"Shocking?"

"Yes, I mean, I'm Edward's first…anything since Addie. Some of them just don't understand."

"Ahh." More scribbling.

"Hmm. Well I think it will just take some time." He looked up from his pad of notes, pushing back from his desk and moving to sit on the edge of his desk. If the move was meant to relieve some of the unwanted tension, it wasn't working. "Teenagers, especially in a school environment, like a moderate amount of structure on certain social levels. Immediate or unexpected change is most likely going to shake up the student body for a short time, but the newness will pass and Edward and yourself will develop your relationship around your school lives."

"Makes sense," I whispered, thinking over his statement.

"And his family? Alice, Emmett, how have they taken to the news?"

I smiled to myself at his question, remembering back to last Sunday afternoon.

"_So, who's going to tell Alice?" Edward chuckled at my question, pulling me tighter against his chest, my head resting comfortably in the deep crook of his neck. _

"_Alice is Alice, we probably won't even have to mention it. She'll just…know." He smirked, his long fingers raking through my dark hair. _

"_Hmm. You're probably right." I agreed, laughing a little in anticipation of Alice's reaction. _

"_Of course I am." I smacked him lightly on the shoulder, and he frowned, feigning pain. _

"Had he been correct in his predictions of her reaction?"

"Um, yea."

_After having lounged around in his room well past one thirty in the afternoon I sighed, deciding it was now or never that we go downstairs. "Come on, time for lunch," I insisted, sitting up away from his chest. He frowned, attempting to pull me back down. _

"_No, I'm…tired." I raised an eyebrow at his excuse. "You're not the least bit hungry?" I asked, wondering if he really was 'tired' or if he just didn't want to broadcast his decision quite yet. _

_He seemed to ponder the decision for a moment, one of his hands absentmindedly reaching for his stomach. _

"_Okay, let's go," he decided, standing up from his place on the bed. He wobbled slightly, most likely aftershocks of his hangover.  
_

"_Careful there," I teased, standing up as well and taking his hand. He smiled, leading me out the door and down the stairs. _

"_Oh. My. God." _

"I remember coming to a dead stop in the kitchen at those words, Alice's expression was unreadable, and for the briefest of seconds I thought that she was angry. But in true Alice fashion, she issued an excited squeal and all but tackled the both of us into a group hug." I breathed a quiet laugh, remembering the situation.

Dr. Webber chuckled, smiling to himself.

"It does coincide with her bright attitude," he noted, his eyes flickering to the silver watch on his wrist.

"Hmm, only about ten minutes more," I smirked a little. _Ten more minutes and I'll be done. Ten more minutes and I'll get to see Edward. _

"Is there anything you would like to discuss?" he wondered, reaching behind him toward his notes.

I shook my head, hoping to maybe cut the session short. I didn't want to spend anymore time analyzing my relationship with Edward. I sure as hell didn't want to revisit the subject of my mother's passing, and I didn't want to be told how fragile my emotional state was at my young age. Dr. Steven's had already given me an ear full of that crap.

"Anything at all?"

"Nope," I responded quickly, bouncing slightly in my impatience.

"Well then, do you mind if I offer you some insight?" he wondered aloud.

I shrugged a signal of my indifference.

"Bella, you're a smart girl, a passionate girl, and I can see that you have had a lot of pain in your life. I didn't have to read your file to figure that much out." He paused, pushing himself away from the desk's edge and beginning a deliberate pace about the room.

"From what Dr. Stevens has told me, and from what I've observed, I can tell that you're the type of person to unconsciously wear their heart on their sleeve. You want to seem strong and functional to others, but inside you are every kind of broken." His eyes focused in on mine then, and I felt the blood drain from my face, feelings of mortification emerging at his words. _Was I really that transparent?_

"Edward isn't like this, he is guarded and silent. It will be hard to break him. I'm not sure I've even accomplished the task. Be patient with him. Edward needs someone patient in his life. It's what he's looking for. The relationship between the both of you is far more complex than the normal relationship of the average teenager. I can see that you care about him, and in an effort to make this work out for the best I advise you not to push him. These first few weeks are going to be new for both of you, and Edward has a lot to think about regarding his new status as 'boyfriend'. Understand?"

"Uh…" _Say something Bella, nod, squeak, make a sound of agreement. _"Yea." _There ya go. _

Dr. Webber stole another glance to his clock. "Only a moment more, I believe we can wrap up early this afternoon. It was a pleasure talking with you Bella. Give my best to Edward." I nodded, standing to gather my things.

"Thank you, sir," I called as I exited the door. I walked down the hall and past the receptionist desk. I let out a breath as I approached the glass doors that signaled an exit to the parking lot and ultimately an entrance into my Edward's arms. _I miss him,_ I thought to myself as I placed a hand onto the metal handle.

"Bella!" I turned toward the sound of my name. In my hurry to get back to the Cullen's house I had failed to notice Angela was working the reception area today. She waved me over and I reluctantly with an impatient smile approached the desk and wrapped my arms around her in a friendly hug.

"I didn't see you there, Angela. How have you been?" I wondered aloud, while internally calculating how fast I could get to Edward's house if I really pushed my truck.

"Good, good. How have you been? I haven't seen you around the lunch table much." She smirked, nudging me slightly in the shoulder. I blushed a little.

"Yea, Edward I…yea."

She giggled at my embarrassment. "Don't worry about it Bella, I'm happy for you and Edward. You're good for him." She smiled at me and I returned the gesture.

"Thanks. How's Ben?" I asked, feeling like I owed her a bit more time for having been so focused on Edward this week.

"He's great, thanks for asking. Everyone's doing really well. We're all excited for you. I mean…most of us at least."

"Lauren and Jessica?" I questioned, she laughed a bit. "Don't forget Mike," she teased. "He's been heartbroken ever since that party, he was so sure you would fall head over heels for him." I snorted at Mike's ridiculous assumptions.

"Oh yea, wouldn't want to forget him." Angela smiled a bit, took a look at the clock and toward the papers on her desk.

"I should go," I said, motioning to the clock. She nodded. "It was really nice talking to you Bella, we should hang out soon." She suggested. I smiled, agreeing with a swift nod before heading out to the parking lot.

I all but sprinted to my truck, happy to be out of the building. Don't get me wrong, I think the therapy was helping me, or it would at least, but I just…I didn't want to be reminded of how hard these first few weeks were going to be…about how everything was going to be different, I just … I just wanted Edward to be happy. I wanted _me_ to be happy.

I climbed into the cab of the pickup, slamming the door shut and shoving the key into the ignition. I heard the familiar clanking of the engine that signaled its start up and pulled swiftly out the parking space.

_Only another ten minutes, Bella. God, you act like you haven't seen him in years, it's only been, _I looked toward the illuminated numbers of my worn dashboard, _two hours! _I breathed a slight laugh at my anxiousness to be with him. I had been with him all through the school day. _Why couldn't I just slow down?_ I felt as if I hadn't caught my breath in days. But it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, like having the wind knocked out of you by a hard fall, not even like the burning sort of feeling that accompanied the lack of oxygen, no, it was a rushed sort of content, this feeling. Like when you run along distance, a feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion all seemingly mixed into a misplaced emotional state.

For the first time in the weeks that I had lived here, I was beginning to find myself, my place here in Forks. I had a reason to be here, other then my mother's untimely death…I was no longer the unexpected baggage in my father's simplistic life. I was Bella Swan, I had a job, I had a boyfriend, I was doing well in school, I was getting help for my problems, and I felt accomplished. As if some sort of unknown purpose had been fulfilled.

I couldn't help though, but to dwell on Dr. Webber's parting monologue. It wasn't ideal to think of my first relationship as any kind of "slowed" or "cautioned." I knew that Edward needed time, I understood that, but the situation felt personal; in the way that only Edward and I needed to be involved, not our shared therapist. It bothered me that I seemed so transparent to Dr. Webber, and that he could read me so well after having only spent an hour with him. It bothered me that, to him, Edward and I were just a couple of manilla files and unspoken scribbles on standard note paper. I didn't doubt his skill, I knew that he was very good at his job, and that Edward trusted him, but I couldn't help but feel slightly unsettled when I thought of him or anyone else analyzing our relationship.

I was being stubborn by wanting to fix my own issues, too independent by attempting to solve all our problems without outside help, but I didn't want to face the fact that we both had been emotionally scarred in the past year or so. I didn't want to face the reality that I had entered into a new town, with a father I had barely known, and am now not only an overworked student, but girlfriend, and an unintentional role model.

I didn't only get Edward when I entered into this relationship, when I pushed for more than platonic. I got a family, I got new responsibilities, new problems, new experiences, I got a little boy, a little life. Someone to care about, to look after, to eventually love? I didn't know. And it scared me to think that if this relationship went wrong I'd be losing a lot more than Edward.

I found myself in the Cullen driveway then, my thought process having easily passed the time. I sighed, parking near the garage and cutting the engine.

I reached for the handle of my door, silently berating myself for my former line of thought. I shoved the heavy metal door out of the way, and hopped down out of the truck's old cab.

"Finally!" I jumped slightly at the familiar voice, smiling as I felt those two strong arms envelop me from behind. I closed and locked the car door before turning to look into those beautiful emerald eyes.

"Edward." I breathed, tangling my fingers in his soft hair.

"I missed you." He sighed, and I smiled to myself. It would work out, it had to. And with my newfound reassurance, I pushed myself up on my toes and brushed my lips against his.

"I missed you too."

"How was your session?" He asked, reaching for my backpack. I swatted his hand away, giving him a pointed look. "I can handle it." I teased, pushing a bit at his chest. He sighed. "My session was okay, kinda overwhelming." I answered honestly, still thinking back to my thoughts on the drive here.

"Did he do a lot of the talking?" He wondered. I shook my head. "He just asked me questions and had me answer them." I shrugged, pushing open the front door of the mansion and relishing in the warm air that encircled my slight frame.

"He gave me a lot to think about." I felt Edward's arm encircle my waist as he led me toward the staircase. "Mom, Bella's here, she's staying for dinner!" He called, never breaking stride as we made quick work of the steps.

"So, what'd you both talk about?" He asked, a playful tone about his features. He knew as well as I that I didn't have to say anything. "Oh you know." I teased, poking at his shoulder when he reached the door to his room.

He smiled, lifting a finger to his lips in a silencing gesture. I nodded in understanding, quietly pushing the door open to reveal the subtly lit bedroom. Edward urged me into the room and shut the door quietly behind us.

"How long has be been asleep?" I wondered aloud, looking toward the familiar crib. "A few hours or so." He answered, reaching into the crib and softly rubbing Andy's cheek.

"Hey buddy." Edward whispered quietly, patiently waiting for Andy's little eyes to open up. "Someone's here to see you." He cooed, and my heart tugged a little at the gentle tone to his voice.

Andy gurgled a bit, his tiny fingers subconsciously going to grip at Edward's hand. Edward smiled down at his son, reaching his other hand beneath Andy's tiny torso and pulling him to rest against his chest.

"Da." Andy breathed quietly, his auburn head resting gently beneath Edward's chin.

"Hi Andy." I cooed, standing from my place on the bed and coming to stand beside Edward. I racked my fingers through Andy's soft hair and laid a quick kiss to his pink cheek.

"You're so good with him." Edward whispered, smiling down at me. "He's easy to be with, he's a sweet baby." I complimented, looking between Edward's gentle smile and Andy's half awake form.

"Yea, he's good. Arn't you little man?" Edward whispered, bouncing lightly in a attempt to bring Andy out of his sleepy haze.

"Da, da, da." Andy cooed, patting at Edward's shoulder in an attempt to calm his father's movements. We both laughed at his antics.

"How was your afternoon?" I asked after a few moments. Edward shrugged slightly leading me toward the bed once more. "It was quiet, got my homework done, did some cleaning." He gestured the expanse of the room, pointing toward the newly organized toy chest and closet. I giggled.

"I'm proud of you." I teased, kissing his cheek lightly. He wrapped the arm that wasn't supporting Andy around my waist and pressed his lips to mine gently.

"Thank you." He whispered. "For what?" He shook his head lightly.

"For just being here." I nodded, leaning my head into his shoulder.


	22. Wonders and Dreams

**A/N: Hello! Alright I know I like disappeared from existence for like...forever and a half, but I'm here now! And I brought you a present! A 5,000 word chapter! Whose excited??? Tell me what you think! P.S. I don't own twilight, just in case you were wondering :P **

I woke up the following Saturday morning to the unpleasant pressure of Alice's perfectly manicured fingernails.

_Poke_

"Ow." I turned away from her, burying myself deeper into the comforter, tucking the edge under my chin and curling my knees up to my chest.

_Poke_

"Stopppp."

I felt a similar jab only a few moments later, and turned away from the bouncing pixie, in search of the arms that I so distinctly remember falling asleep in. But after a few seconds of blind searching all I come up with is a handful of cool sheets, suggesting the body that had once occupied their smooth confines had been gone for sometime, or wasn't there to begin with.

"Come on, Bella! It's Saturday!" Alice's chipper voice seemed to pierce through my morning fog, and I cringed away from the sharp noise. "Please, Alice, Saturday is for sleeping..." I informed, swatting a lazy hand in her direction. A gesture meant to send her away, that was obviously not taken very seriously.

"But I already let you sleep in! Come on it's almost nine!" _Nine in the morning? Was she insane? _Most certainly if she thought I would even consider waking up at this ungodly hour.

"You're insane." I concluded, kicking at her now, desperately wanting to fall back into dreamland, Edward was in dreamland... I sighed, an instinctive smile lifting my tired features.

"Don't make me go get Emmett." Her threat was lost on me, my mind too far gone to even comprehend the possibility of an Emmett wake up call. I rolled back to face Alice, jutting out my bottom lip, a final plea to be left alone for at least a few moments longer.

"How can I resist that face?" Alice retorted sarcastically, sticking her tongue out at me as she bounded away from the bedside. "Come on, everyone else is up!" She shouted from her new location in the attached bathroom.

"Oh." I sighed, slowly but surely pushing my lethargic body away from the comfortable mattress and tossing the sheets elsewhere. I missed Edward; he was much better at wake ups than his sister, if only for the sole reason that he's never actually woken me up.

In the rare instances that I spend the night in the Cullen house, I usually either stay in the spare bedroom, like today, or Alice's room depending on how tired I was. Alice was a talker, the kind of friend who, once the lights went out, could rant for hours about an array of topics, in her case mostly pertaining to shopping, fashion, etc. Last night I had stayed up later than usual. Alice, Rosalie and I had decided to make Fridays 'movie night', and dedicated last night to John Hughes and his timeless classic _The Breakfast Club._

"Come on sleeping beauty, there's coffee downstairs and Esme's making pancakes!" I grunted a response as she flitted about the room, wondering of any ways that would involve more sleep in the near future. When no such scenario seemed to form, I threw the covers away from my legs, stretching my arms toward the ceiling, listening for the familiar 'pops' and 'cracks' as I pushed myself past my sleep induced haze.

"I'll be down in a few." I said, waving my hand in an 'i'm awake' sort of gesture.

"Uh huh, sure." She teased, holding out the last vowel in a tone that would suggest just the opposite of my claim. I just rolled my eyes, laying my head back against the pillow, having accepted the fact that sleep was no longer an option.

The dark haired pixie was in the doorway now. Y_es, go away Alice!_

"Oh! Edward has the morning and most of the early afternoon off, he's downstairs..." I nearly shot upright at the mention of his name. "What?" I asked startled, throwing the covers away from me and stumbling to her bathroom. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" I asked, stepping out of my too-large flannel pajama bottoms and into an outfit 'Alice-approved' outfit that she had already set out for me. I shoved a toothbrush into my mouth, and ran a comb through my hair.

"Because this is far more entertaining." She giggled, finally disappearing into the hall. "He's been shirtless since he woke up!" She called much louder from what sounded like the far end of the hall. I blushed a fierce shade of crimson, my toothbrush forgotten as I pulled up the too tight dark wash jeans and slid one of my huge sweatshirts over my head.

One last check in the mirror confirmed that I still looked like I had just rolled out of bed and I let out a soft disgruntled sigh as I rushed out the door toward the stairs.

I gripped carefully to the railing as I quietly padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. The smell of breakfast and coffee hit me as soon as my feet touched the last step and I smiled in anticipation of a full stomach and an eye full of Edward's abs. My cheeks warmed a little at the thought, and I quickly attempted to compose myself before making an appearance in front of the Cullens.

"Finally!" Alice teased as soon as I stepped into the kitchen. Esme looked up from her skillet of eggs to give me a polite smile.

I returned the gesture, sighing inwardly. Usually seeing these kind of things would upset me, not that cooking eggs was against some sort of moral code or anything, just that seeing the family go through this sort of Saturday morning routine was something I never seemed to have with Renee. And If I ever had one when my parents were still together I don't remember much else than cereal and a cartoon or two. Nothing like the family breakfast Esme was preparing...it all seemed so foreign to me. But I didn't let my lack of a traditional family routines get to me now, there was too much to be happy with, too much to be distracted with that even the thought of frowning seemed blasphemous.

I walked myself further into the kitchen, offering any help to Esme that she might need, but after being politely turned down decide to mingle among the rest of the available Cullens.

Carlisle was the first person I saw. He was sitting all by his lonesome at the kitchen island, accompanied by only a plate of breakfast, a pot of coffee, and upon further inspection a bumbling Andy, who sat perched on his lap.

"How are you, Bella?" He asked, sipping deeply from his ceramic mug. My mouth watered jealously at the sight, and before I could respond to his question Alice was shoving my own mug into my hands. I thanked her, saying a quick "good" to Carlisle before nearly inhaling the bitter liquid.

"Someone's a caffeine fan." Carlisle teased.

"More like an addict." Alice informed, smirking at me as she disappeared into the dining room. I shrugged knowing she spoke the truth, moving toward Carlisle in the hopes of catching Andy's attention.

"How long has he been awake for?" I asked, running a few fingers through his messy curls, earning a giggle or two in the process.

"Oh since six or so. He was being rather fussy this morning weren't you little man?" I watched, rather amused, as Carlisle poked at his grandson's belly, earning various coos and giggles and a few swats here and there.

"Has Edward been up since then as well?" I had yet to see him, and I was starting to suspect that Alice had made up this whole "day off" thing as a means to get me out of bed. _If that's true, I'm going to kill her._ I thought, my hands gripping more tightly to the ceramic mug.

"Earlier I think. His boss called in around five thirty. Some sort of water main break down at the shop, so they're closing for repairs." _Alice's story checks out, that girl is one lucky pixie._

"Breakfast will be ready in five! Bella, chocolate or plain pancakes?" Esme's voice pulled my attention away from Andy's cute form and back over to the stove. "Chocolate please!"

I threw a 'see ya' to Carlisle, before heading toward the dining room, mug in hand, and the promise of pancakes in the near future making me perfectly content. I wondered briefly if Edward would be in the dining room or if he was upstairs, I missed him...

I sighed, hoping for the former as I pushed through the large oak door that led to the dining room. It was here where everyone gathered for Saturday morning breakfast. I'd only ever been to dinner at the Cullen house, but I'd heard a lot about Saturday mornings, it was something Edward said he didn't have the pleasure of being a part of lately. I was glad that he had the next few hours off, at least until he went into work later this afternoon, I was hoping for some time to talk, maybe watch a movie...I felt like we never really had this sort of time what with his busy schedule and everything that was going on in my life, I was now at therapy twice a week. Once for group and once for my one-on-one sessions.

"Bells!" The loud booming sound broke me from my mind-rant and I nearly jumped out of my skin at the closeness of Emmett's intimidating form. It was a miracle my coffee didn't stain the pristine white of Esme's carpets... I doubt I would have been forgiven for that...

"Emmett geeze!" I slapped at his arm, my heart still pounding from the whole ordeal. He just smirked at me, lazily tossing an arm around my shoulders and ruffling my hair before leading me to the seat beside him.

"Relax, you're so jumpy." He teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him, threading my fingers through my messy locks, pulling the frayed locks back into place. "No one loves you." I teased, walking past him.

"Rose does." He shot back, crossing his arms over his chest like a small child. I just shook my head, turning toward the table with my coffee.

"Someone's not much of a morning person." I practically sighed at the familiar sound of the voice, setting the mug onto the table and turning into his embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tucked my head underneath his chin.

"Morning." He whispered into my hair, twining his arms around my waist and holding me to him. I squeezed him a bit tighter, relishing in the nearness of him. I felt like it had been forever since I was encased in his arms, when in reality it hadn't been more than ten hours.

"You two make me sick." Emmett proclaimed around a mouthful of pancakes, "If you're gonna do all that lovey dovey shit then at least put some effort into it Eddy boy!" I blushed at his comment, thinking to myself that this would be the perfect opportunity for one of Rose's infamous head smacks.

"Call me that one more time." Edward challenged, throwing a light punch to Emmett's shoulder.

"Eddy b-" Emmett's mocking was cut off by Esme's appearance in the doorway, platefuls of bacon and pancakes in hand. Emmett and Edward both stood silent as the food was set at the table.

"Wow Esme!" I exclaimed, my stomach rumbling in agreement.

"If I were you Bella, I'd get some of that, and fast." Esme giggled pointing to the already half empty dishes.

I nodded, grabbing the seat next to Edward and digging into breakfast.

--

After breakfast, Edward and I took Andy upstairs for a nap, not that Andy looked even the least bit tired, in fact, _I _was the one who felt entirely too sleep deprived. _Nine AM on a Saturday is just mean Alice Cullen. I hope you're happy._

_I plopped myself down onto the billowing golden comforter of Edward's bed, sinking myself deep into its confines and burying my face into one of his pillows. It smelled faintly of him, I inhaled deeply, smirking to myself._

"Someone's not much of a mid-morning person either." I heard Edward snicker, and I stuck my tongue out at him, eyes still closed.

"Saturday's are meant for the lazy, evil people like your sister just wouldn't understand." More snickering.

"Bella, Bella…you can't blame Alice, the girl is a ball of fire. God only knows where all that energy comes from. Sometimes I worry for Jasper, having to keep up with her for more than a few hours seems almost painful." I felt the mattress sink as he climbed in beside me, setting a gurgling Andy in-between us. I turned, smiling at his happy little form.

"He loves her, there's no denying it." I responded, reaching a hand out to tickle Andy's belly. I watched entranced as his chubby little fingers latched onto my own, pulling and swatting at them. He was so adorable.

"That he does." Edward sighed, eyes distant as he stared out the bay window.

I mirrored his sigh; it was times like these when I wished I could tell what he was thinking. He always seemed so lost in thought, caught up in some sort of memory maybe. I felt the familiar pang in my gut at that thought. Maybe he was remembering Addie, a time before Andy, before meeting me. It was petty, this line of thought, but most likely true. His expression seemed so solemn, eerily calm. It sparked that sense of worried curiosity within me that just didn't settle well with my over-active imagination. Was it wrong of me to feel jealousy toward her? Addie, Edward's first love, the mother of his child? Addie, whose been dead for nearly ten months now, the mystery women who I've heard more about from gossips like Lauren and Jessica than my own boyfriend? I wondered so much about her, the kind of person she was, the kind of life she led, what she looked like, how Edward thought of her. It was my over-bearing curiosity that wanted to pick Edward's brain about his life before me; something I never before had the intention of doing. I always figured I would get over it, get over the idea of her, or that it would remain water under the bridge.

That's clearly not the case.

Talking about her, I feel, would be the only way to calm my nerves. Another part of me wanted to give Edward time, allow him to come to me, but when would that happen? I mean, we'd only been together a month or so…was it a trust issue? Did Edward not trust me? My face fell at the thought, my eyes falling from Andy's bouncing form to the topaz hue of the comforter.

"You're so quiet." I heard him comment a few moments later, aware as the mattress shifted once more, Edward's body now lay facing me, but my eyes never strayed from the delicately embroidered fabric. I didn't trust myself not to randomly burst into tears at the thought of him not trusting me. I worried I would say something stupid, hit a nerve with the Addie subject.

"I don't mean to be, I'm just…tired, I guess." That was the truth...sort of. I was tired, and I didn't mean to be quiet, or at least I didn't _want_ to be.

He bought it, at least it seemed that way. Why did Edward feel so distant? Was this how relationships were supposed to start out? Movies and books always depicted young love as something deeply passionate, when the two parties seemed nearly inseparable. But I didn't feel that way with Edward. I felt more like the convenient girlfriend than the girl he was crazy about.

I felt like a third wheel, the first wheel being Andy, the second Addie. And that hurt, to even think of myself as a third wheel to a past girlfriend, one who didn't even exist anymore

I felt my eyes prickle with tears, and closed them pretending to appear asleep.

"I have to go into work in about an hour, but I'll be back around nine. Alice can watch Andy if you're that tired." I mumbled a 'thanks', taking in a few deep breaths to calm myself down and attempted to succumb to the less confusing state that is sleep.

--

I woke up around four thirty according to the digital clock on the dresser. The bed beside me was empty, as well as Andy's crib so I assumed Edward had gone to work and Andy was with his auntie. I stretched, rubbing the sleep from my eyes in an attempt to bring myself into a more coherent, less foggy state.

It was dark in Edward's room, I noticed. The curtain had been drawn sometime during my slumber, which I was probably grateful for during my nap, but now I was having difficulty seeing anything that wasn't a few inches in front of me. I felt around for the lamp I knew sat on Edward's nightstand and after a few moments of pawing at nothing but air I found my target. I swiftly twisted the little black handle, flooding the room with a soft yellow light.

I hadn't dreamt during my nap, and I was glad for that, but at the same time, a bit disappointed. Dreams were very strange. In some I experienced little to no enlightenment about my daily life. Random shapes or people doing random things were the usual plotlines of my subconscious stories. In others, however, I relived certain experiences, maybe went over a lesson that I learned in class that day, or solved a problem I didn't know I had. I was hoping for something similar to the latter to have occurred in my naptime dream…but alas, I didn't remember much at all.

I tossed my legs over the bedside; standing slowly creating more pops and cracks as my body stretched itself back into the present.

"Bleh." It was about as poetic as I could manage at the moment. I didn't feel much of anything at this point, not exactly catatonic just unusually unconcerned. Maybe I wasn't meant to understand my problems with Edward, maybe we weren't even having any and my in-famous paranoia was just toying with my brain. And maybe those are just the excuses I hide behind because I'm too much of a coward to talk about my feelings. Even in therapy I was secluded.

I squished my bare feet into Edward's soft carpet, dragging my toes along the plush surface. _What to do?_ I wondered, not quite willing to announce my presence just yet.

I briefly contemplated lying back down, but decided if I was going to stow away in my boyfriend's bedroom I might at least do something productive. I looked around the room searching for any signs of disorder. Nada.

Of course it would be clean, that was just my luck. I went back to the bed, straightened out the mattress, pulling at the ends and tucking at the pillowcases. That killed about three minutes. Still didn't feel like going downstairs.

I let out a deep sigh. _How long you gonna keep this up, Bella?_

It was then that I spotted Edward's bookshelf across the room. _Books could kill hours of time._ I walked over, searching the titles for something new to read, hoping to maybe find one of my favorites tucked somewhere in this disorganized mess.

I recognized a majority of the books as one's having been assigned to us in school. Not exactly my favorites, but still pretty interesting. There were a few CD's tucked in here and there, sometimes I spotted old notebooks and the like crammed among the bindings, but still nothing particularly eye-catching.

I pulled out a few various titles after a few more moments of browsing, not quite able to decide which to read, but as I pulled 'Romeo and Juliet' out of the shelf a large black binder fell with a crash to floor. I jumped back in surprise, wondering why such a heavy binder was tucked behind these books.

_Maybe it's private. _I thought, setting the books back onto the shelf and bending to pick it up. Neither cover gave me any sort of inkling as to what was inside. _It's probably just a binder from school._ But then again, why tuck it behind the other books? Seemed strange.

Would it really hurt anyone to take just one peek? I doubted that, and I was far too bored to have my curiosity be denied now.

I peeled back the front cover, exposing the first page of what I assumed to be an old photo album, two words were written in delicate script. _Forgive Me._

_Strange. That was my first thought to the words, their presence seemed rather odd on what appeared to be a photo album. I stared in wonder, my fingers itching to turn to the next page._

"Bella?" The voice startled me and I dropped the binder to the ground.

"Y-yea?" I answered the concerned voice. _Please don't ask to come in._

_"Is everything alright?" Esme inquired from the other side of the door._

"I'm fine!" I insisted, my heart racing.

"Can I come in?" She wondered, the doorknob twisting. Could I really say no, I mean, it _was_ her house.

"S-sure."

She pushed the door open gently, poking her head in to glance about the room. "Ah, I thought I heard you wandering about up here. Find anything good to read?" She inquired, closing the door behind her and moving to stand next to me. I shook my head.

She looked at the pile of books scattered about the floor. Her eyes coming to a halt when she noticed the binder, her face softening considerably. "Oh."

I looked at her then, my hands shaking in an effort to keep calm. "Esme I'm so sorry I was just pulling out some books and it fell onto the floor, I didn't look past the first page I swear!" I bent over at lightening speed, picking up the binder and handing it to her. She stared at me sadly for a moment, hesitantly reaching out and gripping the plastic between her fingers.

"That's quite alright dear, I wasn't aware that he still had this." She raked her fingers along the binding, her eyebrows pulled together in a worried sort of way.

Why was she so upset? I really screwed up didn't I? Crap.

"I'm really, really sorry Esme." Her eyes shot up from the cover, and she wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to her side.

"Don't worry about it, you've done nothing wrong." She insisted, guiding me to the edge of the bed.

I sat down beside her, waiting intently as she fingered the curious album from its place in her lap.

"Tell me Bella, how much have you heard about Addie?"

I shrugged. The truth was that I hadn't heard much of anything. "I know she's Andy's mother, that she and Edward met at the beginning of last summer, that she passed away." I listed off the basics. Esme frowned.

"Has Edward talked to you about her?" She asked gently, not wanting to push me I assumed. I gave my head a slight shake.

"What I've heard about her has come from the kids at school, never from him. I don't blame him, it must have been so terrible to have lost her the way he did." I admitted to both her and myself. That in some way I could understand Edward's distance even though I wanted to much for him to open up to me.

She seemed confused at my statement. "Do you know how exactly it happened?" She asked, her fingers tightening around the binder's frame.

"Accidental mixing of drugs was what I was told." I answered, remembering that first day in the cafeteria when Angela had first informed me of the famous Edward Cullen.

"Hmm. Well, I'm glad to see that story is still a float." I raised an eyebrow at the comment.

"What do you mean by story?"

She sighed softly, laying the binder between our seated bodies. "Addie made this album for Edward." The word's 'Forgive Me', slowly became exposed as Esme opened the front cover. Their meaning was lost on me.

"Did she do something to upset him?" I wondered aloud, waiting intently for Esme's answer. She sighed once more, flipping to the next page.

I gasped quietly. It was a picture of a girl I had never met. She was pale, with golden blonde curls that floated around her body, cutting off just past her elbows. She wore painted spattered overalls and a goofy grin plastered on her angelic face. Edward's stood behind her, his hands coming to rest just over the face of her stomach. _Addie._

"This is her?" I asked, dragging my fingers over the glossy picture. Esme nodded. "I took this picture of them halfway through her first trimester. After the initial shock of the pregnancy wore off, I first started to notice a more mature Edward coming around. He applied everywhere in town for any sort of job, got serious about his school work, did chores… it was unexpected."

"He wanted to document every part of this experience," She continued, flipping to the next page, more pictures of the two of them together and with each page turn Addie's stomach became more pronounced and Edward's grin a bit wider. "He was unusually excited, serious, but excited." I nodded, taking my time to observe each individual photo. It was the closest I had come to Edward's past in the three months that I had known him.

"She doesn't seem as happy." I remarked after a few more page turns. Addie's joyful expression from the first picture seemed to be fading as time passed on. She seemed more tired, didn't smile as wide...my curiosity battled with me to ask more questions, but I didn't want to push Esme. She seemed so wrapped up in these pictures, her words were chosen carefully, I though maybe to protect Edward. I wondered briefly how he would react if he knew what we were doing.

"She wasn't herself, she was always so quiet, so distant. Carlisle thought maybe it was just a mood shift due to the pregnancy, but it never seemed to go away, just became more and more pronounced every time we saw her." Her tone lowered as she continued to tell the story, every few seconds she would close her eyes and sniffle, fighting the urge to cry. I wondered so much about this mystery girl, what had she done to wrap the Cullen's around her perfect little fingers?

"In the middle of her sixth month I started to notice Edward's mood shifting too. He wasn't as excited as before, he seemed worried and unfocused. I remember hearing them get into fights, Addie and Edward, about every little thing having to do with the baby. Where they would live, what Edward would do, how they were going to support their child… Addie wanted Edward to ask us for money, to allow them to live here for at least a few years until they had both gotten through college at least, but Edward didn't want that. He wouldn't take our money even though Carlisle and I were happy to offer it; it just wasn't in his plan. He wanted to do things for himself. 'It's our obstacle to deal with Addie, not theirs.' He would say." She paused.

"Halfway through her seventh month we got a call from Dr. Glosser the OBGYN down at the hospital saying Addie needed an emergency c-section and to get down here as soon as possible." At this point I was sniffling along with Esme. I didn't know Addie and for all intents and purposes I felt threatened by her, but she was obviously important to the Cullens, and not just to Edward, but to the whole family.

"She overdosed. She had been with friends that night, she was taking prescriptions for muscle aches, and she decided it was too much for her. She left this," Esme closed the book. "And a four page long letter explaining to Edward that she couldn't do it anymore, that she didn't want this kind of life for herself, that he would be better off without her."

My face turned pale as realization of her words sunk in, and Esme's grip around my waist became so tight it was almost too painful to sit still but I pushed through that, quietly consoling her.

"It wasn't an accident, Bella… it wasn't."

**A/N: *sigh* Okay that chapter was intense guys, so intense for me to write. Please let me know how you feel about it love it, hate it, shocked by it? I'd love to hear your thoughts! ~Lauren **


	23. Memories

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! I'm sorry for such a long wait! I was busy with the holidays and college apps. I promise not to make you wait so long next time! Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's all one big flashback, I advise you keep a box of tissues near you while reading this. Lots of luv ~Lauren**

Edward's POV

June 2008

"_Man, stop beating yourself up over it." Emmett reasoned, watching my anxious form pace across his bedroom floor. I found myself up here an hour or so ago after she had left. I sighed. _

"_I was such a jack ass, Em." I said, talking more at myself than my brother. _

"_We all have those days, god knows Rose and I have our share of fights." He said, from his place on the bed. I couldn't reason it as just a fight, it was more than a fight… I had called her a bitch…a selfish bitch. I was such an idiot. _

"_It's never been this bad Em, ever. I made her cry, fucking cry!" I stated, my fingers tearing through my hair. _

"_Dude, no offense, but it doesn't take much for Addie to cry these days. The girl is so hormonal. Hell, she gets the slightest bit worked up if you even bring up her baby bump." He chuckled a bit to himself, but that didn't make me feel any better. _

"_I feel like I'm gonna lose her." I admitted, walking across the room once, turning around and walking back. _

"_Dude," I felt a soft thud against my head and glared daggers at Emmett. Picking the pillow back up, I tossed it back onto the comforter. _

"_Real mature, Emmett." I mumbled. _

"_Addie's the pregnant one, no need to get all emotional." He teased, tossing the pillow at me once more. I caught it, before tossing it onto the other side of the room. _

"_She just needs time to cool down, Eddie. She needs her space. Where'd she stay she was staying tonight anyway? Her house?" I nodded. I had gotten the text about twenty minutes after she had walked out my bedroom door. _Staying at home, don't bother to call.

"_She needs a girls weekend. She's due in less than two months anyways, then you will have the next 18 years to spend together." _

"_Mhmm." I went back to my pacing. _

"_Edward relax, stop pacing a hole in my floor, and get some sleep it's almost one in the morning." _

_--_

_Another week passed, and it seemed Addie and I hadn't made much progress in the forgiveness area. She said she was 'over' my comment, and that she just wanted to be civil. After all, we were having a baby in a month and a half. _

_Life went on, I tried to spend as much time with Addie as possible, and Rose and Jasper had been over more than ever these days. Rose and Alice decorating the nursery, with Addie's help, and Jasper and Emmett there for me, moral support as the days wound down. _

_School was over, and I was thankful that we would have a few months off to get used to having a baby around the house before we went back to school in the fall. Carlisle and Esme had promised to take care of him during the school year, because Esme worked from home most days. When she wasn't available to watch him, we were going to hire a nanny. I promised my parents that I would be there to help pay the bills, and had already started looking around town for any sort of job. I was going to help support my son; I didn't want to place the burden on Carlisle and Esme. _

_Addie seemed indifferent to the whole situation these days. Any time the baby was mentioned she would just fade out of the conversation. Most days she just sat in the nursery, fingering the newly painted walls and the countless onsies and booties that Alice had given us. _

_It was a late Wednesday afternoon when I found Addie in the nursery after school. She was sitting on the floor, her left hand on her stomach, and a black binder of sorts lying on the floor in front of her. _

"_Whatcha got there?" I asked from the doorway, not wanting to intrude. She looked up at me, a somber set about her face. "Nothing." She whispered, closing the binder and tucking it under her arm. I frowned at her obvious distance. _

"_Addie, I'm-" _

"_Don't say you're sorry, Edward. I don't want to hear it. I already told you I forgave you." She cast her eyes back down to the floor, her left hand gripping her stomach a bit tighter. _

_I took a few more steps into the room, folding myself into a seated position on the floor beside her. _

"_I know, but you've been so…out of it lately. I just need to know that you're okay." I whispered, reaching for her hand. She gripped my fingers tightly, but kept her eyes downcast. _

"_I'm okay. Promise." I squeezed her fingers, letting her know that I didn't believe that. She needed to be okay, to be happy. We were going to be parents, although not the ideal situation for our age, but parents nonetheless. I didn't want our child to be given anything less than a happy life with two people who cared about him more than anything else in the world. _

"_Addie," I whispered, attempting to pull her focus from the carpet to my face. She gave me a small nod in recognition, but her stare remained on the floor. _

"_Addie," I reached the hand that wasn't grasping hers to her chin, pulling her gaze to my face. She reluctantly stared back, her eyes glossy with tears. "You know I love you, right?" Her lip trembled a bit, a single tear falling down her smooth cheek. _

_I rested my palm on her stomach then. "And you know I love our son. You both mean so much to me." I admitted, leaning forward and resting my palms to her cheeks, my thumbs rubbing away at her falling tears. "I-I love you too." She sounded so broken; a few tears of my own started to fall. I pulled her face to mine, crashing my lips against hers, trying to tell her everything in one searing kiss. That I loved her, wanted to be with her, that it was all going to work out. _

_She kissed me back, her fingers winding into the hair at the back of my neck, her body racking with sobs. "I'm so sorry." She repeated over and over again, but I couldn't be bothered for the reason why she was sorry, because I had her here in my arms, and I wasn't ever going to let her go. _

"_We are going to be okay." I promised, tucking her head into the crook of my neck and rocking her to sleep. _

_--_

_I was with Emmett and Jasper when I got the call. Addie, hospital, emergency C-section. It was only her seventh month, something was wrong. I ran to my room, grabbing the keys to my Volvo and flying out the front door. Emmett and Jasper following close behind. _

"_Edward, I'm driving." Jasper stated, not giving me the option to argue, not that I could in this state. Everything seemed so surreal, like I was in a fog. Everything was moving in slow motion, and all I wanted to do was speed up time, to hold Addie in my arms, to know she was okay. That they were both okay. _

"_Would you hurry up!" I screamed, as Jasper tore down the highway toward Forks Hospital. Something was wrong, I couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was waiting for me beyond those glass sliding doors. Jasper pulled up to the curb, dropping me and Emmett off before going to park. I didn't register anything after that, I ran in through the doors, shouting at the receptionist, anything and anyone that could get me to my girlfriend. _

"_Mr. Cullen, you need to calm down!" The receptionist scolded, taking a sip from her white mug of coffee before once more asking me who I was looking for. "For Addie! My girlfriend, she's having a c-section! Where is she?!" Emmett placed an arm on my shoulder to keep me in line, I had never thought to hit a woman before, but I was so worked up I didn't know what I was capable in this state. _

"_Adele Mechena." Emmett stated calmly, his voice still conveying the need to be informed as soon as possible. _

"_Ah, second floor, room 212. She's scheduled to go into surgery at 1:30." I took off before she could finish her sentence, running toward the stairs. Emmett thanked the woman, before chasing after me. _

"_Edward, man, you need to relax." I didn't and couldn't respond. Addie, 212. _

_I pushed through the second level doors, shouting at the doctors and nurses that passed me to point me in the direction of 212, everyone else giving me confused and scolding looks. _

"_Fourth door on the left." Someone told me, and I took off running once more. _

"_Edward slow down before you hurt yourself!" Emmett shouted, Jasper appearing now behind him. _

"_Esme and Carlisle are on their way." He stated. _

_Once I reached room 212 I all but broke down the door in my haste to get to her. She was there, four doctors around her, tubes sticking out from all places, people shouting medical terms back and forth. I couldn't stand it. _

"_Addie!" I shouted, making a move to go to her. Emmett held me back, one of the doctors demanding that we wait outside. No way in hell was I leaving her. _

"_Please, is she okay! Is the baby okay!" I was hysterical at this point, I could feel the wetness on my cheeks, my vision blurring with my panicked tears. _

"_Mr. Cullen, Addie is going into surgery now, please wait in the waiting room down the hallway for Dr. Glosser or one of the nurses to explain the situation. _

"_Why can't you tell me what's going on!?" I screamed, fighting against Emmett's grip, wanting to hold Addie's hand. _

"_We need to get her to surgery, otherwise both of them will die." I stopped moving at his words. _Both?_ Did that mean…that one of them was already… Emmett was dragging me from the room then, and in my catatonic state I imagine it wasn't very hard. _

"_Both…both…both" I kept repeating. No, it had to be some mistake. I couldn't lose them, either of them…god. _

"_Edward, Edward?!" I heard my mothers voice, but I just collapsed into the nearest chair, dropping my head to my lap, more tears flowing. _

"_What's wrong! What happened!" Carlisle demanded, running toward the surgical doors. "Don't worry son, I will figure out what's happening. _

_I felt Esme kneel beside me, bother her arms around my shoulders. "It's going to be okay, they are both going to be fine." But she hadn't heard what the doctor had said…._

"_Mom." I croaked, my body convulsing with sobs. I couldn't live without them, I loved them so much.._

_A half hour later, Dr. Glosser appeared, a solemn look about his face. I bolted up out of my seat. "Where are they, are they okay?!" I asked, my body still shaking with nerves. Carlisle appeared behind Dr. Glosser, his eyes filled with tears. I looked to my father and back to the doctor. _

"_Edward, son…maybe you should sit down." The doctor suggested, motioning the empty plastic chair that once held my sobbing form. _

"_No, I want to know where she is. I need to see her!" I was shouting again, and Emmett was holding me back from running through the surgical doors. _

"_Mr. Cullen…Edward…I would like to congratulate you on the successful birth of your son. He is in the ICU, and will be in an incubator for the next few weeks until we can get him breathing on his own." I sighed, letting myself smile briefly, but then took one look at my father's face again before the happiness slipped away._

"_What about Addie?" I whispered. The doctor looked back into my eyes, dropping a hand to my shoulder. "We tried…everything…but we couldn't save her. I'm so sorry. There was just too much of it in her system. Tracy?" A nurse stepped forward, but I was still too shocked to take in his words…couldn't save her? I dropped to my knees, Emmett crouching behind me, his own tears falling onto my shoulders. _

_The nurse stepped forward and handed me a black binder. "She asked me to deliver this to you, sir. She whispered, never meeting my eyes as she set the book in front of me. I immediately recognized this as the book she had in the nursery last week. _

"_What do you mean there was too much of it in her system?" Esme asked the doctor, but I couldn't be bothered with the answer because I had opened up to the first page. There staring back at me was my Addie, a happy smile about her face. And beside her, a folded envelope entitled _I'm Sorry.

Dear Edward,

If you are reading this, then I'm no longer with you. I love you, Edward. I never meant to hurt you, and I don't want you to feel sad. You will be a great father to our son.

I was never meant to be a mother, Edward. I never felt that spark, that glow you see in other pregnant women. I was so afraid to carry him, Edward. But I did it for you, I knew how much you loved him, how much you loved us both.

I can't express how awful I feel. Maybe it would have been better had we not met, but I'm don't regret having known you. You're such an amazing person, I've always admired your positivity, your courage. I know you will teach him well, Edward. You will his hero.

I don't know where to begin or how to explain…but I wanted you to know that I did this for the best. I couldn't handle this, I was to young, we both were. Our son would be so unhappy to have a mother like me, that's why I had to take myself out of the equation.

I didn't deserve you, or this child. I couldn't take care of either of you, couldn't make you happy.

I know that you will hate me for a long time after reading this. I don't expect your forgiveness nor do I deserve it. I don't know where I am right now, probably in hell…if its true what they say about taking your own life. I want you to know you're destined for heaven, as is our son.

I love you both, and will forever. I just couldn't handle it, motherhood…I wasn't ready. I saw what I did to you, I was so awful…so distant.

I want you to name him Andrew, and when he's big enough give him this binder. Tell him about how much his mom loved him, but that she couldn't stay. That she didn't deserve his love.

I've saved up some money and emptied my personal bank account, the check is in the back pocket of this binder. I want you to use this for him, put it into a college fund, use it for living expenses, buy him his Christmas presents with it, just make him happy.

Make yourself happy, Edward, don't dwell on me. Find someone to love you and him like I was supposed to. I wouldn't blame you for finding someone to love and care about. Don't hold yourself back.

Don't be sad, Edward. I know that you will blame yourself but don't, don't you dare. This was my choice. It has always and will always be my choice.

Love him, for the both of us.

All my love,

Addie

_"I don't understand." I whispered, looking down at the moist letter. "Why would she do this?" I asked, begging for an answer. I felt Alice kneel beside me, when did she get here? I didn't know or care. _

_"Edward, I love you, we all do. You know that right? What Addie did... she was sick Edward and we couldn't help her." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a standing position. _

_"I could have helped her...I loved her so much." I dropped my gaze to the floor, Esme now joining Alice as they both wrapped me into a loving hug. I would never feel Addie's arms around me again. _

_"Can I see her?" I wondered aloud. The doctor inhaled sharply. "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Edward." He said. "Why don't you go see your son?" He offered as an alternative. My son. Yes, my son, if he couldn't have his mother, he damn well deserved his father. _

_"Yes." I followed Dr. Glosser back through the surgical doors, down a few narrow hallways and past the ICU entrance._

_"He's in here." Dr. Glosser took me through another set of doors. "Only two people can be with him at once." He instructed. "Alice." I whispered and she followed silently. _

_We both washed our hands and put on green scrubs. "He's in the third bassinet from the left." A nurse pointed down the isle of baby incubators and bassinets. I followed slowly behind Dr. Glosser, dragging my eyes down the row of pink and blue blankets. _

_I heard Alice give a small gasp and then a soft coo. I looked up to the bassinet in front of me. Bassinet 24-D Cullen, Boy 3 Pounds 4 Ounces 15 Inches long "Edward, he's beautiful." Alice whispered, fingering the plastic covering that blocked my son from the rest of the world. He was so tiny, wrapped in a soft blue blanket, a tube protruding from his chest and stomach, a monitor beside him gave off small, short beeps. _

_About a month or so until his lungs will be developed enough so he can breath on his own. He can't be removed from the incubator very often, but if you would like to hold him, that can be arranged. _

_I nodded, and Alice beamed with the possibility of holding her nephew. "Just a moment then." Dr. Glosser instructed a nurse to remove the plastic covering from the bassinet. _

_"He's adorable Edward, he looks so much like you. I wonder what color hair is hiding underneath that blue cap." She was smiling, but noticing my somber expression, slipped a hand into my own. _

_"I don't know what I'm going to do, Alice." I whispered, squeezing my sisters fingers. She squeezed back, wrapping an arm around my waist. _

_"Here we are." The nurse flipped up the last plastic hinge, being careful of his various tubes and monitors. She lifted him into her arms, instructing me on how to hold him. To support his head, and where to place my hands so they didn't interfere with his breathing mechanisms. _

_"Hey buddy." I whispered, fresh tears falling from my eyes. Alice had tears now too, her fingers hovering gently over his pale cheeks. "He's so perfect." She whispered. I nodded in agreement. His warm weight, was the only thing keeping me centered here right now. If I had somehow lost them both, I doubt I would have been able to make it...been able to survive. _

_"May I?" Alice wondered, pointing to the hat on his head. I looked to the nurse for confirmation and after she gave a quick nod Alice pulled the blue bonnet gently from my son's head. A small tuft of bronze hair appeared, and Alice's tears increased ten fold. "Hi baby." She cooed, sifting her fingers through his curls. Like Addie's curls. _

_"He's so tiny." I mused, shifting his weight closer to my chest so as to cradle him in one arm. I ran my fingers against his cheek, and he let out a small sigh. "That's right buddy, daddy's here. And he's not going to leave you." _


	24. Now Or Never

**A/N: Okay! Here is the next chapter! I want to give a big thanks to any and all who take the time to read this story, it really means so much to be that you guys appreciate and care about the characters and the plot line, and I love love love hearing your feedback so if you could drop me a review or a PM that would be amazing! I tried to get this to you as soon as possible, I'm busy these days (Don't lie Lauren, you're just a lazy ass) :P But I love writing these for you guys and I can't wait any longer so ENJOY!!!!!!!! **

Chapter 24

Bella's POV

I was frozen in place, in time, it seemed. Everything took an immediate and eerie pause, as if all emotion became obsolete. The opening of that black binder and the discovery of _those_ secrets have placed me into this foreign, unyielding state.

Before this year, shock wasn't something I had ever experienced, had ever associated myself with. I had heard of it, shock, panic attacks, etc. I didn't believe it would or _could_ happen to me, I mean what would trigger it? But following my mother's death, shock was something I became very familiar with. It paid me frequent visits, and anxiety plagued my mind.

Edward was always a sort of numbing toward the shock, the pain. My mother's death didn't seem so real so…tangible when I was with him. He blocked that pain, those images and memories. Even though I hadn't known him that long, Edward had become an important part of my life. I truly cared about him on emotional levels I didn't understand before coming to Forks. His family helped fill the void in my heart that the loss of my mother, of my best friend, had created. I felt warm, whole, when I was with them, around them. Charlie was always there for me, but I could tell that my mother's death wasn't only affecting me…he was hurting and I didn't know how to be there for him, I didn't understand my anger and pain enough to help him through his…and I feel an immense amount of guilt at that realization.

I barely registered the tears running down my face, because I was too preoccupied with discerning the emotions that caused them. My mind couldn't process the occurrences of Edward's life before me. The taking of one's own life, of one's own essence… it's the most drastic decision I have ever heard. And up until now, suicide wasn't something I had ever experienced directly. I have never known that kind of sadness. She had Edward, she was carrying his child…but that hadn't been enough to ground her, to keep her here. She had abandoned him, Edward, left him all alone to raise their child…

I shook again, another sob wracking through my rigid body. Something clutched me a little bit tighter, something warm that also vibrated with their own cries of pain…someone…but I couldn't reciprocate the feelings. I couldn't hold on to anything at this point, not even something as real and as tangible as Esme who so desperately clung to my distant form.

_Why?_

She was the worst kind of person for leaving them. Addie. He loved her so much…_he still loves her… _

Another wave of emptiness swept over me at that thought. He could never care about me the way he cared about her, he could never trust me, or anyone for that matter, after having been so betrayed.

"Bella," Esme whispered, running her fingers through my knotted curls. I just shook my head. Her voice sounded so tired, so broken. Addie did this to her, too. Esme, for all intents and purposes, had become my mother these past months. She had even been willing to be this for _her_, but Addie had to go and ruin that too.

"He…how could she…" Esme didn't answer, continuing to rub my back and comb through my knots. In a distant, more selfish part of my brain I wondered how Edward could have kept this from me, and why.

"I just…I can't understand this." I insisted, tossing the binder out of my lap and retreating back into the protective shell of Esme's grasp. _She_ had abandoned him, ruined his confidence, and shattered his trust.

"I know, Bella. She was so…sick, we didn't understand the magnitude of her problems." Esme reasoned, hugging me a bit tighter to her chest.

I shook my head again, feeling ashamed and almost guilty for all the pain she left behind. Her letter seemed so calm.

If she had just waited, had just seen her beautiful son, things would have been different. If she could have held him, raked her fingers through his soft, copper curls, she would have known what she was missing out on. _I wonder if she realizes now.__ If, wherever she is, she feels any sort of regret for her decision. _No one could abandon their own child after meeting them. I couldn't handle this…couldn't even begin to wrap my mind around it.

And then I had to wonder if I was being unfair by judging her. I mean, who was I to say anything about this girl, this person who was so obviously cared for and loved by not only Edward but by all the Cullens. She must have been a good person, a good person who made an…unfortunate decision.

I stood up preparing to leave; I didn't belong here, not now. I was being judgmental of my own accord, and just understanding the situation itself was becoming too much to handle. They had kept this from me for a reason, whether it was out of protection for Addie or Andy or on a more selfish note, myself, I didn't care to ponder. I needed space and a bit of time to gather my thoughts. I was angry, and irrationally so, but I still felt betrayed by their secrecy, by _his_ secrecy.

He was my boyfriend… I mean, where was the trust?

"Where are you going?" Esme asked, alarmed at my sudden movements. The sad confusion that marred my expression held steadfast as I made my way to the bedroom door.

He didn't tell me, so he doesn't want me to know…and for whatever reason, I was kept away from this situation. It wasn't my place to be here, to force my questions on them now. I feared I would say something out of misunderstanding and hurt them…I couldn't bear it to hurt them; they had been through enough as it was.

"Tell Edward I am sorry," I whispered, making my way down the stairs. It wasn't a goodbye, I didn't want that…I wouldn't abandon him in that fashion, I just needed time and I am sure he did too, what with having to adjust to my knowledge of the matter.

I pushed myself past the door, walking down the carpeted hallway; careful not to show any distaste or contempt I had for the girl Edward once called his love.

"Sorry for what?" The dark haired girl appeared by my side immediately, her happy tone oblivious to my knowledge of the black binder. I felt her wind a friendly arm through my own and frowned at her thoughtful expression.

"What's wrong? …" She turned toward her mother. "Mom?" She startled seeing Esme's tears, and my own prickled beneath the surface. If I didn't escape soon I was going to have an emotional breakdown, something I never did publicly.

"She knows, Ali," Esme whispered, resting her hand atop Alice's small shoulder in a motherly sort of gesture. The realization that Edward wasn't the only one to keep this from me became more real in that instant, and I felt an immense amount of pain at that thought. Alice was my best friend…I made a point to tell her everything…

Alice turned back to me, a guilty look about her face, but I couldn't be bothered anymore. I felt that familiar anxiety spreading once more. I had no one now. No one, it seemed.

"I should go." I quickly descended the stairs, wracking a shaky hand through my book bag in search of my keys before sliding my jacket from the banister and shoving my arms into its warm confines.

"What? Please don't leave!" Alice rushed to my side then, placing herself in between the front door and myself. She looked so sad, so frightened.

"I have to go." I repeated, pushing my hands deep into my pockets, my eyes downcast as the urge to cry was becoming more and more overwhelming with each passing moment. I slung my backpack over my shoulder, continuing my movements toward the door.

"But…why? Bella, please, you don't have to go." I shook with another wave of pain. If I didn't I was going to say something I would regret, and at this point I wasn't above hurting Alice if it meant I got to keep my pride in tact. I would not break down in front of her, in front of Esme. My pride was the only thing I could call my own at this point.

"I can't stay!" My voice cracked with my insistence, and I became desperate in my attempt to hold back my pooling tears. I reached for the doorknob, hesitating only slightly when images of the bouncing bronze haired baby entered my mind.

"Why not?" Alice demanded, putting her small hand overtop my own.

"You kept this from me, for whatever reason, you all lied to me…I-I can't…it's too much to process right now. Please, just let me go." I pushed past her once more, opening the door and stepping out into the cold drizzle. I felt Alice's presence right behind me, but I didn't look back to confront her again. I couldn't talk to anyone right now, I was going to break down and I didn't need witnesses.

"Bella wait! Please!" Alice insisted, tugging on my arm when we reached the driver's side of my truck.

"For what?!" I asked, my mind fuzzy with misunderstanding toward everything I had learned in the past hour or so. I was near hysterics at this point, so desperate for time to myself, I felt trapped. I pulled the door open and shoved my canvas book bag into the passenger side of the cab.

"An explanation! Please, just wait for Edward to get home and we can all talk about this." She was frustrated now and I was feeling even more guilt over her unnecessary worry.

"I don't think I can handle talking about this, at least not now." I whispered, ashamed that I couldn't keep it together even for my best friend and her family. "It's hard enough for me attempting to understand, the fact that you kept this from me hurts and I'm upset. You just need to give me time." I climbed into the truck, making to close the door, but then she was right there in front of me, blocking the motion.

"It wasn't like that, Bella! We were just getting to know you, we didn't know how you would react…if you would run away screaming…we didn't want you to leave!" She looked down then, her little arms coming up to protect her bare skin from the chilly drizzle. "Edward cares about you Bella, you have to see that. You have to realize that this was torture for him to keep from you." I couldn't believe her. I couldn't and didn't want to create that kind of hope for myself.

"But why did he think he had to keep it from me?" I was crying again, my resolve to hold in my breakdown wearing thin. "He's going to be mad at me for going through his things, for finding that binder. This is all my fault, I should have just stayed away from the beginning, kept my nose out of your business, taken a retail position at Newton's or something…" I sighed. I was just hurting this family and in turn hurting myself.

I felt a sharp pain across my cheek and cringed at the sharp contact. Alice had slapped me.

"How dare you!" She seethed. "Why would you ever say that, Bella?! You are one of my best friends! My family cares about you so much; I know Jasper and Emmett think about you as their little sister and Edward…Edward's just scared of the whole situation! He doesn't want to lose you, you're so important to him!" I couldn't stop the tears from cascading down my face at those words. She may have cared for me as she said, but she couldn't speak for her whole family…and how could Edward ever truly care about me after what Addie had put him through?

"I…please don't say that, Alice." I pleaded. I couldn't be here anymore. "Please, let me go home."

"I will say what I want to say to you, Bella, because it's the truth." She stated bluntly. "And if you think I'm letting you drive anywhere in this state you're certifiably insane." She threatened, reaching in front of me to take my keys from the ignition.

She stepped back from the door. "I understand that you are hurt, Bella. I understand that you might need time. But I care about you too much to let you run. It's hard to let other people in, but believe me, going home to cry your eyes out isn't going to get rid of all those hurt feelings." The conviction was too hard to ignore, but I didn't have anything to respond to that.

"Edward will be home soon, I can call him and warn him about what you know…or I can wait for you to talk to him about it, but I wont let you leave until you at least attempt to talk to him about this."

She linked her arm back through mine and led me toward the front porch where a worried Esme appeared to have been standing throughout our entire argument.

"I don't want to ambush him, can you call him for me?" I asked, my voice defeated. She gave me a gentle smile and with a swift nod of her head, reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

Once we were back in the foyer, Esme wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "I know this is hard, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way." Esme apologized. I gave her a quick smile. I didn't want Esme to worry about this; it was so difficult to see her upset.

I heard Alice murmuring quietly into the phone behind me, but only managed to catch bits and pieces of the conversation with her brother.

"I know," … "Edward calm down, she's still here." … "Well how do you think she took it?"

I stopped listening after that remark, and allowed Esme to lead me to the living room sofa. "I have to go check on Andy, he should be up from his nap soon." She gave me a quick kiss to the forehead before moving toward her bedroom.

"He's on his way." Alice collapsed herself down onto the sofa beside me. The cushions barely dipped under her small weight.

"He didn't leave early did he? I don't want him to get in trouble!" I asked hurriedly.

"He left a bit early, but not by a lot. Besides, I think this is an important enough reason for him to want to rush back." She chided, willing me to relax.

Esme appeared a few moments later, carrying a somewhat sleepy Andy. He had his little bronze head rested against her shoulders and his tiny fingers were curled into the purple fabric of her shirt.

"Hey baby!" Alice whisper-cooed, reaching a hand toward her mother and patting Andy's little back.

I unconsciously reached my arms out as if to take him, and Esme immediately placed him into my awaiting arms.

Andy whined a bit at the sudden change in person, but once he found my shoulder, he was content enough to snuggle into the crook of my neck. I kissed his little head, dragging my fingers lightly over his back in an attempt to lull him back to sleep. I heard his little sigh and smiled with the thought of keeping him comfortable.

_How could she have left him? _Andy wasn't alone of course, he had Edward, who loved him dearly, but I didn't have that motherly figure to count on and in that respect I empathized with him. We had both lost our mothers, although I was lucky enough to have known mine for a time. He would never get to know his mother, never be held by her or rocked to sleep in her arms. No, Andy would only know pictures and stories of the woman who was responsible for his life, and when it came time he would be told about how his mother died…and maybe he would blame himself, I know that I would if I were in his shoes. I didn't want to see that happen to him, he was so small and innocent, no kind of guilt should ever be placed on his shoulders, but this guilt was ominous and lurked everywhere. All I wanted to do was protect him.

My eyes filled with tears, and I worked desperately to mask the hurt from Alice's prying gaze. I blinked the wetness away, running a finger underneath my lashes to collect any leftovers.

"It's okay, Bella." Alice whispered, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"It just doesn't seem fair," I answered, looking down at the sleeping angel on my shoulder. "He deserves all the love in the world, and she…she took that from him."

Alice nodded, her face sad. "I know, hun. But, he has Edward and his family… and you." She smiled up at me, her fingers mindlessly dancing across Andy's back. "I know it may not seem like you've been here for that long, Bells, but I know that you love him just as much as any of us. You're important to him too, he's asked for you when you're not here, he's always happy to see you." I smiled at the thought. It was nice to think of this small being to care about me the same as I cared about him.

"Thanks, Alice."

"And it's not just Andy I'm referring to." She smirked.

My challenging comment was cut off by Esme's announcement of Edward's arrival. I watched her worried form cross the room in quick, quiet steps as she made her way to open the front door. I sighed, my chest constricting with fear and anxiety for our conversation. _It's now or never._ Such a foreboding thought.

I couldn't help but wonder if these next few words with Edward would be my last. Would he dump me, hate me for going through his things without asking? _Probably._ Would he yell at me? Would I yell at him? _Probably. _Will I cry? … _Definitely. _

"Don't worry so much. If he is mad, it's with himself not with you." Alice insisted, offering to take Andy out of my hands. I just shook my head. Andy kept me grounded, and I figured that I couldn't leave if I was holding him. Besides, I promised Alice I would at least talk to Edward.

I squeezed Andy's little form gently once more before turning my attention to the front door just as Esme was opening it.

"Edward." I heard her whisper as his tall form made to enter the room. She spoke softly to him then, in a fashion to quiet for me to make out. His replies were equally soft, but more hurried. Was he so eager to confront me?

Esme stepped aside after a moment or two, and I heard the dull thud as Edward's bag hit the carpet. I cringed inwardly, bracing myself for the unknown of our soon to be conversation.

"Bella." His voice sounded so sad. I gave him a gentle smile as he came over to the couch, but kept my eyes locked with the top of Andy's bronze head.

"Hi." I whispered, tone apologetic. I didn't know what to expect, and I was scared out of my mind of losing it, of breaking down and seeming weak. He didn't need that from me. He needed me to understand. I needed the same from him but weather he was aware of this fact or not I was not sure of.

"I rushed over here as soon as Alice called, … can we talk? Alone? …. Please?" He sounded anxious, and I nodded making to stand.

"Edward, your father will be home in a bit, maybe we should discuss this as a family?" Esme wondered aloud, her form appearing beside Edward's.

"I need to talk to her alone." Edward spoke, his tone insistent. Esme didn't seem to agree, but she nodded her consent.

"Why don't you let me take Andy, dear?" Esme asked, reaching for her grandson. I had a moment of panic. Andy was there to keep me from running, to keep me from yelling… And before I could argue the fact Esme already had her arms around his torso. I sighed and released his small weight, dropping my arms to my sides once they were freed.

"Okay." I whispered, looking anywhere but at Edward.

"Come on." I felt Edward slide his hand into mine then, my skin awakening with his touch, as he tugged me with gentle insistence up the steps.

"I was thinking we could discuss this in my room." I just nodded at his suggestion, the fear and uncertainty disabling any sort of confidence.

We trudged up the steps in a hurried fashion, reaching his room in only a few moments. My mind was shutting down at this point, I didn't know what I was going to do if he yelled at me, what I was going to do if I broke down… what I was going to do if I lost him. I shook at the thought, and I could feel Edward's reassuring squeeze just a beat later.

"You okay?" He whispered to me.

Nod.

"Wanna come inside then?" He asked. I looked up at him then, for the first time since he'd gotten home. He looked… paler, standing just inside the doorway, as if all the blood had rushed away from his face. His usually vibrant green eyes seemed duller now…lifeless. My sadness increased immeasurably at the thought of his pain. _I brought back all those feelings, memories… I deserve everything he's going to say to me. _

I nodded once more, stepping past him to enter the bedroom. I barely registered the soft thud of a closing door, before my eyes had found the black binder. I looked away immediately; my face flushed hot with embarrassment forever having found it in the first place. For there, lying strewn across Edward's cream carpeting was the proof that I had gone through his things.

"I'm sorry." I whispered hurriedly, bracing myself for the questioning.

"Why?" He asked, he seemed genuinely confused, and then looked back toward the floor.

"Oh," He sighed, running a hand through his unruly locks. "So that's how you found out."

"I-I didn't mean to go through your things," I rushed to explain, already feeling the unavoidable formation of tears. "I was just looking for something to read, and it fell… Edward I'm so sorry."

I was shaking now, visibly so. I turned my eyes back toward the floor, waiting for the onslaught.

"No, Bella, please, it's not your fault." I felt Edward's hands on my cheeks then, wiping at the falling tears, and I let out a quiet sob. He wasn't yelling. I reached for him in my distress, wrapping my arms around his middle and pulling him to me. I didn't want to let go, and I needed something, someone there while I broke down. I felt so incredibly sad now, like I had nothing left in me.

"Oh, god…please don't cry, Bella…please." He whispered repeatedly, his arms encasing me in his warm embrace as I continued my sobs.

This wasn't how things were supposed to go, he was supposed to get mad, I was supposed to get mad… I was so confused.

"I'm sorry," I said again; over and over again, really. I was so far gone now, so … emotionally spent. "Please don't hate me."

"Hate you? What…why would you say that?" I felt him push back at my shoulders, trying to get a good look at my face, but I didn't want him to see me cry, I buried my face in his chest.

"Because, you should, I just found out you lost someone to suicide and I'm the one crying." We both cringed at my bluntness. "I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"Don't apologize for my misfortunes, and don't apologize for crying," he instructed, his voice soft, desperate sounding as he pulled my face away from his chest.

"Don't hide from me." He whispered, tilting my chin up so our eyes could meet. I stared, blankly, back at him, embarrassed of my current emotional state.

"If I can't apologize, I don't know what to say." I admitted. He gave me a weak smile.

"Just tell me what you're thinking, or how you're feeling." His warm hands framed my face, wiping away at the tears. He was being so kind, so understanding…I felt so unsettled.

"I… I am really… confused." I turned my gaze back to the floor, looking away from him, trying to process what I was trying to say.

"What about?" _Everything._

"A lot of things… finding that binder… it's taken more of a toll on me than anything since my mom died." He tucked my head back into his shoulder; resting his chin atop my head he breathed an understanding "Oh."

I decided to continue on, not knowing what to say but reiterating whatever came to mind.

"And…I mean, Esme explained everything, about the pictures, about the letter…. it's just a lot to wrap my mind around. And I'm confused because I can't tell if I am sad, angry, or just upset."

"Why?" He wondered. I was silent, processing everything.

"Because…because of everything." I pushed away from him once more, taking a few steps back. He was so distracting, and I needed to get this out. "I'm angry because of what _she_ did to Andy, of what she did to you." I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring openly at the black blinder. "I'm sad for _her, _sad that she wasn't strong enough to stay, to try." I sighed, _it's now or never I guess._ "And… I'm upset that… that you kept this from me."

I pulled my gaze from the binder back to his still form. He had his eyes downcast, and it took everything I had to not run to him, to comfort him. I needed my answers.

"I'm sorry, Bella, please try to understand. I didn't know when or how to bring this up." I didn't say anything, my gaze urging him to continue.

"I…I just," He took a deep breath, both his hands going to tug on his frazzled locks. "I didn't want to scare you away. I couldn't lose you." He inched closer towards me, a pleading look on his face. My resolve was warring, but I still had questions, I needed explanations… I held up my hand, a gesture instructing him to give me space.

"I guess I can understand that part. But, Edward, I wouldn't have run, I would have been there for you, tried to understand. But to find out like this, from a hidden binder, it makes me wonder if I can trust you." I admitted, more tears forming at this thought.

He inhaled sharply, his eyes seeming to harden.

"But you did run, or you tried to. Alice told me." He pointed out. I glared at him.

"I needed time, I didn't feel like having an emotional break down in front of your mother." I hissed.

I fisted my hands at my sides in an attempt to control my emotions. I didn't want to say anything I would regret.

"How would you have reacted?" I asked. He stared at me for a long moment before turning his gaze toward the book on the floor. I watched him move past me and toward it, picking it up and folding the pages back into place. He held it for a moment longer before placing it back in the bookcase, this time in a visible area.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" I wondered aloud, hurt that he was ignoring me.

"Yes, eventually. It's like I said … I didn't know how to bring it up. This is hard for me, Bella." He kept his back to me, as he said this, making no move to look at me. I felt more tears fall down my cheeks. _He's shutting me out. _

"I know. I get that this is a difficult subject for you, but can't you see where I'm coming from? Try putting yourself in my shoes. Finding out like this… it's such a shock." His shoulders tensed, and I knew I was pushing him too far, that I was being selfish…but Dr. Banner was always urging me to talk to him, to get to know him. I've done that, now I need him to know me, to understand me.

"I've already apologized for not telling you, what more can I say?" He wondered, his voice so cold, so distant.

"I just want you to know me, Edward." I whispered, my voice pleading with him to understand.

"I do know you." He stated, turning his form a fraction of an inch closer to mine. I frowned. I didn't know how to get through to him.

"Really? What's my favorite food, or my favorite color? How about the color of my bedspread? When was the last time we spent time together at my house? When was the last time we spent time together, alone, just the two of us?" He turned to face me then, his expression blank.

"You've never even taken me on a date, Edward."

He seemed to be thinking then, we were both so quiet for those next few moments. He seemed to be taking in everything I said, and I was doing the same, wrapping my mind around the state of our relationship. We had barely begun dating, and we were already on such heady topics as trust and making time for each other. He was so much more mature than I was, I always feel like I'm running to keep up with him, with his lifestyle. I can't deny that I have enjoyed being with him, that I care about him more than I ever thought possible…that I _love_ him. I think we are both realizing that we can't be anything to each other without expressing our thoughts and feelings. And I've made an effort, I've told him about my past, about everything. I'm here, at his home, more than I am at my own. I can't remember the last time I sat down and cooked dinner for Charlie. He is so closed off, and so stubborn in revealing anything about himself to me.

"Do…do you want this to work? Are you even happy?" I asked him, with genuine curiosity. I wasn't even considering that this question could be the end of everything. What if he wasn't happy? What if he's wanted an out for a long time and I've just handed it to him…

"Of course I want this to work. And, I'm happy, when I'm with you. It's just hard to be happy in general." He made to move towards me then, sensing my distress.

"You don't have to pretend for my sake. If you don't want to be with me anymore… I will understand." He sighed.

"Bella, I am happy being with you. In fact, when I'm with you, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time." He insisted.

"Are you sure?" I looked up at him, urging him to be honest. He nodded, reaching for my hand.

"I promise. And I'm sorry, for not paying more attention to you, to 'us'." I nodded, giving him a weak smile, a gesture of forgiveness.

"Thank you, I just don't want to feel like a third wheel anymore," He gave me a confused look. "I feel like I come second to Addie sometimes." I answered honestly.

He looked horrified for a moment, and immediately pulled me to his chest, kissing my hair softly.

"I never meant to make you feel that way, Bella. Please believe me. Addie was an important part of my past, but that's just it, she is my past. It's been hard for me to let her go, but I have, and now you and Andy…you're my everything. You're both so, so important to me." I wrapped my arms around his waist, laying a gentle kiss to his throat.

"I feel the same way." I answered. I could feel him smile against my head.

"Know that if you are ever feeling unimportant or sad that you can come talk to me, about anything. And, I promise to be honest with you. I don't want to lose you." He urged.

"I will. Same goes for you. I just want us to be honest with each other. That's all I ask." I leaned my head back so I could look into his eyes. They were rimmed red, just as mine were I suspected, and he looked happy in a relieved sort of way. I smiled, content with having made him happy.

I leaned up and pressed my lips softly to his; a promise to try to open up to him more. He responded with equal fervor, his hands moving from my waist to cup my cheeks. He was kissing away my tears and I let out a breathless, relieved giggle at his actions. I loved him so much, and I was content in my understanding of my feelings toward him. I just hoped that he somehow could feel the same way, and maybe, in time, we would be able to share our feelings with each other.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked after a few more blissful moments.

"What's that?" I wondered, smiling at his glorious expression.

"Will you go to dinner with me on Friday?" I giggled, tucking my head into the crook of his neck.

"Of course."

**A/N: Review please! Luv ~ Lauren**

**P.S. A big shout out to my beta without whom my writing suffers tramatic grammer mistakes! Luv you mackie!**

**P.P.S i was wondering if anyone would like to make a playlist or a banner for this story?? PM if you are interested!**

**P.P.P.S So yea, I have a picture of how i think of Addie and Edward on my profile, go check it out! **


	25. Progress

**_A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I felt like I hit a dead end with this story and was waiting for some inspiration to hit me, it did! I hope you guys like this next chapter, it's a bit fluffy, but who doesn't enjoy a little fluff once in a while? Send me a review or a PM if you have questions or comments! Thanks again for taking the time to read my stories! Thanks to by beta, Mackie! Luv you girlie! _**

**Edward's POV**

We we're making progress. Or, this decision would lead to progress. Progress. Dr. Webber used that word a lot in our last session. Progress.

"_Although it wasn't the ideal way for Bella to find out, this is a step in the right direction. Being open with her at this point will be important for your relationship." _

I had agreed. Openness. It was what we both needed, what we both wanted. She had asked me for my honesty and I was willing to give her that. I wanted to allow her the opportunity to better get to know me. The first month or so of our relationship had been difficult. I knew that I needed to establish a foundation of trust with her before opening up completely. Addie's suicide wasn't something I proclaimed to just anyone. In fact, Bella is the only person outside Addie's family and my own who really knows what happened.

"_Be careful with her feelings, especially in the next few days. You both are acclimating to the newly shared information. It may take her awhile to put all her faith back in you. She's hurt, Edward; understandably. Just be cautious."_

I had made a point to spend extra time with Bella. After everything that happened this week, I began to realize what it must have been doing to her. I'd been so focused on trying to figure out how to tell her about Addie, that I lost sight of keeping her happy. I wondered if she had maybe guessed that something was wrong, wondered if I wasn't as composed as I made myself out to be. I knew on some level she blames herself for the tension between us, and after hearing her confirm her insecurities about receiving the proper amount of my trust, I immediately felt her pain. I was such an ass for keeping something like that from her, even if I had the intention of sheltering her and making sure I could trust her. She had to know that if anyone was to be blamed, it should have been me. Not her, never her. She just wanted to feel close to something, and I understood that.

After my session with Dr. Webber on Wednesday, I picked up an extra shift at work and informed my boss that I wouldn't be able to make it in on Friday. Jasper and Emmett agreed to help me plan my date with Bella, but of course Alice being Alice had to intercede, insisting she help in the matter. I didn't mind, I just wanted to make Bella see that she was what was important to me now, that she wasn't second in line to Addie. That she could have ever thought that saddens me.

I hated myself so much in that moment when she told me how inferior she felt toward Addie. It was absurd, Addie wasn't someone she ever knew and still she felt threatened by the very idea of her, of the memories of Addie that I hadn't shared with her.

That was another point Dr. Webber brought up; talking about Addie with Bella. He said to do that in baby steps. _"Bella is going to be curious about her, Edward. She is going to wonder what kind of person she was, and how you saw her. She's going to inquire a lot about the life you had before she moved here. She might wonder not only about Addie, but your childhood as well. And that's not something to be worried about; it means she wants to understand you on a more thorough level. And there is no reason that you shouldn't question her as well. I know you wonder about her old life in the same way she wonders about you. You both deserve each other's trust and honesty. It's key, Edward; key." _

I didn't know how soon it would be before I could openly talk or discuss my relationship with Bella. I wanted to be honest and open with her, but I was afraid anything I say could and would hurt her. That she would always feel pain from the memory of Addie, even though those weren't her memories to bear. Addie was something I was handling. Those memories are something that I have to sort through myself and learn to control. I can't be sad forever. I know that now. Bella is helping me realize that Addie wasn't the only person for me, she could have been, but she wasn't.

I care deeply for Bella. I hope that she knows that; can see that. But part of me is scared that she is ignorant to that fact. I know that I am in the process of falling for her, it's so very apparent. I always want to be near her, and it seems to be getting stronger every day. I feel like our emotional connection is so much more profound than anything I've ever felt, and that the other components of our relationship are struggling to catch up. Alice is quick to joke that Bella and I act more like a married couple than boyfriend and girlfriend. And that scared me. I know that once Bella realizes how much better she is than me that there is a great potential for her to leave me. I know that it would hurt me so much worse than anything else ever could.

Asking Alice for advice on how to handle our current 'awkward' situation proved to be more helpful than anticipated.

"_You have to keep her close, Edward." She stated in her matter-a-fact tone. _

"_I do keep her close, Alice, she knows more about our family than any other person in this town." I responded. _

_She just shook her head at my response. "No. I'm not talking 'personal knowledge'. I know she is trustworthy. I'm talking emotionally and physically close. Your relationship with Bella is so far from normal that sometimes you forget that you've only known each other for a few months. " _

"_Physically?" I wondered aloud, giving her a warning look. I didn't know if I felt at all comfortable with her discussing the physical aspects of my relationship with Bella. _

"_Don't get ahead of yourself, Edward. I'm not talking sex or anything. That's between you and Bella. I'm talking about the subtle things. Like walking her to class and driving her to and from school." _

"_She has a car." I pointed out. _

"_That's very observant of you, Edward, yes, she does own a car. But, trust me; she would appreciate spending more time with you. Even if it's just the ten minute drive from her house to school. And when we're at school holding her hand and keeping her close in the halls…Bella knows that you care about her, but be tangible with how you express it. Besides, don't you want the other guys in our class to know she's off limits?" She asked. _

_I shrugged. "If they haven't figured out that we're dating by now it's just pathetic really." She laughed at the comment, nodding her head in agreement. _

"_Thanks for the advice, Alice." _

"_No problem, just keep her happy." And with one last smirk she danced out of the room in true Alice fashion. _

I sighed, leaning my head back against the cool leather of the driver's side headrest. I had been waiting since final bell to pick up Alice and Bella. Bella would normally bring her truck, but it got a flat this morning on the way to school and couldn't be fixed until tomorrow morning. Alice offered up my car as an alternative, not that I minded Bella getting a ride home with me, just that Alice didn't realize I had to get to work in…I looked at the glowing numbers on my dash-board….less than an hour.

Bella had a meeting with the dean after school today to discuss her academic progress since the beginning of the semester and to follow up on how she was adjusting. She had been nervous about the meeting all day, and it was starting to put me on edge as well. Alice finally promised her that she would wait outside his office until she was finished and then we would take her home.

My phone buzzed.

_We'll be there in two!_ ~ A

I sighed again, pulling away from the parking space and out to the front of the school so they wouldn't have to walk.

I waited patiently for the next few moments to pass, and finally caught site of my pixie-like sister dancing her way toward the car. Bella was quick to follow, smiling when she caught me staring at her. Alice pulled open the back door, offering Bella the front seat, which I was grateful for. Bella blushed a little at Alice's invitation and slid herself into the Volvo.

"Hey." I breathed, grabbing her bag from her and tossing it into the back seat beside Alice.

"Hi." She whispered back. I smiled at her, leaning forward to brush my lips against her cheek.

"You missed." She teased, pulling my face back to hers for a proper kiss. I obliged, pressing my upturned lips to hers.

"Okay cheese balls lets move." Alice said, reaching in between us to fiddle with the radio station.

"Sorry." Bella giggled, sitting back into her seat but keeping one of my hands entwined with hers.

"Please don't apologize to her. Alice isn't a stranger to the art of PDA." I teased, giving my sister a wink. She scoffed at me, sticking her tongue out.

"Shut up."

I laughed, pulling out of the school driveway and onto the main road. I drove in silence for a little bit, listening to Alice and Bella have a conversation about the song currently playing and just enjoying the feel of Bella's hands tapping the beat out against my knuckles. I squeezed her hand a bit and tossed her a side smile.

"How did your meeting go?" I asked, turning so I could see a bit more of her face. She frowned a bit and shrugged.

"It was fine." She whispered, glancing at Alice and then back to the front. I looked in my rear view mirror to see gauge Alice's expression and noticed a mirror image of Bella's.

"Are you sure?" I asked, worried now.

"Yea, it was fine. Promise." She said, before turning her attention back to our entwined hands.

The rest of the ride home was silent for the most part, Alice's choice of bubbly pop music being a noticeable contrast to the somber atmosphere. I pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. I glanced once more at the clock on my dashboard, noting that I had a half hour now before my shift started.

I parked the car, grabbing my bag and Bella's out of the back before following the girls inside. Alice unlocked the front door with the spare key under Esme's flower pot and let us in.

The house was quiet for the most part. Emmett and Jasper were sitting in the living room watching television and I could hear Esme and Rosalie talking in the kitchen.

Alice dropped her stuff at the foot of the stairs and went to greet Jasper. Bella started to head for the kitchen but I reached for her arm, leading her up the steps toward my room.

"What are you-?" She began to ask.

"I just want to talk for a bit," I promised, gesturing to my door once we reached the third floor landing. I was worried about her reaction to the meeting earlier and hoped she was just keeping quiet in the car for Alice's sake not mine. I need to let her know that I noticed her discomfort and that I was here to listen if she was willing to share; which I hoped she was.

"Don't you have work soon?" She wondered, pushing the door open quietly in case Andy was napping.

"It won't take long." I assured her, following her into the room and closing the door behind us. The blinds were drawn, which meant that Andy was asleep. And even in the darkness of the room I could see Bella physically relax. I was happy that she felt comfortable enough here, in my room, among my personal belongings and memories. I reached for her in the darkness, resting my fingers against the bone of her hip.

Bella held up a finger to her lips in a gesture meant to keep me quiet, angling her body closer to mine.

"Yes I know, don't want to wake the beast," I teased, glancing sideways at the wooden crib not two feet away from us. She stuck her tongue out at me, breathing a soft giggle at my comment. I laughed along with her, careful to keep my volume to a minimum.

I allowed myself to relax into the easiness that flowed between us. It was peaceful and familiar and I welcomed it, my figurative arms eager and open. I kept my eyes on her, noticing the ease of her movements, her tensionless posture. I kept my hand on her hip. _Subtle, tangible. _

I watched as she bent over Andy's crib to get a closer look at him, following behind with measured, mirroring steps.

"He's snoring." She giggled again, dragging her fingertips through messy bronze curls. I breathed a quiet laugh.

"Yup, guess he's starting to pick up on Emmett's habits." She responded to my comment with a small smile, her lips pressed together in an effort to prison the bubble of laughter threatening to break through.

"Don't make me laugh." She teased, resting her warm palm against the hand that rested on her hip. I moved closer in response to her touch, leaning my face into her dark curls.

There was something about the darkness in this room. It didn't make me restless or anxious as one might anticipate. The word 'dark' doesn't have many positive connotations, but I felt like it was playing catalyst to the mood, making it more intimate, more personal. I breathed a quiet sigh against the nape of her neck.

"What?" She questioned, turning her inquisitive expression to face me. I held her face for a moment before leading her away from the crib and to the couch just beyond it. I motioned for her to sit. She gave me a tentative nod, but obliged, her small fingers wrapping around my own and pulling me down against the ebony leather beside her.

"Is something wrong?" She questioned quietly, mindful of my mood change.

I wanted to ask her about her meeting after school; needed to really. I didn't want her to be stressed about it if she didn't have to be. Part of me, the selfish part, wanted to know what they had discussed and if it had anything to do with me. The faculty was well aware of my current standing as a 'father', and I sometimes wondered if they ever concerned themselves about my relationships among the peers I keep close; namely, Bella. I wondered if maybe the dean had said something to her to make her uncomfortable and how I would handle the situation if I couldn't bring her to talk about it.

"Nothing's wrong, I was just…wondering about your meeting. You seemed quiet in the car, upset almost when I brought it up." I watched her dark eyes flicker with understanding, and my suspicions were confirmed when she tilted her face toward the floor and aware from my worried expression.

"Did the dean say something to make you uncomfortable?" I asked aloud, adjusting my posture so as to better face her. I squeezed the small fingers of the hand I held in my won, willing her to look at me.

She did, giving me a small glance and a slight shrug.

"Not really, I guess I was just nervous. It wasn't really what I was expecting." She spoke her carefully chosen words softly.

"I thought you were just meeting about grades and acclimating to a new school kinda thing. What part weren't you expecting?" I asked.

She didn't speak for a moment or two. "Can we talk about this later? I know you have to leave soon." She whispered, giving me a distant glance.

I looked to the alarm clock on my bedside nightstand. I had ten minutes before my shift started. I inwardly swore.

"I can stay a bit longer if you need to talk." I spoke after a few moments. Missing work wasn't an ideal option for me, but there were worse things in life than dealing with a late entrance to work.

"No, no don't be silly. Go to work, this conversation can wait." She gave me what was meant to be reassuring smile I suppose, but I could see through it.

"I'll be back around eight, will you still be here?" I wondered, moving to stand from the couch.

"Yes, Alice invited me for dinner. I'll wait for you, do you think you could give me a ride home later?" She rose with me, keeping her petite hand coiled with my own.

"Of course, can we talk about it when I get back?" I inquired as I made my way to the door, keeping her close. I barely registered her nod before she reached for the door handle. The door opened with the smallest of creaks, and she gestured for me to move through. I did as she asked, walking ahead of her, pausing my advancement toward the stairs only when it came time for her to close the door.

"I'll walk you to the door." She stated in a quiet tone. "If that's okay." She added as a quick after thought, looking up at me for an answer. I smiled.

"Of course it's okay." I squeezed her hand, and led us both down the stairs.

--

I got home later than expected, around nine ten. It was late, and I wondered if Alice had already taken Bella home. I wouldn't be surprised or upset, I'm sure the chief wouldn't have wanted his daughter out any later on a school night.

I sighed, walking into the door quietly so as not to disturb my family.

I hung up my jacket in the hall closet before making my way to the kitchen, hoping there would be leftovers of some sort waiting for me in the fridge.

"You're home!" Esme greeted me warmly, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey, mom." I kissed her on the cheek. "How was your day?" I asked politely. She gave me a smile before launching into a rather detailed account of Andy filled anecdotes. I smiled, picturing him in the various situations she was describing. "There's pasta in the fridge, I'll heat you some up." She said after a few moments, moving about the kitchen in a way only a mother could. Soon I had a heaping plate of dinner in my stomach and with Esme's help had finished cleaning up all the dishes.

"The girls are upstairs with Andy. Your boy had quite a long nap this afternoon and now we can't seem to wear off all his energy. Plus he's been asking for you non-stop. " She commented, shoving me towards the stairs.

"And I talked to Charlie, Bella's staying with us tonight due to the late hour." I stopped shocked at her words.

"Really?" I asked, a hopeful smile threatening to break across my face.

"Yes. She is." She gave me a smirk. "In Alice's room." I gave her a little pout, but she only laughed and sent me on my way.

I walked up the stairs quietly, listening to the sounds of muffled giggles pouring out from under Alice's bedroom door. I recognized my sister's high-pitched trills mixed with Bella's calm laugh. I smiled at the idea of being able to see her tonight, even with the late hour.

I knocked tentatively against the worn white wood, and waited to be allowed entrance.

"Who is it?" I heard Alice call. I felt the floor shift a bit and muted foot steps against carpet as someone made their way to the door.

"Me." I answered back.

"Oh!" Alice's voice again, this time closer. The door knob bent and creaked a bit with her effort in undoing the lock, but soon Alice's shining blue eyes were on full display. I smirked at her.

"Hey sis, I heard you're keeping someone entertained in here." I laughed a bit as Alice opened the door wider and motioned me into the room.

"Yup. I don't think we're ever going to get him to sleep, it's a lost cause. But maybe you could help us out." She answered, gesturing to the floor where Rosalie and Bella sat, a bouncing Andy resting against Bella's knees.

"Hey buddy!" I said, smiling when I caught my son's attention. His face lit up in recognition and his little fisted arms reached for me accompanied by loud proclamations of 'Da' in repeated sequence.

I laughed as did the other occupants of the room as I reached for his tiny form, pulling him to rest on my hip. He immediately threaded the cotton of my shirt through his fingers in response to my closeness. The gesture was familiar, and I smiled at him planting a gentle kiss to the crown of his head. I ruffled his hair a bit with the point of my nose before sitting myself down on the carpet beside Bella.

"Someone's happy to see you." She stated warmly, reaching out a tentative finger to poke at Andy's belly. I smiled at her, nodding in agreement as I placed Andy on the floor in front of me.

"So it seems." I responded, leaning toward her to plant a kiss on her blushed a bit, but gave me a warm smile in return.

"How was your afternoon?" I wondered, my hand automatically seeking out the small boy in front of me. I rested my fingers in his fists and allowed him to pull at my hands. He let out a round of soft giggles.

"Fine. Busy." She shot a pointed look at Andy, pursing her lips at his antics.

"I'm glad I got a chance to see you, I figured Alice would have taken you home a while ago. I'm sorry my shift ran so late." She shrugged at the comment, resting her hands behind her to support her weight on her wrists.

"I told you I would wait, and Alice invited me to stay over if it got to be too late before you were home. I didn't know if you wanted to talk a bit before I left." She answered back, giving me a sideways glance, her expression expectant.

"Sure." I turned my attention away from her for the moment, taking in the expressions of Rosalie and Alice who sat only a few feet away. "Can I borrow Bella for a little bit ladies?" I asked my sister and her best friend.

Alice nodded quietly, gesturing to the door. I gave her a grateful smile, reaching for Andy and picking myself up off the floor.

"The kid stays with us." Rose exclaimed crossing the room in a few quick strides and scooping my son into her arms. Andy didn't protest much, Rosalie was a familiar face, but he gave me a little pout. "Da!" He spoke, pointing a fisted hand in my direction.

"I'll be back in a bit buddy." I promised, turning back to Bella's seated form and offering her a hand. She accepted and soon we were on our way to find some place more private to talk.

--

We ended up in my room a few minutes later, sitting on the couch in the same positions as before, but this time I turned a few lights on. I wanted to be able to see her face in order to better understand her mood. She seemed content enough, but she was being quiet, shy almost.

"So, can we talk about your meeting?" I didn't want to beat around the bush so to speak, and Bella was evasive enough for the both of us so I didn't feel the need to ease us back into our previous topic.

"If you really want to hear about it, sure. It wasn't a big deal." She insisted, crossing one of her legs underneath her body and leaning her head back against the cushions.

"It didn't seem that way earlier. You had me worried." I said, requesting without words for her to tell me about what went on during that hour or so in the dean's office.

She sighed. "You shouldn't worry so much. Nothing horrible happened, it was just uncomfortable." She said, tipping her face back so as to look at my face. I nodded.

"What about it made you uncomfortable?" She shrugged, her gaze leaving mine for a brief moment. I could see her assess her choice of words.

"No editing, Bella. We have to learn to talk to each other without worrying so much about what the other will think." I said reaching for her hand and pulling it into my lap.

She gave me a calculating expression, taking a deep breath.

"Mr. O'Connell was there." She spoke softly. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Mr. O'Connell, the school counselor? Why would he be there?" I asked.

"At first I thought the dean brought him in to discuss my whole 'getting used to a new school', 'making new friends', kinda thing…but he wasn't really concerned those things."

"What was he saying to you?" I was starting to get upset. I should have been waiting with Alice instead of in the car.

"He was asking me about the friends I've made. We talked about Alice for a while. They wanted to know how close I was to her. I told them she was one of my good friends." I didn't say anything, my silence an effort to urge her to continue.

"We talked about Angela too, and Rose. They asked me if I was friends with Emmett and Jasper and I told them that I was."

"Mr. O'Connell spoke for a bit about limiting myself to a specific group of friends. He said that because I'm new I will cling to whomever is willing to offer me kindness. It was like he was insinuating that I was every kind of desperate. I felt like he was scolding me the whole time, it pissed me off to no end." She looked away from me, shaking her head at whatever image she was thinking about.

"It's not his place to make judgments about the people in your life." I ground my teeth at the thought of her being subjected to this kind of meeting. Alone.

"I wanted to tell him that he didn't have the right to tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with, but I was just shocked I guess." I nodded in understanding, my free hand curling into a fist at my side, my jaw tightening with my efforts to remain calm.

"He asked about you too." She said quietly. I felt her grip tighten around my hand and watched as she let her body sink a little bit further into the plush of the cushions, as if she was willing them to keep herself hidden.

"What about me?" I pressed, my eyes searching her face for the answer.

"He said I should be careful around you. He wanted to know if I was aware that you had a son." She huffed a dark laugh. "I asked him if he thought me completely ignorant. He was such an ass."

I internally blanched at Mr. O'Connell's insinuation. I wasn't going to keep Andy a secret, ever.

"Did they say anything else?" I asked, wanting some sort of distraction from the last comment.

"The dean put in his two cents saying how you were a good student, but he was worried about the type of relationship I hoped to "procure" from you. His words not mine…I gave him this look…I was so mad I just felt like punching something."

I felt like punching _someone_.

"They were hesitant when I first asked to be allowed to leave. But after dropping some comments about interference in personal matters and a subtle threat to call one chief of police I was allowed to go." She let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes.

We were both silent for quite some time, processing the new information that hung between us. She kept a solemn arrangement about her features and I reached to cup one of my hands between both of her own, as if she was protecting me.

"I don't think any less of you because you have a son, Edward. And to think that _they_ would, two grown adults, makes me sick. I hated sitting there, I felt like I couldn't get a proper word in, that I couldn't defend you." She glared at our entwined hands for a brief moment. "I hated feeling like I couldn't defend you. I care about you, and I respect you, and they should too… I felt so weak for not being able to protect you or Andy." She gave me an apologetic look, her eyes glazing over with frustrated tears.

I just shook my head. Did I really need someone to protect me? And if I did why was she so willing, I had hurt her so much, and here she was keeping quiet in an effort to protect me.

"You don't have to protect me." I whispered, my tone attempting to be reassuring but not being entirely successful.

"Of course I do. That's my job… I need to be able to protect some things in my life. It used to be my mom," She paused, sniffling a bit. I lifted my free hand as if to cradle her face but she grabbed a hold of it and held it steady in her warm fist.

"If I can't protect you or Andy I'm not much of a friend or girlfriend. I want to be able to protect you and defend you both, because you're important to me." She kept her gaze steady with my own throughout the confession, willing me to see the situation from her perspective.

I leaned my head forward to rest our foreheads against one another's.

"I'm grateful that you feel strongly enough to want to protect us, but you don't have to beat yourself up about a situation that is out of your hands. Being a single father in high school isn't a common occurrence, and sometimes people like Mr. O'Connell don't know how to interpret it or handle it. I'm used to being judged based on my stereotype. It's not something you can ever fully protect me from." I explained to her, bringing our enclosed hands to either side of her face and laying a gentle kiss to her lips.

"I want to try…I will always try." She stated. I breathed a resigned sigh. She was too stubborn for her own good, and I loved her all the more for it. _You love her. _The thought nearly knocked the wind from me.

I never thought it would be possible to carry such feelings for anyone other than Addie, but Bella has proved me wrong on more than one occasion. We had only known each other for so long, but I knew that what I felt for her had so much depth. I needed her to see that I cared for her so deeply. I needed her to see how amazing she was, and maybe then she would realize how unworthy I am of her.

I kissed her once more, enjoying my new found realizations.

"I missed this." She whispered, bringing me out of my thoughts. _Missed?_ I pulled my face back a fraction of an inch, giving her a questioning look.

"Missed?" I voiced my thought aloud, my eyes searching her expression for an answer. She blushed, eyes seeing everything but me. I brought a finger to her face, centering her gaze upon my own.

"Missed what?" I asked again, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Being close to you." She admitted, dropping her hold on one of my hands and folding her fingers into my unruly locks. My face fell with realization.

"I didn't mean to be so distant." I apologized, resting my palm against her soft skin, all cream and roses and warm.

"I was being distant too." She said, looking back at me. I shook my head.

"You were being cautious, I was being an ass." I breathed the reply. "I'm so sorry." I whispered.

I felt her head shake in my hands, and this time I was the one to look away.

"Edward, don't be angry with yourself. You had your reasons, I'm not upset anymore." I brushed my thumbs across the apples of her cheeks.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness." I whispered, giving her a sad smile.

"Of course you do." I felt the couch shift as she stood up, pulling me with her. "If we can't forgive each other, then there isn't much hope for our relationship in general.

I winced at her comment. I wanted there to be hope.

She noticed my pained movement and wrapped her arms around my waist in response. I folded myself around her, my cheek resting against her soft hair.

"I don't like to hold grudges, Edward. It's not healthy, and it eats away at relationships and one's ability to trust. If you're mad at me or want to talk about anything ever…please do. Talking to you about that meeting…it wasn't pleasant, but it took some of the stress away." I brushed my fingers over the planes of her back in a comforting gesture.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"No need to thank me. Like I said, protecting you is my job." She pressed her lips against the side of my neck before disentangling herself from my grasp.

"We should get some sleep, still a school night. I'll go grab Andy for you." I sighed, giving her a smile and a quick nod.

"Okay."

Progress. We were making progress...slowly....but surely.


	26. Date Night

**_A/N: Hi all! Sorry for the long wait...although it seems like I say that with every update... my bad. Anywho here is the next chapter. I know that the review thing has been weird the last couple of times thats my fault. It shouldn't happen again, but if it does don't worry about it. Thanks to all of you who have kept up with the story even though I take forever to post! Hope you like this chapter! ~Lauren_**

**B-POV**

I opened the door quietly, sighing as I reached into the rusty metal box for the books and folders I would need for my afternoon classes. Lunch period had a meager fifteen minutes at best left and then I would head of to biology to meet Edward.

"So, anyway, you're coming over right after classes to get ready right? I mean, you have to there isn't much time. Do you know what you're wearing? Never mind. Don't answer that I already have something picked out for you."

I turned a raised eyebrow on my petite friend as she leaned her dainty frame against the wall of lockers beside me.

"Don't give me that look, Bella! Of course I already have something picked out for you!" She chided, sticking her tongue out to further affirm the notion.

"Of course." I breathed, allowing myself an inward bout of chuckling at her antics.

After situating my books into my bag and closing my locker I gestured for her to walk with me.

"Alice, I am capable of picking out something decent to wear." I reminded her. She just shook her head as if the thought was blasphemous.

"Well obviously, I understand you're ability to pick out various pieces of clothing and toss them together but, Bella, fashion is an art form. And you my dear are no expert to such a medium." I shot her a glare. Only Alice would find a way to intelligently insult my fashion sense.

"Besides, this isn't going to be a jeans and t-shirt kind of a night, he's not taking you bowling." She laughed at her suggestion as if the idea were preposterous.

…_I like bowling…_

"Well at least I can cross that possibility off my list. He hasn't told my anything about his plans for tonight, I'm starting to get worried." I told her, making the few turns necessary to reach the door of Mr. Banner's Biology classroom.

"Why would you be worried?" Alice questioned, giving me a curious look.

I just shrugged in reply, moving to lean against the wall just outside the doorway. We still had about five minutes before the warning bell would ring.

"I don't know. I just don't want him to go overboard. I would be completely fine with dinner and movie, or just a movie even. As long as we get to spend time together I'm happy." I smiled a bit to myself at the idea of time spent alone with him.

"Ugh, you're so low maintenance." She complained with an exaggerated role of her eyes.

"You say that like it's a bad thing?" I remarked. Since when is being 'low maintenance' a bad thing. It usually has pretty positive connotations.

"It's not usually, but in this case it's just down right annoying!" She exclaimed in an exasperated sort of way only Alice could pull off.

"You're insane." I concluded, glancing down the hallway toward the nearest clock. Two minutes till the warning bell.

"And that's why you love me." She trilled, swinging her bag across her shoulders and turning on her heel to go to her next class. I just shook my head.

Yes, her insanity was a big part of the reason that I loved her, even for all her other impossibilities. Alice was my best friend, one of the few people I've ever bestowed upon that title. Of course, my best and, well, only friend in Phoenix was my mother. She was always there for me, even on days when I felt like she was the only person I would ever have a close relationship with.

It was becoming easier to think of my mother now without having those depressing emotions accompany said thoughts. I smiled then, glad to realize that thoughts of her, happy thoughts, would be possible for me someday. Maybe not right now, but I was working in the right direction.

_I love you mom._ I thought to wherever she may be right now. I knew she was out there, I felt her around me, and I would always keep her memory close to my heart.

"Hey stranger." I turned my head quickly at the sound of the familiar voice, clearing my reflective state of mind. I smiled at him as he reached for my hand.

"Hey." I breathed, securing my fingers through and around his as he pulled me through the classroom doorway.

"Mr. Cullen. Ms. Swan." Mr. Banner greeted the both of us as we walked past his desk and took our seats near the back.

I plopped my book bag onto our shared lab table and began pulling out my notebook, workbook, pencil case, and textbook in preparation for today's lecture. After I was finished I rested my nearly empty bag back down beside my chair and folded my arms across the cool onyx colored tabletop.

"Alice is kidnapping me after school." I spoke quietly to Edward, conscious of the fact that class would soon start.

"I figured as much. She's the only one that knows what I've got planned." He gave me a teasing smirk to accompany his last statement.

"No hints?" I wondered with a cheer filled tone, turning on the puppy dog charm of my kindergarten days in the hopes of procuring some sort of helpful clue.

He just laughed at my expression, lifting his fingers to smooth out the crinkle of my pleading brow.

"Nope." He stated with a note of finality. I huffed, playfully sticking my tongue out at him.

"You're no fun, I hope you know." He just smirked giving me a not-so-apologetic shrug.

"Sometimes life's just not fair." He reminded me.

"Well maybe someone could make life a bit more fair, hmm?" I teased, laughing as he rolled his eyes at me.

"I'll think about it."

_Liar. _

"I guess I'll just have to suffer until tonight." I concluded.

"Oh the horror." We gave each other a playful look before the sixth period bell rung loudly and brought our attention to the front of the room.

--

"Alice I'm not wearing this outfit. It's indecent at best." I had to put my foot down at some point. I warned her that it would happen. _The girl had completely lost her senses._ I thought, staring at the charcoal toned excuse for a shirt.

"What? There is nothing wrong with a good pair of skinny jeans and a cute black top!" I rolled my eyes at that comment.

"Alice, my entire back will be exposed if I wear this top!" I seethed at the closed bathroom door, her persistent form placed just beyond its barrier. "Have you forgotten that we live in Forks, Washington? I'm going to freeze!" I looked down toward the linoleum of her bathroom floor then, past the makeup covered counter, past my own annoyed reflection, until my gaze locked on the six inch peep toe Mark Jacob's death traps she expected me to maneuver in for the duration of the evening. "Don't even get me started on the shoes!" I stated, hoping that the warning tone of my voice wasn't lost on her.

"Stop whining! This is for Edward, remember?" I growled a little under my breath. Using the guilt card will not work Alice Cullen. Nice try.

"What could we possibly be doing that those shoes would be necessary for?" I questioned, childishly kicking the heels toward the other side of the room.

"So help me Bella, change, or I'll let Emmett pick out your outfit." My face paled at that thought, my mind producing the images of one Emmett Cullen wracking through Alice's closet…

"Can I at least have a cardigan or a jacket to cover my back? And can I wear my converse, please?" I really was whining now, and I hoped that it would work, because I wanted to enjoy the night with my boyfriend somewhere other than the emergency room.

"I'll find you a different top, but the heels stay." I heard her grumbling in a disgruntled fashion as her muffled voice moved further down the hall and closer to her room.

I sighed, pulling on the skinny jeans that she had left me with, the only article of clothing I felt halfway comfortable wearing, before I heard her knock saying that the clothes were outside the door and that any more complaints would be ignored.

I opened the door, gathering the new shirt from the hallway floor before locking myself back in to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

Turning toward the reflective glare of the mirror provided me with the usual; an image of the unoriginal, unimpressive girl that I often refer to as me. My mother used to get so mad when I called my hair mud and my eyes dirt. She would sit me down, point at her own beautiful features and gesture to our similarities in hair color. She would say that it was not dirt that draped and framed our perfect faces but sweet, milk chocolate strands instead. The stuff of desires and dreams, of Easter and Halloween. I always smiled and nodded at her fantastical thoughts. How could anyone ever look at me and even for an instant covet my features? The girl that stared back at me was contemplative, almost sarcastic in her impassive stance. As if to say 'did you really expect anything different?' I sighed, watching as she copied the movements of my hand as I pulled a brush through my tangled curls.

Alice had offered to do my make up for the night, but, much to her annoyance, I declined. She left me her entire collection however and a promise that she wouldn't be far if I happened to change my mind. I glared down at the various hair creams and lip glosses, their tubes and colors and bottles held me captivated in a curious sort of way. As if they were the puzzle pieces to a key that would somehow transform me from frog to princess. Maybe I did need Alice or Rosalie to help me…

My pride didn't like that idea, I had already told Alice I wouldn't need help and admitting defeat wasn't exactly an appealing option for me at the moment. In an attempt to distract myself, I ran my hands through the silky material of the new shirt Alice had given me. It wasn't black like the other monstrosity had been. It was a deep midnight blue and much more appealing, at least to me. I pulled off the worn T-shirt I had been wearing, and gently slid the smooth fabric around my torso. It draped nicely across my waist, the hem stopping an inch or so past the waistband of my jeans. It had straps about two inches wide in diameter and its sweetheart neckline showed just enough skin to make it comfortable.

I chanced a glance back to the familiar brown-eyed reflection and was pleasantly surprised at the confidence her features presented.

Maybe I wouldn't need that much make up… I stared back at the counter, ruffling through its confusing contents until I found a small tube of concealer, an eyeliner pencil, and a mascara wand.

I got to work, brushing the concealer just under my eyes to wipe away the dark and purple circles that seemed to be permanently etched into my skin. A side effect of junior year I suppose. I wasn't exactly comfortable with the eye make up however and in an attempt to prevent unnecessary blindness decided Alice's help would be best.

I sent her a quick text,

_**I surrender.**_

before throwing my hair into a loose knot that would rest for the remainder of the evening against the nape of my neck.

It seemed only seconds later the dark featured pixie was staring me down with her signature "I told you so" glare. Every movement of hers was smug as she scoffed at my choice of mascara shade or whatever the hell she was going on about.

"Bells this is brown, you need a darker shade to balance out your eyes. And no need for eye-liner, that stuff is too heavy."

I sighed, somehow unable to find the ability to retain any of this information she was throwing around. Like I would need it anyway…she would always find a way to take over.

"Do you care if I add a bit of eye shadow? The blue would really make your eyes pop, and it will especially work well with the shirt I chose." She was talking more to herself than to me it seemed and I just supplied her with the nod she needed to continue before allowing my brain to wonder to other, more important, less trivial matters than eye shadow and facial tones.

I was completely intrigued with whatever plans Edward had for the night. He had been so tight lipped these last few days that I was worried he might have gone over board in his efforts to make tonight nice for the both of us.

If I were being truly honest with myself I didn't really feel it necessary to go out anywhere fancy which is what I feared what with the silk and the shoes, I would be just as comfortable at the diner in Forks as long as I got to spend more time with him, alone time specifically, so that we could talk.

I was extremely curious as to how our new "honesty is the best policy" angle would work into our conversations tonight. I had a lot of questions I wanted to ask him, and I knew I would be asked to answer just as many if not more. I felt like ever since I learned of Addie's suicide a barrier has been put up between us. I wanted to bring that wall down, I wanted to feel so totally comfortable with him that even talking about the most difficult things like Addie's suicide, or Andy's future, or our lives after high school where no more consequential then breathing.

I wanted him to be my best friend, and my one true confidant…but I also knew to keep my priorities realistic. I wasn't Cinderella and he wasn't prince charming. Our lives didn't form together to produce the stuff of fairytales. We were both very mangled and very broken people, shaped by unfortunate circumstance and heartache.

I sighed.

"How much longer, Alice?" I wondered aloud, wanting to see him, to have my chance at bringing down his walls, wanting to give him the chance to break down mine.

"You know, you're being very cranky right now and I don't appreciate it." She huffed, her bell like tone taking on a perturbed quality.

"I don't mean to be rude, I'm just anxious I guess. Nervous." I admitted, quietly. The realization almost felt personal, and I worried at how Alice would interpret that statement.

"You two are so cute, you're still nervous around each other." She pinched my cheek in an attempt to highlight her words. I scowled at her.

"You're telling me you don't get the least bit nervous around Jasper?" I raised an incredulous brow at her, but earned a soft shrug in return.

"You will learn quickly Bella, that keeping things from me is entirely impossible. I will find out some way or another. And Jasper, try as he may, never seems to be able to plan something without me knowing. That's why I already know what he's getting me for our anniversary." She smirked, seeming exceptionally happy with herself.

"You already know what he's getting you? How?" This time it was her turn to give me an incredulous look.

"A women never discusses her secrets! And I know how unwilling you are to except gifts let alone surprises and I wouldn't want to ruin Edward's fun by spoiling the whole evening to you, now would I?"

"Actually, I would find that quite enjoyable!" I teased right back, hoping she would take the bait but knowing that my fishing line would inevitably come back empty.

"No way, he is so damn excited about this I am not ruining the surprise!" She trilled, popping the lid on one of her various make-up tubes.

"Hold still." She instructed as she traced the smooth wand around the entirety of my lips.

"Smudge." I did as I was told. "Perfect, not that the gloss will last that long once Edward gets a load of you, you look impeccable." She stated.

I nearly snorted at that sentiment.

"Sure, sure. Thanks Alice. You're a lifesaver." I gave her a small smile and made my way toward the closed bathroom door.

"Ah, ah not so fast missy. You don't think I'd let you leave without these do you?" I turned back to face her and my eyes locked on the shoes dangling from her little finger.

"Alice, if you love me at all, you will not make me wear those!" I pleaded, turning the full force of the puppy dog look on her in the hopes that it would deter her life threatening desires to have me wear those.

"Not a chance, guilt trips don't work on me, and you're looking at the master of the puppy dog pout." She confirmed my disappointed thoughts by shoving the leather and plastic death traps into my arms and shooing me out the door.

"Todaloo princess, have fun tonight!" She gave my cheek a quick peck before all but throwing me down the stairs.

"He's downstairs waiting for you!" I growled a bit at her nonchalance. Wondering briefly if she would have already taken and hidden my comfortable converse sneakers…probably.

I walked down the stairs barefoot, not willing to take any chance of tripping and breaking my face trying to pioneer the grand staircase in six-inch heels.

I kept my eyes locked with the wooden steps as I made my way one-by-one to an awaiting Edward.

"You look beautiful." I heard him whisper as I took my last step. I smiled up at him, grateful for his compliment.

"You're not so bad yourself." I teased, taking in his dark jeans and matching button down. He was, of course, flawless.

_I bet it only took him five minutes to get ready…stupid pixies. _

I felt his arms encase my waist as he pulled me up onto my tiptoes to press his lips to my own. I sighed into his touch, forgetting my nervousness, forgetting my worries, forgetting everything except him, and what this night would mean for our relationship.

He was the first to pull back, and I pouted a little bit at the loss of his familiar lips. He smirked at me. "I missed you too." He whispered after a moment or two. Of course he would know how anxious I was to be with him.

"Are you ready to go?" He questioned after a few moments. I nodded, sighing as I bent down to put on the ridiculous footwear Alice insisted on. He held my wrist back, taking the shoes in his hand and holding a solitary finger to his lips.

He walked to the front door, tossing me my jacket before disappearing into the hall closet for just a moment. He returned not two seconds later with a simple pair of ballet flats; I swear I fell in love with him just a little bit more.

I felt a huge sigh of relief leave me as I all but knocked him over with my exuberant hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I whispered my mantra over and over again accenting the words with a quick peck to his cheek.

"You're most welcome, I didn't want to be worrying that you would trip all night. I found these in Esme's closet while Alice had you locked in the bathroom for the last half hour.

"Did I ever tell you you're the greatest boyfriend ever?" I wondered aloud, my voice teasing. His face brightened, his cheeks turning upward to form the perfectly crooked smile I was so attuned to.

"No, I don't believe you have, but the title is most certainly appreciated." He kissed me softly.

"Are you ready to go?" He questioned not a moment later. I nodded, slipping my jacket over my bare arms before taking his hand.

The car ride to wherever we were going was silent for the most part. Edward had allowed me to fiddle with his i-pod, saying that our destination was about an hour away. That clue alone had me guessing that we were on our way to Port Angeles.

I hoped, like I had so many times in the last few days, that he wasn't planning anything overly fancy. Port Angeles was much larger than Forks, and had a lot more options for entertainment than just the meager little diner our town boasted.

I hadn't taken more than three trips to the city itself in the entirety of my life. The first time being with my parents, when I was much to young to remember our plans that day exactly. The second was in preparation for Tommy's party in which I spent the majority of said day in the Port Angeles mall, and the third for the actual party itself, the night before Edward and I started dating.

But then again, maybe we couldn't count that day as the beginning of our 'dating' relationship. No, that would have to be tonight. I laughed inwardly a bit at the revelation. Because, technically, this would be the first day in the few months that we have had a relationship that we spent time outside of his home. It was our first official date, _my _first official date.

I rested my head against the back of my chair, turning my chin ever so slightly to face Edward. Was this really my first date? It seemed slightly pathetic. Especially for having had a boyfriend for two and a half months like I had.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me after a moment, noticing the sideways glances I was giving him. I blushed a bit.

Would it be utterly embarrassing to admit that this would be my first date? Probably. But we had both agreed on the honesty thing.

"I was just thinking about how this will be my first date." I blushed a bit at the words as they left my lips, turning my face toward the glass of the passenger window and the view that rested just beyond it.

"Really?" He questioned after a bit. I just nodded, noting the incredulous nature of his tone.

"Yea, I mean…I've gone to dances before but I don't really count those as dates, mostly because half the time I'm the one who asks the guy." I laughed to myself remembering my asking Jacob to Tommy's party.

"And I've been out on … I guess you could call them 'group dates', back when I lived in Phoenix. But this will be my first official date." I accented the words with a nod, turning to give Edward a small smile.

I was so pathetic.

"I don't believe you." He spoke after a moment. I turned abruptly at his response, and he had that crooked grin about his face. I just shook my head at him.

"Why don't you believe me?" I questioned, wanting to cross my arms over my chest or stick my tongue out at him as some sort of childish defense mechanism.

"Because, Bella you're so… _you_. You're interesting and funny and beautiful, why wouldn't you have been asked out before? Countless times even!" He gave me a bit of a laugh, reaching for my hand.

"It's hard to believe? You must have been really shy or quiet for people to not have noticed you." I gave him a shrug, my face flushing at his compliments…my mind not entirely allowing myself to believe them.

"I was pretty socially inept, I guess you could say. I wasn't interested in the parties that a lot of the girls in my class would go to on the weekends. I preferred staying home and reading or spending time with my mom…" I breathed a heavy sigh. I will not cry tonight.

"Still. It's hard to believe. At any rate, I'm glad to be taking you on you're first date Ms. Swan." He teased, twining my fingers with his as we continued into the city limits of Port Angeles.

--

"I hope you like Italian." Edward stated, his tone almost nervous as he pulled into the parking lot of La Bella Italia. I smiled at the quaint establishment as he instructed me to stay seated. I gave him a confused glance but then smiled, as he appeared not seconds later at the passenger door.

"You didn't have to do that." I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat at his chivalrous gesture.

"It doesn't hurt to be polite, Bella. Besides, Esme wouldn't expect any less of me." I nodded, laughing a bit as an image of Edward as a young boy and Esme teaching him the importance of holding doors flashed before my eyes.

"Thank you." I stated, taking his outstretched hand as he pulled me toward the front doors of the restaurant.

"Reservation for Cullen." He spoke quietly once we were in front of the hostess. She smiled, all perfect teeth and blue eyes. My self-esteem took a small hit as Edward returned a polite smile.

"Of course." She smirked, her perfectly manicured hand extending a way toward a small booth near the front bay window.

I stood close to Edward, winding my fingers more thoroughly through his in a sorry attempt to display my particular possessiveness toward the beautiful man that stood before me.

Edward squeezed my hand back, throwing me a smirk as if he knew exactly what I was up to.

Edward waited until I was seated before he took his place opposite me.

"Enjoy your meal." The hostess stated warmly, throwing another blinding smile to Edward before she left the table. I huffed inwardly.

I glared a bit at the ruby red fabric of the cloth that covered our little table, reaching for the napkin that sat in all its perfect folded glory.

Edward reached a gentle hand toward my own, folding our fingers around one another. He chuckled a bit.

"What?" I questioned, afraid that my insecurities were blatantly obvious to his perceptive form.

"Nothing, you're just cute when you're jealous is all." I felt my cheeks darken with embarrassment and I threw him a glare.

"Shush you." I warned, trying and failing in my efforts to secure an annoyed set about my features. He was just too difficult to be mad at for long.

He chuckled at me again and this time I indulged him with my own giggle or two.

"This is really nice." I stated after a few moments, smiling as I let my eyes venture across the inside of the quaint restaurant. It wasn't overly busy, and it smelled divine like pasta and cheese and chocolate. I wondered briefly if he had been here before, or if maybe he had taken Addie here during their courtship. I shook the thought away almost as immediately as it occurred.

Tonight was about Edward and Bella not Edward and Addie. And although I would like to think that this would be his first time taking a date to this particular restaurant, I wasn't going to spoil our evening with 'what-ifs'.

"The food here is amazing. Esme and Carlisle used to bring us here once a month or so when we were younger. After we started high school and dad got busier at work we stopped coming as often, but I thought you would enjoy it. After all it is La _Bella_ Italia." He teased.

I smiled, happy to know that this is a place he held close to his heart. A place he wanted to share with me.

"It sounds wonderful!" I exclaimed, just as our waiter arrived to take our drink orders.

"A coke please." I whispered politely, and waited as he penned down Edward's order as well.

"What's your favorite?" I asked after a moment, the menu itself was huge and I ventured to guess that if I stood it up on end it would block my entire view of Edward.

"There's a lot to choose from, but any of the spaghetti dishes are good. The ravioli is my personal favorite, Emmett's a fan of the chicken Parmesan and Alice almost always opts for the lasagna." He spoke, his tone wistful as he thought of his siblings.

I nodded, looking back toward the menu. _Ravioli sounds good. _I thought to myself, looking at the various selections they offered.

"Mmm mushroom ravioli sounds good." I whispered to myself, dropping my menu to see Edward smiling at me.

"That's my favorite." He laughed, and I took the sound in, noting how carefree he seemed in this atmosphere, away from his studies and away from work. He was just…Edward. And he was sharing that part of himself with me. I felt giddy.

Our drinks arrived and dinner was ordered, all the while I was having trouble taking my eyes off of Edward. He was sharing bits or random facts about his various trips into this city when he was little. He was remembering bringing Alice here for the first time after her adoption and how protective he felt of her even though they were around the same age.

"She was so tiny, more so than now even though that seems hard to believe. Emmett used to call her his little Barbie. He still does sometimes. She hates that." He laughed to himself.

"Have you ever traveled outside of your move from Chicago?" I wondered aloud, liking this Edward that was so eager to venture through his past memories. It was mesmerizing the way he spoke, his face would change, and light up as various images came to be in his mind.

"Well…no not really. I lived in Illinois all my life, even after I was adopted. I've been to Oregon a couple of times, Portland has lots of shopping centers so, of course, Alice likes to visit there."

"Yea that makes sense, Alice loves to shop." We never broached the subject of his adoption and I wondered momentarily if he would allow me to ask him questions about it.

"Can I ask you something?" I wondered, keeping my voice tentative, letting him know we were shifting from lighthearted banter to more serious subjects.

"Of course." He stated, taking a deep sip from his coke.

"Can you tell me about your adoption?" I asked, my voice so low for a moment I had to wonder at if he had heard me at all.

He stared at me for a moment, his face unreadable. He didn't seem saddened or angered by my curiosity. He seemed more contemplative than anything else.

"You don't have to say anything, I'm sorry if I upset you." I reached for his hand in an apologetic gesture. He just shook his head back and forth.

"No, no. I'll tell you. I was just caught off guard I guess… I haven't discussed it with many people." He told me honestly.

I could see him searching then, attempting to organize his thoughts so that he could relay them in an understandable manner to me. I was relieved that he wasn't angry with me or annoyed at my question. I remained quiet while he processed.

"I was four when Esme and Carlisle adopted me. There were some complications during Esme's pregnancy with Emmett that prevented her from having anymore children, and so adoption just seemed like the natural choice for her." He shifted in his seat, and I gave him a patient smile.

"I was born in Chicago and had lived there my whole life up until that point. My parent's names were Elizabeth and Edward Mason. I don't remember much of them, but Esme was good friends with my mother. They were on some sort of committee together. They died in a car accident around my fourth birthday." I scooted myself closer to him on the bench, I could see that this was upsetting him more than he cared to let on.

"If you don't want to talk about it Edward you don't have to. I understand if it makes you sad." He gave me a sad smile, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"I didn't really think much of it when I was four…I didn't really understand. The sad part is that I never got a chance to know them and now all I have are pictures and a few home videos." I nodded my understanding.

"I don't really remember much after that. It seemed I went from my house to Esme's in a matter of weeks. Emmett and I were the same age so I gained a friend and a brother. But I remember being sad sometimes, missing my mother. Esme says I used to ask for her all the time the first year I stayed with them." He shrugged. "It's not much of a story, nothing too dramatic, just sad I guess. But I am happy, I love Esme and Carlisle and I'm grateful everyday for my being adopted by a good, caring family.

"You are very lucky." I agreed, resting my head on his shoulder.

Our food came soon after and we ate in relative silence. We both shared comments about how good the meal was and we ordered a Tiramisu to share after we had finished dinner.

"I love Tiramisu!" I exclaimed excitedly as the waiter walked away with our order. Edward chuckled a bit at my enthusiasm.

"Yea, it's really good." He kissed me on the cheek in agreement.

"This was really fun, Edward. Thank you." He gave me a crooked smile, pulling my body closer to his and pressing his lips softly to my own.

"The nights not over yet, silly. Dinner is just the beginning. I was hoping to take a walk along the beach, it's beautiful at night down by the port." I smiled at the thoughtfulness.

"That sounds lovely." I admitted, taking in the feeling of nearness and wholeness I felt at being in such close proximity to him. He smelled so good; it was so familiar and so…Edward. I leaned my face into the side of his neck attempting to be conspicuous as I inhaled the scent of soap and spice that was so unique to him.

--

The beach was cooler than normal, but of course Edward had anticipated this, which is why I was comfortably wrapped inside a thick blanket.

I had kicked my flats off and was carrying them as I dug my toes into the cool, grainy texture of the moon-washed sand.

"I'm glad we did this." I spoke after a few moments of walking in silence. I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind and pull me closer to the water. He pulled the blanket from around my arms and set it down on the sand before pulling me down on top of it.

He lay backwards and I joined him, resting my head against the strong muscles of his chest.

"I'm glad you suggested it. Although I do apologize for not having thought of it earlier. A date is usually something couples do." I shrugged, turning my face toward his so I could read his expression.

"We're not like most couples." I reminded him, throwing him a teasing smirk.

He turned his face back up to the sky, winding his arm up and around my shoulders, holding me to him.

"I suppose were not." I felt and heard him sigh, his breath coming out in a swirl of fog. I wrapped my arms around him in an effort to keep him warm.

He was silent, and I worried at what I had said.

"What's wrong?" I spoke, voicing my thoughts aloud. He sighed again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered after a moment. I gave him a confused look but he didn't seem to see it.

"Sorry for what?" He hadn't done anything. At least not something I knew off. I had a moment of sheer panic. What if he had something equivalent to Addie's suicide that he had yet to tell me? I don't think I could handle hearing that right now.

"Sorry that we aren't like most couples. Sorry that we can't have a normal relationship." I sat up on my elbows so that I was looking down at him. His voice seemed so sad, almost… regretful. Was he regretting our relationship? My face paled.

"Are you not happy with our relationship?" I wondered, hoping to whomever was listening that this wasn't the case. We had made so much progress tonight, I felt so much more comfortable having spent this time with him. Was it all for nothing? Did it have the opposite effect on him?

"What?" His eyes shot to me and for a second he held an almost furious expression. I shuddered.

"Bella don't be silly, I'm so happy that I have you. That's not what I meant at all!" He promised, lifting his hand that wasn't wrapped around me to cradle my face.

"What did you mean?" I felt the irrational tears sting at the backs of my eyes. I told myself I wasn't going to cry, and I wouldn't…that wouldn't be fair.

"I was referring to my having Andy. And how he factors into our relationship." I felt my breath exit my lungs in a relieved whoosh.

"Edward, I'm not resentful toward the fact that you have a child." I gave him an incredulous glare.

"Well I know you're not resentful toward him, but…in a sense…Andy holds me back from putting everything I have into this relationship. Into any relationship, really." He looked away from my face, his mind lost in a thoughtful state.

"I will never be able to give you my full self. I will never be able to do something on a whim without factoring him into the equation. Don't get me wrong I love Andy, he's my everything…but sometimes I wish I could be more for my family, more for _you._" He trailed off, his gaze everywhere but me.

I pulled his face back to mine, the irrational tears forming at the corners of my eyes.

"Edward. Don't think like that. You're circumstance with Andy, it's difficult, but it's not something sad. He's not some sort of punishment and he's not a hindrance to our relationship. I love Andy, he's amazing and fun and beautiful. And he is that way because of you. He loves you and you love him and I admire the care you have for him. He will always be your number one, and I don't have a problem with that. He's your child, Edward. You aren't taking anything away from me by bringing him into my life; you're giving me a chance to get to know a little, amazing person. To take care of him in whatever way I can. It brings me happiness to see him smile, and the way he looks at you when you come home. It's worth all the obstacles we have had to face in our relationship." I could feel my cheeks moisten with tear-trails and I felt Edward softly brush the pads of his thumbs along my face to catch them.

He pulled my face closer to his, leaning up ever so slightly to press his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself as close to him as possible. Our lips molded to one another, and the intensity of it all was almost overwhelming. I was so honest with him, and I needed him to understand that he didn't need to worry about having Andy. I loved Andy as if he were my own son, not that I would say that to Edward. At least not yet. It didn't seem entirely appropriate, what with news of Addie's suicide so fresh in my mind.

His lips were warms and soft against mine. I felt him wrap his arms around my middle, holding me to him, and it made the gesture all the more intimate when he began capturing my tears with his lips, kissing away the evidence of my sadness.

"Thank you." He whispered after a few moments. I smiled at him, allowing my fingers to trace the planes of his face and neck, my lips following the path of my hands.

"Bella?" He asked after a few moments. I pulled my face away from his neck, searching his face.

"Yes?" I questioned.

"I love you, Bella."


	27. Response

**E-POV**

Love has many varying degrees. It is limitless in its essence. Love has the potential to be anything; countless, immeasurable, passionate, and hopeful. It can be molded and shaped to fit situations and to fill emotion. It exists in many forms and differs between each and every relationship.

I have kept love in close company throughout my life. I love many things, books, music, movies, etc. I have received love from many people; my birth parents, my adopted parents, my siblings, my friends, and my son.

Each of these individuals has received such feelings in turn. Everyone that I have loved I have also trusted and continue to trust. When that trust is broken, in some ways, so is the love. But it's not permanent. It can be fixed, it can be rebuilt.

I loved Addie. She was beautiful, and she was smart, and when I looked at her everything seemed to pause and stop.

But whatever sort of trust I had with Addie was shaken after her suicide. To learn that she had so willingly taken herself out of my life, put our son's life in danger…because she was afraid or scared or overwhelmed. To me, it was inexcusable at the time. And it still is. Everyday I wonder what would have been different if maybe I had talked to her, gotten to the root of the problem before she could take such drastic measures. Maybe if I had, then she would be the one sitting with me on this beach, and not the beautiful brunette that hovered so quietly above my nervous form.

I had just told her. I loved her.

I had planned on telling her tonight. At some point. When it felt 'right', I had told myself. And her words, what she had spoken. The truth, and conviction behind it all. Everything I had been unsure about, everything I had worried over these past few months…it all seemed so insignificant now.

I had told myself, after Addie's death, that I wasn't going to be able to love anyone else. Because how could I bring myself to trust anyone else? I went through a dark period, reevaluating all the relationships of my life, my siblings, my friends…my parents. It was so hard for me to move on, or it seemed that way for a time. Dr. Webber was patient with me; he told me this wouldn't be a walk in the park. He told me that _if_ everything was going to go back to what I construed as 'normal' someday, I had to talk, I had to contemplate, and I had to revisit all of the horrible memories of that day. Of those moments when I realized the women I loved didn't love me enough to stay. And it hurt like hell. And the pain it would inflict, it used to cripple me. Emotionally, of course, but it was almost as severe. I wouldn't open up, I wouldn't talk…I shut myself down.

Bella had experienced me at my worst, and at my best. And laying here now, having her so close, holding her…it made everything come full circle. And so I told her. The moment was 'right'.

"I love you." I whispered again, attempting to put as much conviction as possible into the sentiment. She needed to know that this was something I had thought about. I wasn't just saying it on a whim. I loved her.

I gripped her small frame more tightly, waiting for her response. For any sort of response. I felt like I was holding my breath.

I felt her shudder above me. Her dark hair falling between us, cutting off my line of sight. She ducked her head away from me.

I recognized the rejection. I had spoke too soon. I sighed.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Stealing the words right out my mouth. But she had nothing to apologize for, we felt the way we felt and we couldn't control that. I understood. I sat quietly, moving my hands from around her waist to the cool sand on either side of me, pushing myself up. She seemed startled by the movement, and quickly sat up.

Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. _Shit._

I dropped my gaze awkwardly, turning to stare at the plaid pattern of the blanket we lay atop.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry tonight." She whispered after a moment, for some reason still clinging on to me.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." I answered back, my voice flat…emotionless.

"I'm just….are you sure?" She questioned after a moment. I turned, allowing her to see my quizzical expression.

"Sure?" I asked hesitantly.

"That you…l-love me?"

And for a split second I allowed myself to hope. Was it just the shock of it all that had her all frazzled?

"Yes. I'm sure."

She sighed.

"Edward?" Her soft voice cracked ever so slightly on the last syllable.

"Yea?" I wondered, my mind racing for some way to fix this, to rid the situation of awkwardness.

"I…I love you too." For a moment I didn't allow myself to believe it. _Had she just said…_ I smiled inwardly, my face searching hers for conformation. She had the most beautiful glow about her, and I knew that what I had heard wasn't a cruel creation of my mind.

"I..really?" I wondered, reaching my fingers out to cradle her fragile cheekbones. She was perfection.

"Yes."

And then we were kissing. And nothing at all seemed more important to me in that moment then having her close. Then keeping her here, with me. Then keeping this moment tangible and perfect for however long we could.

I felt as if a weight had been lifted, and that I could finally breathe freely. She knew how I felt; I didn't feel cautious about keeping my thoughts from her, keeping my feelings from her. And those…those three words have opened up to me many and opportunity. For growth, and for understanding.

"Thank you." I whispered, my fingers running mindlessly through her moon-dusted locks. Her chocolate eyes were wet, and if it weren't for her breathtaking smile I would have worried her happiness wasn't genuine.

We stayed on that beach, entwined in the plaid wool of the picnic blanket, feet tangled and smiles bright until the breeze of the water became unbearably chilly and the time too late.

I didn't want to leave; I never wanted to let her go. Never wanted to escape this moment. Because I knew that after we left this beach, things would change. For the better I hoped, for the better I knew on some level.

I didn't know to the extent how much our relationship would change. I didn't know how my family would react, how her's would. I hadn't told anyone how I felt, I wanted Bella to be the first, and she was.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked her, pulling my thoughts back to the present and away from its wonderings.

"Sure." She laid her lips against mine for just a moment before moving to stand up.

**Bella POV**

The ride home was quiet. But not in an awkward or uncomfortable way, and not in a distant fashion either, as Edward's warm hand rarely left its place encasing my own.

As if breaking contact with me for even the briefest of seconds would sever or destroy the immense progress we had made on our 'date'.

I was contemplative. For whatever reason … or for every reason rather. The events of tonight seemed so surreal.

And it was surreal, or it had had its surreal parts.

I didn't know, when he first spoke the words, if my brain had created, irrationally, such a perfect hallucination. But his expression had urged me away from that deceptive fog. He was waiting for me to respond, his face seeming troubled, anticipatory.

I wondered in those moments if it could be possible for him to love me, to love anyone for that matter. 'He was just reacting' I told myself. For the past few weeks, or rather, ever since I had realized that I had fallen for him, I had been concerned that his past encounter with the entity, love, would have robbed us of such a possibility. That _her_ actions would have jeopardized whatever possibility of love he would have for me or for anyone else he might enter into a relationship with.

I was stunned, confused, and weary, and of course deliriously happy at the chance that he could somehow feel so strongly for me.

I didn't want to jump into this. To express my feelings, knowing they were so true, and not being able to have full confidence in his proclamation scared me.

But I didn't want to doubt him. I didn't think it would be fair, after all that we have been through in the past few months. He deserved my full confidence, and if it became an issue later, if when we arrived back at the Cullen mansion he had a sudden change of heart, I would talk to him, we would work through it. I loved him and supposedly…he loved me.

The tears came fast, liquid droplets of stunned disbelief slipped along the skin of my cheeks and out of instinct I ducked my head in protection. I didn't want him to see me cry, even if they were happy tears.

I loved him.

And so, I told him.

And here we are now, not ten minutes outside of Forks, Washington. It's a Friday. And I am sitting in a car with the man I love.

I laughed inwardly at that thought.

Every girl pictures their first love, fantasizes really at some point in their adolescence. What he looks like, what he acts like, what he will treats you like.

I had fallen for the impossible characters of classical literature, more fascinated at the depth of their feelings and the beauty of their words than with their physical appearance or descriptions. I was never one for a specific type of guy, always telling myself that when I found the right person I would know.

I didn't date in Phoenix, because I was just so socially shy. I wanted to blend in with the crowd, to hide. I wasn't ready then, for any sort of relationship. Because I didn't think I could find my 'Romeo' among my thousands of classmates.

But with Edward, it was like I didn't have to try. Of course I admired from afar, of course I wondered about him, about his likes and dislikes. But looking at him, being in the same room as him, it just felt worlds more profound, worlds more comfortable, worlds more confusing than anything I have experienced. I was infatuated from day one and that fact hadn't changed in the slightest. In fact, it's progressed into tangible 'hum' like electricity, a _connection_ that we share. It's palpable and wonderful and scary all at the same time but that makes it intriguing and desirable.

Even simply being able to hold hands with him. It almost brings me emotional and physical relief. As if not touching him, as if staying away from him or being separated from him in any sort of capacity would be painful or blasphemous on some level.

I traced the pads of my fingers against the sturdiness of his palm, grazing the smooth skin of his knuckles, and in the darkness I caught sight of the all too familiar grin. Perfect in it's crooked essence, and I couldn't help but return the gesture.

This was what was supposed to be.

This was right.

This was home. And for the first time in these months since the move, I felt complete contentedness.

The house was quiet and dark when we arrived. Edward opened my door for me, offering an outstretched hand as we made our way to the front door. The only light that could be seen glowed from the front porch and from just inside the foyer.

It was late, but not terribly so. Maybe half past midnight, if that even. I was sure his parents had already retired for the night, so we were quiet upon entering the foyer.

I had already planned to stay the night with Alice, Charlie wasn't exactly enthused about the prospect of me sleeping over at Edward's house after having just been on a date with him, but Alice was never one to quit when she set her mind to something, and she insisted upon a sleepover with me. Thankfully, Charlie was never one to argue with Alice.

I hung up my jacket in the hall closet and removed the flats Edward had found for me.

"Thank you." I mouthed to him, handing the life saving footwear over to him. He smiled at me, laughing a bit under his breath.

I didn't want to leave him, we had had such a great time, but I knew that we would have to part eventually. I hadn't realized until I began heading for the stairs that we had been holding hands. I blushed a bit at the awkwardness, dropping my grip and nodding my head towards Alice's room.

He sighed, but gave me a small grin.

"See you in the morning?" He whispered.

I nodded.

And in those few seconds of standing before him the entire evening seemed to replay in my head. I saw us at dinner, eating, talking. I saw us at the beach, wrapped up in each other's arms, in each other's words.

He _loved_ me. And that fact hit me so forcefully then that everything seemed to blur and fog. I saw him, Edward and only Edward. And this, 'see you in the morning' goodbye seemed so meager so… understated compared to the rest of the evening.

I wanted to stay with him, to be in his arms for as long as possible. To know that this night hadn't been dreamt or created, but had been tangible and real.

I wanted to hear him say those words again. I wanted to tell him again.

But I didn't know if it was too soon, if it would seem cheesy or necessary. I wanted it to seem sincere.

I felt his fingers brush the length of my cheek, bringing me out of my musings.

"Bella?" I sighed at the sound of his voice, my arms, moving, without thought or provocation to wrap around his waist, my forehead finding purchase in the comfort of his chest. He smelled like laundry detergent and soap. Like Edward.

"I don't want to leave." I found myself saying, my arms tightening around his torso, keeping me centered, keeping us connected.

I both heard and felt him sigh. The sound highlighting his methodical heart beat and the whoosh of air I felt against my scalp as he exhaled.

"I don't want you to go." I heard him respond some moments later.

And so I didn't. I stayed put, in his arms, mine twined around his strong self, anchoring me to the reality that I so desperately wanted to prolong.

I didn't want to go upstairs, not simply for the fact of being away from him after such an emotional night, but also because I didn't want to see Alice, who would want to know everything, or to wake up tomorrow and have my analytical brain picking through every possible scenario of change that could occur as a result of the obvious progression in our relationship.

What did this mean for us? How would this affect our relationships with people outside of ourselves? I loved Edward, which meant I planned to be with him, as much as possible, for as long as he would have me or want me.

Edward and I were close now, and I didn't want to think about what would happen if something were to come between us. I didn't want to even contemplate what losing him could do to me.

I tightened my arms around him, feeling him respond in a similar gesture.

I just wanted to feel close to him.

"I thought I heard you two come in."

I startled at the unexpected voice, lifting my cheek from the soft fabric of Edward's shirt to stare into the amused blue eyes of one Jasper Hale.

"Hey Jasper." I heard Edward greet him as we made to put space between us. I sighed, not wanting to leave the familiarity of his embrace, but knowing we had exhausted our time together.

"Please tell me she's asleep." I whispered pleadingly, my eyes beseeching as they searched Jasper's face.

He smirked.

"You wish. Nah, she wants to know _all_ the details." I grimaced. _Wonderful._

"This should be fun." I grumbled, turning my face toward Edward's crooked smile.

"Save me?" I inquired, laughing inwardly as both he and Jasper rolled their eyes.

"Not even I could save you from her prying personality." Jasper joked, grabbing his backpack from the base of the stairs and moving past us toward the front door.

"Don't keep her waiting too long, she knows you're down here. She all but kicked me out." Jasper laughed, turning the brass knob of the mansions front door and stepping out into the cool night.

"I'm scared." I joked as Edward led me up the long staircase. He laughed a bit at my statement, his arms wrapping around my waist as he guided me to Alice's bedroom door.

"I'm only a floor away if you need me." He whispered, pulling me into his arms once more and laying a gentle kiss to my forehead.

I shook my head at him, bringing my hands up to cradle his face and pull his lips to my own.

He was so strong and I felt to safe in his embrace, everything just seemed to melt and disappear when we kissed and he broke away all too soon. Gesturing toward the doorway where an annoyed-looking fairy danced impatiently.

"Did he tell you?" She all but squealed, reaching for my arm and pulling me away from my boyfriend.

I blushed at her question, looking to Edward who rolled his eyes at his sister.

"And this is where I take my leave. See you in the morning, love." He laughed, turning to walk up to the third floor.

0000

"Bella, you have got to give me more details than that." Alice's tinkling voice protested from her spot beside me on her giant king sized bed. She was all anticipatory smiles and a blur or anxious movement. As if telling her this story was vital to her health.

"What more do you want to know Alice?" I had told her about our conversation on the beach, that we had told each other 'I love you'. It was if she expected me to fall into a puddle of goo and add a happily ever after to the end of the anecdote.

I mean I was happy, so happy, but I just didn't really know what she wanted me to say. I didn't do well with girl talk, even though I had known Alice for months, I still hadn't allowed myself to be used to it by now. What went on between Edward and I, well...that was personal. And part of me didn't want her to know at all, the same part of me wanting for her to mind her own business. But this was Alice, Edward's little sister, my best friend, who thrived on a good love story and gossip about any of her siblings. She just wanted Edward to be happy, and some part of me wanted her to want me to be happy as well.

"I want the details. You can't just say 'We love each other'. I know that you love him, and I'm suprised it took you this long to figure out he felt the same way. The man practically worships the ground you walk on." She giggled, but I just rolled my eyes.

"Stop being so dramatic. It wasn't all fuzzy hearts and rainbows. This isn't a Disney movie, Alice. I don't know what you want to hear." She pursed her lips at my comment, her bright eyes narrowing just the slightest.

"I'll stop being dramatic when you stop being pessimistic, missy. Now I know my brother, and I know how he feels. He came and talked to me about tonight before he even started planning your date. He was so nervous to tell you, he thought you weren't ready to hear how he felt, but he knew he needed to tell you.

Now, I'm not asking for 'Once upon a times' or glass slippers, I just want to know what went through your mind when he told you." She smiled expectantly at me, and I just stared at her incredulously.

"That's _all_?" I asked sarcastically. He stuck her tongue out at me.

"Come on, you know I would be the first to tell you anything that happened between Jasper and I." She pointed out. I just shrugged my shoulders at the comment, turning my face toward the pastel satin of her comforter.

"It's just personal." I said after a few moments. I didn't know if I wanted to share what happened between Edward and I. Although I was initially surprised at hearing Edward confide about his feelings toward me with Alice, after thinking about it, it made sense. I just felt bad for making it seem, to him, that I wouldn't reciprocate those feelings.

Thinking about it made me feel guilty. I knew that I had been closing myself off, that I still did in some forms. But I thought I was doing a pretty good job at being open and honest around him these past few weeks. Ever since the incident with 'the binder', I knew that I needed to be open minded and understanding.

And now Alice wanted me to tell her everything, all those feelings that went through my head after he spoke those impossible words. She wanted my eyes to sparkle and me smile to drown my face. She didn't want to hear about my doubt or my nerves. She didn't want to hear that I initially thought his confession was some sort of hallucination.

I sighed.

"He took me to the beach, and we talked...about Andy, and school, and our relationship. And... he told me." I curled in on myself, feeling uncomfortable with having to revisit those doubts I had or any anxiety about how this progress would affect our lives.

Alice gave me a skeptical glance, her mind seeming to calculate my words and the actions that accompanied them. "Alright," She reached her small hand toward my own, her palm resting against my forearm.

"I understand if it's personal. I can see why you wouldn't be as open to talk about it. But... I just... it seems like you're upset about something. I don't want you to be mad at me for pushing the subject, I was just so excited, Edward...he's never been this happy. You can actually see his mood shift when you're in the room. And...I just wanted to know what you were feeling or if you wanted to talk about it." She sounded so sincere and that made me feel even more guilty for holding back my feelings. I just didn't know how to talk about any of this.

It was too soon. I didn't want to analyze what happened tonight. I didn't want to think about anything at the moment. I just wanted to lie down, and dream about tiramisu and mushroom ravioli and wake up to Edward's smiling face.

I felt like crying, I hated myself for having doubts at all. I crossed my arms around my torso, leaning against Alice's head board.

"I'm sorry." Alice apologized, sensing my sadness. I hated that I was overreacting. I hated that I was less than ecstatic. I felt her move closer to my side, her midnight spikes resting against my shoulder as she wrapped her tiny arms around me.

"You don't have to be scared, Bella. He loves you." I nodded.

I needed to remember that. That this wasn't a one-sided affection that my mind seemed to want to ingrain into me. That he felt the same way, that he wanted what was best for me and for 'us'. I knew it wasn't fair for me to compare our relationship to the one he shared with Addie, but part of me still had trouble understanding how he could ever love someone after what he had been through. He was so trusting of me, and I didn't know that I fully deserved him.

I was constantly judging him, second guessing him based on his past. It wasn't fair and I wanted to be fair, to be good for him. He deserved that, and so much more than I could give him.

I felt the familiar sting of tears and quickly squeezed my eyelids shut to prevent the evidence of my self-confusion.

"It's okay Bella, don't cry." And that did it, this night was supposed to be happy, not sad. I was doubting Edward, and being closed off to Alice and she was blaming her curious nature for the tears that now stained my face.

"It's..not your fault." I attempted to assure her, bringing one of my seemingly limp arms to rest against her tiny shoulder.

0000

It was sometime later when I found myself wide awake, the tears having lessened and ceased at some point prior. I was curled on my side, facing Alice's monster of closet in the pitch black of her bedroom. I was tired, but sleep didn't want to come. I was tired, but my thoughts wouldn't lesson or decrease in the slightest. I was tired, but instead of taking comfort in the warmth of the comforter or the plush of the pillow my heavy head rested against I couldn't help but want to be back with Edward, to be in his arms, to be surrounded by the security that only he could bring me.

It wasn't right for me to be sad, it was downright pathetic at best. I just wanted to smile again, and even the thought made the guilt I felt toward my emotional state increase.

_Stop._

I wanted to, to 'stop'. To stop thinking, to close my eyes and succumb to sleep so that when I woke up I could be with Edward. I wanted to 'stop', to stop feeling sorry for myself when I should be happy, when I should be giddy in the least.

Edward loved me.

And I loved him.

And just like that I found myself moving, the scenery changing although I don't remember telling myself to kick back the covers or move toward the door.

And then just like that I was standing outside Edward's room, my hand raised to knock. It was late, and he was probably asleep. I didn't want to wake him, or Andy... but I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't remember how to move my feet. So I snapped my wrist forward once, twice, three times.

And then he was there.

"Can...Can I come in?"

0000

_A/N: Thanks for everyone who reads and sticks with me even through my sporadic and sometimes lengthy updates. Please review or send me a message, I want to know what you think. :) ~Lauren_


	28. Talk to me

_Recap:_

_"Can...Can I come in?"_

**BPOV**

My voice felt hollow, my throat felt dry as I waited for his response.

I didn't want to seem pathetic by coming to him, but at this point; feeling pathetic was better than feeling sorry for myself.

I shuffled my feet into the plush of the hallway carpet, sinking my toes through the cream bristles, waiting…patiently…or impatiently for him to respond.

"Bella?" His voice was quiet, his questioning tone laced with sleep. I had woken him up. I felt guilty, and stupid, and fragile…and annoyed at myself for waking him up. I should have thought this through, I should have stayed put.

"Hi." I whispered, ducking my face toward the floor, my eyes focusing on the too-pale tops of my feet. I wiggled my toes, rocking back on my heels.

"Bella, it's late… are you okay?" I frowned at his question, not quite knowing how to respond. Was I okay? I certainly didn't feel okay. I felt…hollow….alone. I felt empty, even though I had no reason too. I felt guilty, for feeling sad, for doubting him, for not being able to enjoy tonight and to cherish the memories it has produced, but most of all, I felt guilty for standing here before him, for waking him up, and for not being able to respond to a simple question.

"Um…sorry." I wanted to curl in on myself. Envying, for just a few moments, a turtles ability to hide so quickly. I wanted to disappear.

And as soon as the thought crossed my mind, the emptiness was back, I turned away from the door, to the opposite end of the hall, away from Edward.

My feet followed my thoughts, moving my lethargic form closer to Alice's room, back to where I should be.

But I didn't get very far. I felt my hand captured then, caught in a warm, familiar palm.

"Yes, you can come in." He whispered, gently tugging me back toward the doorway.

I blushed with embarrassment at the awkwardness that is myself. Sighing, I nodded, tangling my fingers within his own.

My mindless form followed him silently through the opened doorway, in the moments to follow my mind registered the closing and locking of the door. And then I was being pulled again, moved further into the room.

"I'm sorry." I felt myself say, once more. I didn't exactly know what I was apologizing for, if it was even for anything specific. I just knew that I had a lot to apologize for.

"Stop apologizing." His response accompanied by caresses of warm fingers. Against my cheeks, along my jaw, under the hollows of my eyes, along the bridge of my nose.

I felt my cheeks heat, my unseeing eyes moving to lock with his worried ones.

"I'm sorry." I whispered again.

I heard him sigh. "Have you been crying?" He wondered aloud, the pads of his fingers finding purpose in their exploration of my heated skin as they discovered evidence of my prior breakdown.

I ducked my face away to the side. Focusing on the crib across the room.

It was empty.

"Where is he?" I asked quietly.

Edward sighed again, dropping one of his hands to cradle one of my own. "Downstairs, I didn't know how late we would be out. Esme offered to watch him until morning." I nodded.

"Bella." I felt his remaining fingers tickle the underside of my chin, guiding my distant gaze back to his own.

"What's wrong?" He sounded pained; his voice seemed as empty as I felt.

I was scaring him… I was causing him unnecessary worry. The added guilt sunk my shoulders.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could seem to say, I didn't know how to respond to anything else, I didn't know where to begin, what to say.

And then he was there, closer than I expected. His forehead resting gently upon the top of my head, his breath tickling my nose with each inhale and corresponding exhale.

I tilted my head up, hoping he could understand all that I wanted to say, all that I needed him to understand with one simple look.

He seemed to stare at me in wonder for moments, maybe even hours on end. At least, it felt like that. It might have been longer… or shorter.

His face, it was so beautiful, even now when his expression was one of confusion and worry. His eyes, even in their tormented state were as green, as vibrant as ever. I raised my free hand to trace his jaw line, running my fingers over his cheek.

He leaned his head into my embrace. The weight comforting against my small hands.

I ran my fingers through amber locks.

And then he was there…or I was there. My face as close as it could be without actually touching. The millimeters between skin tingling with an anonymous current.

I loved him.

"Kiss me." I heard myself whisper.

And then…he did. First my forehead, than either of my cheeks. His lips barely grazing my warmed skin, and yet… I was overwhelmed all the same. He untangled our palms, his own coming up to cradle my face as his lips continued their circuit.

I felt my eyelids close of their own accord, and only moments later his lips followed. His eyelashes dusting the purple hollows of my face as his mouth passed over my chin, my temples, and my nose before, finally, capturing my lips with his.

And then everything fogged, my emotions ebbing and flowing to create a whirlpool of substantial feeling and thought. And I kissed him back, my curious fingers finding purchase in the curls at the base of his throat, my mouth moving slowly but surely with his own.

And then I was falling, mentally and physically. As my back became acquainted with the plush of his comforter my emotions seemed to reach and than overreach their breaking point. And that's when I registered the tears, falling in the graceful way only tears could.

But he didn't stop, and neither did I.

I loved him.

And I was safe, and I was content lying beneath him here in this dark room. And I was sure and I was breathless when I felt his warm tongue sweep across my bottom lip, my jaw unhinging to allow him entrance.

And then his palms were gone from their place of support along my cheeks, moved now to run across the tops of my shoulders and down around my ribs to my waist.

And I felt and heard my breathless giggle as his warm hands tickled my sensitive skin.

He echoed my laugh, moving now to lie beside me. He kissed me. Once more, twice… before pulling far enough away for me to stare into his beaming green irises.

And although my face was moist with unintended tears, I felt happy, safe, and cared for as his strong arms guided my head to his chest.

And in the following moments my mindless form registered only the _thud-thud _of his heartbeat under my ear and the gentle rise and fall of his chest before I allowed myself to succumb to the ibis I knew only as sleep.

Deep, black, nothingness.

00000

I don't remember dreaming. I don't recall, even faintly, foggy unfamiliar pictures having danced behind my eyes during the night.

I recall only the undeniable love and trust I felt lying against the warm body of the man I called my own.

I didn't know what time it was, I just knew it was morning, as the sky was colored in shades of pearl white and pale gray instead of black midnight.

I blinked, once, twice. Not daring to move even a fraction of an inch, not knowing if I was the first to have woken.

But he was there, the worn fabric of his navy blue t-shirt brushing against my ear with every breath taken. And I sighed, in quiet contentment.

I titled my face up only slightly, startled momentarily by the sight of familiar green. He was already awake.

"Hi." I spoke, softly.

"Hi." He responded.

Neither of us made to move, made to get up.

I kissed the underside of his jaw.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" Yes.

But my lips didn't want to form the syllable. I didn't know where to begin. I shrugged, returning my cheek to it's forming resting place atop his clothed chest. My fingers moving across his warm torso to tangle in the smooth strands of hair beneath his ear.

He sighed.

"Maybe... I'm sorry." His words registered with me, but for the wrong reasons. Why was he apologizing? He did nothing wrong, I was the guilty party here. I was the one to blame.

No.

"No." I whispered, wondering if he even heard me. I lent my frame above his, resting my weight on one of my elbows. My confused expression met with his resigned one. He seemed so...defeated.

"Edward?" I felt his hand come up to rest against my cheek. I pressed my cheek into the warmth, comforted by the gesture. I turned my lips toward his palm, laying a single kiss to its lined depths.

"It's not your fault, Edward. I just... I don't know..." The confusion frustrated me, because it needn't be present. I knew what I wanted to discuss, what needed to be said. But my mind, my voice seemed to be encountering an unwelcome block of sorts.

"What has you so out of sorts?" He wondered aloud, the hand my cheek rested upon turning my face to look at him. I frowned at his question, knowing I needed to get past the fear. This was Edward; I could talk to him about anything and everything.

I wanted that for us. Open and honest communication without thought or hesitation. And now, I was the one preventing that.

"Did I speak too soon? I don't want you to have felt forced into reciprocating the sentiment...Bella..." I furrowed my brow at his words.

"Hmm?"

"I didn't mean to pressure you...if it's not how you feel, I understand." I gasped. He thought I felt pressured into saying I loved him. The guilt ripped through me, burning, strong, and unyielding.

I was being cruel; my silence was causing him emotional turmoil. He didn't think I was being genuine? Well... I wasn't exactly acting how one is supposed to when told they were loved.

"Edward...no...god." I shook my head, my thoughts a jumbled mess, my emotions swirling and separating at odd tangents.

"I do love you, so, so much." I leant my face to rest in the crook of his shoulder, kissing the side of his throat in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"But, last night. You were crying?" What had I done?

"Not because of you.. Never because of you. I'm so sorry, Edward. I was just... Alice and I were talking last night and-" I felt him sit up abruptly, my head falling from its resting place along his shoulder.

"Did Alice say something to you?" He wondered, his expression hard.

I blanched at his obvious anger.

"What? Oh, no. I mean yes, but nothing bad. You know Alice, she was just being curious." I was rambling, miscellaneous nothingness spewing from my lips.

"Then what?" His tone was clipped with worried impatience. _Get to the point, Bella._

"She wanted me to tell her...everything. About what we talked about, about how I felt, how I was feeling. And I... I couldn't process it all." I sighed, ducking my face away from his, I didn't want him to confuse my hesitation for regret.

"She wanted me to paint this fairytale for her, this perfect vision of light and certainty but I just... I couldn't. I was so scared...I still am. Because..." I felt his fingers lift my chin, centering my gaze with his own.

"Why are you scared?" His face seemed pained. I continued to hurt him. I could say nothing right.

"Because I don't know what to expect. I don't know how this changes things for us... if it will change things for us. I just. I want to know what it all means, and my mind seems to be on overload wanting to analyze every single dot and dash that is our relationship. I just feel, overwhelmed with it all. I have all these questions, but then when I want to ask them my mind goes blank and all I see is you. And you're there, you're here, holding my hand and all the bad stuff, all the worries, all the doubts... they don't seem so important anymore." I sighed.

I felt his lips then, at my forehead, his cheek turning only a moment later to rest against my hair.

"Doubts?" I heard him whisper, barely breath the question really, his voice was so soft, so quiet that I thought I'd imagined it.

"Yes. Worries, really. I know that I'm being unfair by having them at all when I should be, in reality, head over heels, over the moon elated. But I just can't help but compare and contrast and it kills me that I'm doing this to you, that I'm putting you through this." I confessed, hoping my evasion of the subject would lead him away. But of course, I was never so lucky.

"Comparing? What are you comparing that has you so worried, that has you so sad?" I tightened my grip around his knuckles, the familiar pings and pops of the familiar electrical current bringing me solace and comfort.

"Comparing me...our relationship... to the one you shared with..." I couldn't say it. I felt so damned ashamed of myself in that moment.

"_Addie?_" But I didn't have to say it, because he did. And the whoosh of exhaled breath across my scalp alerted me to his shock.

"Bella, don't." He was angry; I could hear it in his voice. I ducked my face away from his, my hands falling limp in his grip. I don't deserve him.

"I know...I just. I'm trying to be honest. I don't want you to blame yourself because you don't have to, and you shouldn't! It's just my mind coming up with all of these things, these questions and I... I'm sorry."

And he was silent, so I remained in like. For moments, minutes. I lost track of the ticks and tocks of the alarm that sat atop his nightstand.

"And what are your conclusions?" He asked, his voice rather monotonous. He was pulling back.

"Conclusions?" I asked, needing clarification.

"Of your comparisons. I just want to understand Bella, why you _need_ to have something to compare our relationship too. Why can't you just... be. Why can't you just feel it for what it is and not question why or why not?" He was frustrated. And although I wanted to be cruel and defend myself and close off like he was I knew I couldn't. I didn't know if I could make him understand. I didn't know if I should. Maybe I needed to listen to what he was saying. Why couldn't I just let it go, Addie was his past.

I was being unfair by comparing his love for me with his love for her because it's not productive. I mean, what do I hope to achieve by doing it. I was pathetic.

"I... You're right. I'm being unfair." I pulled my hands away from his, wanting to give him some space, knowing he needed it. But he made no move to further the gap between us. His breath remained constant, in and out in solid intervals. And I waited, patiently for the harsh edge to ebb and watched, with caution, as his eyes closed in frustration and contemplation.

"I know that she was important to you. I'm just... curious. I wonder sometimes because I'm a masochist. I want to know what it was about her that you loved, I want to know if her actions, her life-taking, life-altering decisions have affected how you see love. I just want to know, to analyze all those things because it's how I process. And I know it's different from the way your mind works, and I know that I'm being cruel by doubting you when you have been so forthcoming and open with me I just need you to know, to accept that sometimes I'm going to need to talk about it. Even if it's pointless or scary or if it hurts you... I just need the clarification."

I wanted to reach toward his face; I wanted him to hold me, safe, and secure to his chest. I wanted to feel an equal contentedness with him.

But he remained silent.

"I want you to understand, Bella. That, I love you. For you. And that I did love Addie...but I don't anymore. I loved her, for her. And what she did, what she took, her life... it hurt. It hurt like hell. And I get that you need to know, or that you need to comprehend what kind of emotional changes or stresses that put me through or is putting me through. But I just don't know what I can do to tell you or show you. I don't want to talk about it, because revisiting that subject in therapy alone takes a lot out of me. And I don't want to think about Addie when I'm with you, because she was my past and you're my present. You are who I want to be with, you are who I want to spend my time with...not her." I felt the tears sting at my eyes, and I reached out my arms to wrap around his neck, pulling my chest to his, pressing and closing the distance between the two of us.

"I'm so, so sorry, Edward." I felt him reciprocate the action. His strong arms cradling my small form to his, his warm hands rubbing my back in soothing circles.

"I love you, Bella. Don't forget that."

And I wouldn't.

_A/N: Alrighty, who is excited for an update? Who is surprised I actually managed to get one out in a reasonable amount of time? Haha! I'll have you know that I am officially a high-school graduate with means *drum roll* A weekly update for Circumstance! WOOT! So every Sunday (either in the afternoon or the evening) expect an update! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, thanks to all of you who take the time out to read my stories, I truly appreciate it! :) Let me know what you think, I'd love to hear from you! _

_~Lauren_


	29. Togetherness

_A/N: You requested Andy,and so, Voila! :P_

**EPOV**

Friday night had been fairy quiet for the most part. After leaving her with Alice, the only thing I had to worry about was when I would get to see her next. It had all seemed so surreal, so perfect at the time. For me, absolutely nothing could have taken that sublime happiness away from me.

But, of course, that changed.

After Bella had shown up at my door, tear stained face and heavy expression it had taken everything in me not to shake the reason out of her. I had been so worried, so…confused as to why she was so unhappy.

And the most I could get out of her was an apology, or, a lot of apologies. Nothing more than a redundant 'I'm sorry' or a variation of said sentiment had spilled from her lips. She was so out of sorts, I didn't know what to do with myself or how to make her feel better because she wouldn't speak, she wouldn't communicate with me.

But she had stayed, letting me hold her until the following morning. Her even, deep breaths, the kind that only numbing unconsciousness could bring, lulling me into a contented slumber. Her soft, mahogany hair nestled underneath my chin; I could sense her while I slept. I knew she was safe, and that was all that mattered to me.

After all, I loved her.

It was Sunday morning now, around seven thirty or so, I hadn't bothered to check the clock. Andy was usually pretty consistent in his wake up times. He hadn't cried or anything, he never did, more often than not, choosing to simply pat the wooden rail of the crib and call me repeatedly until my attention was focused solely on him.

I shrugged the covers from my legs, pushing myself away from my comfortable mattress, pushing myself away from the warm body that had slept soundlessly, happily oblivious to the noisy toddler only feet away from her.

I smiled at my son as I approached the crib. Holding a single finger to my lips in an effort to keep him quiet. "Shush." I whispered to him, smiling crookedly as he mimicked my gesture.

"Da, da, da." Andy cooed at me as I pulled him away from the confines of his crib, bringing with him his warm yellow blanket and wrapping it around his shoulders. He immediately curled into my side, resting his head on my shoulder, his unruly curls tickling the skin of my exposed throat as he snuggled closer to me. I laid one soft kiss to his soft forehead before making my way to my closet, to his dresser, in order to change him for the day.

I picked out a light blue t-shirt and his favorite pair of toddler jeans before removing his rocket-ship pajamas, a Christmas gift from Alice, and changing him into his outfit.

After he was dressed I set him down on the closet floor, allowing him to roll and crawl about while I got myself dressed.

Unlike our conversation Friday night, or lack there of for that matter, Bella's openness with me yesterday morning had been more than enlightening. Leaving me with unwanted and worrisome answers.

I pulled a dark gray T-shirt over my head.

Her words from yesterday, _"I just can't help but compare and contrast." _Still bothered me, taunting me. I knew that she was being honest, and honesty was something, _is_ something we are mutually working to achieve. But I can't help but feel angry, betrayed, and most of all confused as to why she would ever need to.

And, of course, I told this to her. I needed her to hear this. I needed her to know and realize that revisiting my relationship with Addie wasn't going to do anything or bring anything to the relationship we were attempting to create and cultivate between the two of us.

I loved Addie. Lov_ed_. Emphasis being on the latter portion of said word. And yes, Addie was important to me, after all I wouldn't have Andy if I hadn't met Addie, if I hadn't loved her. But Addie was…dead. She was gone, never to return. Only her memory haunted me now, only her choices were going to leave lasting effects on me.

I sighed, exchanging my sleep pants for a pair of dark jeans before venturing back into the bedroom to locate my roaming toddler.

"Buddy?" I whispered in an exaggerated fashion hoping to procure one of his infamous giggles. And of course, this was the result.

But, instead of finding him rolling about the floor nearest the closet door where his toy chest was kept he was sitting next to the bed, playing with Bella's hand that lay dangled over the edge.

She was smiling at him as she pulled her hand out of his grasp and ran her long fingers through his hair, scratching and tickling at his warm scalp and his rose tinted cheeks.

He giggled continuously at his attention, his repeated musings of 'Bellda', bringing my own crooked smile to my face.

I laughed at the scene, earning looks from both of them. Andy's gaze predictable and ridiculously happy in a way only toddlers could manage. And Bella's gaze genuine, but hesitant.

I knew that our conversation yesterday had left her feeling guilty. She hadn't wanted to anger me, but I couldn't help feeling annoyed at her unnecessary comparisons, her unnecessary worries.

"Hi." She whispered, reaching her other hand off the edge of the bed and lifting my exuberant boy into her lap.

"Good morning." I replied, shuffling my bare feet through the cream colored carpet as I made my way towards her.

I took my usually place on the bed, sitting as if to rest against the headboard. Bella smiled, resting Andy in the space between our bodies before lifting herself from her lounging position to an Indian style position atop the mattress.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so beautiful, especially when she was just waking up. Her face relaxed, her cheeks flushed from just waking up, her hair unruly to the extreme.

I smirked to myself, reaching a hesitant hand toward her own that rested at Andy's waist.

"How are you?" I wondered aloud, dragging the pads of my fingers along her frail knuckles, hoping to keep her comfortable, hoping to show her that I wasn't angry anymore.

"I'm okay. Are we...?" Her voice turned quiet at the end, lulling off into an empty nothingness.

"Okay?" She finally finished. I squeezed her hand, and she returned the gesture.

"Of course we are, love." I whispered, hoping to convey just how true I hoped the sentiment to be. I leaned toward her, laying my lips against the blush of her cheeks.

"I love you." She whispered in response. And I smiled.

"As I love you."

0000

Some time later we found ourselves amongst the rest of my family enjoying our usual Sunday morning brunch. Esme had splurged this morning, making enough Belgian style waffles to supply a small army. Or at least, to keep Emmett well fed for a week or so.

Among the delectable spread included homemade croissants, fresh orange and apple juice, at least four different kinds of cereals, and to carafe's of hot coffee.

I sat Andy into his high chair, removing one of the waffles from my plate and tearing it into several pieces before setting them atop the chair's built-in tray table. I then returned my attention back to the table and found a carton of maple syrup, pouring a small amount directly onto the tray. No plates or bowls necessary for that boy, the food would be all over the chair and the table in no time.

Bella giggled, her amused glance locked on Andy's sticky smile as he shoved a warm piece of waffle into his mouth.

"He's going to be fun to clean up." Carlisle remarked, as he made his way into the dining room, paper and coffee mug in hand. I smiled at him, supplying him with a polite "Good morning." As he took his place at the head of the table.

"I think you went a little overboard this morning dear." He remarked, eyebrows raised as he took in the sight of mom's breakfast feast.

"I know, isn't it great?" Emmett remarked around a bite of croissant. I chuckled at my brother's enthusiasm, reaching for the strawberries and placing a few on the top of my waffle.

"Yes, thank you Esme, it all looks so delicious." Bella commented, smiling at my mother who beamed at her in return. "Yea mom, what's the occasion?" Emmett questioned. I too was interested to know. Esme usually didn't make this much food for the six of us. Even when the Hales joined us, there wasn't nearly this much food.

"Jasper and Rosalie are joining us shortly." Esme quickly supplied, her tone suggesting that the reason was the most obvious in the world.

"Is that the only reason?" I prodded, noticing her all-knowing smirk as she sipped daintily from her coffee cup.

She shrugged. "It's a beautiful day and I felt like cooking for my family and our guest. Call me a show off if you will, I thought you would all appreciate the gesture." She stated simply in her motherly matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh don't get the wrong impression mom, we are _very_ grateful for all the food, we were just curious." Emmett pointed out, a dopey smile gracing his face. Bella giggled at his statement.

"I would hope you didn't go through so much trouble for my sake, Esme." Bella spoke, keeping her voice polite and her smile genuine. I had to smile at her sentiment.

Andy gurgled and my attention was otherwise occupied when I caught sight of my sticky fingered and ... I looked closer... sticky _faced _child. I sighed, dipping my napkin into my glass of water and rubbing at his syrupy cheeks.

"What am I going to do with you?" I questioned him. His only response was a toothy grin as he reached for more waffle.

My attention was brought back to the table when Jasper and Rosalie entered the room, their eyes widening as they too took in the amount of food.

"Geez Mrs. C, you must be in a hell of a good mood this morning." Jasper commented as he took his place next to my sister. My sister who had been awfully quiet throughout the meal. I raised a questioning brow at her. She just smirked, throwing me a wink that I didn't know what to make of.

"I am in a rather good mood." Mom concluded, agreeing with Jasper's sentiment. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Emmett place two more waffles atop his plate.

"Esme do you have any chocolate sauce?" Bella wondered. Esme nodded. "Bottom drawer of the fridge dear." I watched as my girlfriend pushed her chair back and with a grateful smile left through the dinging room doorway.

"So darling," I felt my mother's eyes on me then. She usually only referred to my father as 'darling'. I turned my confused gaze to her. She smiled when she had my attention, placing her coffee cup atop the tabletop before folding her hands in front of her.

"Yes?" I asked, I too straightening up in response to her change in position. All the while Alice was smirking at me. _What was this about?_

"I believe congratulations are in order." I quirked an eyebrow. Congratulations...?

"For what?" I wondered, turning my bewildered gaze to my father whose face was painted with an expression similar to mine.

Alice continued to smirk.

"Well, it's not everyday you hear that your son is in love." My mouth dropped open at her teasing tone and I heard a resounding 'plop', a sound similar to that of a dropped plastic container, maybe a container that contained chocolate syrup. The table seemed to mutually turn our gazes to the surprised form of one Bella Swan. She blushed at the attention, her cheeks, once paled with surprise, now rosy with embarrassment. She apologized quickly, moving to pick up the fallen container before turning her gaze to me.

I gave her an apologetic smile.

Emmett's brilliant guffaws broke the rest of my family from the silence, and Alice's tinkling laugh was unmistakable amongst the silence that had fallen upon the room.

"Umm...yea. Thanks, I guess." I whispered, earning more laughter from my siblings and a knowing smile from my mother.

I shot a disapproving look to my sister, she and mother couldn't help but gossip...about anything really, I guess I was just unfortunate enough for this morning's subject to be my current relationship status. I sighed, watching out of the corner of my eye as Bella took back her seat beside me. She placed the chocolate sauce onto the table, her food all but forgotten.

Andy cooed again, and at the familiar sound my father shaped up and took his surprised eyes from my face back to the business section. Jasper and Rosalie both smiled at us, Rose giving Bella two not-so-discrete thumb's up. Which made Bella blush. I ducked my head away from the table and turned my gaze to my Bella, reaching for her hand in an apologetic gesture of sorts and she returned the squeeze.

"Are you mad?" I mouthed to her; she shook her head, her cheeks one more taking on a pinkish tint.

"Of course not, taken off guard maybe, amused...yea." She laughed at my incredulous expression and I ran my index finger along her palm, the ticklish sensation making her squeal like I knew it would.

Sticking her tongue out at me, she pulled her hand from my own and with a huff, proceeded to drown her waffle in an unnatural amount of chocolate sauce. I rolled my eyes at her and watched intrigued as she dipped her pointer finger into the sauce moving as if to bring the sauce to her lips, but changing her route unexpectedly and poking the sticky substance against the tip of my nose.

Her resounding giggles earned a few mutual giggles from my equally amused toddler. "Da, da, da." He sang, pointing his messy fingers at my face.

I growled at Bella in a playful fashion, leaning my face toward hers as if to rub the sauce on her cheeks. She squealed, pushing at my chest to keep me away.

"You're gonna pay for this." I teased, tickling her sides, she laughed brilliantly, distracting the rest of my family.

"I know." She stated, smirking at my annoyed expression.

Our breakfast festivities continued.

0000

Bella and I had retired to my room sometime later. Alice and Rose had decided to take Andy shopping for more baby attire as he was now starting to grow out of his Christmas gifts. I had agreed, happy to have some more alone time with Bella.

We were perched atop my bed, Bella had her face in one of the books off my shelf, Jane Austen I believe, and I was catching up on some history homework.

I had my back against the head board, one foot propped up on the comforter, the other stretched out to accommodate the dark softness of Bella's head, where it rested along my thigh, her book held in an upturned wrist. As I reviewed some notes over the Civil War I dragged my fingers through her mahogany confines, enjoying her soft hums of approval at the gesture. More than once she had tilted her head back to lay a grateful kiss to my palm.

"I love you." She would whisper now and again. I smiled, continuing to trace patterns along and through her chocolate tresses.

After a few hours of contented togetherness Bella sat herself up, scooting her small form to rest her back against the headboard beside me. She leaned her head on my shoulder, her curious glance surveying my notes.

I wrapped an arm around her waist, dropping a kiss to her right temple.

"Do you have a lot of school work to finish?" She wondered after a few silent moments. I shrugged.

"Not really, I'm a few weeks ahead as it is. She nodded, smirking.

"You're too smart for your own good." She warned, grabbing the notepad out of my hands and setting it on the nightstand beside her. I quirked an eyebrow at her, but than smiled as I watched her lean her lips toward my own.

I captured hers in one perfect kiss, enjoying the feel of her hands as they cradled my stubble-adorned cheeks. Breathing an 'mmm' of approval against her warm mouth, I moved my own hands from their place on either side of myself to encircle her waist, pulling her more securely to my chest.

She pulled away a few moments later, dropping a kiss to either of my cheeks. I titled my face downwards finding purchase in the perfumed skin at the side of her throat, my mouth searching adamantly until finding her pulse point. I dropped a single kiss there, my breath heavy as we pulled away from each other.

"What was that for?" I wondered brushing a few fallen locks out of her face so I could see her eyes. She blushed, smirking at me.

"I missed you." I laughed at her odd reasoning.

"We've been sitting together for hours, you've been with me all weekend. Will you stay tonight?" I hoped my expression didn't seem too eager, I truthfully wanted to spend every moment of every day with her, but I didn't want to seem clingy. Thankfully though, she smiled at my question nodding her head.

"Of course, I'm yours all weekend." I smiled, feeling unnecessarily victorious. She giggled at my expression, leaning forward to kiss my jaw before moving to nestle her head into the crook at the base of my throat.

I heard her sigh, and it may have just been my paranoid self, but it seemed to sound more anxious than content, as I hoped all her sighs would sound.

"Something on your mind, love?" I wondered, resting the face of my palm to the exposed skin on her hip, my fingertips tracing patterns along its smooth surface.

My eyes searched her face, or what I could see of it as she still resided against my chest.

She was biting her lip, I frowned.

"Tell me." I commanded gently. Hoping that we wouldn't have a repeat of Friday night's apology fest.

"I was just wondering if you would... if maybe we could spend some time at my house tomorrow?" I was surprised at her request, but I assume she mistook my surprise as hesitance and so she quickly continued her explanation.

"It's just that, I've been spending so much time here, with you...and of course I'm not opposed to spending time with you and your family, I love it here, and I love you," I smiled at her ramblings. "It' s just that I haven't really seen Charlie in what feels like forever, and you haven't been to my house...well...ever and I was hoping to show you around. And I...well it may sound silly, but I really want you to meet Charlie. I mean, you already know him as the Chief of Police, but I want you to know him as _my father._" She breathed deeply at the end of her rant, and although it was terribly amusing I held back my laughter for her sake.

Did she really think I would be opposed to the idea? Of course, I was rather nervous to have to meet her father...scared shitless would be a more accurate description, but I did realize that we hadn't really spent time with her family. Immediately I felt horrible for having kept her from her father and from her familiar and comfortable home.

I sighed, pressing my lips to her forehead.

"Of course we can visit your father, love. We could go now if you want?" She lifted her surprised face from my chest, smiling at my words.

"Really?" She questioned, pushing her body away from mine. In order to see my expression better, I suppose.

"Yes, I'll go get my keys."

_A/N: Alrighty, that's three Sunday's in a row! I hope you liked this chapter, it was a bit fluffy, but I think the story line needed a bit of a break. Next chapter Edward meets Charlie. Any guesses as to how that's going to go? Much love! ~Lauren_

_P.s. It was my birthday on Wednesday in case anyone was wondering, I'm excited to be officially considered a legal adult :P_


	30. Introductions

**BPOV**

The sky was painted in black and shades of gray by the time Edward pulled his Volvo up to the curb in front of my house. I sighed, happy and filled with nervous anticipation. I had called Charlie to let him know we were coming over, he seemed indifferent to the whole thing, but that was just Charlie. I was genuinely excited about Edward meeting him, well, again.

I guess the whole 'meet the parents' thing was overrated. Or, at least that's how I seemed to think about. Maybe I thought it was overrated because I didn't want to put so much weight on the situation as it is. I knew, that even if Charlie disapproved of our relationship, that I couldn't ever stay away from Edward. And maybe that's me being stubborn or selfish, and maybe those things are true about me, but I know that I'm a better person when I'm with Edward. I feel confident and comfortable and _loved_ when I'm around him. He just has this unyielding aura of content about him, he was so easy-going.

I sighed.

Edward came around to the passenger side, offering me his hand once the door had been opened. I took it gratefully, walking ahead of him toward the front door. I could see Charlie's silhouette in the window, but his expression was lost through the shadows of the ever-darkening rain clouds. I heard Edward shut and lock the doors to the Volvo before the squish of his weight against my front lawn alerted me to his presence beside me.

He looked nervous, but happy at the same time. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark-wash jeans; his coppery mop of hair had fallen across his eyes as he kept his gaze locked on his shoes. I moved a bit closer to him, knocking gently on the door before turning to him. "You okay?" I wondered, laughing a bit under my breath at the small smirk he gave me.

"I'll survive." He shrugged, just as I heard the soft click of the dead bolt.

"Hopefully Charlie hung up his gun belt" I mused in a teasing tone, watching as Edward's eyes widened and then narrowed slightly. "You think you're funny, Swan." He muttered, reaching a hand out to my waist and poking me playfully. I giggled and the tickling sensation, sticking my tongue out at him just as the door swung open.

I smiled at my father's tall form, smiling at his two-sizes too big flannel shirt and jeans. I was glad he hadn't decided to put on his police uniform just for kicks.

"Bells." He spoke, voice quiet as he motioned for us to come inside. The whole thing had an abnormally formal air about it, and I wondered briefly why I didn't just open the door myself, I mean, I did live here. I shrugged of my coat once we were through the doorway, hanging the fabric haphazardly across the staircase railing, motioning for Edward to follow suit or to just hang his up in the closet. He opted for the former, tossing his jacket over top of mine.

"Dad, this is Edward. Edward, dad." Charlie nodded, eyeing Edward in a speculative fashion before extending his hand. Edward mirrored his gesture, smiling as they shook.

"It's nice to meet you Chief Swan." Edward spoke, his tone genuine. I was proud of him, Charlie was a softy at heart but the fact of his job title tended to intimidate most people.

"Same to you, Edward. How are your folks?" Charlie wondered, turning to walk back toward the kitchen. We followed him, Edward answering his question with the proper amount of enthusiasm. I moved about the kitchen, asking Charlie if he wanted me to cook dinner.

"You don't have to, Bells. We can just order a few pizzas." I smiled, shaking my head. "How about some spaghetti?" He shrugged, faining nonchalance but his tell tale smirk gave him away. Edward seemed just as excited about the idea.

"Sounds good." Charlie added, and so I set to work, moving about the kitchen to gather together the necessary ingredients, grabbing a jar of sauce and starting a pot of water to boil the noodles. All the while, trying my best to not be so obvious about listening in on whatever conversation they might start.

"So, you and Bella." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie gesture awkwardly between Edward and I. And I blushed a little bit, turning back to stare at the blue and orange flames of the pilot light.

I heard Edward's soft confirmation, feeling immediately bad that I wasn't sitting next to him or reassuring him in any way. I lifted the heavy pot onto the stove, putting the glass lid on top. Setting the timer. I would check to see if the water was boiling in about seven minutes.

I moved back toward the table, pulling out the chair next to Edward. I immediately reached for his hand under the table, throwing him an apologetic smile at the awkward tension in the room. He gave me a slight smile in return.

"So, you two know each other from school?" Charlie wondered. I nodded. "Yes, Edward is in all of my AP-courses with me." Charlie's eyebrows rose just slightly, disappearing into the dark curls that dotted his hairline. I smiled at his impressed expression.

"Is that so?" Charlie questioned, waiting for confirmation from Edward, I suppose. I watched him lean back in his chair, taking a sip from his can of Miller-lite. All the while keeping his eyes on Edward, he was in cop mode. And I was annoyed at the fact that he was almost interrogating Edward.

"Yes, sir. I'm on track to graduate this December." I shot my face to Edward's, this bit of information surprising even me. I mean, I knew that he was working to graduate early but... I didn't realize how soon it would be. I wanted to be proud of him, but my mind seemed to be in shock as Charlie's follow up questions concerning college and career plans seemed to blur together.

"My parents want me to apply to some Ivy League schools like Dartmouth and Harvard, and I have." Dartmouth? Thats...those schools are on the other side of the country. I hadn't realized he had already applied to schools.

"Harvard? Wow, that's... impressive." Edward nodded, I felt his fingers squeeze my own in a gesture of reassurance.

"Do you have a particular preference for which school you want to end up at?" Edward shrugged. "I am still thinking about it, UW offers a lot of good pre-med courses, and it's close to Forks, close to my family." Charlie nodded, taking another deep sip from his beer.

"But if you get in to one of your Ivy League choices, well then the decision wouldn't be too difficult." Charlie smiled, his expression incredulous, almost awed. He was really impressed with Edward.

The timer beeped, and I stood up and walked over to the stove, pouring the dried noodles into the boiling water and resetting the timer for ten minutes.

"Getting into Dartmouth would be... amazing, but I don't know if I want to move Andy so far away from here. Forks is all he really knows." Edward reasoned. Charlie's facial expression changed from one of intrigue to one a mask of indifference.

"I suppose that would be difficult change, for the both of you." Edward nodded, and I kept quiet, still shocked about the possibility of Edward moving to the East Coast. Could I ever let him go?

I'd have to. I wasn't so selfish as to keep him from pursuing his dreams...was I? But, could our relationship survive the long-distance? My heart sunk, I got up to stir the noodles.

"How old is your boy?" Charlie questioned, turning the topic of conversation to Andy. I didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. Charlie knew that Edward had a son, I mean, everyone in Forks was aware of Andy. I just didn't know how Charlie would react to his only daughter dating someone who had a child.

"Andy will be one in June." Edward stated, his tone proud and so full of love. I had to smile a bit at the sparkle in his eyes.

"Hmm." Charlie grunted in acknowledgement. I started to warm the sauce, pouring a bit into a microwave-safe bowl before sticking it into the over-used white-box. I set the time for two and a half minutes and waited, moving to stir the pasta.

"I was barely nineteen when Bells was born." Charlie remarked, and I turned, giving him a questioning gaze. Where was he going with this? Edward nodded, not seeming shocked by this fact. He knew my parents were just out of high school when mom found out she was pregnant.

"How old are you, Edward?" Charlie questioned, folding his hands and resting them on the table. I narrowed my eyes, shooting Charlie death glares. He just ignored me.

"I'll be eighteen on June 20th, sir." Edward answered, his tone slightly weary. He too was wondering where this was going.

"Ah. Having a one year old in your senior year of high school, now that's a big responsibility." Charlie commented. I pulled three bowls from the cupboard, scooping some noodles into each. I moved to the microwave, carefully pulling out the warmed sauce and pouring a generous amount on top of each bowl. I grabbed three forks and two cans of coke before moving back toward the table.

"Food's ready." I announced, hoping the smell of a home-cooked dinner would be enough distract him from his current line of thought.

"Thanks, Bells." It seemed to work, for a time. We were all silent as we ate, I kept shooting apologetic glances at Edward, but he just shrugged it off, resting his left hand on my knee under the table.

After the food was done, Charlie moved to grab another beer from the fridge before inviting Edward in to watch the Mariners game. Edward agreed wearily and I panicked, knowing I wanted to join him incase I needed to run interference, but the Charlie asked if I would mid cleaning up. I was stuck.

I quickly cleared the table, putting the leftovers into a Tupperware container before sticking that back in the fridge. I washed the dishes as quickly as I could, my ears straining to hear any sort of discussion that might be occurring in the living room. I dried the dishes, putting them away and quickly rinsing down the water-pot.

I sighed when I was finished, shutting off the light in the kitchen and, after grabbing another coke in case Edward was thirsty; I walked into the living room.

Whatever conversation had taken place, and one definitely had from the look on Edward's face, had long been over. I moved to sit beside Edward, handing him the coke, which he just declined. His face glued unseeing to the blue lights of the TV.

I reached for his hand, running my fingers over his knuckles in an effort to bring him back to me. But he was drowning in his thoughts, his eyes were so vacant. I squeezed his fingers, and he shot his gaze to mine, his smile apologetic and almost sad... I frowned, turning my curious gaze to Charlie who sat in his usual chair, blatantly ignoring my confused glare.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to Edward, and he nodded, his face turning from the TV to the door. He wanted to leave. I frowned again.

"Dad, I think were gonna go." I stated, reaching for Edward's hand as I stood. He took it, twining his fingers with my own. Charlie stood up as well, turning to the two of us. He crossed his arms over his chest, the half-empty bottle of his second beer dangling between his thumb and index finger.

"I think it'd be best if you stayed here tonight. I'm sure Alice won't mind." His mouth said Alice, his eyes said Edward. And I almost glared.

"But Dad, I-" Dad walked forward, his voice and eyes hard.

"Say goodnight to Edward, you'll see each other tomorrow." He instructed, motioning toward the front hallway. I stared, appalled at his behavior. In front of Edward, no less.

"Dad-" Edward squeezed my fingers, cutting me off. "It's okay Bella, I'll... I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Chief Swan." He dropped my hand, moving to exit the living room, I followed him, angry tears stinging at the backs of my eyes.

Thankfully Charlie didn't follow; I needed a minute to talk to Edward.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over him. I never meant for tonight to go this way, I just..." I watched, dejected, as Edward pushed his arms into his coat. He gave shrugged as if it was no big deal, but his worrisome and sad eyes gave him away. I moved closer to him, reaching for his hand. He didn't pull away.

"Please don't be mad at me." I pleaded, needing him to understand how sorry I was about this whole night. He shrugged again, reaching down to kiss my forehead before straightening up. His eyes looked past the top of my head, and he immediately dropped my hand. I stared at him confused, turning around to find my father standing just outside the kitchen doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Edward whispered, opening and disappearing through the front door. I stared after him, my eyes never leaving him until his Volvo had disappeared down the street.

I turned to face my father then.

"What was that about?" I nearly screeched. Throwing up my arms to further highlight my point. Charlie said nothing, walking past me to close and lock the door before turning his back on me and moving back towards the living room.

I followed, waiting for my answers. He couldn't just ignore me.

"Dad?" I watched him set his bottle onto the magazine-littered coffee table. He picked up the TV remote, muting the game before turning back to face me.

"I don't like that this." He began, his arm gesturing between the door and me where Edward had just been. I raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't like _what_?" I wondered, wanting him to say it. I hated him for what he did, for making Edward feel like shit, for making me stay here when the only place I wanted to be was in Edward's arms.

"What's going on between you and that boy?" He all but snarled, running his palm across his forehead. I stared, unmoving. "He's too old for you." He pointed out. I scoffed at him.

"He's only three months older than I am!" I shouted. Charlie gave me a warning glare. "Don't you raise your voice at me. I don't like this, Bells. He's got a lot on his plate, graduation, college; he has a _kid_ for god's sake! I don't want you getting involved with any of that!" I balled my fist at my sides.

"Well it's too late for that sentiment, _Charlie_." I spat the words at him, moving to pace around the coffee table, wondering if the repetitive circuit would help to calm me down. But of course, I had no such luck.

"I can't just not be involved anymore, I love Andy and I love Edward. You can't ask me to just give that all up because you don't like it!" I reasoned. Charlie shook his head.

"You don't love that boy, Bella. Don't be naive. You're only seventeen!" He stated, the vein in his forehead seeming to protrude from his skull. "You can't tell me that I don't love him! And I'm not being naive!" I yelled, stopping my pacing.

"You are, you're too young to get yourself into this. Hell, I was too young to handle a kid, and I was two years older than you are when that problem presented itself!" I dropped my jaw. _Problem_?

"Problem? Is that what you think of me as, some problem that made your life unnecessarily difficult?" I could feel the hurt tears gather at the corners of my eyes. I blinked furiously.

"Bells you know that's not what I meant. Children are a big responsibility. And getting involved with Edward... your relationship isn't just going to be about the two of you. He has a family, and a little boy. If something goes sour packing up and leaving isn't going to be an option and it's not just going to hurt Edward." He warned, I shook my head, not wanting to hear those words. They were at the center of my thoughts almost all the time.

"You don't think I know that? You don't think that we've talked about that?" Charlie stared at me incredulously. "You've _talked _about it? Bella talking about it, well it's an important step, isn't going to solve much. If things don't work out you're going to be hurt. There is no getting around that. And this kid, he's just barely one. He's picking up and learning things like a sponge. Having you around him can be both good and bad for him. You may be a positive influence in his life, but you're not his mother, and you're not ready to be a mother. And that's is what you inadvertently signed up for when you agreed to be in a relationship with this boy. You're not ready to be a parent. You have no idea the responsibilities such a title entails," I opened my mouth as if to argue, but he held up his hand. "Don't you argue with me on this subject. Watching Edward with his boy, while it may be enlightening and may hint at some aspects of parenting, is not going to give you any sort of real inclination as to how much effort and work goes into such a job." He huffed, his face all but purple at this point, I dropped my tear-streaked face to the floor.

"Bells, he can't just get up and leave if it all becomes to overwhelming. He has a lot of decisions he needs to be making in these next few months." He reached a hand out toward my chin, titling my face up, but I shrugged him away, turning my glare back to the off-white carpeting.

"I saw the way you reacted to his college plans at the dinner table." His tone was softer now, and I had to fight to choke back a sob. "Bells, he has to make the decision that's right for him, and for his son. You can't ask him to factor you into that equation as well. It's not fair." I dragged in a ragged breath of air.

"You're being unfair." Was the only response I could manage. I ran the sleeve of my shirt across my eyes, ridding them of the moisture.

"You can't ask me to _not_ be with Edward. I know what I got myself into, and as much as you don't want to believe it, I do love and care for him and for Andy. I'm going to be there for him, no matter what." I turned away from him, moving toward the stairs. I was done, with this conversation, with this day. I was mentally exhausted.

"Bells-" Charlie began but I cut him off with a simple 'goodnight'.

I closed and locked the door behind me, leaning my weight against its wooden frame and sinking down onto the floor.

_A/N: Hello people! Alrighty, hope you liked the chapter, anyone surprised at Charlie's reaction? Anyone agree/disagree with Bella's response? Let me know! I look forward to hearing from you! :D_

_~Lauren_


	31. Evaluations

**EPOV**

To say I was nervous to visit the Swan residence would be a severe understatement. Although I had known Chief Swan, well, known _of_ Chief Swan for the majority of my life lived here in Forks, the fact that this wouldn't be a normal 'how do you do' sort of meeting made my palms sweat and my heart race at an unnatural rate. But I wouldn't be going in alone; Bella's small, warm fingers wrapped around my tense palm were proof enough of that sentiment. She wasn't going to let me get shot...hopefully.

Bella ushered me into the foyer after the Chief had opened the large wooden door. He gave me a calculative indifferent expression as I reached my hand out towards his. He took it, his grip firm and unrelenting.

Bella introduced us, and the tension in the room was almost palpable. It was uncomfortable, but I knew this step was necessary. And, of course, I would go through the awkward 'I'm dating your daughter' conversation if it brought her any sort of happiness. In truth I knew the Chief to be a good man. My father often spoke highly of what a prominent and courageous authority figure he was. I knew that Carlisle and the Chief had collaborated on different cases in the past, and that Carlisle valued him as an honest man.

I could only hope that the Chief would extend some sort of approval my way, God knows I craved his approval. I didn't want to disappoint Bella. It feels as if I tend to let her down a lot. This was something I could deem a success; I just had to remain polite and honest.

However, my biggest trepidation was that Chief Swan would bring up Andy. And my worries were not gone unmet.

After a rather tense dinner conversation about schools, the topic something I had yet to discuss with Bella in any sort of extent. I could see the hurt present in her eyes when I mentioned having already applied to schools. I tried to reassure her as best I could, throwing her smiles, rubbing my thumb across her knuckles in an attempt to sooth her. But none of it seemed to be working, and the Chief caught on eventually. Realizing that we hadn't spoken about this matter, he moved on to other topics. Well, one topic really, Andy.

And at this point in the conversation, once this topic had been brought up, I knew...I just knew that things were going to turn sour, and fast. Andy, although I loved him with the entirety of my heart, my son, was not a topic many father's ever had to encounter. And I understood, believe me, I understood where the Chief was coming from. He was worried for Bella's sake that being involved with such a young child, being involved with me and entering in to the complexity that has been and is our relationship, would somehow end up hurting her in the long run.

So when the Chief pulled me aside after our meal to the living room. When he asked me to sit across from him, and when he muted the Mariner's game... I knew that tonight would be another disappointment to add to my ever-growing list.

"Listen, Edward." I watched him sink down into an over-used armchair, leaning forward, elbows on knees to address me. "You seem like a good kid. Good grades, nice family, no criminal record." He smirked a bit. "But I'm not so sure about this... this relationship you have going on with my daughter." I nodded, swallowing thickly as he continued his speech.

"Bella's a good girl, and you seem to care about her, a lot. Which I guess I'm grateful for, she's happy and that's all I can ask for, but Edward... You have a kid. And not that I'm judging you for that, son, that's not at all what I am saying, but Bella...she's just so _young_. She's still in high school, and she still has so many experiences she has yet to uncover. I need her to have those experiences, Edward. I need her to be a kid, while she still can." I nodded again, feeling more and more dejected with every word that passed from his lips.

"Chief, if I may," I paused waiting for a nod or a gentle wave of a hand. He supplied both. "I can understand where your concerns come into play. Andy is the biggest responsibility I have right now, and he is so important to me. He's going to be a part of my life for my whole life. But... I care about your daughter too, I...I love her, Chief Swan." The Chief nodded gruffly; tightening his grip around the bottle of miller-lite he was currently holding.

"Yes, I can see that." He all but mumbled, his gaze turning momentarily toward the kitchen where the sounds of running water and sponges and against pots could be heard. Bella was just beyond that wall, and I wanted nothing more than to go to her and wrap my arms around her. I didn't want to think about what her father could possibly be implying. I didn't want to address his concerns or be lectured for the fact that I have a son. Although I understood where he was coming from, that Bella needed the time she had now, in high school, to live her life free of complications and free of obligations that our relationship did in fact present in their purest forms...the thought of losing her was too much to handle.

"Edward, Bella is a good girl. She's smart, and she's talented, and she's everything I have right now. But she is not ready to be a mother," I shot my head up to look at him, his dark eyes were now fixed on my own, warning me to contradict his statements. "She is too young, and although Andy sounds like a good kid, we both know that now, more than ever, he needs stability in his life. If things go south between you and my daughter, it's not just going to affect you two, it's going to affect Andy. The decisions you will make in the next few months concerning school and graduation need to made with him in mind." He leaned closer to me, switching the glass bottle from his right hand to his left, his eyes never losing focus.

"Now, I'm not telling you to end this. I won't demand you two to break up, it's not my place, and I don't want to lose my daughter. That girl loves you, and if I force her away from you I'm going to lose the only family I have. But you need to understand Edward, that she has the option to live a life free of obligation. You don't have that option, and I didn't have that option when I was your age, but she does. And all I'm asking is that you take that into consideration. If you love her, you have to be willing to make some sacrifices." He sat back in his chair, pressing the volume button. The announcer's voices blasted through the over-used television. And I sat back against the plush cushions of the couch, my brain attempting to wrap around his concerns and to understand what it is he was asking me.

He wanted me to leave Bella, for the betterment of the both of us. But was he right? Could I feasibly live a life without her by my side? After having known her, after having _loved_ her, was that an option I could even consider entertaining?

No.

If I lost her, there wouldn't be another. She had changed me, she knew me better than anyone, and she accepted me for my faults.

But could I let her go... if it meant a better life for her? More experiences, more freedom, less stress, less uncertainty? Could I ask her to leave me if it meant that in the end she could live the life she was meant to lead? I had to believe that I possessed that sort of courage, that sort of honesty. But I knew, I _knew_ I could never be so noble.

I was selfish even on my best day. I had to work so hard to give my son everything, and I cherished him and adored him, but Bella was the one thing I had in my life that I couldn't give up on a whim. I knew that if I let her go... I would be devastated beyond repair. It would be like Addie's suicide all over again...except this time it would be different. It would be a pain I brought upon myself.

When Bella returned and offered me a Coke I wouldn't take it, I just wanted to hold her hand, to have the briefest contact with her was always the most reassuring of gestures. I wanted to trail my fingers across her forearms. I wanted to lean my face into her shoulder and inhale her sweet strawberry scent. I wanted to twirl the individual chocolate strands of fine silk around and around the tips of my fingers until they had turned violet from lack of circulation. At least then, the dull throb of blocked veins would remind me of her presence, would distract me from this conversation, from this night, from the words this man, her father, so easily spilt from his mind. I wanted to kiss her eyelids, her nose, both of her cheeks. I wanted to never leave her, and I wanted her to be happy and free. I needed her to be free... and if that meant free of me, of my obligations... I would release her.

I wanted to hold her in my arms forever, but maybe my arms were not the place she desired to be.

I stared longingly at the door, wanting to leave, wanting to go. To erase any memory of this conversation, to erase any inclination of doubt from her father's mind, from my own. I needed to think, to talk to her, to just be.

Sensing my distress Bella stood to bid her father a goodnight and I prayed and hoped and wished that she would be allowed back with me. That my arms would never have to know her loss. But I knew that wouldn't happen, the Chief had given me a lot to consider, and he expected that I do so. After all, it was the life and well being of his daughter that was at stake.

When she opened her voice to me, when she apologized for her father's words I wanted to cup her face in my hands and stare into her coffee irises and tell her that her father was right, I wanted her to listen to me, I wanted her to consider that her life could be better, happier if I wasn't in it. I wanted her to understand that she had options and that in no way did I want her to feel tied down. She was obligation free if she so desired. I wanted her to look me in the eyes and I wanted her to tell me that no matter what she would stay with me. I wanted her to tell me that she would love me forever and never leave me. But, I knew that she deserved to speak to her father, that he deserved her patience and her consideration. I had to go.

So I bid my goodbye, laying a soft kiss to the smooth warmth of her cream skin and after a fleeting glance to her father, I left.

The ride back home was excruciating. I felt nauseous. Torn between going back and pressing forward. The selfish part of me wanting to keep her to myself, the realistic part knowing I had no right. It was torture, every red light, every stop sign I considered going back for her. I considered climbing in through her bedroom window and holding her until it all went away. I considered lying beside her, holding her, breathing in her scent for hours...days...years on end. I considered what a life of forever would be with her, I considered the impossible and the reckless and above all the sheer amount of love I held for her. This beautiful, stubborn, smart, talented, remarkable girl that I called my own. But I knew, in my heart of hearts, that smothering her with my presence, wanted or not, would be an unfair invasion of her privacy and personal time. Both of which she needed to think and evaluate what she wanted out of this life with me, to weigh her options, to consider for once her own future instead of the futures and desires of the people who surrounded and encompassed her daily life.

I didn't speak when I entered the foyer. I threw my keys haphazardly atop the table beside the door, hanging my jacket in the closet, and moving about the downstairs in a state of utter frustration and hopelessness.

"Edward?" My mother's voice, usually of such a comforting nature, did nothing for me in the ways of distraction. I wanted Bella... it was all I could think of. Every thought I owned and conjured up was encompassed and possessed by her. Her and her alone. I loved her.

"Not right now." I responded, moving toward the staircase and ascending the wooden steps without realization or effort.

"Did something happen between you and Bella?" She wondered, her motherly instinct too curious about the situation to let it go. My distant gaze locked with hers and whatever she saw there made worried creases appear in her smooth skin. I didn't want to be the cause of her discomfort. The hurt I manifest in solitude was not something I ever intended be shared. She didn't deserve to know or mirror my pain. It would be cruel to make her, the women who so dearly loved me, suffer in such a fashion.

I watched with sad, empty eyes as she crossed to me on the stairs, wrapping her small arms around my tall frame and hugging me to her without words. The familiar scent of cinnamon and cream and home surrounded me and I buried my wet eyes in her caramel tresses and returned the embrace. Hugging her to me in the way that only a desperate child would in times of confusion or hardship. Which I was.

She dragged her fingers through my own, reddened strands; her manicured nails tracing comforting patterns across my scalp as she whispered assuring words into my ear. "I love you, baby." She said, pulling back for just a moment before moving one of her fragile hands to cup my cheek. I leant into her familiar warmth, nodding and returning the sentiment.

"If you need to talk about it, you know your father and I are always here. Your brother and sister, too. We love you, Edward." And then she was gone and I was alone again. So I continued my ascent up the stairs, finding my room on the third floor, the door slightly ajar and short, familiar giggles erupting from its confines. I smirked, an instinctive reaction to the sound, knowing that I would find the happiness and unwavering love I so craved at the moment just beyond the wooden barrier. I turned the handle, pushing my way inside to find my brother and my son stacking multi-colored blocks to create a highly breakable tower.

"When that thing falls, make sure it's towards you." I teased half-heartedly, moving to sit beside my son. He immediately dropped his block, turning to face me. With a smile he patted at my knee.

"Da!" He exclaimed, and I smiled at his antics, resting my palm atop the warmth of his soft head.

"What are you doing, Buddy? Are you playing with uncle Em?" I wondered aloud, picking up his forgotten block and setting it in front of him on the floor. His attention once more occupied on the colored cube.

"Don't let him refer to me as 'Uncle', it makes me feel old." Emmett teased, adding another block to their ever-growing tower. I breathed a quick laugh, not at all feeling the amount of humor I should. I felt so out of sorts. It was unsettling.

Emmett, with his often overlooked perceptiveness, noticed. "What has you down, Eddie?" I glared at his use of the unwanted nickname, shrugging. I picked up a block of my own, placing it on the now leaning tower.

"Things didn't go well with the Chief?" He guessed again, scooting himself back against the ebony leather of my couch and stretching his arms across it's length. I nodded in response.

"You wanna talk about it?" He wondered softly, not pushing like one would expect of him...like one would bet on with Alice.

I remained silent momentarily. Gathering my thoughts, sorting through the night's events, wondering if sharing or discussing was something I was up for. If it would be something that I needed. Was this a private matter or could I afford a little advice from my older brother? I had nothing to lose, and his insight might be enlightening...he often surprised me with his mature intellect.

"He thinks I hold Bella back." I offered in a sigh. Emmett quirked an eyebrow.

"What, because of Andy?" I nodded, smirking a bit as my son's eyes glistened at the sound of his name. I rubbed at his fragile spine with the tips of my index and middle fingers. "Da."

"Yea," I breathed a sigh, frowning at the now swaying tower, before removing a few of the top blocks and starting a twin tower beside it. "It sucks Em, I mean I love her and everything, and I want to be with her...but am I being selfish by keeping her with me? She could do so much more, she deserves the freedom." I wondered, my last sentiment spoken in true honesty. I didn't want to be the one to hold her back. She was too smart and too driven to be tied down, especially at seventeen.

"I don't know man, I think it's her decision ultimately. She knew that starting a relationship with you wasn't just starting a relationship with _you._" I nodded at the truth of his statement. That's for damn sure.

"I think the Chief has a point. It's obviously something to think about at the very least. But I don't think either you or the Chief has the right to speak for Bella. You can't just shut her out cus you think you know what's best for her. S'not fair to either of you."

I sighed once more. Enlightened at his input but more frustrated than before.

"But shouldn't she be allowed to experience a relationship free of obligation?" I pointed out, knowing that my worries originated from a caring nature. I only wanted what was best for her, because I loved her, and I had to let her choose based on experience and knowledge and not just on what she knows now. I knew that if I forced her into a decision she would have to choose me, because she knows no other option.

I wanted to tear my hair out. I hated thinking that I could ever let her go. Even for her own good. And why should I? Should I keep my mouth shut and wait for her curiosity to get the better of her? What if, by staying, she is constantly wondering what life could have been like? Could I afford that much hurt, could I ever make her stay when she had so many other options?

"I just don't know what to do, Emmett." I dropped my head between my knees, feeling the angry, confused tears prickle at the backs of my eyes. I allowed them to pool, but only for a moment before I swiped the moisture away.

"Talk to her man. That's all you can really do."

0000

The familiar buzzing of my phone woke me from a rather restless sleep around three AM.

The caller ID read 'Bella'.

The device went untouched, ringing four brief times before sending the call to voice mail.

I laid my head atop my pillow and closed my eyes, waiting impatiently for a numbness that never came.

0000

My alarm went off a few hours later. Well, my son woke up I should say. He was crying and I immediately knew something was wrong. I threw the covers away from my body, moving toward his crib and picking up his tiny form.

Tears and sweat caked his face in what I assumed was an uncomfortable fashion. He looked as broken as I felt.

I laid a gentle hand to his moist forehead, wincing at the heat of the skin there. Andy was sick. He had never been this warm before.

I wanted to panic.

His crying continued, his tiny hands fisting wrinkles in the cotton cloth of the blue t-shirt I had worn to sleep. "Shhh, baby. Daddy's here, he's gonna make it go away." I threw a glance toward my clock. Four-Thirty AM.

I sat him down by the sink in the bathroom, finding a washcloth in a pile of clean towels my mother had left for me yesterday and wetting it with cool water. I rested it against his forehead, watching helplessly as a shiver ran down his spine. He whimpered, but clung to the cloth that was so much cooler in temperature than his own.

I was scared for him and I held him to my chest, draping the damp cloth over my shoulder and allowing him to press his face into it's cool depths as I made my way, quickly, toward my parents room.

I knocked loudly on the door, calling to my father to please come check on Andy. My mother's tired form answered my frantic knocks and one look at Andy she scooped him up out of my arms and carried him off toward the kitchen. My father filed out soon after, following my mother with a baby thermometer.

"How long has he been up?" He wondered, gently pressing the pads of his fingers into the skin underneath my son's jaw line, tracing his temples, and finally coming to rest atop his forehead.

I stood beside Andy during his brief examination, allowing him to grip my thumb in his tiny, hot fist as tears continued to stream in little rivers down his feverish cheeks.

"I'm sorry, buddy." I whispered helplessly at a loss of what to do, he looked so sick, would he need to go to the hospital? Was he going to be okay? I couldn't lose him, it would destroy me...

"His fever's a bit too high for my liking, Esme will you grab me another cold cloth." I watched my mother nod, her slight form disappearing for just a moment before emerging with a newly moistened towel. She laid it against Andy's forehead, the cool temperature soothing my son for the shortest of moments.

"Have you been giving him his medication?" Carlisle asked, turning to face me. I nodded. "Everyday." I made sure of it; I would refill his prescription on the sixth of next month.

"The symptom's are similar to that of the common cold, otherwise the fever can be a direct result of a negative reaction to the respiratory medication he is currently taking. I would need to do a few more tests to confirm." He was in doctor mode then.

"To the hospital then?" I turned back to my father, he nodded and I was off. My mother picked up Andy, instructing me to grab his emergency baby-bag while she strapped him in his car seat.

I sat in the back with him, continuing to rub soothing circles into his temples and distract him by talking to him. It all seemed to work in my favor for the most part, he was quieter, but his tears still pooled, flowing in endless streams from his watery green eyes.

"Da." He whined and I chocked back a scared sob. I didn't want him to be in pain, he was so little. He didn't deserve it.

"Your mother can stay with him at the hospital while the tests are being run if you'd like." Carlisle announced as we pulled up to the entrance of the ER.

"I'm not leaving him." I answered firmly. He was my responsibility, my son, and I wouldn't leave him when he was scared and in pain. I wouldn't abandon him like his mother had.

"I'll call Mrs. Cope then."

0000

_A/n: Hey people! Woot! Okay happy fourth of July to all my American readers! I will be celebrating the day with a finished chapter and food...lots of food! Hope you guys liked it, anyone have any questions or comments? Do you agree with Emmett? Let me know! :D_

_~Lauren_


	32. Emotions

**BPOV**

I woke up Monday morning to the sounds of pounding rain against the glass of my bedroom window. My alarm wasn't set to go off for another ten minutes, so I resigned myself to attempt some last minute sleep before I had to wake up and face the day.

A loud crack of thunder ripped through the silence of the room making me stiffen. I rolled over onto my right side, my back to the evidence of the storm. I didn't want to think right now, and I didn't want to feel. I wanted to go back into that state of black numbness that is otherwise known as sleep. I craved it. I _needed_ it. Because without sleep, there was just reality. And who wanted to be left with reality?

At least in my dreams my life was tolerable, happy even. At least in my dreams the events of yesterday evening didn't have a prayer of existing. At least in my dreams, when I called Edward at three in the morning, too exhausted to even cry, to weak to get off the floor... that he would pick up. That it was his voice I heard instead of that overly familiar female voice and her overly familiar choice of words. _You have reached the voice mailbox of _"Edward Cullen." _Please leave a message after the tone._

I wanted to keep calling him. To either force him to finally answer or just so I could hear those two words, Edward Cullen, spoken so beautifully in the tone I have become addicted to.

I know, I'm pathetic. Believe me, I've realized.

I looked back to my clock. Four more minutes till the dreaded sound would resound in all its blaring glory. Four minutes until I had to drag my ass to the bathroom and attempt to somehow cover up the dark circles that have no doubt formed due to lack of sleep. I didn't want to go to school today, knowing all that had progressed this weekend, and not knowing how to deal with it. I didn't want to address how such progress came to a sudden halt all due to the man who haunted the main floor of this house.

I hoped I wouldn't have to face him this morning. To see his face, to hear his voice. It would just be a reminder of the words he spoke in hatred and misunderstanding. The words he threw at me, the insults, and the stereotypes. How could he judge me so easily based simply on my age? I loved Edward. I may be young, but I knew the magnitude of what I felt for him could not be defined by any other word.

Everything about last night, all the words spoken, all the revelations realized... they all seemed to blur into this ominous obstacle that I would no doubt have to deal with, and soon. I feared the state of my relationship with my father hung in the balance. I was horrified that this would somehow come between Edward and I. That he would leave me, that he would abandon me. And then I would truly be alone. For how can someone continue living when all they know, all they love has left them. And if that happened, if he were to make that choice, I could never forgive Charlie. For he was the catalyst to last nights discussions...or lack there of on my part.

I felt suffocated at times here, burdened by the weight of my responsibilities to my father, to my mother... It was getting harder and harder to remember her face, her voice... her eyes. Everything was changing. Everything was changing and I had no clue as to how I was going to cope.

The alarm went off.

0000

I pulled into the giant puddle that is the Forks High parking lot around half past seven, having successfully avoided any form of contact with my father. I threw my truck into its 'park' setting, listening as the deafening sound of it's running engine came to an abrupt stop. I pulled the keys out of the ignition in an angry fashion. I had checked my phone this morning after my shower to find no text message from Edward, no call, no nothing. It was as if my call to him this morning had gone completely unrecognized.

I threw open the rusty door, plopping carelessly onto the wet pavement, not even finding the energy to be perturbed at the splashes of rain water that now decorated the bottom half of my jeans. "Great." Was the only recognition I allowed it before I locked the car and shoved the keys into my bag.

I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my hair to protect it from the rain and walked, nose to pavement, toward the main building.

The hallways weren't anymore crowded than usual, so with minimal effort I dodged the various bodies of my classmates and teachers. I made my way slowly to my locker, unzipping my hoodie and pulling it away from my arms. I quickly put in my combination, twirling the metal lock into submission until the rusted green box popped open to reveal an entire weekend's worth of ignored assignments.

I sighed, switching my books around for my morning classes and walking dejectedly off toward homeroom. He hadn't met me at my locker. My hope that we could talk before class this morning was made in vain apparently, because he wasn't waiting outside my homeroom door either. We usually made a point to greet each other in the mornings. My heart sunk.

Whatever Charlie had said to him last night must have scared him off. My father must have planted some seed of doubt about the relationship I shared with Edward into my boyfriend's head. And now...well now I was left to suffer the consequential results.

I found my seat in the back corner of the room, resting my elbows to the tabletop and my chin to my palms. I stared, unseeing, into the now drizzling rain, looking for any evidence of him, any sign that maybe he was running late, or ... something. I needed something to hold on to. But of course, I couldn't even find his car.

I wanted to cry.

I hated that everything had spiraled out of control so fast. I hated that I couldn't get a grip on anything tangible or meaningful to me anymore.

It was just this past Friday that Edward had spoken that he loved me. It was just last Saturday that I had woken in his arms, and Sunday as well. I couldn't have been happier in those moments. I know that no matter what I do or what I experience or what I see in my lifetime, the feeling of waking up wrapped securely in Edward's embrace will be something I never forget. I never want to lose him, and I feared that I already had.

The bell rang then, signaling the start of another week of school. The teacher wrote the date on the board. May eleventh. Had so much time already passed? I only just arrived two months ago. Had so much in my life been built up, so much in my life been discovered...only to be ripped away from me. Just like my mother was...ripped carelessly and suddenly away from me.

I wanted to scream.

I walked to history, alone. Wanting more than anything to just have a glimpse at Edward...but I knew my first class with him wasn't until third period.

My morning classes dragged. Edward didn't show up for English...and he wasn't in Calculus. I was becoming more and more worried with each passing moment. The insecure part of me wanted to believe that he stayed home, that he stayed away from school in an effort to further avoid me. But the rational part of me argued that he could be sick or that he could have had car trouble... I didn't want to believe he was hurt, or that their had been some sort of accident...

I walked swiftly toward the cafeteria, wanting to ask Alice or Emmett for some information on his whereabouts, wanting to know that, at least, he was safe. So I took up residence at our normal table, but neither Alice nor Emmett ever came.

I wanted to pull out my phone and call Edward, or one of his siblings. I wanted to know what was going on, because something was surely wrong, but before I could dial the area-code, Jasper plopped himself down beside me.

"Who are you calling?" He wondered, his eyes seeming sad. Less expressive than usual.

"Alice or Emmett... Edward... I haven't seen them or heard from any of them." He nodded, tossing a few fries into his mouth. "They are probably on their way to Seattle General. Rose and I are headed that way after school, we could give you a ride if you want to come with?" He offered nonchalantly. Seattle General?

"The hospital?" I nearly screeched, my heart rate climbing to unnatural levels. Why were they at the hospital?

"Yea..." He gave me a funny look, swallowing loudly and taking a generous sip from his water.

"Andy's sick. Some kind of respiratory infection in his right lung." My heart slammed to a stop against my chest.

"Wh...what?" Andy was sick... he needed to be transferred to Seattle? And...no one had told me. I felt nauseous all of a sudden. Edward didn't tell me, no text message, and no phone call. But Jasper... Jasper knew.

"Didn't Edward tell you?" Jasper wondered, his face panicked as he took in my shocked form. I felt his warm palm rub small circles into my back as tears clouded my vision.

"No." Was my only response. I chocked back a sob. I was seeing red. Andy was hurt, Edward...Edward didn't tell me. But I couldn't be mad at him; he was probably so scared and distracted. I needed to go to him; I wanted to be there for him and for Andy.

Andy. The little boy that had changed my world so drastically. The one I loved as if he were my own, the one I wanted and needed to protect. I needed to protect both of them.

"I have to go." I whispered quickly, leaving the table in a hurry. I heard Jasper's startled questioning, and felt his presence behind me as I headed out of the cafeteria. Food forgotten, school forgotten, everything forgotten because what was important to me now was three and a half hours away in a cold, dull hospital.

"Bella! Wait up! Where do you think you're going?" Jasper called behind me as I pushed through the glass entrance doors. I shoved my hands into my bag, searching mindlessly and blindly for my keys, all the while keeping a steady and determined pace toward my truck.

"I have to go." Was the only response I gave him, unlocking my door and climbing into the cab. I gunned the engine, throwing the gear into reverse, but before I could pull out of the space Jasper had the passenger door yanked open and was sitting beside me.

"Bella, calm down." He reasoned, moving the gearshift back into 'park'. I stared at him angrily. "I have to go, Jasper." I stated again, not giving any inclination of moving. He couldn't reason with me, no one could.

"You still have classes this afternoon, just wait a few hours and then come with Rose and I." I shook my head as soon as he spoke the words. My hands shaking with the effort to stay stationary.

"Jasper... Andy is hurt and Edward... I have to be there for him. I can't just sit back and wait. Screw my afternoon classes, they will still be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Andy...what if something goes wrong? I couldn't forgive myself if I wasn't there for him when I could have been." I sighed, rubbing a palm over my face. I needed Jasper to go, I needed to leave. The sooner the better. I couldn't risk anymore lost time.

"Hold on." I wanted to protest some more but my reasoning was halted when I saw him pull out his phone. Before I realized it Rosalie was making her way out toward the truck, back pack in hand.

"Alright, lets go." She stated, climbing over Jasper's lap to sit beside me. I gave them both a confused look, but Rose's only response was to throw the gearshift into reverse.

"Take the 110." And we were off.

0000

The drive to Seattle was a blur of road signs and stoplights, frosted mountains and tall pines. We couldn't reach the hospital faster, and my poor truck was playing victim to my worried efforts. We had only stopped once to fill up my gas tank and use the restroom, pulling up to the emergency room entrance just after three. We had made good time and as I parked my truck haphazardly in the nearest parking space I could find the only thoughts racing through my head were of reaching Edward and of seeing Andy.

Jasper and Rosalie followed close behind my determined form as I walked up to the receptionist.

"Cullen." I stated quickly, hoping the tone of my voice alerted her to the urgency of the situation. She seemed unphased.

"First name." I wanted to snarl at her. How many Cullen's could possibly be admitted at the moment? "Andrew." I spoke between clenched teeth. The woman gave me a patronizing gaze, rolling her eyes behind her out-of-date half moon lenses.

"Middle name." She asked, and I wanted to lunge across the desk. Rosalie put a calming hand on my shoulder, leaning her tall form over the desk and in the intimidating fashion that only Rosalie possessed, acquired the necessary room information.

I didn't bother to say 'thank you'.

"Which room was it?" I asked for the fourth time as the elevator dropped us off on the third floor, signs for the Children's Ward found our line of sight at each and every turn.

"308." Rosalie supplied, keeping one of her arms entwined with my own. To keep me at bay or to offer support I wasn't sure.

We reached the room in no time, finding Emmett's unmistakable form pacing the length of the doorway. Rose dropped my arm and walked toward him. She placed a steadying hand on his forearm and it was almost amusing how fast he lifted her into his arms, burying his face into her long blonde hair.

Jasper whispered something to me about finding Alice, and so I was left to my own devices.

"Is he in there?" I wondered to Emmett, not caring to which he I was referring. I needed to see both of them. He nodded.

"The doctors just finished running a few tests, Edward's been in their for hours." I frowned, my face retreating to a saddened state as I pushed my way through the large gray door.

I didn't know what to expect when I entered the room. Something generic like all hospital rooms, with a small, child-sized bed in the middle and a T.V. hooked up and mounted to the ceiling. I would even go as far to say I imagined those cute 'ABC' signs you always seemed to find when you visited your pediatrician, or a puzzle or toy box set off in the corner. I didn't find any of these things.

I however did find my Edward, crouched over one of those incubator like-cribs. He was wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a worn t-shirt. His normal bed attire. His hair was in disarray as-per-usual, but the face... the beautiful face I was so used to seeing, that was etched so clearly into my memory was not one of happiness or boredom or anger as I had come to know it. It was defeat and sadness. It was a blank, monotonous, emotionless facade. His eyes were rimmed red with dark circles surrounding the edges and his left hand shook where it rested against his lap. His right hand disappeared through one of the carved plastic circles in the cradle, his fingers wrapped cautiously around the small, pale hand of his little boy.

Andy was asleep, or at least it seemed this way from where I was standing. He had an array of various tubes protruding from his nose and throat and a tiny I.V. had been punctured through the soft skin on the inside of his left elbow. He was wrapped in a small cloth gown and he too looked sad and helpless. I wanted to cry for my boys, and so I did.

I choked back a small sob, walking carefully to stand beside Edward as I looked through the plastic cover into Andy's sleeping face. Edward looked up at me, his own eyes filling with tears. He wrapped his left arm around my waist, and my hands buried themselves into his bronze mane of their own accord. He rested his head against my stomach, the blue cloth of my t-shirt bunching against his tear-streaked cheeks. He sobbed softly.

"I'm so scared." He whispered, his right hand never dropping its grip on Andy's little hand. I nodded, whispering my agreement as my fingers continued to massage his scalp. He needed someone to be there for him, to comfort him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." I whispered, dropping one soft kiss to his right ear.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your call." He spoke, his words muffled against my torso. I nodded once again, squeezing my eyelids tight, fighting away my own hurt feelings. It would be selfish of me to question him about it now, of all times.

"Shhh," I moved one of my hands to rest atop the plastic of Andy's crib. Wanting to be close to both of them at the same time. "Is he going to be okay?" I wondered aloud, attempting to muffle my sniffles.

I needed to be strong for him, now and always. My father thought I didn't understand the magnitude this relationship could bring upon me. He was wrong. I had no desire to run from this, to hide. I knew what I felt was real and true concern, real love for both Edward and his son. Maybe Charlie couldn't see it, but my time with the Cullens had changed me. My time with them had taught me so much. About each and every one of them, but also about myself. And I wasn't going to give up on them just because I was scared about the situation. I may not be a parent, but I was no stranger to the loyalty and the heart and the discipline and the patience that came with the job. I may not quite understand the responsibility, but that didn't mean I wasn't willing to learn.

"He has some sort of infection in one of his lungs. They gave him antibiotics a few hours ago, and we're waiting to hear back from the more recent test results to see if they're working. If they aren't.." He sniffed again, squeezing my waist more securely, desperately.

"If they aren't?" I pressed gently, wanting to know, needing to know how to help him. How to help them both.

"If they aren't, they might have to go in and remove the infected tissue." My fingers pressed more firmly to the plastic, as if they could mold their way through it's confines and reach the warm body that lay beneath them.

"He's so tiny, Bella. They said that if something went wrong with the procedure he could be on a respirator for months. I don't want him to live like that. He doesn't deserve it." He shook his head, the movement rocking me a bit on my feet. I felt dizzy with the information he was supplying. It couldn't be that bad, could it? It was just a cold...or the flu... nothing more than that.

"He's going to be okay, Edward." I could hear the apprehension in my voice but I tried my best to keep it at bay. For both our sakes. "He's going to be okay." I repeated.

Moments passed, moments blurring into hours it seemed. The only sides were our mutual snifflings and whispered reassurances on my part. The steady whoosh of inhale and exhale through a plastic tube and the gentle rhythm of continuous thuds from the bedside heart monitor highlighted the silence.

All the while I kept a palm above Andy and an arm wrapped around Edward. Jasper and Rosalie drifted in and out at one point, but I didn't acknowledge anything or anyone outside of Edward and the toddler who lay helpless in front of us. They were my family now, or at least, I thought of them as such. Nothing mattered; nothing would ever matter more to me than seeing them happy. And if that meant that I had to make sacrifices, such as supporting Edward through these next few months of difficult decisions that had the potential of leaving us separated. Even if that meant giving up my plans at the drop of a hat to be there for them, to always protect them... then I would do it.

I wanted things to work out. I needed them to. After this was all over, after Andy was healthy and happy and back home at the Cullen's, safe and sound, I would talk to Edward. I needed to know what Charlie had said to him, I needed to hear him out and for him to extend the same courtesy.

Edward was my forever. I knew it, deep within my soul. And if things between us just...weren't... if an 'us' ceased to exist...then I don't see how I could remain. I don't see how I could survive.

0000

Sometime later the doctor came in. She was a short, stout woman with wild red hair and pale blue eyes. A silver nametag on her off-white lab coat alerted me to her name. 'Victoria Weston M.D.' I prayed that this woman would bring Edward some sort of relief, would bring his family some good news.

She walked around quietly at first, checking the status of the monitors and reaching into Andy's crib to adjust some of the tubes.

She looked up at us then, Edward's frantic, pleading gaze locked on her face. I hadn't noticed them come in, but Esme's warm hand had found it's way to my shoulder; Alice's small form came to stand just beside Edward.

"Well, Mr. Cullen." She spoke; her high-pitched tone was annoyingly indifferent and gave no inclination as to whether the news she brought would be construed as good or bad.

"Yes?" Edward spoke softly, his fingers wrapping tightly around his son's enclosed fist.

We all turned hopeful eyes toward the doctor.

0000

_A/N: Okay it's Friday! ... yea I know some of you are like 'What?' Well I forgot to mention that I would be gone this Sunday and unable to update so I decided to post this lovely chapter two days early! I hope you guys liked it; I know I kinda left you hanging there but who doesn't love a cliffy once in a while?_

_On a different note I would like to give a big thank you to everyone who reviews my story... I have somehow miraculously acquired 400+ reviews and I am truly, truly thankful for every single one. It has been a pleasure sharing this story with all of you and seeing all the hits I get for each chapter never fails to astound me. The last chapter had something like 600 hits... in less than a week! I was really impressed and undeniably humbled. Thank you all, so, so much! :D_

_~Lauren :)_


	33. Diagnosis

**Bella****POV**

Viral Pneumonia. Dr. Weston threw around a lot of medical terms, but those two words I recognized. Andy had pneumonia.

"What does that mean for him?" Edward asked, pleadingly, his fingers contracting subtly as he gripped Andy's fist a bit tighter. He hadn't let go of him since I'd been here.

"It means that in five to ten days, you're son should be as good as new." The doctor replied with a smile, checking some more things off on her clipboard. I heard Edward sigh, but his whole body seemed to be affected by the words. Relief flooded over him and for the first time since he'd been here his features transformed his expression into one of hope.

Carlisle seemed pleased with the news as well, as he moved forward to take a look at the monitors as well.

"Have you performed a chest x-ray?" He wondered aloud, running his fingers over some of the wires and IV's attached to Andy.

"Yes, that is how we concluded our diagnosis." She pushed some of her red, curly hair behind her ear, her freckled nose crinkling ever so slightly as she dropped the clipboard to her side. "Now, as far as treatment goes, I'd like to keep him here for at least the next 48 hours, just to keep an eye on the infection. As far as we can tell his case is mild and was probably caused by RSV (Respirator Syncytial Virus), but due to his already present lung complications, we don't want to take any chances." Edward nodded, dropping his arm from around my waist to run his fingers through his unruly hair.

"And you will be putting him on some sort of antiviral, I assume?" Carlisle chimed in, seeming quite a deal more relaxed than the rest of the room's inhabitants.

"Of course, I'll have a nurse come in and attach a drip." A drip? As in _another _IV? I crossed my arms against my chest, cringing internally as I pictured the various needles stuck in my own arms. But, I would gladly have the IV's put in my arms over Andy's. He was so small; it didn't seem fair to hurt him this way.

"Is the incubator box really necessary?" Edward questioned, motioning to the clear plastic. She nodded profusely. "Yes, the infection can be contagious in most cases so for at least the next 24 - 36 hours we will have to keep him in there." Edward sighed again, his face seeming so frustrated and dejected. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, but I hoped that he would be slightly better after Dr. Weston's visit. I had to think that the idea of Andy's eventual restored health was an appealing if not thrilling notion. I'm sure Edward was just stressed, tired in general.

And I briefly wondered if my lingering presence was acting as a constant reminder of our yet to be discussed issues. (i.e. Charlie.) I wanted to question him about it, but knew that this was neither the time, nor the place.

So, when Dr. Weston bid us a farewell for the morning and reminded us of visiting hours, I excused myself to make a trip to the cafeteria. I didn't want to be a burden, but I worried, no I _knew _that Edward would not be leaving Andy's side, not for even the briefest of moments. I located a few bills in my backpack and after a trip to the nurses station in order to procure specific directions I was off to the lower level to obtain some much needed caffeine.

The options were poor at best, but I didn't expect a selection worthy of a Starbucks. Just a few carafes filled with either regular or decaf coffee. Small, individual packets of half and half and a handful of Equal. I located a tray and proceeded to fill the recyclable containers, emptying two carafes of regular with my efforts. I carried the eight coffees to the woman at the cash register, who didn't appear the least bit surprised or alarmed that I was carrying so many beverages, I guess working in a hospital desensitized you to things like that.

"16.78." She spoke in an almost shrill monotone; her gray bob swinging around her crinkled cheeks as she typed in the amount and gifted me with approximate change.

"Thanks." I whispered, balancing the tray of beverages and their accompanying condiments, and slowly making my way toward the elevators.

Seattle General wasn't in a particular buzz at the moment. Not like how hospitals are normally portrayed on shows such as Grey's Anatomy or E.R. Nope. No near death patients came zooming past my coffee carrying form, not even a surly nurse bickering about the upcoming night shift. I searched the halls for a clock as that thought passed my mind. 5:30 P.M.

Charlie wouldn't be home till around six fifteen. Not that it mattered. Charlie and I continued to be on sour terms. And I didn't see an enlightening, point of view-changing conversation in our near futures. Maybe letting him stew would be a good thing, the least he deserved for his words.

The three successive 'dings' of the elevator and their accompanying lights alerted me to my arrival back on Andy's floor.

I balanced the tray carefully as I made my way to the room. I found Emmett and Alice talking quietly just outside the door. Approaching them quietly, so as not to interrupt or make it appear as if I was eves dropping, I set two coffees down beside them on a low sitting table, beside an out of date People magazine.

"Thanks." Alice smiled slightly, the gesture not reaching her eyes as she brought the bitter drink to her lips.

"No problem." I responded, gently making my way towards the room, towards Edward. I pressed my hip into the slightly cracked door, kicking it shut behind me as I moved into the room.

The constant beeping of Andy's machines was lulling and comforting in a strange way, and I smiled slightly at Edward's form as he whispered into one of the circular cut outs in the plastic.

"You're going to get all better in no time." I heard him say, whether he had heard my entrance or not I had not concluded, so I set the remaining drinks down on one of the various chairs in the room and moved to stand beside him.

"Hey." I spoke, gently placing my hand onto the top of the incubator and smiling at Andy's awake form. He seemed to have a bit more color to him than last I saw him, they must have started him on the antiviral. His oxygen mask was scheduled for removal early the next morning, assuming no other complications presented themselves, and I prayed that they wouldn't. I wanted him to be healthy and happy and back too normal as soon as possible.

I only wanted what was best for him.

"Hi." Edward responded, his forehead continuing to rest on the plastic.

The silence that followed wasn't unexpected. I knew that he was going through hell at the moment, and I assumed the worry over Andy's health had taken a toll on him physically.

"Do you want a coffee?" I wondered aloud, moving back to the table to procure one of the plastic cups and two packets of Equal.

He didn't respond verbally, only tilting his head slightly and favoring me with a shadow of his familiar exuberantly crooked grin.

"Sure." I handed him the luke-warm Styrofoam.

He returned his attention back to his son, who was making cooing sounds as Edward dragged the pads of his fingers along the skin of Andy's little wrist.

He sighed.

I felt slightly awkward and a bit more than worried about my boys as I took the seat beside the tray of coffees and procured my own cup. I didn't add my usual cream, the provided packets seeming more unappetizing by the moment.

I sipped the bitter liquid in its pure dark form, scrunching my nose at its unfavorable taste.

But I needed a caffeine buzz if I wanted a prayer of staying awake. I didn't know what I could do; I just knew that I needed to be there for him somehow. And even if we ignored one another for the next few days, and even if all I was good for was obtaining multiple cups of hospital-brewed coffee, I was happy to help.

My phone buzzed loudly from the side of my backpack, and I dragged my eyes to the wooden clock that hung lowly above Andy's bed.

Six. It was probably Charlie. I didn't bother to check it, opting to sip from my drink.

"It rung when you were gone, too." Edward remarked, speaking for the first time it ten minutes or so.

I shrugged.

"It might be your father." He chided, giving me a tired look. I frowned at his sentiment, gripping the cup more firmly. We didn't need to get into this now; I didn't need to get upset at him for being concerned with me.

"All the more reason to ignore it." I offered, crossing my right leg over my left and dipping my head back against the wall. I closed my eyes briefly, attempting to get a hold on myself.

Edward had no response for me, and I couldn't say that wasn't my preferred response.

I knew on some level I was being childish, maybe even a tad immature, but I had my reasons, and I wasn't the kind of person to give up my side of the facts without a proper discussion…even if it did involve raised voices and harsh sentiments.

Maybe Charlie thought he was being a good parent by telling me his thoughts on my relationship, and maybe he was being a good parent, and it wouldn't have bothered me in the least, because, well to be honest, I knew everything he was saying was true on some level. It was…it was just the conviction he spoke with that really got to me, like he honestly believed I should quit while I was ahead, as if I would be doing both Edward and myself a favor.

And maybe I would be doing Edward a favor, maybe I was a nuisance, maybe I was a constant 'thorn in his side', but I also knew that he loved me. And that fact alone is what was keeping me grounded at the moment. That fact alone was the entire basis for my side of the story, Charlie may not want to accept that I was in love at such a young age, and I could understand if he didn't want me to be because of his own experiences with love at a similar age. But he was so determined to have me believe I would be cheated out of a proper childhood by continuing on the path I was currently on. He didn't understand, or what to even think that maybe my life wouldn't be so horrible.

People search their whole lives for the one person they believe is the one. And, I don't know if Edward believes that person is me … and it would be okay if he didn't, our relationship is still very young, but I knew…. I _knew_, that if Edward decided to end things between us, I wouldn't be able to move on.

I had my person; at least that's how I saw him. And maybe I wasn't ready to have a family or a kid, but I felt like I was past that. I felt as if that was already my reality. Andy felt like my own child, and I loved him with a fierceness that resembled the bond between mother and child. And even if I never had kids of my own, I knew that that would be okay as long as I could be a part of Andy's life.

A familiar little cough brought me out of my inner musings and pulled my attention back across the room to the little toddler.

"I love you, Andy." I found myself breathing, my voice barely above a whisper. If Edward heard me, the sentiment didn't seem to faze him.

My phone buzzed again just as Esme entered through the door.

"Hello, you two." She spoke in that comforting motherly tone of hers, crossing the room to place either of her hands atop Edward's hunched shoulders. She kissed the top of his auburn spikes.

"How are my sweet boys?" She wondered, resting her cheek into the warm bristles.

I remained silent as I watched her interact with her son, envious only of the fact that she was so close with him, and envious of the fact that Charlie was attempting to deprave me of that own closeness with Andy.

"I'm fine, mom." Edward answered, his voice seeing so off, so distant. My heart hurt for him.

My phone buzzed again and I angrily stood, dipping my fingers into the side pocket to turn it on silent.

Both Edward and Esme watched the movement, Esme with crinkled brows and Edward with a disappointed frown.

"You should call your father, Bella." Esme suggested, dropping one more kiss to Edward's head before moving towards me.

"Do you want a coffee?" I responded, blatantly avoiding her question to hopefully send her the message.

She nodded with a gentle smile, and with one last glance toward my phone, made her way to the door.

"Visiting hours end in ten minutes. We'll be in the waiting room." Were her parting words, and then she was gone.

My phone lit up with another call.

"You should take that." Edward nodded his head in my direction and I finally relented and motioned that I would be in the hallway.

I closed the door gently behind me, nodding at Jasper and Rose as I passed them in my quest to find a quiet space to answer my call.

"Coffee in Andy's room." I informed quickly, picking up my call on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" I breathed, hoping that the annoyed inflection of my tone was enough to warn my father of my less than pleased mood.

"Bella? Where are you, the school called to inform me of your afternoon absences! Did you skip school?" Charlie's voice seemed equally if not more so annoyed than my own, with a dash of anger thrown into the mix for good measure.

"I'm fine, Charlie. Andy's got Pneumonia so I'm at the hospital with the Cullens." I wanted to keep this conversation brief, and If he proceeded to yell at me in his newly discovered parental fashion that seems to spring up at the most convenient of times I would happily press the little red end button and terminate our conversation.

"The hospital? … I'll come pick you up, I'm sure the family is going to want some time to themselves. Besides, Forks Hospital's visiting hours end at four." I wanted to snarl into the receiver but opted for the ever-popular eye-roll instead. Affective in expressing my annoyance with all the benefits of him not being able to realize the existence of the motion in its entirety.

"I'm not in Forks, Charlie. I'm in Seattle. And I have my truck, so when Andy's is discharged, I can make my own way home." I informed him, hoping to make the warning clear. He would_ not_ be making an appearance here.

"_Seattle_?" He all but seethed, cursing loudly into the receiver.

I waited for a few moments, allowing him to vent his emotions in whatever way he felt was necessary. I was fine with it, as it offered me a break between scoldings.

"You drove four hours away in the middle of the school day in that decrepit vehicle of yours and you didn't even bother to inform me?" He screamed, his voice deepening with the increase in his anger.

"Edward needed me." I informed. "And if that wasn't incentive enough, Andy had been considered ill enough to be transported to Seattle. If I was that sick I would hope you would at least consider skipping work and coming to be with me." I spat, hating having to make rationalizations.

"You know this is not the same situation. Andy is not your responsibility, he's not your son!" He pointed out, and hearing the words vocalized, although they had always been chastisements of my own creation in thought, impaled me like a knife.

So I did the only thing I could. I hung up. Refraining from adding a colorful 'Fuck you!" or a sentiment similar in nature.

I turned my phone over in my hands, popping open the back and sliding out the battery. No one would be calling me anytime soon.

I shoved the dismantled pieces into my pocket and preceded to lean my weight back against the off-white walls of the hallway I currently resided in.

I felt the tears drip of their own accord and I lifted a fist above my head, pounding it against the grainy dry wall.

I groaned with the effort, sliding back my sore hand to rub at my newly scraped fingers.

Brilliant.

I slid myself down the wall, landing harshly on my backside as I dropped my weight to the cold, gray, tiled floor.

I brought my knees to my chest resting my forehead against their caps as I hid my face.

I hated this. I hated everything at the moment. I was so angry all the time, angry at how my life had gone from seemingly perfect to totally dismantled in a matter of hours.

I took in a shaky breath, fearing the onslaught of an unwelcome panic attack would soon meet my emotionally exhausted form.

I hadn't had a panic attack since the day my mother died.

"This is such shit." I murmured to myself as scenes from the past few days seemed to flash before my eyes in sequential order.

I saw my date with Edward, just last Friday. I heard him speak those words. 'I love you.' I remembered learning to allow myself to believe that someone could love me in such a way.

I saw my breakfast with the Cullen's the following morning, saw Edward and I lying in his bed doing nothing consequential and otherwise enjoying one-another's company.

I saw myself asking to visit Charlie.

Biggest. Mistake. Of. My. Life.

I rubbed my fingers across my eyes, catching the still falling tears.

I watched _that_ evening in excruciating detail as If watching as an uninvolved audience member at a local theatre. Looking on anxiously as my loving boyfriend's once vibrant confidence seemed to be shattered in a matter of moments, in a matter of a few words.

I hated my father. I hated everything he had to dig up. I hated his reasoning and I hated his involvement.

I watched Jasper's eyebrow's crinkle with confusion just this afternoon when he informed me of Andy's hospitalization.

And I felt myself crumble. I slide my cheek to the floor and closed my eyes, praying for relief from the constant reminders and the streaming tears. Begging for sleep of some sort to take me, to kidnap me into its unyielding depths and to keep me prisoner in its dark ibis. I didn't want to wake up until I knew everything was going to be all right.

And so, darkness washed over me.

0000

I woke some time later to a gentle tapping on my left shoulder. A stout, brunette in flower-adorned scrubs was speaking softly into my ear. Her voice worried, but her tone annoyed.

"Miss, you can't be here. Visiting hours ended at six thirty." I blinked my sticky; tear stained eyelids at her, pushing my weight up on my right elbow.

"What?" I questioned, still feeling quite dizzy. She urged me to stand, wrapping her long fingers around my forearm to steady me as she pulled me from the floor.

"Visiting hours ended at six thirty. It's now nine." Nine…what was she talking about? I hadn't been out for two and half hours. Surely someone would have noticed…

"Oh," I responded stupidly as I hurried to right myself, sputtering my apologies as I ran a hand through my hair.

"If you're planning on staying the night it will need to be in one of the waiting rooms." She informed, gesturing down the hallway.

"Just follow the signs and take the second right." I knew the way, but my embarrassment kept me silent. I nodded at her, apologizing once more for the inconvenience.

I took a detour down the hall, locating a bathroom in which I attempted to wash the remnants of mascara from my cheeks and smooth down my tangled mess of an excuse for hair.

I ended up spending a good ten minutes on it before finally giving up and throwing it into a half-heartedly attempt at a bun.

I washed my hands and left the room, making my way toward the third floor waiting room, which was conveniently located just yards from Andy's door.

I found Carlisle and Esme there, worried expressions about their face.

"Bella!" I heard Alice yell, causing me to flinch in surprise. I waved awkwardly as I made my way over to them.

"Where were you?" Alice demanded, hands on her hips and eyes glaring intimidating at my guilty form. My cheeks reddened slightly, not wanting to explain that I had all but passed out in a random hallway after a less than pleasant conversation with my father.

"We were beginning to worry you had gotten yourself lost." Emmett teased, grinning slightly as to relieve some of the tension.

"I had to take a call…and then I kind of fell asleep." I admitted, shoving my fists into the pockets of my sweater and taking a seat beside Esme.

"Jasper and Rosalie are down in the cafeteria getting something to eat." Esme informed me, as if offering up the opportunity. To be honest though I wasn't all that hungry.

"I'm fine." I replied, resting my head against the wall behind my head.

"Where's Edward?" I wondered aloud, searching for his familiar face, listening for a wisp of his familiar voice.

"He's still in the room with Andy, the nurses have been quite kind in allowing him to keep Andy company. We are allowed to visit him tomorrow morning." I nodded, momentarily worrying if Edward was taking care of himself.

"Has he eaten?" I wondered. Esme sighed at my question.

"He refuses to leave that boy's side. I don't think he's eaten at all today. I left a granola bar in the room that I found in my purse, but I don't know if he's eaten it." She replied, her soft tone taking on a worried inflection.

"I can grab him something from the cafeteria." I offered, moving to stand to prove my point. Esme's face brightened just slightly and she gave me a polite, grateful smile.

"That would be wonderful." Carlisle nodded right along side of her, his face seeming tired as he rested his head against her shoulder. It was probably the cutest thing I had seen all day.

"Do you two want anything? Emmett? Alice?" All four shook their heads, but Alice offered to walk with me.

"I'll be okay." But she insisted, and so the pixie accompanied me to the lower level.

Once there I filled up a tray with a salami sandwich, a cup of chili, a bottle of water, and a snickers bar. I would take the tray to Andy's room once we paid for the food and deliver it in person, if I could, just to make sure Edward ate something. I didn't want him getting sick too, and the stress he was under was surely ailing him physically.

"Aren't you going to get anything for yourself?" I shook my head, but relented when I saw her chastising expression, grabbing a protein bar and Vitamin Water for myself. It wasn't much, but it was enough to appease her…for now.

I moved toward the cashier, noticing it was the same woman who rang up my coffees earlier in the day.

I wondered how long her shift would last, and hoped she wasn't horribly bored. I noticed an unfinished page of Sudoku beside a display of Orbit gum and smiled slightly knowing she wasn't suffering too horribly.

"20.91." Damn, overpriced hospital food.

Alice attempted to hand the woman a twenty, but I stopped her, my reasoning being that I wanted to take of Edward and that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

She grumbled slightly, but agreed on the condition that she could carry the tray to the room. I rolled my eyes but agreed.

The ride up the elevator wasn't exactly eventful, although we did have a fellow rider in the form of an elderly patient in a wheelchair.

He didn't speak much other than offering a polite "Hello." And coughing every few seconds. I hoped that he would get better soon, as he seemed like a decent man

The third floor bell dung and soon we were making our way toward Andy's room.

I was prepared for the normal quietness that I had left, I was prepared for Emmett playing video games quietly on his itouch, I was even prepared for finding Carlisle passed out cold against Esme's shoulder. I was not, however, prepared for the low, harsh tones of one Emmett and one Carlisle Cullen mixed in with another familiar man.

"Jacob?"

0000

_A/N: OKay, I know, bring out the torches and pitchforks but I'm not that late! Only by one hour! I'm SORRY! Had a stressful week, included unexpected trips to the emergency room...ironic, I know... and unexpected family visits. Anywho, I made this chapter extra long to make up for it (Its 10 pages (4,664 words) in case you were wondering :P) I hope you people had a good weekend and I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming amount of reviews I got for the last chapter! Once more I left you with a cliffy...what the hell is Jacob doing there? Thoughts? _

_Let me know what you think! _

_~Lauren :) _


	34. AN

**A/N: **Alright guys, I have some bad news for the update front. I'm going out of town starting tomorrow morning at the lovely hour of six AM. I'll be on the golden coast for all my california readers :P But I'm gonna be gone through August 2nd. I thought I would have time this weekend to update, but I had to write a chapter for my other story and I just lost track of time. I love you guys for all the reviews but I won't be able to update until August fourth for this story :/ I'll make it an extra long update! And I have decided that when I return Circumstance will have two updates a week. Thursday's and Sunday's as I am currently updating my other story (Chance (It's not Twilight :P)) On Wednesdays and Fridays. I'm sorry for the long wait guys, and I would stay up all hours tonight to write you a chapter but I'm so tired and I know it won't be half as good as I want it to be.

I'll see you guys in a week or so, sorry for the inconvenience! :(

P.s. Thanks to everyone who is reviewing, I really appreciate the feedback!

P.p.s. I promise you at least a seven thousand word chapter for the next update on Wednesday August 4th.

~Lauren


	35. Confusion

** B-POV**

_"Jacob?"_

0000

The scene set before me was not one I had ever been familiar with. Nor were the raised voices and angered tones spewing from the mouths of one Dr. Cullen. Alice seemed tense beside me, her little hands digging into the cafeteria tray she had been carrying, and I worried momentarily that the orange plastic would snap under the pressure and be the cause of an untimely food spill.

Of course, Jacob's presence did confuse me, but the hostility... the terse set of Carlisle's Jaw, Emmett's clenched fists... it didn't add up.

I knew that Edward and Jacob had a history... one I was not in the least bit privy to, but I didn't know that the bad blood ran this deep, and that the issue(s) seemed to course through the entirety of the Cullen family.

My wide eyes searched the room quickly, locking briefly on Esme's silent form, as she stood not a foot behind her husband, her small palm resting carefully across his shoulder blade. In an attempt to calm him and/or to remind him not to do anything rash I wasn't sure, but I suspected a mixture of both intentions.

"What are you doing here?" Alice all but sneered beside me, turning to set Edward's dinner on a nearby coffee table. She resumed her position beside me; hands pressed forcefully to hips, blue eyes a blaze with a fire I didn't understand.

"What's going on?" I barely whispered, the words meant only for Alice's ears. Her gaze never left Jacob's cornered form, she gave no inclination that she had heard my soft-spoken words, and if she had heard them, she was obviously ignoring me.

"You shouldn't be here." Emmett spoke forcefully, reaching a big hand out and pressing it in confident rage against Jacob's chest, effectively shoving him backwards.

I immediately took steps forward, shouting my protests at the action. I was confused as I watched the people I had grown to know and love act so ... so... unlike themselves. But Jake was my friend, sort of, and I didn't know that he deserved such a rude gesture. I moved to step in between the two of them.

"Emmett." I chastised, glaring at his tall, intimidating form. He gave me an incredulous look, his usually warm eyes hardening at my words as he stepped away from me and returned to his place beside Carlisle.

I heard Jake snicker from behind me and I turned quickly to face him, questioning with furrowed brows as to why his presence was necessary.

"Charlie sent me." He stated matter-of-factly. I all but hissed at the words, wanting nothing to do with my father at the moment. All I wanted to do was take Edward his dinner and spend the remainder of the night taking care of him, being there for him and for his son.

"Why would he send you?" I questioned, turning to fully face him, my back to the Cullens. I almost felt like I was betraying them in a way. They were so obviously displeased with Jacob being here, as if he had committed some unspeakable crime. But, for the time, I was blissfully unaware of his faults and therefore could not treat him with disrespect.

"He says you won't answer your phone. I was in the city with my dad picking up some parts for the Rabbit I'm working on and so he called me to come get you." I sighed, glaring at Jacob, and then at the floor, I wanted to rip Charlie a new one.

"I'm not leaving, I already made this clear to him." I informed, glancing briefly at the door, wondering if Edward had noticed the raised voices. I hoped he was sleeping; resting because that's what he needed right now.

Jacob gave me a shrug but didn't make a motion to leave. "I really think you should come back to Forks, especially if that's what your dad wants." He offered his two cents, but I wasn't interested and continued to shake my head.

"I'm staying, I need to be here right now and if Charlie can't respect that then I don't respect his wishes for me to be back in Forks. I'm doing more good here anyways." Jacob quirked a brow, moving closer to me. I felt a presence at my back. Alice.

"You heard her, go home." She spat, digging her fresh manicured nails into the soft flesh of her palm. I worried she would draw blood with the effort she was putting forth to remain stationary.

"I'm not leaving without Bella." I whipped my attention back to Jacob's smug expression. I didn't understand his cocky attitude, and I didn't appreciate his ultimatums.

"Then you're going to be here until Andy is discharged." I warned, shifting my weight on the heels of either of my feet, as if firmly planting myself to the tiled floor of the waiting room.

"I think not." Esme spoke, her motherly tone highlighted with complete disapproval at the mere idea of his prolonged presence.

"You won't be staying, Jacob. Or I'll have you escorted off the premises." Jacob laughed at Carlisle's threat and I took another step back, now on a level plane with Alice.

"Not your hospital, Doc." He sneered, moving to stand beside me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder laughing quietly to himself. I didn't appreciate his intrusion of space and made to push him away, Emmett must have noticed my discomfort because he all but pulled me to his side, his expression lethal as he glared at Jacob.

I didn't exactly know what I expected out of a conversation such as this. If Jacob leaving meant me accompanying him, then I wanted no part of that plan. But, if Jacob staying would lead to obvious hostility with the Cullens, the family that I considered my own, I was hesitant to allow that either.

I wanted to understand what had occurred between the two parties to encourage such an unfamiliar violent relationship.

By this time Rose and Jasper had joined the party, their expressions seeming to match those of the Cullens to an acute exactness.

"Okay, someone better tell me what the hell is going on and someone better tell me now." I warned, feeling completely uncomfortable and unnaturally on edge about the whole thing. I wanted Jacob to leave, but it didn't seem like that would be happening anytime soon.

The absence of movement or speech on any of their parts alerted me to the fact that the topic was either much to complex or that they weren't going to bother answering my request. That they were going to ignore me.

"I'm asking you once more to leave, this may not be my hospital but I am rather familiar with the Chief of Medicine and getting you escorted away from the building wouldn't take more than a phone call." Carlisle held his Black Berry in his palm and waved it in a back and forth motions toward Jacob to further prove that he wasn't kidding around.

"Jake, just go. Tell Charlie that I'll call him later." But Jake seemed hesitant, determined to stay either to honor Charlie's request or to piss off the Cullens I wasn't sure.

"Go." I said again, motioning with my hand toward the elevator.

Jacob opened his mouth as if to form something of a rebuttal but was startled, as were the rest of us, by the noise of a squeaky door opening only feet from where we now stood. My head shot in the direction, knowing who I would find, wanting so badly to go to him and wrap him in my arms because I hadn't seen him move an inch in what must have been hours.

"Edward." I breathed, smiling slightly albeit awkwardly when realization of my current situation caught up with me. Edward always proved the most effective distraction. But Edward didn't seem nearly as calm or as happy to see me. He didn't even offer me a smile, only turning a confused glance at Jacob and then at me.

We all watched tentatively as he quietly shut the door to Andy's room, making no move to stand beside me. I felt hurt, but the overwhelmingness of the whole event kept me silent. I waited out the awkward silence watching, waiting for someone to speak. Hoping that Jacob would drop this cocky front and bail before things got out of hand.

But... I was never so lucky. And the next words out of Edward's mouth were proof of that fact.

"Did you invite him here?" He questioned, his tone laced with disbelief, his stance tense, poised as if ready to fight. I didn't however know if the fight would be between Jacob and him... or between Edward and me.

"I.. no.." But the statement came out as more of a question, the whole last twenty minutes or so was blurring together creating more and more confusion on my part. I just wanted to leave, to rewind and go back a few hours, a few days. Just so I could this mess behind us, so that Edward never had dinner with Charlie, so that I could have been there for Edward when Andy first showed signs of being so sick. The added stress that this was causing wasn't food for him, and I didn't want him to have to handle Jacob when it so obviously upset him to even hear his name.

Images from Tommy's party flittered through my mind; I saw a passive, indifferent Jacob and a very volatile appearing Edward. Something had transcribed between the two of them, something of immense importance, something that haunted Edward into keeping silent, into keeping the nature of such a falling out from me.

"No? Then what is he doing here?" Now his voice had risen in decibel, darkened in tone. I felt a shiver run up my spine; completely fearful of the way he was acting. The dark circles that colored his upper cheeks and highlighted his eyelids made his whole expression appear hollow and empty. He was spent, tired of it all, and I feared more than anything that this would be a final breaking point.

He had barely spoken to me since the night at Charlie's...barely looked at me since I had been here. I wondered if Jacob being here would finally set him off. I feared that this was the end, our end. I feared it was for good.

I could have sworn that I felt my heart crack, the beginnings of what would inevitably be a horrible break down, a shattering beyond repair. Without Edward I would be nothing, have nothing.

And that very realization made me seem like the most pathetic individual on the face of the earth, but it was true... it was so true. I had put everything I had into this relationship with him, everything I had left at the time, that is. Edward's friendship turned eventual love is what kept me going, kept me living. He was proof enough for me of a life after my mother's death. How could I repair myself if he left me, knowing that I had caused him such pain and turmoil?

"Charlie sent me." Jacob spoke up, and I watched from beside Emmett as he turned to smirk at Edward. He _smirked_. As if Edward's obvious rage was something to be laughed at.

"Why the hell would Charlie have sent _you_?" Edward wondered aloud, his features never softening, not even for a moment.

"Because he wants his daughter back in Forks, with her _family._" Jacob taunted, painting the whole situation in such a negative tone. Edward clenched his fist, his tired eyes searching Jacob's tall form and then meeting my pleading gaze.

I tried to convey how very confused I was feeling, I tried to convey how much I needed his support, and how I just wanted Jacob to leave, but Edward was so... out of it. So past believing me that I doubted any trust he had previously placed in my care was no longer viable.

"We are her family." The voice didn't startle me, the bell-like tone was familiar in a way that I knew it nearly as well as my own. Alice was standing up for me, her words offering more of a lifeline, more of a hope than she would ever know. I wanted to go to her and to hug her. I wanted to send Jacob away and eat dinner in peace with the boy I loved. The bronze haired boy who sat with me in school, who held my hand in his own, who whispered to me words of love. I wanted him back, and I wanted him to not hate me.

Jacob sneered at Alice, and I could have punched him for the way he looked at her. "Yea, _family._" He turned to face Edward. "Just like Addie, huh." Edward's jaw tensed and I knew now that this wasn't the normal teenage drama that ripped apart friends, this was something entirely more personal and entirely out of my realm of experience. Of course, everything about Edward was entirely out of my realm of experience.

"Addie?" I whispered, not bothering to notice if anyone had heard me. Addie. What did she have to do with this? ... Maybe she had everything to do with this.

"What are you talking about?" I spoke up louder this time, hell bent on getting my explanations. I didn't want the information so that I could ultimately pick a side, no, I would always be on Edward's side because I loved him even in his faults. He needed me to support him, even if whatever water's I was currently treading were swimming in memories of Addie.

"She doesn't know?" Jacob wondered, his once smirk turning into an almost toothy grin. The gesture bothered me immensely.

Edward didn't bother to react, simply taking a step toward Jacob as if to challenge him. And even though Jacob stood nearly a head taller than him, I knew that Edward could hold his own.

"How dare you." Rosalie's voice seemed to come out of left field. If I expected words to be spoken or to be exchanged I expected them out of Edward's mouth, or Jacob's, or even my own.

"You little jack ass, you know you're not the least bit welcome here." She added, moving to take up residence on my other side.

Jacob didn't seem phased in the least by her comment, and I worried that her obvious disapproval would only serve to egg him on further. I didn't want this to come to blows, because if Edward got hurt in the crossfire of it all I would never forgive myself.

"I can't believe he hasn't even mentioned this to you Bells. I thought for sure after his little drunk escapade at Tommy's party you would have clawed the information right out of him." I didn't offer up any sort of comment. Half of me hoping who would back the hell off and disappear and the other half desperate for him to continue so that the selfish part of me could be satisfied with the knowledge of the history between Edward and him.

"Look, I'm not here to be a bad guy or anything," Emmett huffed incredulously at that comment. "But, if Edward can't disclose the nature of our little tiff than he must not care about you that much." Jacob laughed and it was either the in genuine sound or the harsh words that snapped Edward to attention.

"You don't know anything." He all but snarled, and I heard Esme give a little whimper of disapproval from her place behind Carlisle, her eyes filled with tears as she stared at her broken son.

"I think I know plenty. Bella's gonna end up just like Addie. Knocked up and depressed because your sorry ass doesn't care about her. But I guess that's just your style Edward, you're gonna string this thing with Bella out until she's no more useful than Addie is." I gasped at the comment, but it wasn't my astonished inhale of breath that seemed pierce through the tense atmosphere. It was the sound of flesh against bone as Jacob was sent reeling back against the cold floor. Edward stood above him, face contorted in pain and hurt as he glared down at Jacob's fallen form.

But besides a bruised jaw Jacob seemed to take no pain from the punch, as if Edward's reaction was further proof of his remarkably inappropriate and offensive comments.

"She was my best friend, Edward. And you ruined her life." Jacob spat his tone half angry half amused, as if his words were the ultimate form of revenge. And in some ways... they were. I didn't know that Addie was so close with Jake... I didn't know that he even _knew _her. I didn't know a lot of things, and a small part of me was angry with Edward for keeping it all in the dark, but a larger part was aware of why he did it. Because, like everything that had to do with Addie, this was just another reminder of how much pain he was in, how much suffering her actions brought about. How much guilt he harbored for her loss.

"I didn't ruin her life. You were always putting ideas like that into her head, that I was the worst kind of person, that our _son_ was some sort of punishment!" Edward seethed.

"Because he _was_. That kid kept her from being the kind of person she wanted to be. That kid kept her from-" But Jacob didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Edward was back in his face, squatting in front of him to deliver another blow.

And when the crunch of bone once more highlighted the air, Edward spoke again. "My son kept her from _you._"

And that was it, the root of the problem in general. Jealousy. And in some sort of sick way I felt relieved that the whole argument seemed to be over. In some strange way I felt completely relived even though I just watched my boyfriend fight for another woman's honor. In some bizarre way with one bizarre thought I hoped that Addie understood, wherever she was now, that Andy wasn't a mistake or a punishment, that he was a gift.

My heart ached for her loss, for her confusion. Because, even though some small part of me always seemed to hate her for the way she hurt and betrayed Edward, a bigger part of me now sympathized with the confusion she must have been harboring hearing her best friend say one thing and her boy friend say another.

0000

It was sometime later that I found myself in another part of the hospital. It was sometime later that I found myself in a different waiting room, sitting beside a silent Edward, staring longingly at his bruised fist, wanting nothing more than to cradle it in my hand to lay a kiss upon the discolored skin.

I wanted to reassure him that I didn't hate him for keeping this from me. I needed him to talk to me about it, about this and about everything else that had transpired in the past half hour or so.

Thankfully Jacob was escorted to a different portion of the hospital where a nurse was attending to his dislocated jaw. I felt very unsettled about everything that had been brought to light with only a few harsh spoken comments. And although I wasn't privy to every detail, I understood that my understanding of Addie's suicide possessed an entirely new dimension, an entirely new quality. Not that any suicide had redeeming qualities, and even though the decision was completely rash... part of me understood and felt for her. I no longer harbored a jealous misunderstood hatred for her, but a sympathetic pity for what she must have gone through... for what she lost.

Edward was so special, and I am sure that she must have loved him. But part of her felt a loyalty to Jacob as well, and even though I didn't know the origins of that friendship, I could picture of how their clashing opinions would have effected her. She must have been so confused, so lost.

I felt like crying for her, I felt like crying for Edward. For all that he lost, for all that he was reminded of tonight. I took complete responsibility for Jacob being there, even if I didn't directly invite him. If I weren't such a stubborn brat about the whole Charlie thing, my father would have never sent him here. And although I would have still been in the dark about the Jacob/Addie situation... Edward wouldn't have to worry about a possibly broken fist; he wouldn't have to think once more about everything that he went through just a year ago.

"Would it be completely anticlimactic of me to ask if you were okay?" I wondered aloud, needing to break the awkward silence that had settled between us.

But Edward said nothing, only offering me a shake of his head, his expression defeated in some way. I didn't want him to feel defeated; I wanted him to feel... I didn't know how I wanted him to feel.

He gave me a long look before turning his gaze back to the floor. "I'm fine." He offered, perhaps as atonement for my worried form.

"And your hand?" I pressed, at this point craving at least the sound of his voice. I didn't know what would happen tonight or even tomorrow. I didn't know if he was going to decide that this was all too much for him, or if it was all too much for me. I didn't want him to back out of our relationship, but I knew that he felt trapped, or is feeling so pressured and stressed right now. A great deal of it because of me or due to people who are directly involved in his life through me. I.e. Charlie and Jacob.

"I don't think that they will have to amputate." He stated sarcastically. I cringed a bit at his indifferent tone, because the remark was not made in humor but in obviousness.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, not knowing exactly what I was apologizing for, but, on the other hand, knowing I had to apologize for most things when it came to him.

"It's not your fault." He whispered, but his tone didn't suggest that even he believed those words. He just sounded so... so empty.

And I had done this to him.

I didn't disregard his statement because, frankly, I didn't know what else to say. I could drag out the pointless conversation, turn it into an argument about who is truly at fault here, but I would ultimately always know that his pain, his hurt was my doing. Even if he did somehow get me to agree that I wasn't in total fault, I would always know I was a partial if not substantial reason to his emotional and current physical pain.

"Edward Cullen." A nurse with dark features and a bad perm announced his name in a rather nasally tone. I watched him stand to attention, folding his hurt hand against his chest in a protective sort of gesture.

I mirrored his stance, making it clear that I wanted to be there for him, he didn't seem to mind as I followed him with silent footsteps back to the nurses station and around a corner to a private room.

The large three on the side of the door meant little to me, and I ignored the themed wallpaper that was obviously designed with a four-year-old child in mind. Of course, with Edward still being a minor they had brought him to the pediatric wing. If it weren't for the seriousness of tonight's events I would have giggled a bit at his predicament, he would have laughed, and I would have held his hand as it was placed in a brace or something along those lines.

I wanted to do that now, but feared that any sort of physical contact between the two of us, even a gesture as simple as holding hands would serve to further emotionally wrench him from my side.

I watched, paying careful attention as the nurse examined his hand for any lacerations to the skin and observed as she swiped a disinfecting cloth over the entirety of his hand just to be sure to prevent any microscopic cuts from being infected.

"The doctor should be by in a few to place the hand in a brace. Your knuckles are a bit bruised, but not broken. You'll just need to select a color. She handed him a color wheel and after glancing at it for no more than ten seconds he announced his choice of the color listed as 'charcoal midnight' and the nurse was on her way.

"I don't see why they didn't just call it 'black'." He remarked, smiling a bit to himself. I wanted to smile too, but thought it would be inappropriate. So I resided myself to being happy that he was smiling at all.

"Yea." I offered, shifting in the plastic blue chair I sat in. Edward was seated along the paper-covered bed, his legs dangling neatly off the end, the tops of his sneakers brushing the speckled tile.

The doctor came in then, carrying the brace that was supposed to be kept on his right hand for the next two to three weeks. "We will just have you report to the hospital in Fork's for a routine check up, and as long as you continue to wear it as instructed you should be as good as new.

When she was gone and we were aloud to leave I made to exit the room but Edward's words stopped me.

"I wonder if the dog will press charges." He mused to himself, dangling his legs in a childish fashion from his seat on the bed. He shook his head, smiling to himself. The thought that Jacob would press charges on Edward hadn't occurred to me, and the idea had me scared shitless because if Edward was found guilty it could screw with his plans for college. Surely an assault charge would get you turned down at Dartmouth... at UW...

I turned my horrified gaze to Edward who seemed to take my expression in stride. "It wouldn't be so horrible... nothing I wouldn't deserve... nothing I wouldn't expect. The cherry atop of my already shitty life." I don't know if I was meant to hear the last part, but his words affected me, slashed at my heart. I was a part of his life... did that mean that he considered his relationship with me to be so insubstantial that he could label himself as 'shitty'.

I wanted to cry, but, of course, I knew that he was just reacting to everything that was happening. Edward had had some of the worst luck, some of the most horrific experiences, he was so young and so kind... he didn't deserve the kind of obstacles he'd faced. He deserved the world, and right now.. well the world seemed to be throwing hell in his face.

"Edward... don't say that." I pleaded, dropping my hand from the doorknob and turning to face him.

"Don't say what, Bella? That I have a shitty life? We both know that's true. Tonight just proves that." I moved closer to him, keeping my hands in plain sight, hoping not to spook him. Right now I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms. We need to talk this out, to talk everything out.

"Edward, I know that you have been dealt a pretty 'shitty' hand of cards but... your life isn't so unbearable. You have a wonderful family and an amazing son. You're terribly smart and kind... and," I wanted to tell him I loved him, that he had me through thick and thin. But I suspected that pushing myself on him that way would be needy and selfish.

"And?" He wondered, turning to look at me. Our faces were inches away from each other, and if it had been any other night I would have leaned into him and kissed him. Just because I could, just to feel some semblance of closeness with him.

"And you're going to be alright." I gently placed my hand atop of his, pressing my palm gently atop his brace. He stared at our semi-entwined hands for a moment before turning to face me.

"It's never that simple." He spoke, pulling his hand away from mine and exiting the room.

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_A/N: So yea, I'm back :) Happy Thursday! Welcome to the new update day for Circumstance. So Thursday's and Sunday's expect a chapter from me! I missed writing for this story while I was in California, which was beautiful by the way, but I'm glad to be back home! Thank you for all the support and the overwhelming amount of reviews... I can't believe I'm almost to five hundred. You people astound me!_

_~Lauren :)_


	36. Explanations

**EPOV ... Cus I haven't done it in soooo long! :P**

It wasn't as if my leaving her wasn't hard. It was more difficult than anything that I had been put through that day. Jacob was... unexpected, but still, not nearly as trying as leaving my beautiful girl in that childish hospital room.

My hand hurt, but I'd been through worse. At least I hadn't broken anything, only severe bruising. I'd live.

I sighed, balling my non-injured digits into a fist that swung in an unhinged fashion at my side as I made my way back to the second floor. I kept my head down, keeping myself shut off, keeping the rest of the world at a distance. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered the hustle and bustle that could only be described as an Emergency Room soundtrack, and the loud voices of doctors and nurses as they passed me, wheeling less fortunate patients than I to various operating rooms.

But I just kept walking.

I needed some form of stability, something to ground me. Usually, Bella was that for me. My confidant, my constant. But, when said constant becomes the central origin of all of your doubts and uncertainties, than confiding in them becomes obsolete.

So, I would turn to the only other person I could. Someone who could listen, someone who could be there for me. My brother.

I found him in the hallway, just outside the waiting room. He seemed to be calmer than he had appeared nearly an hour ago. His eyes weren't as cold or as harsh, his fists relaxed against his thighs as he sat, chin tilted toward the ceiling, beside one Rosalie Hale whose head leant gently on Emmett's shoulder.

"Edward!" The sound of my mother's voice was both comforting, and unsettling. Her tone seemed so worried, and when I turned to meet her hazel gaze, I too found evidence of pain and motherly confliction portrayed in her soft features. She nearly ran toward me, wrapping her small form around my own. I hunched over to wrap my arms around her waist and lay my head atop hers.

"I'm alright." I managed to say, hoping that my voice didn't seem as dead and monotone as I felt. Although I loved my mother, it wasn't her arms that I desired to be wrapped up in. Those arms were empty, alone, and confused somewhere on the first floor of this godforsaken place.

I couldn't handle the mental pictures my subconscious was conjuring. Bella sitting alone, arms wrapped around her middle, eyes welling with tears, salty tracks running in parallel streams across her rosy cheeks.

I wanted to scream. To curl up in a ball and just... give up. This day had proved to me, more than anything else, how much of a shit-fest my life was turning out to be.

I hurt everyone I seemed to get close to. My parents, my siblings, my friends, Addie, my son ... Bella. Even Jacob, who I had shown no previous liking to, I seemed to find some semblance of remorse for. Although his lies were ludicrous and unethical... he too was hurting, because he lost his best friend... because she had felt she wasn't enough. And whether that was my own fault or his, we both had starring roles in her eventual demise. He had hurt me, he had hurt her... but I had also hurt him.

I pulled away from Esme, hanging my face dejectedly as she placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"You know how much we love you, Edward." It wasn't meant as a question, just a reminder. In all this mess, I sometimes lost track of who cared for me, unconditionally, irrevocably, even if time and time again I seemed to prove myself more of a disappointment.

"I know." Was my only response, and she left to stand beside a somber looking Carlisle. I gave him a slight grin, but let's face it, I wasn't actually trying. I couldn't try.

"Andy is fine, he's still snoozing." The information supplied by my little sister was taken with gratitude. I wanted to be there for him, but right now I needed to sort out the crazy mess in my head before I could fully be there for him.

"Will you stay with him?" My request seemed to catch her off guard, but she nodded nonetheless, proceeding to re-enter the room. Jasper followed after her, questioning with his eyes if that was all right. I simply nodded.

"Can we get you anything, dear? Bella brought you up some dinner, but I'm afraid it's gone cold." She spoke, gesturing toward a plastic dinner tray that sat atop a nearby coffee table.

"No, thanks." Hearing Bella's name only served to make me cringe internally. "Could... Rose could you go check on her?" I couldn't bring myself to say her name. "She should be down in the ER." Rosalie gave me a confused look, and than a glare, as she must have realized the ass I had been and was being by leaving my girlfriend alone at a time like this.

"Of course, do you want me to explain?" She was referring to the Jacob situation, which Bella was still, somewhat, in the dark about. I nodded. It should have been me down there explaining these things to her, being there for her, assuring her that everything was going to be alright. That I was all right. Because, for some reason, she still found the ability to worry about my wellbeing. Even if I had been nothing but a dick to her by practically ignoring her since our dinner with Charlie.

She got up, running a few fingers thought Emmett's matted curls and offering him a 'goodbye'.

He nodded, whispering something intelligible. Which, I assumed was something along the lines of 'love you' because, Rose's face seemed to soften tremendously, a lazy smile painting her tense expression with gratitude.

She left.

I stood, being awkwardly silent as I attempted to organize my thoughts into an understandable fashion. I needed to rant, to vent all of these thoughts and fears to someone, and I knew that although Emmett didn't seem to be so, he was tremendously perceptive. And, although he seemed to blatantly point out each of my asshole-like tendencies, he was ultimately doing it to help.

"Can we talk?" I finally asked, stuffing my left hand into my pocket. I swung my braced arm along my thigh, my hand wanting to mirror its partner, but not being able to. It was annoying to feel so confined.

"Sure." Emmett answered, sighing as he leant forward, resting elbows to knees. I gave a fleeting glance toward my parents, who, I wasn't sure I wanted present for this conversation.

Carlisle gave me a nod of understanding. "We'll just be going for some coffee." He offered, wrapping an arm around my mother's waist and guiding her from the room and toward the elevators.

After a moment or two, they were out of sight. The only occupants of the room remaining being a rack full of out of date magazines, an abandoned tray of food, my brother, and I.

"Some night, huh?" Emmett spoke, his tone not in the least playful. It seemed almost as worn out as my own must have been. He wasn't pointing out the obvious to ease the tension of the situation with a bit of humor; he was highlighting the fact that this night was completely surreal.

"You could say that." I replied, shuffling my feet along the gray, industrial carpeting as I took my place in Rose's former seat. "This whole night is totally fucked up." He supplied, turning his face to the right to look at me. I nodded in agreement.

"These past few days have been the same." I pulled my left hand from the pocket of my sweats and ran the fingers through my hair. My short nails catching in the knotted strands. "I need a fucking shower." I remarked, breathing a hysterical sort of laugh.

Emmett didn't respond to my random statement, only continuing to stare at the ugly floor.

"So," I gathered myself after another passing moment, preparing to say...whatever I felt needed to be said. "I think I need some advice." My words seemed to amuse him almost, although the smile that adorned his face didn't seem to supply his light eyes with their usual spark.

"You _think_?" He repeated, kicking out his heels along the carpeting, the scuffing noise breaking and conquering the unease and tension.

"Yea. Things have been... things have been confusing lately." I stared, unseeing across the room as I uttered the words. I just felt so out of it, as if this wasn't actually happening to me. As if, the events of the past few days have just been a dream, a dream that I have watched from afar. I was so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I almost felt sick from all the worries and fears and anger that I had been constantly repressing.

"More confusing than Jacob fucking Black showing up tonight." Emmett questioned, his tone hard and unforgiving. Tonight's events seemed to catch everyone off guard. Not just Bella and I. I worried most how the information was affecting her, but I seemed blind to the fact that everyone was obviously in shock.

This further proved that I was not only the shittiest boyfriend in the world, but also the shittiest brother. I didn't deserve either Alice or Emmett.

"Yea, Jacob seems... simple compared to all the Charlie crap." I sighed, knocking the back of my head against the plaster of the wall behind me. Emmett quirked a questioning brow.

"You know Charlie only wants what is best for Bella. You can't really fault him for that, although I do think he's being an asshole about the whole thing." I nodded, staying silent for the moment, hoping he would continue. It was relaxing in a way to have someone else reiterate the situation; it made it easier to look at it from different points of view.

"I mean, he's kinda making Bella feel guilty, don't you think?" He mused, pulling at a lose thread on his jeans.

"What do you mean?" I wondered, hoping he would explain his thought processing.

"It's like this. So, Charlie goes and tells you that having Bella in your life isn't good for her, that he wants her to experience everything, that she's too young to be a parent, etc." I nodded, willing him on. "But, there is obviously two sides to this. What do you think he's telling, Bella?"

I gave him a look, but answered his question. "The same thing, that she's not ready to be parent, that she should date other people." Emmett nodded, but circled a finger though the air in a gesture meant for me to dig deeper.

I huffed in frustration. "I don't know what you're getting at, man." I relented, just wanting him to spit it out. "Ed," I gave him a look. "Ed_ward_, there has got to be more to it than that. Bella's smart, she knows what she's gotten herself into with you. She entered into a relationship with you, knowing you had a son, accepting that it was going to be different, she _knew_ that. And, dude, Charlie knows that she knew that too. So, what would you tell Bella to make her think twice about it all? What would you tell her to piss her off, or to make her question everything?" His voice died off, as if expecting me to finish his thought.

"Um...?" Emmett huffed dramatically pinching the bridge of his nose. A gesture, I feared, was influenced by none other than myself.

"What is the one thing Bella will defend no matter what, who is the one person she never wants to hurt?" And then it all fell into place... like the muted click of the last piece of a puzzle being added to the whole. And now I could clearly see the idea Emmett was forming.

"Me."

"Now you're getting it. Charlie probably told her that she's holding you back or some shit like that, that she's being a nuisance or whatever." I growled at the very thought, Bella was never a nuisance, but if the idea that she was had been placed into her head, I knew that it would only serve to feed her insecurities.

And then I thought back to this afternoon, seeing her blatantly ignore her father's calls, time after time. "She kept ignoring all his calls today." I offered as another piece of evidence to support Em's theory.

_Theory. _My subconscious seemed to scoff at my implications. _You mean his _reality, _dipshit._

Bella was hurting; Charlie had to have said something harsh for her to completely shut him out.

"She took one of his calls though, she told Jacob that her dad knew where she was." Emmett reminded me. I thought back to the confrontation in this very room that had taken place not too long ago.

"Yea... but its Bella, maybe she just took it out of obligation." The words made sense to me. I shrugged, turning my gaze toward the elevators. I wanted to go to her, to ask her, to talk to her. I wasn't ready to earlier, because... although Charlie's words were absurd, he made a point.

"What if it doesn't even matter, Em?" I whispered, not entirely sure where this tangent of thought was taking me. Em gave me an incredulous look. "Doesn't matter?" He seethed in an unbelieving tone.

"Yea. What if her dad's right? What if being in a relationship with me is hurting her?"

"Edward-" Emmett's attempt at chastisement was ignored. I needed to get this out.

"I'm putting her under all this unnecessary stress. She's having to worry about things that no sixteen year old girl should have to worry about..." I fisted my left hand, attempting to do so with the right but crying out in pain when the brace scrapped against my knuckles.

"Shit." I hissed, breathing through the pain. Emmett gave me a worried look, but I shrugged it off with a wave of my hand, continuing my rant.

"I mean, Bella could do so much, ya know? Why should she have to worry about all my crap too? Andy should be nothing more than an after school job to her than an actual responsibility. I... I love her so much, I would hate myself forever if I was holding her back by keeping her with me for the selfish reason that I never want to let her go."

Emmett didn't say anything for a long moment, and when I looked up at him with questioning eyes I realized why.

Bella was standing in the doorway to the waiting room, a somber looking Rose just feet behind her tear-streaked form.

"Bell-" I began, but her sad voice cut me off before I could continue.

"You don't hold me back." She insisted, her gave a quiet hiccup, a side effect of all the crying. She took a few determined steps toward where I sat, and I stood out of respect for her. The gesture bringing me closer to her, I just wanted to hold her.

"But, Bella..."

"If anything, I hold you back." She continued, bringing a fragile hand up to her cheeks and rubbing at the salty tracks her tears had left.

"No, baby-"

"Edward. Please." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as if to psych herself up. "Just... I need to get this out." I nodded, willing her to continue.

"I want to apologize about that night with Charlie." She began, planting herself a foot in front of me, she had her chin titled toward the floor, her fingers knotting together as she wrung her hands nervously. I briefly glanced toward the doorway, finding that Rose and crossed the room and was now standing beside her boyfriend.

"I didn't expect him to be so... rude. I don't know what he said to you, but I know that whatever it was... it hurt you." She chocked on a small sob and my heart just about broke into a million pieces.

I lifted a hand up to her cheeks, but she brushed it away, holding it in her own instead. I understood that she needed the space, that she needed to vent to me just as I had to Emmett.

"I love you, Edward. And I want to be there for you, in your life, in whatever capacity I can. My dad... he thinks that I'm hindering your future by being so involved with you." Her words confirmed Emmett's thinking and I shared a quick glance with my brother, whose eyes seemed just as sad as Bella's.

"It hurts to tell you this stuff, because I don't want to think about it at all, but you deserve to know where I'm coming from." I nodded at my brave girl, squeezing her fingers.

"He thinks that you have enough to worry about with Andy, and that you shouldn't have to worry about me as well. That whatever decisions you make for your future should be made in regards to your family and your son... and that doesn't include me." My anger at her father's words seemed to burn.

"You are my family, Bella." She gave me a watery smile, pausing in her explanation for just a moment.

"And... I think that he may be right." Her words scared me, was she... was she ending things between us? For my benefit... I couldn't let that happen.

"Bella, please don't." I begged, taking another step forward, aware of the other bodies in the room, but only subconsciously. The rest of my being was solely focused on the beautiful girl, _my_ beautiful girl, that seemed to be slowly slipping through my fingers.

"I'm not saying that I want to break up, Edward. God.. Because I don't think I could... I wouldn't know how to _be_ without you." I internally sighed, ignoring her request for space as I leaned my forehead against hers.

She hiccupped again.

"I will take into consideration whatever factors I feel necessary to make the decisions for my future." She nodded, her sad frown not realizing the implications of my words. "Bella... next to Andy, you are my most important factor." I whispered into the shell of her ear, pressing my lips against the soft skin of her neck. I felt her shudder as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"We'll leave you two alone." Rose's whisper startled me, but I didn't drop my hold on Bella, or move my face from it's resting place against her's. I simply watched as my brother and his girlfriend disappeared into Andy's room.

I turned my attention back to my Bella.

Carefully resting my braced hand along the length of her waist, pulling her to me. "I'm so sorry for everything, sweetheart. I'm so, so sorry." Bella's hold tightened, as I felt her nod against my chest.

I placed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

"I'm sorry about Jacob, sorry that I didn't tell you earlier." Bella sighed, dragging her fingers through the short tufts of hair at the back of my neck. "Rose explained." She supplied.

"It should have been me to tell you, I promise I won't keep anything from you again. I don't want to lose you." I insisted, kissing her other cheek.

Bella lifted her face, her lips finding mine as I pulled her more tightly against my chest. She sobbed quietly against my mouth, but the pressure of my lips against hers seemed to ebb her emotions. She relaxed after a moment or two more, my lips moving from hers to briefly greet the skin of her jaw line and then her throat.

"I love you." I whispered against her collarbone, pulling away to obtain some necessary oxygen.

"Me too." She leaned her head against the face of my chest.

I moved us slowly back to the plastic, waiting room chairs. Returning to my former seat and pulling Bella onto my lap. She curled against my torso, her soft brown hair tickling the underside of my chin where her head rested just beneath.

We were silent for a moment or two. I drug my fingers gingerly up and down her spine; she hummed in pleasure, a deep sigh passing through her lips.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you. I know I said it before, but you didn't deserve it." She nodded again, tilting her head up to kiss my jaw.

More silence. I decided to selfishly fill the quiet with more indulgent kisses. Continuing to press my lips to her mahogany waves, inhaling her fresh scent as if it were another lifeline. She was, after all, what kept me grounded.

"Is that all that your father said?" I questioned, wanting to know absolutely everything, needing to know everything so that we could work through it... together.

She didn't say anything, her only response was to tighten her fingers around my neck and tuck her face into the cotton of my T-shirt.

I knew there was more, and I worried about her closing off.

"Please, tell me." I pleaded, looking down on her small form.

"It's nothing." She insisted quietly, but the dull monotone of her voice gave her away. I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't be honest with me.

"Bella." I chastised, nudging her forehead with the point of my nose, encouraging her to lift her chocolate irises to mine. Wanting to see her, to maybe read what she wasn't telling me through her expression.

She lifted her sad eyes in response to my nuzzling, and what I saw there broke my heart. "He really hurt you, didn't he?" She said nothing.

I kissed her forehead.

"He... it's nothing I wasn't already aware of." She said, her words confusing me.

"What are you aware of?" I wondered one last time. She sighed.

"That I'm not Andy's mother. That... I never will be, no matter how much I want to be."

Her words shocked me. Had...had her father really said that to her?

I was astounded. I knew that she loved Andy, but I wasn't aware of how deeply. She wanted to be his mother... something he had never had.

"You would ... you want to be a mother... to _my _son?" I questioned, a giddy smile tugging at my cheeks. But she had her face tucked away from my site; she was unaware of how happy those words had made me. Maybe even happier than when she told me she loved me.

"I love Andy." She whispered into my shirt. I nodded, leaning down to kiss her cute little nose.

"I know, and I love you for caring for him so deeply." ... "Andy would be lucky to have a mother like you, Bella."

0000

_A/N: Hello! Happy Sunday! I hope everyone liked this chapter; it just seemed to kinda flow out of me... I've been wanting to address Edward's POV for a few chapters, but I just needed to get all of Bella's out first!_

_And for those of you who are wondering about the Jacob thing, I am going to do an overview of Rose and Bella's convo in the next chapter!_

_AND HOLY SHIT PEOPLE! I'm currently at 495 freakin reviews! How great are you people? Seriously, I am so blessed to have so many loyal readers... I love you guys :)_

_~Lauren_


	37. Understanding

**BPOV**

There isn't really a way to describe the safety I felt being cradled in Edward's arms. It was unlike any other feeling I have ever come to experience in my short life. For what must have been hours he sat, patiently, persistently, lovingly tracing circuits through my hair, across and around my cheeks. His arms around me never relented, always steady, always there. I clung to him, desperately seeking the permanence that came with his touch. Knowing that we would never be apart was a truth I craved more than air.

I fought with drooping eyelids, afraid to lose consciousness. Would he still be there when I woke up? Would he still be holding me? Would he still love me? I had forgiven Edward for the things he kept from me, for his distance. Now the most important thing was helping him to forgive himself.

I tilted my tired eyes up to his face, immediately finding purchase in warm lips. They covered mine with promise and hope. Apology and acceptance, were clear and expressed with each movement of his mouth over my own. I kissed him back, gently, lethargically, wiling my arms to cradle his face and to trace the planes of his cheeks and throat.

"I love you." I whispered, needing to say it, needing him to hear it. Because it wasn't about wanting him to say it back, even though every time he did I never failed to catch my breath, it was about him understanding how much he was needed, how much I craved him.

His response was to reach out for my lips again, his warm fingers wrapping around dark strands to lay my head against his sturdy shoulder.

"Sleep." He simply stated.

I closed my eyes.

0000

My sleep wasn't haunted by restlessness or nightmares. Nor were my dreams tainted with visions of loneliness and regret. I knew now that I was safe and cared for, that Edward didn't hate me. I understood, although the realization was painful to endure, that I would no longer feel alone.

Instead, the pictures that floated around my exhausted subconscious were merely images and reminders of the previous nights events.

The altercation between Edward and Jacob.

The childish pediatric room.

Edward's black brace.

Rosalie finding me, hunched over, leaking an obscene amount of tears. Utterly pathetic, desperate for reassurance.

_"Bella?" I didn't look up to confirm the whereabouts of the familiar voice. Only the slightest flickering of blonde hair and warm, soft hands pulling at my own brought me to conclude that it was indeed Rosalie who had found me in my unsightly state._

_I sniffled, the gesture unflattering at best. She gave me a weak, sympathetic half-smile. "Bells." She cooed, procuring a wad of crumpled tissue from her purse._

_I received the gift with shaking fingers and a meek 'Thanks.'_

_I hadn't left Edward's room yet, the wheel of cast-colors sat unmoved beside me on the paper covered bed. The nurses hadn't come back, no one had asked me to kindly relocate my sobbing form._

_I worried briefly that I was occupying a room that could otherwise be used for a patient in need, but my mind didn't care about my sympathies, and so I remained stationary._

_"He just left." I chocked, rubbing furiously at the unceasing pools of liquid that seemed to constantly cascade along my cheeks. Rosalie's warm hands moved to pat at my shoulders. I wasn't surprised that Rosalie was offering me some sort of comfort, in fact, I was touched by her obvious effort, I just didn't feel like company and unless she had news on Edward's whereabouts I didn't want to listen to her empty reassurances._

_"Please, just go." I implored, sniffling loudly into the tissues, feeling gross and sad and pathetic on several counts._

_"I don't think so, Bells." She answered simply, running her manicured nails through my knotted curls. "It's okay to cry, hun. It's over." She offered, but her words only served to deepen my emotional wounds._

_"You're wrong. It's only just started." Edward hated me, he _hated _me. There was no getting around that now. "He hates me." I stated, my voice as dead and lazy as I felt._

_God... was I ever going to get over this?_

_Rosalie just shook her head as if my words meant nothing, were nothing. "You're wrong, Bella. Edward loves you, he's just... overwhelmed, you know? That dick didn't have a right to show up tonight, he screwed up everything. We were all taken pretty off guard." I hated that she was so obviously defending him, even though everything she said was completely true._

_I didn't want to blame Edward, but hearing her reiterate all the happenings of tonight was doing nothing but bringing my current situation into the light. I was alone, and... I was hurt, beyond repair it both seemed and felt._

_"He hates me." I repeated, feeling utterly dejected._

_"Bella, stop it. Edward couldn't hate you, none of this was your fault so stop being so dramatic." She stated bluntly, flipping her hair nonchalantly over her shoulder as she continued to rub my back._

_"Of course it's my fault, Rose! Jacob came to get _me, _if it weren't for me, Edward wouldn't be hurt right now." I pointed out, dropping my face to my palms._

_I was so sick of hurting Edward. It was my fault for everything that had gone sour these past few days. _I _was the one who suggested we visit with Charlie, which was a total disaster. _I _was the one who showed up here without really taking into consideration how my father would feel about it. Even though I could care less about what Charlie thought at this point, maybe if _I_ had taken some time to leave a note with a phone number and an empty promise to call every hour on the hour than he wouldn't have sent Jacob here. Add yet another fault of mine; keeping Jacob in my life when it so obviously upset Edward. It didn't even matter that I had no clue as to why such an animosity existed between my boyfriend and my sort-of friend; my loyalty had always and would always reside in Edward. I should have kept Jacob away from the beginning._

_I sighed._

_And now_ I_ was here, reminding him of all the hurt_ I_ had put him through._ I_ was the one who put him in a position to hurt himself. I felt like such a failure to him. Of course he hates me, _I_ hate me._

_"You can't seriously be blaming yourself for Edward's injury. Bella, come on, you didn't know Jacob was going to be there. Hell, you didn't know Edward had such a problem with Jacob." She offered, angling herself to better face me. I didn't make the extra effort to mirror the gesture; just swept shaky fingers through matted curls and asked the one question I needed answered._

_"What exactly happened, Rose? I mean, I have a pretty good idea...but..." Rose's hand paused along the curve of my spine, and I watched out the corner of my eye as she pulled her fingers to her lap._

_"Edward asked me to tell you." She stated simply, nudging my tired form with her knee. "Bells, this whole thing... it really sucks, for both parties involved. But, because Edward has been my friend for so long I can't help but be on his side." She paused for a moment and I turned to her incredulously._

_"My loyalties don't belong to Jacob. After tonight it will be hard for me to even look at him." I knew what she was doing. She was warning me that this story was going to paint Jacob in a negative light. Well, I expected that, and frankly, I couldn't care less. Jacob wasn't important to me like Edward was important to me._

_"Alright. Well, it all kinda started when Addie first moved here. It was the summer before our sophomore year." I nodded, willing her to continue. "Edward met her the first week she was here, and they hit it off immediately. Addie's dad worked as some sort of travel journalist and I guessed they moved around a lot to accommodate his assignments. Anyway, he was working on some articles for a travel journal about the Pacific Northwest, and I guess they were doing a big feature on some of the local beaches. La push beach was one of them." I nodded, getting where this was going._

_"Addie would sometimes go with her dad on an assignment because she liked to see the places her dad wrote about. She went with him that first day to La Push and I guess that's where she met Jacob." She shrugged, crossing her ankles and swinging her legs in a rhythmic fashion. The gesture was soothing in a weird way, and I kept my dead eyes on her red ballet flats._

_"They became really good friends, and I guess Jacob had asked her out but by that time she and Edward were already dating." I cringed a bit inwardly at the awkwardness of their situation. I blinked the errant thoughts away, staying silent as an invitation for Rose to continue._

_"Anyway, that's when the whole 'feud' between Edward and Jake seemed to start. Addie was really good friends with Jake and would go to visit him sometimes, and Edward didn't like that she was spending so much time with him. She just called him out on his jealous bull shit. She was funny that way." Rosalie smiled a bit to herself, before shaking her head._

_It was weird to think that Edward wasn't the only one who had gotten close to Addie. Rosalie and Alice were her good friends it seemed, and it made me kinda sad, like I was filling this void for all of them. But, when I got over the selfishness of those thoughts I found the necessary sympathy that Rose deserved, she was remembering her friend, and I needed to be there for her in someway or another._

_"I'm sorry, Rose." I whispered, hoping she would get that I was trying to be understanding. She just gave me a sad half smile and nodded. "It was a long time ago." She insisted with a flick of her wrist._

_"Things just seemed to blow even more out of proportion when Addie found out she was pregnant. And then all hell broke lose when Jake found out. He came over to Edward's house and screamed at him for putting Addie in this position. Edward told him to mind his own business, and then.. well the rest you kinda heard earlier. They just fought all the time. Jacob was always insisting to Addie that Edward wasn't ready to be a father and that he would leave her. He told her that Andy was just a mistake to Edward." She sighed, scratching absentmindedly at her forearm._

_"Edward wasn't nearly as bad, but he did ask Addie to stay away from Jake. I guess you can imagine how confused Addie must have been, she was just so... overwhelmed. I don't think any of us realized how much of a toll it taken on her mental health until, well... until Andy was born." I nodded, understanding coloring my face. It must have been so scary for Addie to witness such hostility between two of the most important people in her life._

_"I'm not saying that Jake didn't deserve Edward's rage tonight, because he definitely did. But, I mean... this is such a touchy subject with Edward. Don't be mad at him for hitting Jake or for over reacting, because Jake shouldn't have come here tonight." I nodded, understanding completely._

_"I'm not mad at Edward. Just worried." I insisted, shaking my loose hair to fall around my face. "It just seems like everything is changing. I feel so... I don't know. Like I am incapable of stopping it, you know?" She probably didn't, but whatever. She would get my point._

_"Yea, I know it seems that way. But, maybe it doesn't have to be all for the bad. I mean... Emmett told me about what happened with Charlie." Wait, Emmett knew? I gave her a questioning glance. "Edward talked to him that night. It may not seem like it, but Emmett and Edward are really close, they talk all the time. In fact, that's where Edward is right now, talking to Emmett." She explained._

_It wasn't surprising that Edward was close to his brother. Edward loved all of his family, including Rosalie and Jasper; he was just that kind of guy. It just worried me to pieces what exactly they were discussing._

_"Bella. We can go up there if you want to see him." I immediately shook my head, although the gesture made my heart heavy. Every part of me longed to see him, to hold him, to make sure he was all right._

_Every part of my being loved him, and I felt that every part of me would crumble and be destroyed if he decided that our relationship was better off if it didn't exist._

_"Bella, although it may not seem like it, this could end up making you guys stronger." I gave a weary look. "Think about it, now all the cards are out on the table. There aren't any more secrets. You are both scared, not just you. Edward seemed so...broken when I left him upstairs. You are both feeling raw right now, everything is out in the open. Embrace that, don't hide from it." She advised, reaching for my hand and incasing it in her own._

_"Come on." And I watched as she made to stand in front of me. She tugged my arm until I was upright beside her._

I woke up sometime later to the sounds of a steady beating heart monitor. Blinking my eyes I realized first and foremost that I was no longer encased in Edward's familiar and warm arms. Second I realized that I was alone, not just that I was solitary in the poor excuse for a hospital chair, but that I was in fact the only individual to occupy the entirety of the room. Or so I thought...

Andy was awake, and his gentle cooing and crying noises immediately brought me to my feet.

I heard voices just beyond the barrier of the thin wooden door, but I couldn't be bothered to identify the speakers because I was too preoccupied with calming the tiny toddler who lay in front of me.

I didn't know how long I was out for, but the faint light spilling through the white hospital blinds hinted at the early morning hours. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, stumbling groggily toward the plastic covered infant bed.

Andy's little hands were patting gently at the tiny cut out circles where his daddy's hand usually occupied. I immediately stuck my fingers through the slot, gently tracing what I hoped were calming patterns along his fore arm.

"Hi, baby." I spoke softly, bringing two fingers to my lips and blowing him an air kiss. "It's okay." I cooed, smiling as his little fingers made a fist around my thumb.

I noticed that sometime during the night one of the nurses must have taken him off ventilation as he was breathing on his own, albeit slightly weaker than normal. He only had two IV's in his arms now, versus what seemed like dozens that were in place just yesterday afternoon. He had some of his color back, and I wondered that the medicine the doctors had placed him on were actually helping more than expected.

I tugged a bit at his hold on my thumb, frowning at the cries the gesture seemed to emit. I immediately relocated my fingers to trace through his auburn dusted curls, listening for the little contented sighs the gesture usually procured.

"It's okay, Andy. I'm here." I pried my eyes away from his for just a moment, searching for the little red button that I found along the wall just above his bed. I pressed it, knowing that he was uncomfortable.

Three soft beeps seemed to echo in the hall just outside the door and immediately the metal knob was twisted, a frazzled looking Edward all but running toward the bed.

"What's wrong?" He immediately stated, coming to stand just behind me. I continued to trace my fingers through Andy's fine hair and along his soft cheeks. "He's being fussy." I supplied, turning my face slightly so I could better see Edward's concerned gaze.

He nodded with a tight smile, pushing his arm through the other circular opening and tickling at Andy's toes. "It's okay buddy, Daddy's here." He whispered, and Andy's glassy eyes immediately snapped to Edward's face.

"Da." He spoke, the sound muffled by the plastic barrier, but only slightly.

"That's right." Edward breathed shakily, sighing as he rested his chin along my shoulder. "Da is here." He chuckled nervously.

A nurse stepped in not a moment later, carrying an IV bag. "His medication is running low." She offered as an explanation to Andy's uncomfortable status. Edward and I watched quietly as the woman replaced Andy's IV drip. "This little guy is a trooper, the doctor is really pleased with his progress." She stated. That brought a small smile to my face as Andy's scrunched up nose seemed to relax.

"Dr. Weston should be in momentarily to run a few more tests. If he is no longer contagious, you will be allowed to hold him." Edward wrapped his free arm around my waist, giving it a tight, happy squeeze.

"Thank you." He whispered as she left the room. He released a long sigh, laying a small kiss to my cheek.

"I think your daddy's excited to hold you, Andy." I spoke, giggling as Edward's fingers found purchase at the skin of my hip, tickling me slightly. "Hey." I pouted, elbowing him gently in the stomach until he relented. He just shook his head, his unruly hair tickling at the side of my throat.

"Don't be mean, Da." I warned, hoping the smile on my face came through in my voice. Andy repeated the sentiment. "Da. Da." My smile widened.

"See, he agrees with me!" I pointed out, twisting my face so better access his green eyes. "Listen to your son." I warned, smirking as he rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Bellda." He teased back, closing the few centimeters of space between us by pressing his lips to my own. It was a quick kiss, but I enjoyed it nonetheless, smiling when I pulled away.

We were silent for a few moments, watching Andy as he settled himself back in for a short nap.

At some point I removed my arm from the plastic box, pressing my palm to the outside of the container. "Did you really mean it?" I wondered aloud, smiling as Andy's little mouth formed a cute little 'o' around a gentle yawn.

Edward pulled his arm away too, moving to wrap both his arms around my waist. "Mean what?" He questioned, eyes never leaving his now sleeping son.

"Did you mean what you said... about Andy being lucky to have me as a mother?" I spoke, so curious and desperate for reassurance. I hoped Edward knew that I had no plans to give up on our relationship. I hoped Edward understood that he was it for me. I hoped he understood that I would never need to look anywhere else for love, because I was already overwhelmed by the amount he had for me and that I had for him.

I wanted to be with him forever, in whatever capacity I could be. Whether it be as a friend, a best friend, a girl friend... a wife. I wanted that with him, I wanted a family someday, when we were both older, when we were both ready for that kind of commitment.

I wanted to adopt Andy as my own son, if Edward would let me. Because I already considered him in the same light I would hold my own child. He was a part of Edward, and I loved Edward so therefore loving Andy just came naturally.

Edward breathed a quiet chuckle against my shoulder, his lips pressing against the shell of my ear. "Of course, sweetheart." He insisted, pulling me back to rest against his chest. We were both quiet, enjoying the happiness and the honesty of the moment.

I knew it might have been too soon to discuss the future beyond the next few months. I knew, logically, that a couple our age shouldn't have worries beyond finding matching prom attire, but I couldn't help but wonder about what the next five...the next ten years might hold for my life.

I hoped that I was happy, with Edward, with Andy... I hoped that I never had to leave them.

I knew, logically, that couples our age were not at all concerned about these kind of things, that, in most cases, they didn't have reason to be, but I also knew that the relationship I shared with Edward was anything but normal.

Dr. Weston stepped through the door then, interrupting my inner musings. "Hello." she spoke, her indifferent tone colored just slightly with a hint of pride. "Mr. Cullen the test results came back negative." She informed, and the smile that broke out on Edward's face was so genuine that I couldn't help but catch my breath. "He's no longer considered contagious, however I would still like to keep him here for observation and a few more dosages of his medication regiment. He can go home as early as tomorrow afternoon if his health continues to progress in his favor." The click of the locked hinges seemed to make Edward fidgety as he reached an excited hand out toward the upturned plastic cover.

"He was very lucky that we caught this in time. Remember, plenty of fluids and lots of rest." Edward thanked her again, his smile so bright as he carefully picked up Andy in his strong arms, conscious of the medical drip.

"Thank you." I reiterated, giggling at Edward's smile as Andy gripped onto one of his fingers tightly.

"You're welcome, Miss. You're son is lucky to have you two as parents." She stated before leaving the room. I stiffened at her words, but couldn't help the smile that fought to break out over my face. Edward seemed equally shocked, but just smirked at my frozen form.

"It's okay." He promised, nodding his head in Andy's direction in an effort to bring me closer to him. When I was standing just behind his shoulder he turned his face back, dropping a warm kiss to my forehead.

"I love you, you know that right?" He whispered. I nodded immediately as he offered to place his tiny child in my arms. I gently framed my arms in a cradle and sighed when Andy's little body was passed to me.

"I love you too, Edward. I love you both."

0000

_A/N: Sorry for the semi-late update. Thursday was crazy busy for me. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! See you Sunday! :D_

_~Lauren_

_P.S. OMG OVER FIVE HUNDRED REVIEWS! I cannot be more thankful to everyone who takes the time to read my story and to give it a chance. Thanks especially to those who share their thoughts and comments either by review or PM. _


	38. Back Home

**BPOV**

True to her word, Dr. Westen released Andy the following morning, leaving Edward more than a little relieved. Proof of this being the fact that he hadn't put Andy down or passed him off since signing all the final paperwork. We were currently on our four-hour trek back to Forks, and upon Edward's constant insistence, Andy's car seat was conveniently positioned between the two of us in my truck cab. Kudos to Edward for figuring out how to fit a modern car seat into this ancient thing.

I wasn't about to protest though, I loved spending time with my boys, and Andy seemed to be enjoying the ride as well, gurgling and cooing at all the odd sounds my engine was sputtering every few minutes. We popped a CD in and Edward was singing all of the songs to his son, albeit loudly and very off key, but it was adorable nonetheless.

About half way through the ride we stopped for gas and snacks. Edward insisted on purchasing an oversized bag of Hershey's chocolate chips, claiming that the sale price was "Too good to pass up." Yea, sure Edward.

Not that i was complaining, Andy was definitely on board with the idea, as he had been patting the side of his seat for the past thirty minutes, making little fists and loud noises until Edward would fork over a chocolate chip.

"You've created a monster." I informed, giggling as Edward proudly handed over another morsel. I held my palm upward in the hopes of procuring my own treat, which Edward obliged to by dropping half the bag into my hand.

"You're going to give me cavities." I chided, scrunching up my nose at the obscene amount of candy before shrugging and proceeding to pop the entire handful into my mouth.

Classiness be damned, Andy wasn't the only chocolate fiend in the car. Edward chuckled, shaking his head.

I smiled sheepishly, well, as best as I could around a mouthful of sticky chocolate and lifted a hand to graze the top of Andy's warm head. Andy sighed, my gesture seeming to successfully distract him from the half empty bag of chocolate. He cooed at me, reaching up playfully to pull at my fingers.

I giggled at his antics, dropping my sight from the road for just a moment to plant a wet kiss on his forehead.

"Bella!" Edward whined, dabbing at Andy's forehead. "Don't slobber on my son!" He teased, his eyes and voice filled with mirth.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What, I just want to protect him from cooties." He informed, shrugging his shoulders in nonchalance. I stifled a snort.

"Uh huh, sure. You're not usually one to protest my kisses, Edward." I pointed out and his cheeks darkened just the slightest.

_That's what you get for teasing me._

He threw another fist full of chocolate into his mouth, and I rolled my eyes.

"Your daddy is silly, Andy. I promise, I don't have cooties." I reassured the screeching toddler who just smiled obliviously up at me. "Bellda, Bellda."

0000

We made it back into town around two thirty, successfully dodging the remainder of the school day. Not that that was ever our intention...

Either way, we immediately made our way to the Cullen house as Andy was beginning to get fussy. Apparently my truck was only so amusing.

"Can you take him upstairs and give him his medicine while I switch the car seat back into the Mercedes?" Edward asked me upon parking. I nodded, unbuckling my seat belt and turning to the antsy toddler, releasing him efficiently from his straps and pulling him to my chest.

Although the doctor assured us that Andy was all but cured, we weren't going to take our chances. In Carlisle's professional opinion, although I'm sure the cautious grandparent side of him played a part in the diagnosis, Andy was still not yet back to 100 percent and therefore we should give him lots of fluids and putting him down for extra long naps. We were instructed to keep him on the medicine for the next forty-eight hours, giving him a shot of the unappealing looking pink stuff three times a day.

"Come on, dude, let's get you changed." I suggested, bouncing Andy slightly as I made my way up to the stairs, the gesture made in an attempt to keep him calm, at least until Edward joined us. His daddy always seemed to be able to calm him no matter what. It was a gift neither I, nor anyone else in his family possessed or understood. Esme insisted that Emmett was a god-awful handful as a child, and that Edward was lucky to have a well-behaved boy as they came few and far between.

I, of course, knocked on wood after that statement, not wanting karma to bite us in the ass when Andy was our age. A rebellious teen sounded so much less fun than a terrible toddler.

And yes, I was thinking of myself as part of Andy's future now. Charlie's hesitations shot to hell, I was going to be in this little boy's life as long as Edward wanted me to be. I knew that the both of them were it for me, at least, Edward was it for me. I wouldn't mind having more children when I was older.

I trotted lightly up the stairs, Andy's little head resting in the crook of my neck and his little hands fisting the material at the front and back of my shirt. He was so damn cute.

"Come on, sweetie." I announced, twisting open Edward's bedroom door and kicking my shoes off my feet. I sighed, sinking my naked toes into the plush carpet as I padded my way toward the closet and Andy's changing table.

After we got him all cleaned up and changed into a soft pair of cowboy PJ's, I carefully measured out half a teaspoon of the medication into a plastic spoon contraption, sticking the end in Andy's mouth and allowing the sticky, syrupy goop to slide down his throat.

Ick. I hated taking medication.

Andy didn't seem phased, only interested in playing with the feet of his onesie. He skillfully, and in true baby fashion, bent his entire torso over and impressively encased the entirety of his big toe into this mouth.

"Someone's teething." I remarked, a happy calm settling over me when I heard the bedroom door shut behind me and felt Edward's arms wrap around my middle. "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure he's just weird like that." Edward explained, smiling hugely as his son continued to maul his foot off.

"Is that safe?" I wondered aloud, giggling a bit to myself. Edward shrugged. "He usually stops before blood is shed." I laughed, mentally remarking on the 'usually' portion of that comment.

Edward turned his face, his lips pressing lightly to the side of my face. The scruff of 48 hours or so scratching at my sensitive skin. "Go shave, cave man." I remarked, quickly turning my own face to press my lips to his. He smiled around my mouth, his hands suddenly moving lightly over the exposed skin of my hips causing me to issue a shriek of embarrassing giggles.

"Edward!" I protested, swatting at his hands. "Stop!" I whined, wiggling my way out of his grasp and locating myself on the other side of the room. I had somehow managed to procure a pillow during my run and had it defensively positioned in front of my body.

I felt so threatening in that moment. Bring it on Edward.

He raised an amused brow at me, turning and picking up his equally amused toddler and setting him on his hip.

"Now, now, Bella. You wouldn't hit me with a pillow would you? Not when it could accidentally hurt Andy." His voice sounded so innocent. Oh, he was good.

"You don't fight fair, Cullen." I informed sullenly, carefully stepping past him and making a beeline for the door. "I'm off to spend some quality time with Alice and Rosalie, who don't use their children against me." I stuck out my tongue, tossing his pillow back onto the mattress.

"Alice and Rose don't have children, Bella." Edward pointed out, but I just shook my head. "That's where you're wrong, Eddie." I teased, feeling triumphant at the sneer I was awarded with. "Emmett is as much Rosalie's child as he is Esme's."

Edward scoffed, but chuckled nonetheless. "Touché, Swan. You win this round." And with that I was off, sprinting down the hall and to the stairs. I took one flight in three steps, worried about retaliation or, God forbid, sneak attacks from one Edward Cullen.

I was at Alice's door in record time, knocking feverishly and when an amused Rose answered the door I squeezed myself through the narrow opening and twisted the knob into 'lock' position.

"Uh... what's up James Bond?" Alice questioned, her tone completely and understandably amused.

"Nothing, just taking extra precautions incase the enemy decides to retaliate." I was smiling widely, completely aware of my silliness.

"The enemy being?" Rosalie pondered.

"Child wielding boyfriends." Alice and Rose nodded in unison as if they knew exactly what I was going on about. "He uses that boy as an excuse to get out of any fight. It's a low blow if you ask me."

I located a bag of open Doritos on the floor and proceeded to grab a handful. "I know," I started. "I can't very well participate in an all out pillow war if the other team uses a child as a shield. I call bullshit!" I ranted, smirking around a mouthful of powdered cheesy goodness.

"You should win by default." Alice suggested and the three of us agreed that if ever Andy should unwillingly become subjected to pillow fights or competitions of the like the opposing team shall win by default.

"Cheers!" I shouted, holding up half of a chip and toasting the other girl's snacks. We all laughed at our antics. Pausing for a few moments to gather ourselves.

"That was fun." I commented, reaching around to grab a soda from Alice's pink, yes _pink_, mini-fridge. Alice nodded her head, gesturing with a flick of her wrist to gather drink for her as well. I obliged, tossing the carbonated liquid her way.

"Equal parts fun and strange. Seriously, Swan. Are you sure Dr. Westen didn't mistakenly give you the drugs?" I shook my head. "Ha. Ha. Ms. Hale." I deadpanned with a roll of my eyes. "I'll have you know, I'm completely sober." She nodded, simply reaching into the chip bag for another round of snacks.

"If this is you sober, m'dear...I'm not entirely sure I could handle you as a drunk." Alice teased and I gave her an annoyed glare. "Whatever." I finally spoke.

Rose and Alice looked at each other with a smirk before, in unison of course, mocking me. "Whatever!" They spoke in horrible renditions of my own voice.

"You two are mean." I pointed out, they both shrugged. "Love is pain, darling." Alice reminded me, blowing me a kiss after which she completely lost herself in a round of giggles. I was sure it was the caffeine that had caused it.

After Alice had gathered herself back together we sat in amused silence eating our food and smirking at each other. It was moments before Rosalie broke the silence.

"How you holding up kid?" She wondered. I smiled.

"Pretty well, I think." I supplied, feeling my cheeks heat as flashbacks of Edward's arms around me and his lips pressed over mine flooded my subconscious. I sighed and Alice gave me a happy smile.

"My brother is so smitten with you." She pointed out, clapping her hands in a funny, Alice-like gesture. "Agreed." Rosalie said, tossing her hair over one shoulder. "You're both so in awe of each other. I swear Edward thinks you're the reason the sun rises and sets." She concluded.

"All hail, Bella! Master of the universe!" Alice chimed in, her high voice dropping an octave and a half in order to mimic her brother's tone. It was funny as hell.

"Shut up. Jasper and Emmett fall all over themselves to make you two happy as well." I reminded. They both smiled, nodding to themselves. "We do love our boys, don't we ladies?" Alice asked. Rose and I both nodded.

"It's so nice that Edward makes you happy, Bells. You're a different person when he walks into the room. I swear your smile swallows your face." Alice giggled, I rolled my eyes. "He does make me happy." I agreed, thinking about all the wonderful things he's done and said and all the experiences and trust we have shared and built. All of it done together.

"I love him a lot." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I wish Charlie would see that." I mumbled to myself, but Rosalie caught on, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"You wanna talk about it?" She wondered, moving a hand to awkwardly rest on my shoulder. The gesture was comforting nonetheless. I shrugged in response.

"Not much to talk about really. He just seems so dead set on the idea that I'm not mature enough to handle a relationship with Edward." I rubbed at my arm self-consciously. "I mean, if my own father doesn't trust me it just... it made me rethink a lot of things." Alice's eyes widened.

"Rethink? You mean... you're having second thoughts about dating Edward?" She gasped, the words coming out in shocked spurts. I gave her a halfhearted shake of the head.

"No. I mean, not anymore, at least. Edward and I talked about it, and honestly, at this point I've realized if I have to pick over making my dad happy versus making Edward happy...than I would choose Edward every time." Alice gave me a sad smile.

"It's seems really unfair, the situation he's put you in is just so... unnecessary. I mean, I love my dad... but if he ever told me I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with Jasper I would have freaked." Alice admitted, her honesty helping to lift my sullen mood.

Rosalie nodded her head as if to agree.

"I guess. Charlie also hinted that I was holding Edward back, like my presence in his life was adding all this stress and pressure to him. I didn't want to believe him at first, but even the idea of hurting Edward, and me being the cause of it. It was just... torture." Rosalie nodded, her face knowing. I was pretty sure she was recalling our conversation in the pediatrics wing a few nights ago.

"You talked it out with Edward. Right?" Alice questioned, her tone completely serious. "Of course." I answered with a nod. Talking with Edward was what I needed for clarification on the subject. If Edward felt that I had been a burden, I would have walked away for his sake. I would have been completely dysfunctional and entirely miserable, but I would have done it.

But thankfully, Edward thought the idea was as heinous as I originally perceived it to be. My only worry now was that he would change his mind and realize later that maybe our relationship wasn't a good idea.

I sighed once more.

"Are you going to talk to your dad?" Alice wondered, I nodded hesitantly. "I'm gonna have to go home at some point." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "Part of me hopes that talking it out will make him see reason, but he's just so damn stubborn. I worry that he'll listen with deaf ears and issue me some kind of ultimatum." I shifted uncomfortably, stretching out my left leg that had fallen asleep sometime in the last few moments or so.

"I know that I need to apologize to him, because I was rude with ignoring his calls and making him worry and such. But, he also needs to apologize to me for flying of the handle and being unnecessarily rude to Edward. If he had concerns he should have come to me so that we could hash it out in a more private setting." It was also completely uncalled for that he sent Jacob to come get me, as if I wasn't capable of making my own decisions.

I huffed in annoyance, picturing the black brace that adorned Edward's injured hand.

"He doesn't respect my opinions or wishes... that's what hurts the most." I admitted, feeling very small all of a sudden. For the first time in weeks I thought of my mother, tears prickling at the backs of my eyes. She would have been happy for me, happy that I had found someone who cared for me as much as she once had. I have no doubt in my mind that Renee would have invited Edward in with open arms. She was my best friend, she knew me better than anyone else.

Part of me understood that the Cullens were now filling that role. The people in my life who knew me better than anyone else... and it was a complete comfort to realize that I had them to go to if things ever went wrong.

"I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, Bells. You are being extremely mature about the situation. I'd read my father the riot act if he ever acted so out of line in front of Jasper, and I'm sure Rose would do the same for Emmett." Rosalie nodded immediately. "You haven't experienced the silent treatment until you've pissed off one Rosalie Hale." Alice remarked, Rose shrugged but nodded.

"Thanks for the warning." I answered, playing into the lighthearted air the conversation had seemed to take on.

"If anything happens and you feel like you need a place to crash, my room's always open. Although I'm sure Edward would put up a good fight when it came to sleeping arrangements." I blushed, but nodded gratefully.

"Thank Alice, Rose. You both have been so amazing... you've helped me so much, I don't know what I would do without you." I admitted, a lonely tear falling down the side of my face.

Rosalie and Alice 'awed' in unison, both of them lunging for me and tackling me into a group hug.

Things would turn out okay.

0000

_A/n: This chapter was short and silly, but I think the story needed some comic relief. So... you people are amazing for all the reviews and hits I've received, it's so overwhelming. Really, thank you all so much!_

_Alrighty, so this week I'm off to college! I move in to my dorm on Thursday, so I'm gonna move this weeks update day to Wednesday and I think I'm gonna cancel the Sunday update, but just for next week. I just need to get my bearings in and then it will be back to normal updates! :)_

_This story is coming to an end, and it's been an incredible journey writing this with all of you. There will be about... three more chapters and an epilogue. I don't think I will post a sequel, I don't think the story needs one._

_Have a great week, see you Wednesday :)_

_~Lauren_


	39. Solutions

**EPOV **

We had finally been allowed to bring Andy home today, and I couldn't be more excited about him feeling better. Its hard to watch a child be ill, but when it's your own child...well... lets just say the feeling is almost crippling, overwhelming to the extreme. Every second that passed by watching him frown, or tear up, or cough... it was as if someone was punching me in the gut.

I was lucky that my parents had immediately decided to take him to the hospital; Dr. Westen hinted that his case of pneumonia was much less severe than it could have been, and that he was expected to make a full recovery. I was grateful that my son was no longer in an uncomfortable, closed plastic box. I knew it must have scared him, it hurt to be so close to him and not be able to comfort him by holding him or rocking him or doing any of the other routines I have to get him to calm down.

I settled for holding his tiny fist in my own, making sure he was never without me in some form or another.

I sighed, plopping down onto my gold comforter and burying my wet hair into the pillow. I had Andy set up in his play pen whilst I took a much needed shower, the scalding water was soothing in a strange way, washing and melting away all of the confusion, drama, and tension of the last few days. I was glad to be rid of the hospital.

Now I was stretched out on my bed, rubbing my eyes while my son, who had all but demanded to be removed from his playpen when I emerged from the bathroom, laid beside me.

"How are you feeling, buddy?" I wondered, keeping an arm wrapped loosely around his bouncing form. The doctor said he needed rest, so I was trying not to tucker him out too much. Usually he was good about going down in the afternoon, but I think being in the hospital had totally thrown him off of his normal routine.

"Da, Da." He responded, patting at the pillow he was currently being entertained by.

I raked my hand up his back, tousling his curls before tickling at his sides a bit. He allowed me the indulgence of a giggle or two, but patted my fingers away in an annoyed fashion when I wouldn't let up.

A quiet knock on my door tore my attention away from Andy. "It's open." I stated, loud enough for my voice to carry into the hall. The knob clicked, the door swinging open to reveal my beautiful girlfriend in what I assumed to be a borrowed pair of Rosalie's clothes.

f"Hey." She breathed, quietly closing the door behind her and making to sit herself beside me on the bed. I pulled her down next to me, pressing my lips to her warm forehead and smelling the freshness of her tousled, damp hair.

"You got a shower in?" I questioned, to which she nodded. She had a soft smile on her face as she watched Andy play around beside me. Reaching across my chest, she patted his forehead to get his attention, waving a few fingers in greeting.

"Bellda." Andy stated, smirking just so before being, once more, becoming engrossed in the awesomeness of the pillow.

"He's weird." I commented, earning a giggle from Bella who simply shrugged and shook her head in response.

"Whatever. He's your son, so I guess it makes sense." She gave me a sly grin and I playfully poked her in the side. "Not cool." I warned, rolling my eyes when she proceeded to stick her tongue out at me.

"You know you love me." I reminded and she once more shrugged. "Sure, I do."

The moments that followed were silent, but not in an uncomfortable way. It was nice and it felt normal to just be. I was finding that time spent with Bella came easily. I was no longer nervous about saying something stupid or constantly wondering if I impressed her. She loved me, and that alone was the greatest feeling I had ever come to know, but that paired with the knowledge that she possessed an equal, if not more significant amount of love for my son was... breathtaking. Truly hard to believe or comprehend that she could actually exist. Some days I woke and wondered if she had been some sort of perfect dream, a mere illusion.

But here she was, real, happy, and beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a more genuine companion. She was my best friend, whether she was aware of the fact or not, I was not sure, but I knew that I had never known someone quite so selfless and kind.

I wanted to make it my goal in life to keep her happy to a fault. I wanted her to realize what a wonderful human being she was and that I wasn't just saying that because, lets be honest, I'm completely biased.

But something had changed in these past few days. We had matured on more levels than one and I knew now, more than ever, that I could trust her inexplicably to always be there for Andy. It was something that used to worry me, exposing him to new people ... I had always been tentative, and rightfully so, about the people I allowed him to meet. I'm glad I let Bella in, even when I was only just starting to know her myself; I knew she would be good with him.

And she was that and so much more. Watching her interact with him now, at the hospital, in the car... it just provided further proof and clarification that I needed her to be with me, and that I could be with her without having to worry about Andy.

Bella loved Andy; she had told me about wanting to be his mother. I think my heart had stopped in that moment. At first I wondered if it was fair of me to encourage such a desire. After all, Bella was not Andy's real mother, and part of me was reluctant to allow her to become that sort of role model for my son. But then I remembered back to Addie's note. Her wishes were simple. For Andy to be happy and for me to find someone that would love us both.

Bella was that someone. She was my person, and I hoped that she would continue to be in my life and in my son's life for many, many years.

0000

Andy had passed out cold sometime later and I moved him from the bed to his crib, smiling as he immediately curled into one of his stuffed animals and proceeded to release a very loud snore.

I loved him so much.

Bella was lying sleepily atop the mattress, having moved herself underneath the covers a while ago complaining about the temperature. I didn't mind, holding her as she rested her warm head against my chest.

I dragged my fingertips along the column of her spine, relishing in the little sighs and soft yawns she would issue from time to time. Her eyelids would flutter gently before closing for a few minutes, but it was almost as if she were fighting a sleep that so desperately wanted to take her over.

"Don't fight it, just rest." I stated, feeling tired myself, but she just gave her head a slight shake, a variety of mahogany wisps dancing in the aftermath. I sighed, dropping a kiss to her warm scalp.

"What's on your mind?" I wondered. She bit her bottom lip, further conformation to my suspected apprehension. I placed my thumb on her lower lip, tugging it away from the grip of her teeth and tilting her chin up so I could see her eyes.

"Tell me." I demanded softly, not liking that she was worried about discussing anything with me. We had been through so much; I needed her to be able to come to me with whatever was on her mind, even if it was completely and totally obscure and ridiculous.

"I'm just... thinking. About Charlie. I have to talk to him, I need to get some things off my chest." I nodded, knowing she could feel the motion atop her head. She let out a long sigh.

"I just don't know how to go about approaching him. I'm worried that I won't be able to get through to him... I don't know." I nodded once more, remaining fairly silent as I considered the situation.

Par of me hadn't been very happy about her ignoring her father's calls during our time at the hospital, but after finding out all the blatant lies Charlie was feeding her about her being a burden and not being a good role model for Andy, while, a bigger part of me wanted to kick his teeth in. I suspected that approach would not be considered an option in Bella's book.

I thought Bella's obvious desire to want to come to an understanding with Charlie showed an immense amount of bravery and maturity on her part. I knew she was hurting, she had already lost her mother and the thought of losing her father, even emotionally, was probably tearing her to pieces. I subconsciously rubbed the small of her back, pulling her closer to me, as if my hold on her small form could keep her together, could keep her from falling apart.

She didn't deserve all the things she has had to endure because of me, and I didn't want to be the reason their was any sort of distance between her and Charlie, even if Charlie deserved to be blatantly ignored, Bella did not.

"If you want, I could go with you. Present a united front, show him that I find all his worries about you having any sort of negative influence on me toe be completely delusional on his part." She seemed to be thinking it through, her arm coming across my torso to wrap around my stomach in a half-hug.

"I don't want you to be there if he's going to treat you like he did at dinner. Edward, I can't say I'm sorry enough for the way he behaved, it was completely rude and completely unfair of him." I shook my head at her.

"You do not have to apologize for anything, Bella. You did nothing wrong, I won't accept an apology concerning that specific matter unless it comes directly from your father." She frowned, squeezing my middle more tightly.

"Relax, Bell." I pressed my lips to her forehead, bringing my fingers to wrap around her small palm in what I hoped to be a comforting gesture.

"Would you really mind going with me? I'd feel... better if you were there. You keep me sane." I smiled at her strange compliment. "I doubt you are ever 'insane'." I laughed a bit under my breath. "Of course I will go with you. I'd do anything for you, Bella. Truly."

"Thank you."

0000

**BPOV**

I don't really know the expectations I held for the conversation I would have with my father. I knew what I wanted to say; I just didn't know what I _could_ say. In some moments it was easy to think of the conversation going swiftly, it was simple to think that he would listen to what I had to say, and vise versa. It was clear and not at all complex to imagine that we would come to some sort of agreement, that he would apologize to Edward, and that we would continue on.

I didn't want to lose Charlie, and that thought is what always seemed to leave the rest of my imaginings askew. Edward said he was going to be there. And, on some level, that made me crazy with worry. I didn't want Charlie to feel as if I were purposefully double teaming him, because, although such a strategy could be considered, Edward was only there for moral support. I needed him to disprove all of Charlie's irrational concerns; I wasn't hurting him or hindering him in any way. I may be young, but I feel I am mature beyond my years... it makes me sound pretentious, but it's true.

I love Edward. Love, as in, care for deeply, need to be near, painful to leave for any reason, and would die for, kind of emotion. This wasn't a fling, as I assumed Charlie viewed it. I didn't see myself moving on of my own accord. Most people search their entire lives for that 'one' person that they want to share their life with. I don't know if such a person exists, a 'soul mate' that is, but I'd like to believe that, if it were so, Edward was mine.

Edward was my person, and he and Andy made up my family. Of course I would always have Charlie, but he needed to understand that if he couldn't accept Edward being with me, than a relationship between us, a relationship with my _father _wasn't possible.

I didn't feel like I was being irrational or emotional. Charlie could blame me for being hormonal or 'unaware' of the possibilities I could encounter. But, I just didn't understand why any possibilities, why any opportunities had to be lost because I was with Edward? Couldn't I experience things in a similar way? I mean, I will still graduate high school, and so will Edward. I will apply to collages, Edward already has. Maybe we will encounter our fair share of problems, discussing what school is best for the both of us. Maybe he will want to attend Dartmouth and I could go to a college nearby. Nothing had to be decided yet. Charlie wanted me to live my life, didn't want me to be tied down. But Andy and Edward weren't holding me captive. My relationships with the two of them weren't keeping me from the normalities of teenage life. I was going to accomplish all of my goals and so much more, just with a different mindset, a different understanding and awareness, a different sense of maturity. And, most importantly, I would experience all of these things and more with a wonderful support system. And what father doesn't want that for his little girl? Why wouldn't Charlie want me to surround myself with people that I love and trust, and that are good influences in my life?

Why wouldn't he want me to be that for Edward? Why wouldn't he want me to be a good role model for Andy?

If Charlie couldn't see things my way, if he could only focus on the negatives then...then I guess that's where we would stand. I wouldn't lose my father in the tragic way I lost my mother, but I would lose him nonetheless.

So, with nervous, shaky hands I stepped up onto the porch. Edward stood beside me, arm wrapped around my waist, determined set about his face as we waited for Charlie to answer the door.

It wasn't a moment later that the familiar face of my father, now dusted red with anger and what I assumed to be worry, opened the door.

"Bella!" In a gesture I would not at all associate with my kind-hearted father, he sent an almost hostile glare in Edward's direction.

"Dad." I answered, tone filled with warning. Edward squeezed my waist, in silent communication that he was not hurt by Charlie's rudeness.

"I want you in this house right now." Charlie stated, stepping aside briefly to allow passage into the foyer. I shifted Edward's arm from my waist, clasping his palm in my own as I made to move past Charlie.

"I think it might be best for Edward to go home." Charlie quirked an eyebrow at me, his expression challenging. I wasn't impressed, and furthermore, I was annoyed that he was being so unfair. What had Edward ever done to him? He knew that I was in my own right to stay at the hospital while Andy was there. Edward hadn't forced me to be there, he hadn't even asked! I went of my own accord to visit the people I hold most dear to me.

"Edward and I want to talk to you." I replied simply, nearly dragging Edward through the doorway and down the hall. I felt his grip tighten in my own and I worried that by keeping him here that I was being, in some aspect, selfish. I could handle the conversation on my own, and I would if it meant keeping Edward happy and at ease.

I gave Edward a questioning glance, but he just shook his head as I pulled him down on the couch beside me and waited, rather impatiently, for the heavy footfalls that would mark Charlie's approach.

"He's gonna shoot me." Edward whispered underneath his breath and I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. "He'd have to go through me first." I pointed out, but my words failed in procuring a laugh or a sigh of ease.

"Bella." Charlie's voice brought me out of my Edward musings, my focus now moving to center on the hard set of Charlie's jaw. "You have been gone for nearly two days, skipped school, ignored my calls... I'm really not in the mood for entertaining guests. If you want to have a conversation with me about what's been going on these past few days we can talk about it. Alone." Edward stiffened uncomfortably beside me, but I ignored both the gesture and my father's words.

"I want to talk now." I supplied, bringing Edward's hand to rest in both of my own. Our tangled knot of fingers and palms coming to lie against my denim covered thigh. "Please." I added just for polite measure. Charlie didn't deserve it, but God forbid he has some sort of heart attack or stroke because on top of going against his wishes I was also a brat.

He made no move to sit across from us, only folding his arms in a stubborn way and glaring at the place where Edward's and my hands lay connected.

"What's this about then?" Charlie huffed. "Come to apologize?" He questioned. My gaze turned hard.

"No. We came to talk." I nodded toward the empty recliner, an almost demand for him to take a seat. He neither moved nor acknowledged my gesture.

"What is it that we are talking about then? How you have blatantly disobeyed me since dinner this weekend? Bella, I told you I didn't like this." He gestured one long finger between Edward and myself.

I wanted to scream at him.

"The Bella I knew wouldn't skip school, wouldn't ignore her father. What happened to my daughter, Bella? This boy," He spat, waving in Edward's direction. "Has been nothing but a bad influence on you. And frankly, I find it disappointing that you would put a 'high school' relationship as a priority over your school work." He pointed out.

I wanted to hit him.

"It wasn't as if I skipped school to go to a movie, dad! Andy was in the _hospital_! Was I just supposed to sit back and do nothing?" Charlie shook his head angrily. "No Bella, you could have visited him after school let out, and you most certainly didn't have to stay overnight in Seattle!" He wasn't getting it, and I didn't know how to make him understand.

"This isn't some high school fling for us, dad! I _love_ Edward," Edward's fingers contracted around my own and out of the corner of my eye I saw the slight beginnings of a smile pull at his cheeks. "I would hope that if it had been me in the hospital you would have left work to come too." Charlie opened his mouth as if to protest, but something inside me had kicked in. I was determined to get my point across one way or another.

"I don't care if you think it's not the same because Andy isn't mine, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him like I would my own child! I don't understand why you are so dead set on considering the reasons I missed school to be completely juvenile!"

Charlie shook his head at my words. "You don't know anything about being a parent, Bella. And Edward should be ashamed of himself for ever allowing you the opportunity to get involved with him in the first place. You could do so much, and now you feel obligated to be there for a child that's not even yours!" I could feel the angry tears sting at the backs of my eyes. How dare he say such a thing? Making Edward feel ashamed for loving me? For wanting to get to know me?

"That's horrible, and completely untrue! You can't blame Edward for wanting a relationship, that's not how you really feel. You're just mad that I _want_ to be with him." I pointed out. "And don't go acting like Edward's going to hold me back in any sort of way. Why can't I accomplish everything I planned to now? What's changed that will prevent me from reaching my goals? Nothing." Charlie gaped at me like a fish, his brows turning downwards to make his expression into a scowl, his cheeks taking on a scarlet undertone.

"His responsibilities aren't yours. You need to understand that!" Charlie glowered, his fingers curling into fists at his sides.

"I know that Charlie, I knew that before we started dating. His responsibilities aren't mine, but have you ever stopped to consider that I wouldn't mind sharing the responsibility? Is it so horrible for me to love him and his son so much that I want to be a part of their lives in some capacity? I'm not committing some sort of crime, I have considered my options and I know the importance and the responsibility that comes with taking care of Andy. I'm not stupid or ignorant to that fact, so don't go making me out to be naive!" It wasn't fair, and I was yelling now, the words seeming to whoosh from my jumbled mind in a rambling fashion. I didn't care about the effortlessness or conciseness of their delivery, just that they would be heard.

I sighed deeply, resting my neck against the back of the couch. "I don't want to fight with you on this, dad. I don't want to be mad at you, but I can't help but think you're being judgmental and unfair prematurely. You haven't spoken a word to me about considering my options; you just assumed that I haven't thought about things and that I have jumped into this without careful consideration. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm nearly 17. Just because my age makes me a minor in the legal sense doesn't mean that I am not mature enough to understand or comprehend adult issues."

Charlie continued to be silent, his mouth still set in a frown.

I didn't have anything to add, at least, not at the moment. I was hoping Charlie's silence meant that he was considering what I had to say. Actually _considering. _I hoped that he had been listening to what I was trying to get across. Sometimes people needed to blow steam and rant for no reason, Charlie did that, I did that. But this conversation was not just me blowing steam and I needed him to realize, sooner rather than later, that my relationship with Edward was in no sense of the word 'temporary'.

The idea of not being with Edward physically hurt. My heart ached in a strange way, because no one's heart should undergo any sort of pain without being in fatal situations. But that's just it, and as dramatic and hormonal as it may make me sound, being without Edward, being separated from him in any capacity would be a fatal situation. How would I go on?

My mother had been my best friend my entire life, and when she was abruptly stolen from my life I became reclusive. I was depressed, angry, sad, etc. I couldn't handle the idea of accepting that she would no longer be there in the morning when I woke up, cooking some inedible contraption that she decided she would make on a whim. Never again would I see her heart shaped face light up when I walked through the door after classes.

After she died, I was alone. I came to Forks to live with a man who I called Charlie, because calling him dad made him seem too involved. Of course Charlie was important to me, but he had always been so distant, either physically or emotionally. I received birthday cards, Christmas gifts, I visited him a week or two during the summer. But I was never close enough to Charlie to consider him anything more than a distant relative.

Now I had the chance to change that. To get to know him, to understand him. After all, he's part of who I am, he's the reason I even exist. I love my dad, and I have come to develop such a love over these past few weeks. Living here, seeing him everyday, listening to him talk, helping him around the house.

I didn't feel like an orphan anymore. And, although I would never get my mother back, I hoped that Charlie could help fill that void of parent and friend. I wanted that for myself, I wanted to say that I was close to my dad, that I loved him in every sense of the word. But, it was times like these, when Charlie looked at the situation from a 'responsible parent' outlook and not a 'what's best for Bella' outlook that really hindered on my dream of developing a lasting relationship with him.

"With all due respect, sir." Edward's voice caught me off guard, but my questioning glance was left unanswered. "I wouldn't enter into any sort of romantic relationship without completely trusting the other person. I trust Bella, she's not Andy's mother, but she has been a mother figure to him. He's never had that in his life. I didn't ask Bella to be a mother to my son because I didn't want to put that kind of pressure on her. She's the one that made the decision for herself. If she wants to be in my son's life I am completely content with that decision. Andy deserves people in his life who are kind and understanding, Bella is those things."

I turned my now watery gaze to Edward, finding a slightly embarrassed smirk adorning his familiar face. I wanted to kiss him, but feeling as if that would set Charlie off, resigned to leaning my head against his shoulder.

"I love you." I whispered to him, wrapping an arm around his elbow and hugging him to my side.

Charlie continued to remain silent.

I squeezed Edward's hand, more tears falling now. Tears of happiness over Edward's words, tears of sadness and rage and hopelessness over the situation with Charlie.

"Can you at least see where I am coming from, dad?" Charlie's face remained etched in stone, but his once hard gaze seemed to focus more on my face, on my words. "Edward is going to be in my life, and so is Andy. I hate that you think I'm making a mistake, because I don't think that at all ... I just don't want to lose you ... I need you to be there for me, and to support me. You don't have to like it, but this is what I am choosing for my own life." I whispered, watching as Charlie's frown lessened in harshness and his eyes diverted to the shaggy carpet.

I didn't know if his evasive appearance was a good sign or not, because he continued to remain ever silent.

"Dad?" Charlie didn't look up from the floor, but he gave a grunt of recognition.

"Do what you want, Bells." He whispered, stuffing his fists into his pockets. "I don't think you're ready for this kind of a commitment, but I guess you've already made up your mind." I nodded solemnly at Charlie's words. I had hurt him, but he deserved it. He didn't have to like the honesty, but he should respect that I was willing to be truthful with him in the first place.

He turned as if to leave the room. "I don't approve of this, not one bit. But I'd rather stay quiet and let you make your own decisions, then speak up and risk losing you." He admitted, his voice sounding incredibly sad.

"But, I will intervene if this," He gestured at Edward and I. "Interferes with your school work. You're going to graduate, Bella. You're going to graduate both high school and college. I won't tolerate any dropping out to be with him." I opened my mouth as if to dispel such worries, but he continued. "No more slumber parties over there, if you want to hang out with Alice you can do that here." I frowned, but didn't have time to add my two cents, as Charlie seemed to have a whole list of new rules and regulations to inform me of.

"I'm changing your curfew from eleven to ten on week nights, and from one to midnight on weekends." He took a deep breath, this time I didn't even attempt to interrupt him, as it would have proved unproductive. He turned to face Edward. "You're lucky I convinced Billy Black not to press charges for that fight in the hospital." Edward seemed surprised and I was too, I would think that Charlie would be the first one to support Jacob's wanting to press charges. "I know having a criminal record in any sort of way would hurt your chances of getting into those schools Edward, and I don't think a little fist fight should hold you back from getting a good education and eventually a good job to support your kid, but I'm warning you. Get her pregnant," He pointed a stiff finger in my direction. "And I'll convince Billy to change his mind."

I dropped my mouth open in shock, both at the accusation and the blatant threat. "Dad!" I protested, but Edward put a calming hand on my shoulder. "It's alright. I understand, Chief."

I was livid, but Edward was insistent that it was all right, that he understood where Charlie was coming from, and that he wasn't offended.

Well, that makes on of us.

Even after the fact, when Charlie had left the room, the gesture done in an act of dismissal and we had both climbed back into the Volvo, Edward was completely unphased and seemed genuinely relieved.

"I wish you weren't so understanding toward him, he just insulted the both of us and threatened you!" I moped, sinking low into the warm leather as Edward drove us back to his house.

Charlie had enforced a rule of ten o'clock curfew on school nights, and seeing as it was only four I still had five hours or so left to spend with the Cullens.

"Bella, I don't care what he said. He has his rights to want to protect you. He sees me as a bad influence, but so does everyone else. It's just a stereotype. Besides, he's not out of line to presume we are having sex, he just worries about you." Even though the gentle tone of his voice seemed to be lulling me into some sort of acceptance and understanding, the stubborn part of my subconscious held onto my anger at Charlie's words just a bit longer. I wanted to be mad at him for all the things he said to Edward, even if he was justified in presuming some of them.

Edward reached for my arm, entwining our hands and bringing our tangled knot of fingers to rest atop the console.

"I wish you would smile. We were fairly successful back there; I mean... he didn't forbid you from seeing me. He didn't even ground you!" He let out a short, quiet chuckle.

"I guess... I just hate that he is so unwilling to trust my judgment." Edward nodded solemnly at my words, moving his gaze to focus on the road ahead of us. "I meant everything I said, Edward." I squeezed his fingers. "I do love you, and I do want to be a part of your life."

Edward nodded once more, a small smile breaking across his handsome features. He brought our entwined fingers to his mouth, pressing his soft lips across the back of my hand.

"That's all I will ever need."

0000

_A/n: Okay, longish chapter. I am at college now, woot! It's so different from high school and the workload itself took me a few days to get used to. I have a routine down, I think. I have come to a decision that this will be the last chapter, BUT do not fret or freak out or throw things at me because there will be a series of what I'm calling "fast forward" chapters, about two of them and then a final epilogue. _

_I am so, so grateful to all of you who have taken the time to read my stories and leave your comments. This has been my favorite story to write and I am so glad that you all seemed to love it as much as I do. _

_See you Sunday! _

_~Lauren_


	40. Fast Forward

**A/n: Okay people; keep in mind that this is no longer a part of the main story. This is the first of either two or three fast forwards (plus a final epilogue) so bear with me. I am going to finish the story! **

**Also, I am sorry for not updating Sunday. College is making my life random and so I will get these chapters out when I can. (Within a reasonable amount of time, so no more than a week between chapters) **

Fast Forward: One (About A Year Later)

**Bella POV**

It wasn't a terribly murky afternoon, like so many days are in Forks. The sun was present, a rare occurrence in and of itself, albeit it's dull rays were blocked by the cloak of gray storm clouds. I sighed, resting my elbow to the top of my desk and placing my cheek in my upward facing palm.

_Only thirty more minutes._ I thought to myself, my foot impatiently bouncing to the tempo of the ticking clock.

Tap,_ tap_, tap.

Today is April 10th. Not that such a date means anything to the greater population. April 10th. I had anticipated the day for the better part of senior year, even going as far as keeping a count down on my wall calendar.

Charlie would be expecting me home right after classes let out. I made him swear not to touch the mail.

That was my job.

April 10th. The day I hear back from my first college.

Thirty more minutes till the final bell would ring, thirty more minutes till I could leave behind the unappealing off-white walls of my last-period English class for the equally unappealing charcoal black of the Forks High student lot.

The time moved slowly, no doubt a product of my anxiousness.

When the bell finally gave its last shrill sound, signaling the end of another school day... I bolted.

Shoving my hands deep into the pocket of my jeans, my fingers immediately found purchase in the cold steal of my keys. I ran on clumsy feet toward the main entrance.

A few grumbles of 'slow down' and 'no running in the halls' met me in the following moments, but these warnings did little to dissuade my hurried steps.

In my fogged excitement, I ran into a few unobservant sophomores who proceeded to protest at my unnecessary pace.

"Watch it!" One of them complained, her books tumbling to the ground. I slowed my steps just the slightest, turning as if to supply the disgruntled girl with some sort of apology when a set of tiny fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"What are you waiting for?" The high voice wondered, pulling me along behind her tiny form.

I managed a half-assed 'sorry' toward the group of underclassman before Alice had me flying through the main entrance.

It was a hurried conversation as we figured out the logistics of the afternoon.

"I'll just follow you home. I want to be there when you open it!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands in a girlish fashion as she unlocked her ostentatious birthday present. The Yellow Porsche chirped with two successive beeps before she all but flung herself into the front seat.

I followed suit, manually unlocking my beast of a truck and starting up the engine. I inwardly made threats on its well being if it were to decide to malfunction this evening.

Traffic going through Forks was minimal, as was normal for the desolate town. I managed to hit a red light at the only intersection in town, watching enviously as the sprightly Cullen dashed her way through the yellow.

April 10th.

Only a few more miles and then I would be home. Only a few more miles until I would be standing in front of that rust covered, pale blue excuse for a mail box in Charlie's front yard.

By the time I turned onto my quiet street Alice's Porsche was pulled along side the curb and Charlie's cruiser was parked in its usual spot in the driveway.

But another car was there also… a black Mercedes? Were Carlisle and Esme here too? I thought we were going to dinner with them later tonight…

I grabbed my backpack, slamming my car door shut as I made a hasty beeline for the front door.

I didn't have time to look for my key and so rang the doorbell at an incessant rate.

"Geez, Bells. It was open!" Charlie's familiar voice called to me as he pried the door open wider.

Alice was bouncing around on the balls of her feet, her spiky head floating this way and that throughout the house as I hung up my jacket and dropped my bag at the base of the stairs.

"Are Carlisle and Esme here?" I wondered as I made my way down the hall and toward the kitchen.

"Nope." Charlie stated simply, his voice taking on a slightly hard edge. He only ever used that tone when he was referring to…

"Edward?" I wondered, entering the kitchen in a hurried, but suspicious fashion.

The sight I stumbled upon found would not be one I forgot soon.

Smirking up at me in the crooked way only he could pull off was my beautiful boyfriend. He stood from his spot at the dining room table; a gurgling little two year old cradled against his hip and a large, off white envelope in his other hand.

Andy smiled up at me, his one-toothed grin the catalyst to my own face-swallowing smile.

He waved a tiny hand in my direction, patting his father on the chest and successively pointing toward me. "Bellda!" He shouted, excited to show Edward who had arrived.

He leaned away from Edward's embrace, his tiny arms reaching for me.

I released a squeal to rival Alice as I raced forward, picking up the giggly toddler and hugging him to my chest.

The fact of the envelope was forgotten as I turned my gaze on Andy's little figure. "Hi, baby." I cooed, placing a wet kiss across his temple.

I felt two familiar, strong arms encase the two of us from behind. "Dada!" Andy exclaimed, reaching out a chubby hand to pat at Edward's face.

I craned my neck ever so slightly so that I too could stare into those familiar emerald depths.

"I missed you both so much." I remarked, smiling as he leaned his face toward mine and covered my mouth with his soft lips.

"It's been far too long." He agreed, his hold tightening around my waist as he leaned his chin against my shoulder. His eyes in line with his son's.

"Did you miss, Bella?" Edward wondered at his son, smirking when Andy grabbed at a few strands of rust-colored hair.

"Yea." Andy agreed, resting his small head into the crook of my neck.

Andy had progressed fairly well in the speaking department. He wasn't exactly forming complete sentences yet, but he was getting there.

His favorite word, to no one's surprise was 'no.' Oh, and he liked to ask for 'Choco chips'. Yea, Edward had definitely created an addict.

I laughed at their antics. "I'm glad you're home, Andy." I told him, my fingers tracing patterns in the cotton of his baby-sized 'My Daddy Goes to Dartmouth!' t-shirt that I had bought him for Christmas.

"Alright, alright. Reunions over. Geez, you two act like you haven't seen each other in months! He was here for spring break two weeks ago!" Alice complained, stepping around us and grabbing up the forgotten envelope.

"Open it." She ordered.

I rolled my eyes at her, my attention turning back to the occupant of my arms.

"Are you having fun at college, Andy?" I questioned seriously, smiling at his enthusiastic clapping and mumbled nonsense.

"He's a total hit with the girls." Edward added, chuckling when I sent him a glare. "He's not allowed to date until he's thirty." I informed, smirking when Edward rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Was his only remark.

Alice stomped her foot then in a very childish fashion, threatening to open it herself as she positioned her finger under the Dartmouth seal.

"Don't you dare!" Edward protested, plucking the envelope out of her hands and holding it above his head.

"Hey!" She shouted, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at her brother.

"Open it, Bella." Edward instructed, trading me the envelope for the kid. I was reluctant to let Andy go, but passed him off nonetheless. A chorus of "Da, da, da" accompanying the motion.

I held the envelope horizontally so my name, written in elegant script, was parallel to my site.

"It's the big envelope," Charlie commented, moving to stand closer to the small group that had formed in the center of his kitchen. "That means yes." He stated in a very matter-of-fact tone.

I hoped he was right.

Edward had gotten into Dartmouth, University of Washington, and Stanford. He had been waitlisted at Harvard, but it was still very impressive on his part.

He graduated with last year's senior class, high honors and all. And, after much debate with both his family and myself, decided that he would be happiest attending Dartmouth.

I remember saying goodbye to him that first day, knowing that I wouldn't just be leaving behind my boyfriend, but also Andy. I loved them both so much, but I wouldn't be that girl. I didn't want to hold Edward back just because I would be missing him. It didn't seem fair.

Edward was doing excellent in school; he applied 'undecided' for his major, but has developed an interest in their pre-medical courses.

Edward is living in 'community housing', an off-campus apartment building for married students, or students who have children. It's good for Andy because there is a dare care facility that Edward can take him to when he has classes.

"I'm nervous." I commented, flipping the manila stained envelope over so that the seal faced me.

"Hurry up!" Alice protested, stomping her foot once more.

"Ali!" Andy shouted, the loud gurgle distracting me for just a moment. Alice seemed to soften up at her nephew's use of her nickname, stepping up behind Edward to tussle Andy's hair.

"Go on, then." Charlie stated. I sighed, dragging the tip of my index finger underneath the seal to break it.

The rest was a blur of paper and words; the only thing I cared about was the first word on the page.

"Congratulations! The faculty and staff of Dartmouth would like to offer you, Bella Swan, admission into our undergraduate program." I read aloud, Alice and me squealing in tandem.

Charlie proudly took the paper from my hands, looking over the rest of the letter as I threw myself into Alice's arms, bouncing around the kitchen with her in tow like the fools we are.

"I got in!" I exclaimed, turning my attention now from Alice to her brother whose smile I had never seen so wide.

"Congratulations, love." He whispered, coming to stand in front of me. He touched his upturned lips to mine once, twice… planting a final peck along the curve of my jaw.

Andy clapped his hands together, giggling at all our chaotic celebration.

"Yay!" He repeated over and over. I reached my hand out, palm parallel to his face and waited patiently for him to slap it with his own tiny hand.

"High five!" Edward encouraged, showing Andy how to do it.

Andy followed Edward's example, immediately pressing his tiny fingers to the center of my palm.

"Five!" Andy yelled, clapping his hands once more in triumph.

I had never felt so happy than I did then. Nothing in the world seemed to matter more… nothing in the world had ever felt or seemed so _right_, than in that very moment.

Senior year had been fun, but lonely. Having Edward across the country was hard enough, but not being able to see Andy on a daily basis seemed to make it all the more worse.

Of course, Edward flew back at least once a month to visit, Andy seeming to adjust to the move in stride. Edward had said that long first flight, which would have taken a toll on any small child, was surprisingly quiet and peaceful.

We made a point to talk on the phone at least once a day, communicating by text more often than not.

And, when Edward was back at the apartment with Andy, we would always have our conversations on 'speaker phone' so that I could hear the toddler bumbling around.

Edward said he wanted Andy to remember and be used to the sound of my voice… that thought alone made me fall in love with him all the more.

We had discussed, in length, about me possibly attending Dartmouth and what that would mean for our relationship.

Back before Edward had left for his freshman year, we had an argument about how to handle the long distance. I didn't want to be a burden and hold him back from his experiences at college; he seemed to take great offense at this comment. His anger I didn't understand at first, and we had barely spoken to each other for day's after-the-fact. I finally apologized, and he simply relayed to me that he loved me and that breaking things off between us was not an option he ever wanted to consider.

But now we wouldn't have to worry about the long distance anymore. Not that it mattered; we were pros at it by now.

Edward asked if I would move in with him on campus, but Charlie was less than thrilled about the idea to say the least.

After some discussion we both agreed that it would be better for me to stay in the dorms. I would visit him as much as possible, but we would still maintain that distance.

We were young, and although moving in with Edward sounded wonderful, I don't think either of us was ready for that step forward.

In time, if things between us continued to grow and prosper, then maybe we could share an apartment.

Tuition was another obstacle.

Charlie had saved up some money in a college account, but it wasn't enough to pay for more than a few semesters.

Everything of my mother's possessions was also left to me, along with a hefty sum of money. I decided that I would use half to go towards college expenses and then work for the other half on campus.

Edward didn't want me taking out loans if I didn't have to. He even offered to help pay for some of my tuition, but I wasn't hearing any of it. Although we were in a relationship, that didn't mean he was responsible for my education.

"I am going to handle it." And in the days that followed my declaration I was able to put together a decent financial plan for managing my expenses.

That night we celebrated my admittance over lasagna and gelato at the Cullen's. Charlie was much more strict about me sleeping over there, but he let it go for tonight.

I attempted to pacify his less than satisfied attitude by promising to sleep in Alice's room. My fingers may or may not have been crossed during this proclamation. But, Charlie simply waved it off.

"Yea, yea. Heard that before." He insisted, leaving shortly there after with a week's worth of leftovers.

Esme's excitement made her a bit over zealous. Lets just say that the Cullen's would be eating Italian for a _very_ long time.

Later that evening Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and I retired to the living room for some much needed.

Guitar Hero was fun, albeit slightly violent when mixed with the rules of one Emmett Cullen.

Lets just say Guitar Hero didn't last very long, at least for me. Halfway through the evening I plopped myself down on the leather sofa beside Edward. Andy's little head was resting on Edward's shoulder, his soft green eyes staring at me.

"Hi." I whispered, waving a finger or two. Andy lifted his arm lethargically, waving a closed fist in recognition.

"Can I hold him?" I asked, breaking my eye contact with Andy to look up at Edward.

He promptly rolled his eyes at my statement. "You don't have to ask, Bella." I smirked, and promptly lifted Andy away from Edward's chest and laid him against my shoulder. He buried his little nose into the crook of my neck and within moments was snoring lightly.

"Alright, the kids asleep. Turn down the volume!" Rosalie instructed, moving to reach for the remote.

Edward turned his face toward mine, his lips pressing against my cheek for a few brief seconds.

"I am so proud of you." He whispered in my ear, making me blush. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed when I felt his arm come around the back of the couch.

"I love you." I stated simply, shifting Andy's weight to my other shoulder so that his tiny body rested in-between ours.

Edward rested the face of his palm against Andy's warm back, tilting his face downward so he could smile at his sleeping son's face.

"I love you too, both of you."

0000

Fast Forward (Junior Year of College)

**Bella POV **

I really was becoming way too familiar with the layout of the campus library. If an underclassman were to wonder where the nearest restroom is, I would be able to tell he/she the exact location from any of the floors. There are five bathrooms in total, just incase you were wondering.

I sat now in what I deemed my designated 'study-spot', preparing for a Calculus test I had in two days that I was no where near prepared for.

I wanted to go home, curl up in our large, comfy bed and sleep for days and days.

I had consumed more than the lethal dosage of caffeine by now, I'm sure of it.

I sighed, brushing my hair behind my ear and resting my forehead to the wooden desk.

_X + Y = the sum of 3 – the quantity… yea, I give up._

I poked my i-Phone to wake it up, discovering that it was only just after ten o'clock.

I promised myself that I would study till at least midnight before going back to the apartment.

But that wasn't going to happen. Math test be damned, I missed my boys.

I haphazardly threw the contents of the desk into my oversized backpack and, swinging it over my shoulder, moved at a steady pace down the hall and through the main doors.

I dug my fingers deep into the pockets of my jeans, finding the key to the Volvo immediately.

I was back at the apartment not ten minutes later, walking up the obnoxious amount of steps until I reached the fourth floor.

You'd think they would fix the elevator some time soon; it's been nearly a month!

I dumped my bag on the floor, not finding the energy to dig through it and look for the house keys. I knocked twice, hoping Edward would come find me, pick me up, and put me to sleep.

"I hate college." I whispered to no one in particular.

A moment or so later my ears picked up on the soft padding of feet and I knew Edward was on his way. Soft giggles also indicated he was in the presence of a wide-awake three year-old.

The doorknob gave a soft click and the wood was wrenched open just an inch or two.

"Hey! What are you doing back so early?" He wondered, opening the door fully and encasing me in his arms. I turned to goo at his familiar touch, mumbling something about evil math teachers and pillows. He chuckled at my tired form, dropping a kiss to the top of my head.

"Well I'm glad you're back. _Someone_ was very adamant about seeing you before bedtime." I smiled against Edward's chest, turning my head toward the floor to find a very excited looking Andy.

"Hey, baby!" I greeted quietly, my voice full of sleep. Edward continued to hold me, keeping an arm locked around my waist.

"Hi, Mama!" He whispered back to me, running toward my legs and holding his arms up at me.

My heart gave a little tug at his choice of words, reminding me of the first time a year ago when he had first spoken it.

_For our two year anniversary, Edward set up an 'Italian Villa' in the living room of his apartment with candles and a beautifully set table. We didn't have a lot of friends that we trusted with Andy's welfare so going out was usually a rare occurrence, if an occurrence at all._

_I was perfectly content with the setting, happy that Edward had opted for take out rather than attempting to cook the meal on his own. He was brilliant, that boy of mine, but put him in the kitchen and he's about as competent as Andy._

_We ate dinner together while Andy played on the carpet beside us. Everything was just as it should be, we were a family and this setting only provided further proof of that fact._

_After dinner was the time designated for ice cream and presents. And of course the very mention of the word presents has Andy perked up. So I brought him a Tonka Truck, his recent obsession was all things automotive, which distracted him through the rest of the night's festivities._

_I didn't know what to get Edward for our anniversary, I had gone to the stores and looked for clothing and gift cards… but it all seemed so impersonal. I wanted to get him something memorable. Something that would make him happy._

_The smile on his face when he found the tickets was priceless. "Front row?" He breathed, letting out the masculine version of an Alice squeal… if there is such a thing._

_"I stood in line for four hours, that weekend I flew back to spend with Rose and Alice… that's what we did. The concerts over spring break in Seattle." He smiled, leaning his face across the way to press his lips to mine, I returned the kiss enthusiastically, smiling at the expression he had when he pulled away._

_"Have I told you I loved you yet, today?" I scrunched my noise up in thought. _

_"Oh, only about ten or so times." I teased, leaning back and waiting for him to reciprocate._

_"Alrighty, Bella's turn." He stated, turning behind him to pick up a small blue box with a white bow. Every girl on the planet knows what that means._

_"Tiffany's?" I gasped, reaching out to carefully take the box from him._

_"Edward you really didn't have to." I reiterated, but my protests were met on deaf ears._

_"Shut it, Swan and open the box." And so I did, and in the sky blue rectangle I found the most beautiful charm bracelet I had ever seen._

_There were only two charms on it, the first a heart with the letter's B+E sketched into the silver, that charm alone brought tears to my eyes, but it was the little lower case 'a' that nearly brought me to a breaking point._

_"A for Andy." Edward pointed out, further confirming my suspicions. I leaned myself forward into his embrace, kissing the side of his throat where my face rested._

_"There's more." He whispered, pushing me away ever so slightly._

_I pulled back in astonishment. "More?" I wondered, listening as Edward called Andy to his side._

_Andy waddled himself over in the way only toddlers can manage, looking so much like a penguin in his black and white pajamas._

_"Hey, Buddy!" Edward said, laughing as Andy flung himself into his Daddy's arms._

_"Dada!" He replied, snugly into Edward's chest. Edward smiled down at him, giving me a small smirk of his own. _

_"Andy?" He questioned, turning the little boy to face me. Edward pointed a finger in my direction._

_"Whose that?" He wondered, the question completely confusing. Andy scrunched up his face in a small smile._

_"Bellda!" He replied, clapping his hands when I smiled back at him. "Edward nodded, what's Bella's other name?" He wondered again silent in the few moments it took Andy to process._

_"Edward, what are you aski-"? I began, but was cut off by Andy's excited tone._

_"Mama!" He stated, and my heart stopped in my chest. "Mama!" Andy repeated again, pointing a closed fist at me._

_I could feel my eyes prickle with tears. "You…you taught him that?" I wondered at Edward, watching as his cheeks turned slightly pink in color._

_"Yes."_

_I let the tears fall then, the salt water making silent tracks down my cheeks as I held my arms open for Andy to crawl into._

_"Come here, baby." I instructed, laughing when the little boy picked himself up and toddled his way across the floor toward me._

_"I just wanted you to know… how much you mean to me. I wanted you to know that this is a forever kinda deal I'm looking for. I love you, and I know he does too. That's all that matters." _

0000

_A/n: Okay, here is the first fast-forward. The second set of fast-forwards will be from Edward's POV! Hope you all enjoyed it __J_

_~ Lauren_


	41. Sparkleteer Awards

A/N: Sorry for not having posted in so long guys! The next chapter will be posted by Tuesday at the latest as soon as I get all my school work out of the way

Anywho, I just wanted to let you know that Circumstance has been nominated for a Rare Gem Award! You can vote for it by going to thesparkleteerawards . blogspot . com (Without the spaces)

Hope this finds everyone doing well and thank you so much for the nomination! :D

~Lauren


	42. Fast Forward 2

**EPOV**

(Spring Semester of Senior Year)

Life after Addie's suicide was livable at best. Some days I woke up, drew back the covers and told myself I could make it through. Some days I wasn't so optimistic, choosing to lie in bed for hours...sometimes days on end just staring at the walls, reliving all the circumstances, decisions, choices that I had made. Trying to 'fix' the impossible.

But that was hopeless, because Addie would always be gone based on a decision made of her own accord.

I hated her at first for it in a truly passionate and unforgiving manner. I managed to morph every good, solid, and loving memory of her into something ugly and irrational.

But I loved her in an equally frightening way. Forgiving her seemed impossible, for what she did to me, for what she put my family through... for abandoning our child.

But, I have.

I forgave her.

And now, all I can hope for is that she is in a better place, a place where she has found clarity. I hope she is happy with the choices I have made for myself and for our son. But, more than anything, I hope she realizes what a great person she left behind. I hope she regrets, with all her heart, not meeting him. Andy, the little boy who captivated me with one, simple, and innocent stare. One stare that led to realization of responsibility and unconditional love that I could find without her, that I would find. One stare that gave me hope to keep going, to fight for a tomorrow. Because, even though I had lost my reason for existence just hours before... now I had found a new reason. A perfect reason.

The idea of becoming a father as a teenager scared me. But, I knew it wouldn't be something I could ever regret. After having Andy in my life for so long, I have realized how much of an extension he has become of my very being, in both the literal and emotional sense.

It killed me to lose Addie, but the mere _thought_ of losing Andy would entirely destroy me.

The soft, gentle pat of fingers woke me from the familiar confines of sleep. Inhaling deeply, I rolled on my side. Peeking out of squinted eyes, I looked to the bedside.

"Hi, daddy." The small, familiar voice spoke. Andy stared up at me with large, green eyes clutching a yellow cloth blanket in his right fist. He produced a near mirror image of my own crooked grin.

"Hey, buddy." I whispered, rubbing my palm along the length of my face as I motioned him closer. He obliged willingly, climbing up across the mattress to nestle himself between it's two warm inhabitants.

"Shush, we don't want to wake mommy." I stated in a playful tone, knowing full well that the beautiful brunette I slept beside was rolling her eyes under closed lids.

"Mommy's up." She declared in a quiet voice, her tone horse with sleep. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her.

She gently reached out, wrapping a tender arm around Andy's torso and dragged him to her side. "Morning, baby." She whispered, landing the softest of pecks against the skin of his forehead.

"Hi, Momma." He responded, his fingers moving to clutch the fabric of her black nightshirt.

"Yea, morning Momma." I teased, leaning over the both of them to cover her mouth with my own in a swift, gentle kiss.

"Guess what!" Andy stated excitedly, sitting himself up so that he could look down upon Bella's face.

"What?" Bella asked, playing along with his antics.

"Can I tell her?" He asked, always so polite. I nodded encouragingly, watching with amused eyes as he proudly proclaimed that today was 'Mommy's Day'. Bella giggled, a look of mock surprise coloring her features.

"Is it really?" She wondered, giving him a big smile as he excitedly went on to explain what the rules were for the day.

"You aren't allowed to do anything, Momma. Daddy said we have to do everything you ask!" He pointed out, shifting his weight so that he could lean his elbow against my stomach.

"Even the cooking and the cleaning?" Bella wondered, giving me a pointed look.

"Yup! Daddy's gonna cook you breakfast!" He announced, patting the flat of his palm against my T-shirt. Bella gave me a calculating look before leaning into Andy as if to tell him a secret.

"Are you sure daddy's cooking is safe to eat?" She stage-whispered.

"Don't worry, Momma. I gonna sumpervise." He explained, earning a peal of giggles from Bella as I ruffled his hair.

"That's my little man." She stated, picking him up underneath his shoulders and sitting him on her lap.

"Now, what do you and daddy want on your pancakes?"

"But daddy's supposed to make breakfast." Andy pointed out, extending a little finger toward my chest to highlight his point.

"But Mommy wants to make her favorite boys breakfast, bud. Besides, I'd rather not have a tummy ache the rest of the day." She spoke with a wink. Andy breathed out a quiet laugh.

"Hey!" I protested, pouting as I watched her peal back the covers and plop down onto the floor.

"Chocolate chip or blueberry?" She inquired, lifting Andy from the bed and setting him down beside her.

"CHOCOLATE!" Andy screeched, making a beeline for the kitchen.

"You said the C word!" I stated in mock horror. She shrugs.

"I don't have to deal with the aftermath, remember... it's 'Mommy's Day.'"

_Oh, har har._

0~0~0~0~0

Andy turned six a month after graduation. Because the events were so close together, we decided to post-pone our celebration plans until then. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie all made the trip back to Forks from their various locations. Alice and Jasper had been living in Washington where they both recently graduated from UW. Alice planned to work at an elementary school in Seattle, teaching second and third grade music. Rosalie graduated from Stanford University in California the year earlier and moved in with Emmett, who is currently stationed in Portland working on his masters degree in psychology.

Bella and I plan to sell the apartment at Dartmouth and move back to the west coast. So far we've looked at places in both Washington and Oregon, but will probably end up in San Francisco, as Bella has been offered a position at a major publishing firm.

For the summer, however, we were living at my parent's house back in Forks, basking in the rain and enjoying the bit of nostalgia. Andy is always excited to come back and visit, and has stated his opinion about living with his grandparents for the rest of his life.

"I like it here, Daddy. Lets stay."

"We're still thinking about it, Buddy." Is my usual response, or something to that effect. I don't want to get his hopes up, because ultimately I will follow Bella wherever she wants to go. I could never leave her, and even though I am going to miss living in Washington, if it's California she wants, then California is where we will make our home.

"A toast!" My father's words successfully pull me away from my thoughts and worries and back to the present. "To Edward and Bella who have accomplished so much in these past four years!" He pauses to smile at the both of us, and Bella blushes at the unexpected attention. "And, to my grandson, Andy, who today turns six years old! Happy birthday, Buddy!" From his place in front of me he throws my father a signature smile and lifts his cup of apple cider in the air.

"To Edward, Bella, and Andy!" My mother reiterates, extending her glass. "To Edward, Bella, and Andy!" The rest of the room repeats, and with a sip of the smooth champagne, I guide Bella to the back porch. Andy follows at a natural pace behind us, clutching his drink in one hand and Bella's fingers in the other.

"Where are we going?" Bella chuckles, giving me a questioning stare. I say nothing, as I lead her to the railing and close the glass door behind us.

"I wanted to ask you something, I wanted to ask the both of you something." I start, hoping my words will gain Andy's attention. He stares back at me, his eyes filled with wonder.

"What, dad?" He questions, dropping Bella's hand and moving to stand closer to me.

"I wanted to know what you thought about something." I answer, crouching down to his level. He nods in response, his pensive face beseeching me to continue with this line of thought.

I reach into my back pocket, and pull out the folded manila envelope that has been housed there since this morning.

"I've been waiting for the right time to bring this up, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity."

"What is it?" She asks.

"Something for the both of you." Was my only response, as I slide the envelope into her curious fingers.

"Like a present?" Andy wonders, his eyes sparkling at the very mention of gifts.

"In a sense."

Bella quietly slides her pointer finger underneath the seal, pulling back the top and procuring the contents inside.

"What is this?" She wonders, holding the papers out in front of her, closer to her line of sight.

"What's it say, Momma?" Andy questions, reaching an eager hand out towards Bella.

But she doesn't notice, because her eyes are quickly scanning the fine, legal print of the ten-page document. Her expression slowly changing from pensive to confusion to understanding.

"Are these... are these adoption papers?" She wonders, her eyes first finding mine and then moving quickly to stare at my son.

"Yes."

"What's adoption?" Andy questions, not understanding the term. Neither of us respond, and Bella moves her eyes back to the document, flipping through the various pages.

"Are you... does this mean what I think it means?" She asks, her eyes filling up with tears.

"If you think it means that I'm asking you to adopt my son, then yes."

And her penetrating stare answers every question that has been blazing through my mind since I first laid eyes on her. All of the moments, all of the experiences we have shared with one-another over the past five years have led up to this very conversation. Because from the moment she expressed her love, not only for me, but also for my son I knew that I wanted to make her a part of his life forever.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything. You're everything to me, everything I know, everything I want, and everything I love about life. I know that you love him more than anything in the world, maybe even more than me, and I couldn't be happier. You're already his mother in the emotional sense, but I want to make it official to the rest of the world."

I hope my words don't come off as cheesy or overdone, because that's the only way they seem when I am speaking them, but her gentle tears turn to near sobs and she throws her arms around the both of us, and whispers the quietest 'yes'. That one word, that one syllable takes away all the pain and doubt and guilt I have harbored for indirectly driving Addie out of Andy's life. The fear that he would grow up without a mother there by his side through his brightest and darkest of times all came to a screeching halt.

Even if I couldn't hold her forever, even if something came between us... I knew he would always have her by his side. That thought alone brought me more comfort than the first time I realized Bella could love me as I love her.

"Why are you crying, Momma?" Andy's worried tone breaks through my joyous fog, and breath out a gentle laugh as Bella pulls her head away from my chest. Her glassy brown eyes turn to face the moss colored irises of _our_ son.

"I'm just so happy."

0~0~0~0~0

Fast Forward: Four years later

I asked Bella to marry me on a Tuesday. I remember, because the rain was coming down in sheets so thick that you could barely see three feet in front of you.

I asked Bella to marry me on a Tuesday. I remember, because it was the morning of my last final of graduate school. A morning I would never forget.

I asked Bella to marry me on a Tuesday, in the pouring rain, in the middle a busy lobby, at eleven AM.

I asked Bella to marry me, and her only response was "It took you long enough."

Of course, I had flown to Forks days before in order to acquire the ring from my mother and to ask Charlie for his daughter's hand in marriage. The entire trip took less than fourteen hours, as I landed in Sea-Tac, met my mother for Lunch, and then Charlie for dinner before proceeding to, once more, board a flight back home.

"You want to marry my daughter?" Charlie had wondered, sipping thoughtfully from his beer. He gave me an inquisitive glance.

"Yes." I answered, nervous for what he might say, that we were too young, to naive, not ready for the kind of commitment I so wanted to make.

But of course, his answer didn't fail to surprise me.

"Honestly Edward, I am disappointed in you." I frowned at his words, my mind racing to playback the conversation. Where had I gone wrong? What if he says 'no'?

"I'm sorry, sir I-"

"I figured we would have had this conversation months ago... years ago, in fact!"

He set his beer down on the table and folded his hands in his lap.

"The two of you already act as if you're married. Hell, even if I said 'no' you'd just ignore me. Don't pretend like you wouldn't!" He teased, smirking at my dumfounded expression, no doubt.

"Listen kid, that girl loves you more than anything in the world and she somehow manages to live that son of yours even more. I'd risk life in limb if I stood in the way of that." He stated simply, once more retrieving his beer from the tabletop and taking a deep pull.

"Now get on the next flight to San Francisco and make it official."

So I did.

Or at least I planned to.

Believe it or not, Charlie's blessing was only made me fifty percent closer to asking her. I needed the opinion of one more person before I would 'pop-the-question', I had fairly high hopes, however, that the idea would be a hit.

"What?"

"I want to marry your mother." I repeated, staring at my son from my seat at the breakfast table. His confused look was accented with a shrug. He took a bit of pancake.

"Uh, okay. Are you asking me if I want you guys to get married?" He questioned, reaching for his glass of orange juice. His nine-year-old form smirking at me.

"Yes." I responded.

He just huffed in response.

"Well what do you think I'm gonna say? No, I don't want my parents to get married?" He laughed at me, inhaling the rest of his food before standing up and setting his dirty dishes on the counter.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked her already." He concluded, walking toward the front door, retrieving his backpack and reaching for the handle.

"I'm going to the bus now. You should ask her soon. She gets off work at eleven on Tuesdays, remember?"

So I took my son's advice.

I asked Bella to marry me on a Tuesday, in the pouring rain, in the middle of the lobby of Cooper Publishing, Co.

I asked Bella to marry me on a Tuesday, and she said 'It took you long enough."

And then she kissed me.

Now, nearly a year later I am standing in the middle of crowded chapel, watching the love of my life walk down a petal coated isle.

"She looks beautiful. Doesn't she, dad?" I smile, never taking my eyes away from hers.

"Yea, and she's all ours."

0~0~0~0~0

_A/N: Alrighty... that's basically the end... this is so sad. I'm so bummed that this story is coming to and end, and I can't thank you enough for all the support I have had from the very beginning._

_This is the final fast forward, but I am planning on one final epilogue from Andy's point of view. Expect that to be out soon._

_Also, I am so grateful to have been nominated for The Rare Gem award! _

_Voting is open now, and you can go to sparkleteerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com to vote! _

_Once again, thank you all so much! _

~Lauren


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